What Makes Some People So Unreasonable?

[2BNTV]

I would like to think that as we age, we start to develop a more mellow attitude towards people and life. Whatever happened to compassion and talking to people to learn something about them, and not have an "I" attitude.

Why do some people have a sense of entitlement?

Does everyone rationalize their bad behavior to the point of being boorish?

Al Capone said when he was sent to prison, "I only gave the people what they wanted, "woman and booze"

Does anyone see their real selves, when they look in the mirror?

Jerry Seinfeld just said, "when people reach the age of 65, they think they have earned the right to be a cranky pants".

Curious minds want to know what you think!!!

[graciegirl]

I learned a different psychology a long time ago than that which is being taught now. We learned we could change just about any behavior with modification and training and therapy. Now it is believed that some behavior can be changed if you deal with young children but some behavior is innate and that certain personality traits are born with you and may be genetic and even can be imaged. A certain area of the brain of a person who is very "social" is larger than that of a person who isn't..

All those words simply mean that some people have always been nice and sensitive to others and some people have always been selfish and demanding. And most people are some of both.

And some behavior is cultural. We can be taught to say please and thank you even if we are a nasty person and we can be taught to say "Move it" even if we are a nice person by growing up in a certain place.

Then there are the mood modifiers of booze and grass and pills

And there are real issues of pain; emotional and physical. and some folks are living with very difficult people and feel trapped because of their age..or didn't plan well or had something awful happen that they don't have as much money now as they'd hoped.

And some people realize that the end of their life is not as far away as it used to be.

I am very pleased you brought up this interesting (to me) topic. Thank you, Joe..

[dewilson58]

Regret

Paranoid

Jealous

Chemicals

Depression

Godless

Lonely

Poor Health

[2BNTV]

Regret

Paranoid

Jealous

Chemicals

Depression

Godless

Lonely

Poor Health

Two more and you will have the top ten!!!

[Madelaine Amee]

I really believe we are what we are ................ I believe that if you have gone through life being a decent, kind, thoughtful human being you don't change. You may lose it once in a while when you are pushed to the limit, but on the whole I think nice people stay nice people. :smiley:

On the other hand, if you have had to fight and claw your way through life, you can cover that with a slick exterior for a while, but I do believe that sooner or later when things are not going your way, you become the fight and claw person all over again.

I also believe your true character shows on your face. Your facial lines show whether you are always "down in the mouth", or whether you look for the best in life.:icon_twisted:

I think it also comes through on a chat line in the way one responds to a question posed here.:mad:

"What makes people the way they are " ............ the environment in which you are raised. If you are raised in a loving and giving family, rich or poor, I truly believe you stay that way.

[sunnyatlast]

Not to excuse it, but maybe they are damn tired of being bossed around by cranky, stupid people at work or at home.

There's a campaign among feminists to ban the word "bossy" in reference to girls--it hurts their feelings and labels them for a long time into young adulthood. I know from experience how painful labels like that can be.

But I think it's a huge mistake, because somebody needs to be truthful with them. We all know people--both young and old--who need to be told flat out before it becomes their main character trait:

"Quit being so dang BOSSY!"

For certain they're being thought of as a NAG. Those types refuse the fact that other people have their own minds they're free to use.

And by the way, men can be bossy "nags", too.

.

[graciegirl]

[///

The above (///) was not that I posted something mean and took it down. It was a stupid post.

[Uptown Girl]

Unless your brain function is altered in some way, I believe we absolutely CHOOSE, in every waking moment how we want to behave.

WHY we choose ANY mood, behavior, presentation or emotional reaction at any given circumstance, is of course as individual as we are, but if you pare it all down to the core, I'd say we behave the way we do because we WANT to... at least in that moment, we want to.

We may change our mind later... or not. We may repeat behavior if it works for us, or drop it if it gets us nowhere. Our choice every time.

[njbchbum]

We are not born good or bad, smart or dumb, criminal or saint, mean or nice...we are the sum of all of our experiences...for better or worse.

Not only in science but also in life - for every action there is an equal and an opposite reaction; but unlike in science, in life we choose and sometimes unexpectedly experience a reaction that has been formed by our experiences...it's what makes us human rather than droid.

[rubicon]

Well before I can offer an opinion I would like to know what the OP's definition of unreasonable?

Let me offer this example. I was at a station yesterday it was quite crowded so I was waiting for a car to exit so I could pull up to the pump. I had been there waiting for at least one minute when some guy pulls up blocking me and the car wanting to exit. He insists that I back up so he could pull into a parking spot. I insist that he back up so the guy could exit and I could pull in. I believe he was unreasonable and I am sure he thought I was unreasonable but he is the one who was blocking both cars. In a fit of anger he backed up slightly and then pulled around my car coming very close to hitting it. He pulled into a parking spot and went into the convenience store. I was entering the store when he came out and he tried to stare me down but I grew up around guys whose stares could run your blood cold. So I looked him in the eye and said "Good morning"

See what I mean

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is unreasonableness

[2BNTV]

Well before I can offer an opinion I would like to know what the OP's definition of unreasonable?

Let me offer this example. I was at a station yesterday it was quite crowded so I was waiting for a car to exit so I could pull up to the pump. I had been there waiting for at least one minute when some guy pulls up blocking me and the car wanting to exit. He insists that I back up so he could pull into a parking spot. I insist that he back up so the guy could exit and I could pull in. I believe he was unreasonable and I am sure he thought I was unreasonable but he is the one who was blocking both cars. In a fit of anger he backed up slightly and then pulled around my car coming very close to hitting it. He pulled into a parking spot and went into the convenience store. I was entering the store when he came out and he tried to stare me down but I grew up around guys whose stares could run your blood cold. So I looked him in the eye and said "Good morning"

See what I mean

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is unreasonableness

My version of unreasonableness can be read of the forum every day from someone not being served in a restaurant in ten minutes and leaving, saving seats in the squares, having to pay .50 for an extra cup of something or someone's point of view being marginalized. The best one is being in a store and some people act like they are the only ones in the store, because they are in their own world and "it's all about me" type attitude. The list is endless.

Some people need to get over themselves and start realizing there are other people in the world they should provide kindness, as opposed to being mean. One would do much better by communicating their needs, in a pleasant way.

Life is too short to be too little!!!

[OBXNana]

The best way to handle unhappy people, that's why I think they may be unreasonable, is to kill them with kindness. If someone is inpatient in a line, I go out of my way to see something that I can compliment them about. It may be a cute hat or well behaved child. The mood switches gears and for that moment, they forget why some small inconvenience annoyed them so much. For the most part, it will divert their attention and I've had some wonderful conversations with total strangers that seemed to be having a bad day.

[manaboutown]

Part is hereditary; part is experience driven. Nowadays some states are attempting to determine the probability or likelihood of recidivism for convicts under consideration for release from prison based upon the results of psychological evaluations. States predict inmates' future crimes with secretive surveys (http://news.yahoo.com/states-predict-inmates-future-crimes-secretive-surveys-081524452--politics.html)

Test results will never be 100% foolproof but may prove helpful.

[Blessed2BNTV]

As Uptown Girl talked about we have choices in life. If someone was wronged or hurt, then we have a choice to heal. Some people choose to stay hurt and angry....and that is so very sad.

I cannot imagine waking up everyday with the glass half empty.

[Beechie]

My version of unreasonableness can be read of the forum every day from someone not being served in a restaurant in ten minutes and leaving, saving seats in the squares, having to pay .50 for an extra cup of something or someone's point of view being marginalized. The best one is being in a store and some people act like they are the only ones in the store, because they are in their own world and "it's all about me" type attitude. The list is endless.

Some people need to get over themselves and start realizing there are other people in the world they should provide kindness, as opposed to being mean. One would do much better by communicating their needs, in a pleasant way.

Life is too short to be too little!!!

I concur totally with your post 2BNTV.



The best way to handle unhappy people, that's why I think they may be unreasonable, is to kill them with kindness. If someone is inpatient in a line, I go out of my way to see something that I can compliment them about. It may be a cute hat or well behaved child. The mood switches gears and for that moment, they forget why some small inconvenience annoyed them so much. For the most part, it will divert their attention and I've had some wonderful conversations with total strangers that seemed to be having a bad day.

I subscribe and participate in that approach with those that seem to be a little cranky or upset but I also engage the quiet ones as well. It's amazing how many people have something to say when one initiates a conversation. It's all good and life is too short.

[tainsley]

I pinch myself everyday and am so thankful for my family, friends and just living here in TV. I always look at how wonderful my life is and that outweighs any negativity in my life!

[Happinow]

Since I love to shop, I sometimes see people in line who are voicing how unhappy they are having to wait in line. Sometimes I say, " please go ahead of me....I'm not in any hurry." They sometimes take me up on my offer and I feel it's a good way to get them checked out faster and it also kinda lets them know how silly they are putting up such a fuss. If you go shopping and don't expect to wait this time of year you are probably going to,have a bad day.

[Wandatime]

I have seen some ugliness right here on this forum that defies all logic. It seems as if some people are mean just for the sake of it. I do not like mean people and avoid them. Why in the world would I want to be friends with someone who is hurtful and hateful? I do give people new to my sphere the benefit of the doubt, but once I get a sniff of the mean gene my arms' length gets mighty long.

[Wandatime]

Since I love to shop, I sometimes see people in line who are voicing how unhappy they are having to wait in line. Sometimes I say, " please go ahead of me....I'm not in any hurry." They sometimes take me up on my offer and I feel it's a good way to get them checked out faster and it also kinda lets them know how silly they are putting up such a fuss. If you go shopping and don't expect to wait this time of year you are probably going to,have a bad day.

I do that too! I say, "Go ahead of me, I am in no rush, I have all day. I love being retired." I go on and on and on. I gush. It is ridiculously how much fun I get out of doing it.

[ugotme]

Hi Joe - good post!

Personally I believe everyone has their "annoyed" moments.
Mine usually occurs while driving!

Backed out of a spot at Walgreens yesterday and while going forward to leave a guy came basically up to my bumper - I guess he was in a rush! I finally got through and fairly politely (although sarcastic) said "Ya know-it would have been a lot easier if you had just waited a second!

Hate people who tailgate, cut you off, and those who don't pay attention at lights because they only care if they make the light!

DON'T GET ME STARTED! LOL

[B767drvr]

I would like to think that as we age, we start to develop a more mellow attitude towards people and life. Whatever happened to compassion and talking to people to learn something about them, and not have an "I" attitude.

Why do some people have a sense of entitlement?

Does everyone rationalize their bad behavior to the point of being boorish?

Al Capone said when he was sent to prison, "I only gave the people what they wanted, "woman and booze"

Does anyone see their real selves, when they look in the mirror?

Jerry Seinfeld just said, "when people reach the age of 65, they think they have earned the right to be a cranky pants".

Curious minds want to know what you think!!!

Here's a 4-minute video that I try to remember when I get annoyed with what I consider to be self-absorbed people.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVdy3mCg2jY

[njbchbum]

As Uptown Girl talked about we have choices in life. If someone was wronged or hurt, then we have a choice to heal. Some people choose to stay hurt and angry....and that is so very sad.

I cannot imagine waking up everyday with the glass half full.

And some of those people who do heal never forget the pain they felt because someone did them wrong and/or hurt them. For some - it makes them all the more considerate of others because they remember.

[Loudoll]

Two more and you will have the top ten!!!
Genetics
Culture
From Gracie's post.

[Loudoll]

The best way to handle unhappy people, that's why I think they may be unreasonable, is to kill them with kindness. If someone is inpatient in a line, I go out of my way to see something that I can compliment them about. It may be a cute hat or well behaved child. The mood switches gears and for that moment, they forget why some small inconvenience annoyed them so much. For the most part, it will divert their attention and I've had some wonderful conversations with total strangers that seemed to be having a bad day.
Until I read the last two words of your first sentence I was in complete agreement with you. :p
Of course, I make a joke. Yours is a nice way to respond.

[Happinow]

Here's a 4-minute video that I try to remember when I get annoyed with what I consider to be self-absorbed people.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVdy3mCg2jY

Thank you. If we could all only give each other the benefit of a doubt. You never know what one is going through. Everyone should watch this.

[Loudoll]

Hi Joe - good post!

Personally I believe everyone has their "annoyed" moments.
Mine usually occurs while driving!

Backed out of a spot at Walgreens yesterday and while going forward to leave a guy came basically up to my bumper - I guess he was in a rush! I finally got through and fairly politely (although sarcastic) said "Ya know-it would have been a lot easier if you had just waited a second!

Hate people who tailgate, cut you off, and those who don't pay attention at lights because they only care if they make the light!

DON'T GET ME STARTED! LOL
We were waiting for a car to back out of a space at Walmart and my husband courteously did not crowd this driver. Even though it was obvious we were next up for the spot, someone pulled up and veered in, ready to nab it. We were near the end of the row, and just as this happened my husband noticed that the car directly across from this parking spot was also pulling out. He backed up and drove like crazy around, pulled not only into that spot but he drove on through as car number 1 was exiting.....ending up in the parking spot the lady was trying to steal from us. I have enjoyed that one as I revisit it from time to time. It was a great moment that I wish I had on video.

[DonH57]

Other than the fact some people seem to be unreasonable I sometimes wonder what makes some villagers seem to be so miserable. I just sometimes see many unhappy looks in some faces and a few happy looks.

[Beechie]

We were waiting for a car to back out of a space at Walmart and my husband courteously did not crowd this driver. Even though it was obvious we were next up for the spot, someone pulled up and veered in, ready to nab it. We were near the end of the row, and just as this happened my husband noticed that the car directly across from this parking spot was also pulling out. He backed up and drove like crazy around, pulled not only into that spot but he drove on through as car number 1 was exiting.....ending up in the parking spot the lady was trying to steal from us. I have enjoyed that one as I revisit it from time to time. It was a great moment that I wish I had on video.

Lends creedence to "I hope Karma slaps him in the face before I do" credo.

Great story and I'm sure it made your day.

[SALYBOW]

I kind of disagree with some of what was said. Some of it, not so much. My childhood was far from Idyllic in terms of my father. From that abuse I decided two things. 1. I was not going to allow him to define who I am, and 2. I would try to make sure no one abused my children like I was abused.
I decided I had two options, I could live as a victim or a survivor. I chose to be a survivor. My Aunt who suffered abuse from her Father chose to be a victim. She had a miserable life.
Whatever happens to you in life your attitude toward it is "chosen" by you, not "foisted "on you.
My daughter has signs on her children's bedroom walls that say "Choose Happy." Even her thirteen year old does most of the time. Well, some of the time.
When you allow someone to upset you or make you miserable, you are giving up your power over your emotions to them.
In answer to Joe's question I have experienced some Villagers to feel entitled. They worked hard all their lives...Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. To them I say, "so did I. We all did or we would probably not be here"
If things don't always go as you would like them too, put on your Big Boy/Girl panties... stay calm and carry on.

[Wandatime]

I kind of disagree with some of what was said. Some of it, not so much. My childhood was far from Idyllic in terms of my father. From that abuse I decided two things. 1. I was not going to allow him to define who I am, and 2. I would try to make sure no one abused my children like I was abused.
I decided I had two options, I could live as a victim or a survivor. I chose to be a survivor. My Aunt who suffered abuse from her Father chose to be a victim. She had a miserable life.
Whatever happens to you in life your attitude toward it is "chosen" by you, not "foisted "on you.
My daughter has signs on her children's bedroom walls that say "Choose Happy." Even her thirteen year old does most of the time. Well, some of the time.
When you allow someone to upset you or make you miserable, you are giving up your power over your emotions to them.
In answer to Joe's question I have experienced some Villagers to feel entitled. They worked hard all their lives...Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. To them I say, "so did I. We all did or we would probably not be here"
If things don't always go as you would like them too, put on your Big Boy/Girl panties... stay calm and carry on.

Hmm. You sound like someone I would like to get to know. Smart, introspective, a deep thinker. I like this.

[Bonanza]

[///

The above (///) was not that I posted something mean and took it down. It was a stupid post.

I like that Gracie!
It wasn't stupid at all.
It makes everyone smile
:a040::a040::a040:

[SALYBOW]

Hmm. You sound like someone I would like to get to know. Smart, introspective, a deep thinker. I like this.

Why ty. Where and when?

[Greg Nelson]

Bondage of self . The hardest person to live with is yourself. A classmate of mine who's a renowned psychologist in LA once said, ' 10 % of the people in this world are ********' he went on to say 'you're lucky to live in North Dakota, you can drive for miles before you run into one. Out here in LA they're on every corner'

[bkcunningham1]

Here's a 4-minute video that I try to remember when I get annoyed with what I consider to be self-absorbed people.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVdy3mCg2jY


I'm going to do my best to wear them today. Thanks for the reminder.

[ProximaMan]

As for troublesome or mean people on this forum, I just block them from appearing on my screen ever again. It's called Ignore, and they are just gone. I never read them again, unless somebody quotes them.

My only complaint is you can't do that in real life. :)

How many members do you have blocked. I have 14.

[dewilson58]

As for troublesome or mean people on this forum, I just block them from appearing on my screen ever again. It's called Ignore, and they are just gone. I never read them again, unless somebody quotes them.

My only complaint is you can't do that in real life. :)

How many members do you have blocked. I have 14.

You have more blocks than you have posts...............I haven't started blocking yet. Not sure when I will, but I assume I will some day.

:wave:

[ProximaMan]

That's correct. The two aren't related.

[2BNTV]

You have more blocks than you have posts...............I haven't started blocking yet. Not sure when I will, but I assume I will some day.

:wave:

I thought you were talking about basketball for a second.............

Never mind,,,,,, carry on!!!!!!!!

[Villages PL]

I'm a skeptic as usual: If WE worry excessively about self absorbed people, which I believe includes everyone, then WE are worrying about how WE feel. WE would be worrying about OUR feelings. We would be self absorbed concerning OUR feelings.

[PattyCakes]

Thanks for that link. I've seen that clip before, but it always brings tears to my eyes. As a Christian, the Bible teaches to love each other and care for each other. Kindness turns away wrath. The bottom line is that we all have crosses to bear. You never know what another person has on his/her plate, their struggles, pains, fears. Folks get caught up in the moment of fear, desperation, anxiety and loss. They forget the other people around them. When you see that, just take a breath, relax and smile. Kindness is a wonderful thing.

[graciegirl]

thanks for that link. I've seen that clip before, but it always brings tears to my eyes. As a christian, the bible teaches to love each other and care for each other. Kindness turns away wrath. The bottom line is that we all have crosses to bear. You never know what another person has on his/her plate, their struggles, pains, fears. Folks get caught up in the moment of fear, desperation, anxiety and loss. They forget the other people around them. When you see that, just take a breath, relax and smile. Kindness is a wonderful thing.

like.

[kcrazorbackfan]

Without reading all of the responses, some people realize they are on the downside of life and even in a place as beautiful as TV, they let age determine their outlook toward life. Villagers, age is just a number; you can make yourself feel old or you can make yourself feel young, it's your choice. I choose to feel young.

[olgreeneyes]

I don't look at my glass as half full or half empty. I am just happy I have a glass and that there is something in it.

After all we have been through to this point in time, I agree it's a choice.

[Barefoot]

Unless your brain function is altered in some way, I believe we absolutely CHOOSE, in every waking moment how we want to behave. Our choice every time.

I agree. Like you, I feel we control our moods and our attitude to life.
I often hear people say "he makes me so mad" or "she causes me so much grief" or "I can't help it, he just makes me lose my temper".
Sometimes we temporarily forget that we choose our behavior and reactions.
Sometimes I need to have a little talk to myself to get back on the right track.

[Greg Nelson]

The hardest person there is to live with is yourself.

[Uptown Girl]

I agree. Like you, I feel we control our moods and our attitude to life.
I often hear people say "he makes me so mad" or "she causes me so much grief" or "I can't help it, he just makes me lose my temper".
Sometimes we temporarily forget that we choose our behavior and reactions.
Sometimes I need to have a little talk to myself to get back on the right track.

Yep... nobody "MAKES'' us mad. We decide to be mad- and go from there.

I do not like to think we CONTROL our moods and attitudes- suggests to my mind a continual struggle with self.

I believe we DIRECT our moods and attitudes. We give energy to them or let them fade.... as we choose.

[drooney60@hotmail.com]

I was taught that "what goes around comes around."

[graciegirl]

Yep... nobody "MAKES'' us mad. We decide to be mad- and go from there.


I think sometimes that anger just happens. How we control ourselves is the issue. I have been shaking with rage and indignation at times but tried to act prudently. I haven't ever smacked anyone or told them off in person face to face. Except my kids. And I thought long and hard before I opened my mouth ...most of the time.

I sure have told some people off on this forum. I am a wuss behind a computer.

I do believe that depression is a real disease as some of us age. A chemical imbalance. Sometimes depression is described as "anger turned inward".


https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/depression/symptoms

[Uptown Girl]

The hardest person there is to live with is yourself.

I don't think i would ever say that.

Do you really feel that is so, Greg? Why?

[Greg Nelson]

ask yourself...I do..not always easy...bondage of self is an addiction

[rubicon]

Anecdotes aside the fact is we are all human and we falter that is the human experience. So one may contain themselves often or pacify another often but sooner or later something cracks and to one's amazing they don't even know why because the thing that triggered it was a relatively small issue.

Perhaps I am wrong but the only absolute I acknowledge is death. So if one says to me I am never unreasonable well then that word "never" just doesn't get completely digested . We all kill people with kindness, ignore them, humiliate them for being unreasonable, etc.

[jebartle]

HumanKind - be both

[rubicon]

HumanKind - be both

I truly want to believe but in this day and age there are so many scammers and scams its better to "Trust but verify" everywhere you go. Now that's not unreasonable.

[cromlich]

I learned a different psychology a long time ago than that which is being taught now. We learned we could change just about any behavior with modification and training and therapy. Now it is believed that some behavior can be changed if you deal with young children but some behavior is innate and that certain personality traits are born with you and may be genetic and even can be imaged. A certain area of the brain of a person who is very "social" is larger than that of a person who isn't..

All those words simply mean that some people have always been nice and sensitive to others and some people have always been selfish and demanding. And most people are some of both.

And some behavior is cultural. We can be taught to say please and thank you even if we are a nasty person and we can be taught to say "Move it" even if we are a nice person by growing up in a certain place.

Then there are the mood modifiers of booze and grass and pills

And there are real issues of pain; emotional and physical. and some folks are living with very difficult people and feel trapped because of their age..or didn't plan well or had something awful happen that they don't have as much money now as they'd hoped.

And some people realize that the end of their life is not as far away as it used to be.

I am very pleased you brought up this interesting (to me) topic. Thank you, Joe..

Absolutely, Gracie! You really covered most of my thoughts. Some people enjoy being miserable. It's sad but oh so true. We can only pray for them. Miracles do happen.

[Villages PL]

Someone said, "The hardest person to live with is yourself." That may be true for some, but not for me. I enjoy my own company; I'm like my own best friend and I'm never lonely when I'm by myself. And I seldom disagree with my goals and lifestyle; I'm easy going and agreeable.

Now a different subject: I don't like to make excuses for people being mean spirited or grouchy but here's a possibility: It's called "displaced anger".

Say someone is being nagged by a spouse to lose weight but they can't fight back because they need to keep peace in their household. So you come along and start talking about "weight loss and health" and they let out their anger on you. They might say, "It's none of your business!!", in all capital letters. There might be a price to pay for yelling that at home but not on this website. That's displaced anger.

And that's just one example as there might be all kinds of issues going on at home. Some people are continually venting on others because there's often no penalty for doing so.

[dbussone]

Someone said, "The hardest person to live with is yourself." That may be true for some, but not for me. I enjoy my own company; I'm like my own best friend and I'm never lonely when I'm by myself. And I seldom disagree with my goals and lifestyle; I'm easy going and agreeable.

Now a different subject: I don't like to make excuses for people being mean spirited or grouchy but here's a possibility: It's called "displaced anger".

Say someone is being nagged by a spouse to lose weight but they can't fight back because they need to keep peace in their household. So you come along and start talking about "weight loss and health" and they let out their anger on you. They might say, "It's none of your business!!", in all capital letters. There might be a price to pay for yelling that at home but not on this website. That's displaced anger.

And that's just one example as there might be all kinds of issues going on at home. Some people are continually venting on others because there's often no penalty for doing so.

Villages - re: the first topic you address. I'm happy you are so comfortable with yourself - that is a good thing. With all due respect, I hope you have many other friends though, including a best friend. It's not good for us to live in isolation. Humans are social animals. I intend this in a positive way.

Respectfully,

DB

[rubicon]

Villages - re: the first topic you address. I'm happy you are so comfortable with yourself - that is a good thing. With all due respect, I hope you have many other friends though, including a best friend. It's not good for us to live in isolation. Humans are social animals. I intend this in a positive way.

Respectfully,

DB

Hi DB: I don't know if your right about living in isolation based on this thread there are a lot of miserable, unreasonable and just plain mean people here :D

[dbussone]

Hi DB: I don't know if your right about living in isolation based on this thread there are a lot of miserable, unreasonable and just plain mean people here :D

Rubicon - you are correct about miserable, unreasonable, and mean people. However I think it is a choice one makes. And they are everywhere. Personally I prefer to make a different choice and be positive, happy and thoughtful of others (for the most part)!

[Villages PL]

Here's an interesting technique that has been used on me a few times in the past: The poster starts out with, "VPL, I'm worried about you." Then, having said that, they proceed to enumerate and speculate as to all the possible deficits I may have in my life.

[HimandMe]

We have all been guilty of less than perfect behavior and the causes are many and varied. For "most" people, leaving aside the sociopaths and psychopaths for instance, behavior is catching. You do this and in my mind I want to retaliate but like others on this forum, I can retaliate in a new way. I can plant a seed of goodness. That too is catching. Note it is not acquiescing but an attempt to create something better and start a new cycle.

[dbussone]

We have all been guilty of less than perfect behavior and the causes are many and varied. For "most" people, leaving aside the sociopaths and psychopaths for instance, behavior is catching. You do this and in my mind I want to retaliate but like others on this forum, I can retaliate in a new way. I can plant a seed of goodness. That too is catching. Note it is not acquiescing but an attempt to create something better and start a new cycle.

I like how you retaliate!

[redwitch]

You never know what is going on in someone's personal life. They could be in pain. They could have someone ill in their home. Someone could have just hurt their feelings. They could just be natural grouches. So, I always try to cut people who are being unkind some slack. I try to say something nice or humorous to them. Sometimes it works and they relax a little. Returning kindness to bad behavior seems to solve many issues. Otherwise, I try to make whomever they were berating know it was the grouch, not them, who was the problem, feel sorry for the grouch and go on my merry way. Some things really aren't worth the worry.

[Villages PL]

It's more than someone just having a bad day or a bad home life. Some people seem to enjoy harassing someone when they know from experience they can get away with it. We shouldn't be making excuses for troll-like behavior, regardless of a person's home situation etc..

I call it a soft form of bullying. And there always seems to be a ring-leader who recruits others to join in. They treat it like it's a sport but it ends up being more like internet stalking.

Has anyone watched "True crime series"? They have true cases of stalking and the stalker can be a man or a woman. When they start stalking someone, there's nothing the victim can do to appease them. If they are treated nicely they continue to stalk the person. If they are ignored, it often gets worse. It seldom ends well.

[gap2415]

Most people struggling with a bad day or bad year are not stalkers just not as pleasant as they could be. If an attempt of soft rebuff or kindness doesn't work and they still come at you, then it is time to yell "Back Off! You are attempting to intimidate me!" in front of any others and then get help if necessary.

[Cedwards38]

Rich, poor, young, old, whatever creed or color or background.........sometimes we're nice and sometimes not. Who among us has not acted like a jerk at some time and looks back on that action with regret and embarrassment. There are a zillion factors that cause us to either be nice or be mean in a given situation. For the sake of our discussion, let's refer to it as the Assholian Syndrome! There are ways to keep it under control. Reduce caffeine, eat right, exercise regularly, go to the doctor to get fixed when you're broken, take your medications, take deep breaths, try to think nice thoughts, do those things that make your happy, always ask yourself "why did that person do or say that" and sincerely try to understand, delay any reaction for a few seconds, and know that whatever happens at this moment will probably have little consequence on the rest of your life and how you are remembered, so maybe you just smile and let it go.

[Grandfinch]

You never know what is going on in someone's personal life. They could be in pain. They could have someone ill in their home. Someone could have just hurt their feelings. They could just be natural grouches. So, I always try to cut people who are being unkind some slack. I try to say something nice or humorous to them. Sometimes it works and they relax a little. Returning kindness to bad behavior seems to solve many issues. Otherwise, I try to make whomever they were berating know it was the grouch, not them, who was the problem, feel sorry for the grouch and go on my merry way. Some things really aren't worth the worry.

Bingo.

There is a lot of issues older folks have with their own health and issues with the children, neither of which we have little if any control. The ones that are grouchy for no identifiable reason may simply act the way they do to a chemical imbalance, again, without professional help, they are doomed to live a miserable life.

[Villages PL]

Rich, poor, young, old, whatever creed or color or background.........sometimes we're nice and sometimes not. Who among us has not acted like a jerk at some time and looks back on that action with regret and embarrassment. There are a zillion factors that cause us to either be nice or be mean in a given situation. For the sake of our discussion, let's refer to it as the Assholian Syndrome! There are ways to keep it under control. Reduce caffeine, eat right, exercise regularly, go to the doctor to get fixed when you're broken, take your medications, take deep breaths, try to think nice thoughts, do those things that make your happy, always ask yourself "why did that person do or say that" and sincerely try to understand, delay any reaction for a few seconds, and know that whatever happens at this moment will probably have little consequence on the rest of your life and how you are remembered, so maybe you just smile and let it go.

If everything is explainable, as you say, is there a point, in your opinion, at which someone should be banned from this website?

What about bullies in school, should schools adopt your philosophy? If a kid is constantly picking on other kids, don't blame him because he probably doesn't have a good home life. Give him a break?

[Cedwards38]

If everything is explainable, as you say, is there a point, in your opinion, at which someone should be banned from this website?

What about bullies in school, should schools adopt your philosophy? If a kid is constantly picking on other kids, don't blame him because he probably doesn't have a good home life. Give him a break?

No. Words do not hurt me. Say what you want to say and you'll be judged by what you say and how you say it, but I don't want to kick anyone off the site.