Prenup?

[Boomer]

This must be "Second (Third, whatever) Time Around Day" here in TOTVland. I see two active threads on the topic of remarriage. So along those lines, I would like to throw a third one out there for discussion.

Prenup?

What do I think?

I think at the point we have reached in life, to marry without a prenup is crazy.

And if your lovah says that you are being unromantic and untrusting, you had best do some reconsidering and maybe some serious running.

I have known of some real messes made by later in life marriage without a prenup. It's not just about protecting assets for your kids, although that seems to be everyone's first thought. It's about protecting assets for yourself.

Or might it sometimes just be easier to do things like K. T. Oslin sings about in "Live Close By, Visit Often"?

So what do you think?

Boomer

btw I remember once at work when I got into a big argument over this one. It got pretty heated, though goodnatured. It was actually kind of fun to argue about. It gave me the opportunity to create awful scenarios for my opponent to imagine himself in. It was a great debate. And at the end, we decided that we could never get married. ;D

[KathieI]

B3:

Now you tell me?? :'( :'(

After I lost 1/2 of everything, :verymad: :verymad:

Even though I said, no, no, no, never again, ::) ::)

If I did ;D you bet there would be a pre-nup! (stupid once, never twice) :bigthumbsup:

Kathie :redface:

[Village Kid 2]

Like Tina Turner sings, "What's love got to do, got do with it?"

Definitely pre-nups at this stage of the game. If you can sign a marriage contract, you can sign a contract about finances if it goes bust. It's only prudent. The courts will take control of your finances if you don't do it and it's usually not the best solution and costs more.

VK2

[redwitch]

Heck, I'll advise my daughter to get a pre-nup when she's finally ready to marry, let alone me. In this society, to not have one is just financially foolish -- whether a young adult or an old fogey.

[renielarson]

Kathie

You are looking at it all wrong...

You didn't lose 1/2 of everything....

You gained 1/2 of everything....

I settled for 1/2 and to me that was fair...we had a 50/50 relationship...I didn't want more than that. I believed in what was fair was fair. I'm not the type of person (and wasn't at the time of my divorce) to take another to the cleaners.

Today, at my age, having to be responsible for my own financial well-being and having children, a prenup would be certain if I were to be in the situation of remarrying. However, for young, never married before newlyweds...no.

[beady]

Any one at our stage in life who chooses to get married without a prenup is crazy.IMHO. Makes life much easier should the marriage dissolve or for the kids from previous marriages to seperate the assets in the event of either parties death. Just common sense.

[Peggy D]

Look what happened to Paul McCartney.

Bet he now wishes he signed one!!

I think there is more at stake now.

[MMC24]

I know if I won the lottery I would immediately file for divorce. I would rather owe her half of it rather than all of it!!!

[tony]

Why have a prenup if in your new marriage you look at everything 50-50?

[Village Kid 2]

Tony, you are assuming both parties will agree that everything is 50/50. It isn't necessarily so in the real world. Better to have a meeting of minds before marriage and then have it down on paper in case you ever need it.

[tony]

Of course, I would guess, too, that if one comes into a marriage in rags, and the other from a Saudi family castle and a comfortable pension, in the historic sense, the happy couple would want to state where it all goes if they turn out to be not so happy.

Protection from an opportunistic suitor is valuable.

[barb1191]

Prenup? Absolutely !! Nothing is 50-50 in a marriage of later years. The biological heirs are entitled to their inheritance. Both parties need to protect their assets from step-relatives. There are precious family treasures that belong to those respective heirs.

barb

[KathieI]

Kathie
You are looking at it all wrong...
You didn't lose 1/2 of everything....
You gained 1/2 of everything....

I settled for 1/2 and to me that was fair...we had a 50/50 relationship...I didn't want more than that. I believed in what was fair was fair. I'm not the type of person (and wasn't at the time of my divorce) to take another to the cleaners.

Today, at my age, having to be responsible for my own financial well-being and having children, a prenup would be certain if I were to be in the situation of remarrying. However, for young, never married before newlyweds...no.

Bright, didn't see this response till today. Sorry but I'll have to disagree with you. This was my first marriage but I was already into my career path and doing nicely. I've worked extremely hard, sometimes 7 days a week, at least 5 of them were 14 hour days, and totally committed to my job. And, this wasn't a 50/50 marriage but now I am having to give up very hard-earned money, but I'm not looking back, I just wanted freedom and will gladly give up 1/2 as long as I can survive nicely. I think I have been more than fair. I originally wanted a pre-nup but was talked out of it, and also wanted to keep our finances separate, but again, didn't follow my instincts. I guess if I had married someone who was wealthy, I would have totally understood his wanting a prenup agreement.

But, you can believe it, IF there is a next time, and I doubt it, there WILL be a prenup, at this age I can't afford to lose 1/2 again.

[ConeyIsBabe]

To me, the issue is MOOT cuz I'm never, never gonna be married again! I love being independent and the Mistress of my Domain ;)

However, I do believe pre-nups are a good thing but not the final word in a divorce. I have a gal-pal who had one (she had more assets) and was put through the wringer when her husband contested the pre-nup in a long-drawn-out fight !

[barb1191]

To me, the issue is MOOT cuz I'm never, never gonna be married again! I love being independent and the Mistress of my Domain ;)

However, I do believe pre-nups are a good thing but not the final word in a divorce. I have a gal-pal who had one (she had more assets) and was put through the wringer when her husband contested the pre-nup in a long-drawn-out fight !


Yes, that reminds me that along with the prenup, one should have a Living Trust where everything is spelled out and does not process through the courts. Everything owned is in the Trustee's name and can only be changed by the Trustee i.e., you. The chosen Beneficiary of the Trust is automatically and immediately the owner of the estate upon the Trustee's demise, not having to process through court.

[Shirleevee]

CIB............a friend of mine died, had what he thought was an iron-clad pre-nup with second wife, he died..........SHE >:(

kept his children in court for ages until they finally gave in. Trust

funds for the heirs..........

Shirleevee

[chelsea24]

Yes, I agree, a Living Trust is the way to go. That's what we did.

Also have to agree on the Prenup not being the last word. I had a friend also that had a prenup and it was contested. She lost half of everything and more. Even her deceased father had left her in Florida. Her lawyer said, "If a prenup's contested, it's usually not worth the paper it's been written on." :dontknow:

[Boomer]

And the word on the street is make sure you each have your own attorney. One attorney for both supposedly makes a prenup way too full of holes. Or maybe even worthless.

And the other thing is, do not ever think that just because you have no children, it is not a big deal. Major duh factor in that one. Someone late in life, long past the recoup possibility days, could be left all alone, and without a dime.

Also I know of a case where due to a business, there were things that were put completely in the wife's name. Over time, she had quietly transferred her ownership to her children by her first marriage.

Then she suddenly did not want him anymore. There was no 50-50 to deal with. Her kids from marriage number one had it all. The female is quite often far more deadly than the male.

But if you have read this far, please keep in mind. Boomer is not a lawyer, nor does she play one on TV. Boomer is merely a teller of stories. But nearly all of them are true. (Boomer is not a tall thin blond like she said in that dress thread.)

Boomer

[Boomer]

Just posted my last one and saw the Revocable Living Trust thing had come up. Good vehicle but different from a prenup.

Trusts are complicated, can be quite wonderful, but are not the be all and end all of all this.

Do your homework and know and trust and respect your attorney. They come in all kinds, too.

This is not the kind of stuff to go boiler-plate internet form on. Or some guy who wants to buy you dinner. In legal matters, penny-wise can be all too pound-foolish.

And now I will shut up and leave -- for awhile. This is a good one! Used to have these arguments and discussions at work, once in awhile.

Boomer

[chelsea24]

:agree: Absolutely! Both parties must have their own lawyers and good ones!

We just went with Foss and Foss as financial advisors when we moved to FL and found we had to change a couple of things or we would have been heavily taxed should something happen. No one in Illinois had caught that situation. :yikes:

It never hurts to check things our throughly and keep re-checking them.

[njgranny]

I would resolve the whole issue in a minute. Never remarry. I sure wouldn't. We have a good marriage, but once is enough. ;) ;) ;)

[chelsea24]

:agree: I'm with you njgranny! This is my first (my soulmate) and my last!

[travelstiles]

From my professional and personal experience, prenuptial agreements are a must, not only for second (or subsequent) marriages, but for first ones as well. Not only are assets a consideration, so are debts, which are often overlooked.
I'd also suggest legal agreements between those living together as well. This is particularly important in those states that do not recognize domestic partnerships or same-sex partnerships.

[barb1191]

:agree: I'm with you njgranny! This is my first (my soulmate) and my last!


Uh oh....never say never. I was divorced for 30 years and swore to never marry again. Well, upon moving to TV, I met Mr Wonderful, and the rest is history. We've been married for two and a half yrs now and going strong.

"You never know what lurks in the hearts of men :dontknow:....The Shadow knows." :clap2: Remember that? If you do, you are old as dirt, like me. Stopped aging at sixty. Remarried at seventy four and robbed the cradle; hub was seventy three. :joke:

[samhass]

Way to go, Barb! :bigthumbsup: :bigthumbsup: :bigthumbsup: :bigthumbsup:

[The Great Fumar]

A prenup is an absolute must. It my case , it saved me $642.00 dollars..

"that was close" fumar

[Rokinronda]

Fumar, someone married you??!! :o

[Boomer]

Boomer and Mr. Boomer do not have a prenup.

When Boomer met Mr. Boomer, he was Sgt. Boomer.

Nixon had signed the treaty and Sgt. Boomer was back from Okinawa. That's when he found Boomer. The GI Bill was what led him to where his path crossed Boomer's path.

Boomer thought that Sgt. Boomer just might be rich. (although she did not care about that) The reason she thought so was that Sgt. Boomer had 4 huge Pioneer speakers, and everything to go with those speakers to better blast Hendrix, The Doors, and for those really romantic evenings, "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

And Sgt. Boomer also had a Seiko watch.

Although Boomer thought that Sgt. Boomer just might be rich (although she did not care about that) she was somewhat confused by the '64 Plymouth Fury.

Boomer at the time had a Triumph GT6 and a car payment.

And then Sgt. Boomer, in his '64 Plymouth Fury, caught Boomer, in her Triumph GT6.

And they did not have a prenup. And they still have each other.

But that does not mean that Boomer cannot have strong opinions on the need for prenups in so many circumstances for so many.

So that's my little story for right now. But at some other time, I am going to come back to this thread and go on and on about trusts.

Boomer

[Shirleevee]

Great!!!!!!!!!! :bigthumbsup:

[islandgal]

I never had a Prenup but wish I had when my divorce occurred in 1981. (I'm with you, Kathie!)

I don't agree that the young should not worry about Prenups. My three children
all married for the first time in their mid-30's and well into their careers. My youngest was married 9 months ago at age 38. They all have Prenups and Living Trusts.

Although there was no reason as far as incomes go, they just decided to be on the safe side with the divorce rate what is is today, extensive business travel, etc., etc.

I encouraged it, although sad, in a way, it even has to be considered,

[TallerTrees]

This is a great thread. As I read them, I wondered how many on TOTV are on 2nd/3rd marriages who still decided to take a walk on the wild side and NOT get prenup.

[Boomer]

I never had a Prenup but wish I had when my divorce occurred in 1981. (I'm with you, Kathie!)

I don't agree that the young should not worry about Prenups. My three children
all married for the first time in their mid-30's and well into their careers. My youngest was married 9 months ago at age 38. They all have Prenups and Living Trusts.

Although there was no reason as far as incomes go, they just decided to be on the safe side with the divorce rate what is is today, extensive business travel, etc., etc.

I encouraged it, although sad, in a way, it even has to be considered,


You did the right thing by encouraging it, wiw. Smart kids to do what they did.

This all makes me wonder if maybe the perfect engagement gift to those we love so much, could just be a sitdown with an excellent attorney. Maybe that would be too controversial a gift to give. But it could end up being the best present ever. Long after the china pattern has lost its glow.

And considering that there are so many out there, carrying debt that we cannot begin to fathom, spelling out the financial picture becomes even more important.

And now I really must shut up, before I start to go on and on. Discussions like these are so important.

Boomer

[islandgal]

Boomer, I totally agree with you. :bigthumbsup:

[SteveZ]

......This all makes me wonder if maybe the perfect engagement gift to those we love so much, could just be a sitdown with an excellent attorney.

How "good" the attorney may be isn't really as important as realizing an attorney represents only ONE party in a contract. Each party entering (or in) a marriage actually has different interests, and the attorney who claims to be representing both will have a first-class ethical problem if either party later contests the agreement - who does the attorney later represent?

The most expensive non-bargain in the world is two parties entering a contract with both sharing one attorney. Have seen it too many times to count.

[Boomer]

Well, I have been looking in here off and on all morning. And it seems that I am posting and I can't shut up, even though I keep saying that I will.

I wrote that silly little thing above about when Boomer met Sgt. Boomer because it's what I do sometimes. And from the clues in that post, it's clear how long Mr. Boomer and I have been together.

But even in a long and solid marriage, I believe that it is important to discuss these things. Although we know that we are in this thing together and that is how it is, there will likely come a time, when one will be left behind. No one ever knows when that sad day could come.

But being Boomer as I am, I have threatened Mr. Boomer and I have said to him, "IF I AM THE FIRST TO GO, YOU MIGHT JUST FIND YOURSELF SO COVERED IN CASSEROLES THAT YOU WILL NOT EVEN HAVE TIME TO BREATHE. BUT I WILL TELL YOU ONE THING. THAT IF THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS. AND IF YOU DO NOT BREATHE LONG ENOUGH TO TAKE THE TIME TO GET A PRENUP. IF THE OCCASSION SHOULD COME UP. I PROMISE YOU THAT I WILL FIND A WAY TO HAUNT YOU. YES I WILL."

I like trusts, but I am not so sure that a trust can cover everything by itself. And while there may be concern over next generation heirs, my main concern is for Mr. Boomer's future if he finds himself on this earth without Boomer to watch out for him.

You see, I have written a guzillion posts on here for some reason and so if anybody ever reads any of them, they may know that the only woman I fear that Mr. Boomer might leave me for is Paula Deen. But that's another story. So it is not likely that I will need a postnup.

Boomer

Hey, SteveZ, thanks.

I just went to hit send and saw the red sign warning that another post had appeared. So I looked at SteveZ's recent post. I had sort of mentioned that have your own attorney thing, mentioned it in Boomer fashion when this started up again yesterday.

But please, please hear what SteveZ has to say. He is saying it flat out. He is saying it so much better. And he is so right. Boomer just sashays around sometimes, even though she knows some stuff.

Thank you SteveZ for telling it exactly like it is.

I am loving this thread. And this stupid computer is still in my kitchen so it keeps calling to me. And believe it or not, I do have work to do today.

I do so hope this talk continues. And I hope that those out there in TOTVland talk to each other about this important topic. Talk to each other in real life.

Boomer Reprise

[Boomer]

I am running around here tonight actually working kind of hard, and while I do that I have the television on in the background. Suze Orman is on right now, yelling, "DENIED! DENIED! DENIED!" at all those people who call in and ask if they should buy really stupid stuff. (Sometimes I help Suze yell at them.) She also gets calls from people about other kinds of financial decisions they are thinking about.

So anyway, one of the calls tonight on the show made me think of this old thread about prenups. The thread started almost a year ago. But the information is not old and so I thought I would throw the topic out there again, in case anybody else might be interested in the discussion.

Boomer

[Cassie325]

First let me say that Suze is my hero!! I absolutely love her!! I do the same thing you do and "help" her yell at the people who call in...silly, silly people!

I honestly think that most people already know the answer before they call her, but want to be yelled at!

Anyway, back to your original thread topic, YES if I were to marry again then there would absolutely be a pre-nup. No if's, ands or buts about it...and anyone that did not agree with that is not the right person to marry.

I need to protect myself because you never know what might happen to that other person. My ex husband was in charge of the finances. I made the money...he spent it. I never questioned anything....just went along my life doing what ever I wanted and never worrying about the money. I knew how much I made and that we had more than enough to live on and save with....

Until the day that I went to take some cash out at the ATM to put in a birthday card for a friend of my daughters...(on the way to the party)...no money in the account!!!! $11.23 to be exact.

This was the beginning of a very long, messy end....

It has taken me 7 years to get my credit report cleaned up because he messed up so badly...everything was in our name...

NEVER AGAIN!

Love is one thing...stupidity is another.

One must protect oneself....

[clyd709]

This is a very interesting Topic and a sbject so many people don't even want to talk about. I remaried after being widowed vor almost 10 years. My Husband has children and I do not have any. I am a firm beleiver that when people remarry that whatever plans were in place for their children or in my case wonderfull nieces and nephews that is the way things should remain. Beneficiaries should not change sort of like the old saying GOOD FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBORS. I have a wonderfull relationship with my Stepchildren and it makes a relationship very good when you have that wonderfull repore. I certainly would not want to be labeled as the UGLY STEPMOM OR AS SOME PEOPLE REFER TO IT AS MOMMY DEAREST. I have some friends who have got themselves into some difficult situations and they have nobody to blame but themselves because they felt when they remarried they should be entitled to everything that is a NO NO. There are so many things that should be discussed prior to Re Marrying and then there will be no surprises and I feel that should include a Sit Down Discussion with the Siblings. As far a a Pre Nup I think it is a wonderfull thing if a person feels that one is needed. I feel truly blessed that I found a good partner the second time around. I dis not rush into Remarrying. I was only 56 when I became a widow and remarried when I was 65. I know life can get very lonely when you are left widowed or divorced at a young age but My advice and only my advide is take it slow and dont jump int a situation where you see there may be conflicts. DONT GET CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT. I had better stop rambling here and I wish all of you a bery Happy and Blessed Easter

[katezbox]

This is a great thread. As I read them, I wondered how many on TOTV are on 2nd/3rd marriages who still decided to take a walk on the wild side and NOT get prenup.

Hi Clyd,

Thanks for BUMPing this thread. I had never seen it before. I am not surprised that my friend, Boomer, started it, however. I think she could be the next Roald Dahl if she gave up on us and started writing for children. OK - don't REALLY want her absent from here, so maybe split her time 50/50.

OK - TRUE CONFESSION time - Mr Katezbox and I do not have a prenup and yes it is a second marriage (for us both) and yes there are stepchildren (on his side only - my children). And if you have read some of my other posts - you will see that yes, indeed, I am a CPA. GADZOOKS!!!!

I am like many of you out there who never thought I would marry a 2nd time. Watch out single ladies, it happens. I swore I would only remarry if I could find a man who would love my kids (then aged 18 and 16) as much as I did. And, good gracious, I actually found him.

Fortunately for me, this is a wonderful marriage. But I should have know better. From personal experience no less - as my dad remarried after my mom passed. When Mr. Katezbox and I bought a home together, we did put some safeguards in to protect me and the kids.

So..... do as I say, not as I did. Talk to an attorney and do a prenup or trust or whatever makes sense in your situation.

A bit red-faced, Kate :0000000000luvmyhors

Happy Easter all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Great Fumar]

TRUST ME .....IT WILL NEVER BE A PROBLEM WITH ME .......OR SHOULD I SAY FOR ME....BEEN MARRIED SENSE THE 10TH GRADE AND NEARLY VOTED FOR TEDDY ROOSEVELT .......

BULLY

SHELL SHOCK FUMAR ..:bowdown: