I Give Up

[mcelheny]

Friends,
It's my own fault. I am stupid. Years ago I learned to always stick up for the underdog. I also learned I never win. Just read about my childhood and you will understand.
Well it has happened again.Sam, Bright, Chel you won.
So after hours of crying and feeling very very bad, I am just not tough enough for TOTV. I would like to say a special good-bye to so many friends but I think it is just better if I go away. So I hope my friends see this.
Sincerely,
Mc

[nitehawk]

sorry to hear that - only the strong survive - good bye joke joke :)

[Donna]

mcelheny ..

Please don't make any harsh decisions..Sometimes, feelings get hurt and nothing was really meant to be hurtful!

Please reconsider... ;)

[redwitch]

Sadly, the internet can be harsh. A joke to one to seem cruel to another. It is so hard to see beyond your own interpretations of words that are in black and white. In person, there are nuances -- a smile, a wink, body language. Reading between the lines is difficult. I know all of you -- some of you better than others. I truly doubt anyone meant to hurt another's feelings.

Mc, stay. You're fun and funny. Do like Donna and Kathie and so many others do -- stay away from the political messes. Passions run strong and words can be said that are not meant to hurt. Sometimes, people forget there are real people at the end of these screens. To them, they are just venting and talking to a cyber community.

If you do go, you have my number. Give me a call when you're down here. HUGS!

[rekops]

Mc, I was so sorry to see your post. Please reconsider. You add so much to these forums. You're the voice of reason on the political end, you are friendly and nice and humorous in other forums. Red said it correctly when she described how the written word is no substitute for face to face talk. You have lots of friends here - please don't leave!! :'(

[l2ridehd]

Mc, hang in there. There are a few people on this forum who just have to drive their own agendas and will say anything without regard to what anyone else may think. It usually centers around political agendas but not always. I said many months ago that TOTV is becoming a "political rag" and I still stand by that statement. And just look at the number of posts in that category and it continues to become a larger % of the total every day. Not to mention the number of posts that should be in political but are not. I do my best to not even read any political posts. And I never read posts by those few who spout such nonsense, but it is not always possible to avoid. I just wish there was someway the administrators could highlight political in a different color or something so I would not even open them by mistake.

I also chose to stop reading this forum as much and to post a lot less and I have noticed several others who have done the same. A few rotten apples always spoil the barrel. But don't let them win and eliminate all the other valuable information on here.

Follow these simple rules and it will be them who end up leaving and returning TOTV to the valuable tool it was intended to be.
1. Always scroll to the top and check the category and if it's political, don't waste any time reading it.
2. NEVER respond to any of their posts. No matter the topic. They are just looking for a chance to further their agenda and by reacting you support that goal.
3. Use this forum for what it was intended, an information sharing about The Villages and places to ask questions and find answers.
4. Avoid even reading any post by those few, again even on any topic.

[Rokinronda]

Mc, do not leave!!!! >:(

[samhass]

I went back on my posts trying to find where I have attacked you. No, I did not delete any.
I can't find it. I have disagreed with you, but not attacked you. Look back at your posts and see if you can say the same. Look how you treated Russ when he dared to disagree with you about the dentist issue.
I did get passionate about the horse park. I did disagree with you. So what? Some of my dearest friends and I disagree on topics all the time. Politics??Whew!! Can we ever disagree.
At the end of the day though, we are loving friends. Never do our disagreements fall to name calling or ugliness. Go back as I suggested and review your comments objectively. You may find they sound far more strident than you intended. When I PM'd you about feeling hurt by your comments, I stayed offline for a while. You answered me, but because I was offline and did not answer you immediately, you went on and aired my PM to you. What did I say to you after that? I think it was "No problem, we're fine". I'm only doing this publicly so my words aren't left to misinterpretation.
I know there are others that dislike our constant chatter on TOTV. For every person that dislikes it, there is probably one that enjoys the banter. Furthermore, human nature being what it is, we won't all adore one another. You have friends of the heart, friends, acquaintances and "other". It's the way of the world. I suspect TOTV holds some "friends of the heart" for me. I know I greatly respect some TOTVr's ...Kahuna , Zcave, Steve and Hancle to name a few...and there are more.
TOTV is a gift to us. Throw it away and you are the loser.

[Russ_Boston]

Things seem to have gotten heated lately. As you know, RCT, l2ridehd, myself and others have taken a step back. I still read most posts and inject my 2 cents worth if the time is right. I don't post in 'political' for this reason.

It's human nature to be defensive at some point but I (we) have to learn to control those feelings when posting on-line since it can be tough to gauge context and intent.

Personally I'm never too much of a know-it-all to admit that I just learned something from somebody and I'll admit when I've been too harsh or caustic or maybe just mis-read.

Your insight is still valued by me.

[Lil Dancer]

I agree with the above posters - we'd all hate to see you leave. As Russ said, especially in the political forum, things get heated up and in my opinion, many hurtful things are said. When some of the posters resorted to name calling, I too began to withdraw. I think Talk of the Villages offers people a chance to chat, get to know each other in a superficial way, but the face to face meetings are probably the way to go to see what people are really like, and to begin to make real friends. I know I'm looking forward to going to the Crispers meetings when I get back this fall. I hope you can put all this aside and enjoy the people you've met online that you seem to like. I, for one, would miss your input!

[chelsea24]

Mc, what did I win? Was I entered in a drawing I didn't know about? When did you become a victim? Mc, I know I have never attacked you on a personal level. We've met a couple of times and really liked each other. We fully agree on the political forum. I've always respected your opinions. So I know you're not referring to the Political Forum.

I have to assume you're talking about the Horse Park debate. So here's how that went down. Paraphrase here: You said "many people pm'd you that were afraid to post because they didn't want to be put down." I misunderstood and thought you said "friends". Only because 99.9 percent of the people that pm me are, indeed, friends. My point was (whether they are "friends" of yours or not, I think that people that secretly pm objections and are afraid to post because they might be "put down" show a misconception of what a "debate" is about and, yes indeedy, lack character. I still believe that and that's not going to change.

Example: Lil Dancer and I did not agree on the Horse Park, but we agreed to disagree. We still like each other, nothing personal. Just a debate.

How many times do you think I've been verbally beaten up on this forum. Countless! Do I feel bad sometimes? Of course I do. That's only human nature. Then I look at it objectively and realize, and as I've always said, this is NOT personal. This is a debate. Maybe a heated debate, but a debate none the less.

Heck, I still like Muncle and read his posts and he goes for my jugular every chance he gets!

The only Post I've ever pulled was the one I started on the Buffalo's. I was ranting (LOL)
surprise! :o but what bothered me on that post is that it started to get way too nasty between other TOTV'ers. And, believe this or not, I did not want to be the harbinger of bad feelings. And I still got slammed for pulling it down.

Hey, I know you to be a tough, opinionated lady. That's what makes for a good debate. Don't let go of that.

[beady]

Mc: I agree with Sam and Russ. Pull back but do no leave.

To make this forum interesting we need all sides of the issues debated and your opinions count.

Several of the discussions this month have been particularly contentious, and with the upcoming election I imagine it may very well escalate. We all have a right to express our opinions and it is unlikely we will change anyone's minds. But...... if we keep the discussions civil and refrain from personal attacks, preceived or real,we can have some honest debates. We just might learn something and have fun in the process.

[MMC24]

Sometimes TOTV is not for the faint of heart but for the strong of will. Don't let the words of a few chase you away. If you leave than they have won.

[JohnN]

Mc - don't know the entire story, but I for one have stopped getting involved in the political forum, I've stopped reading it and I feel a lot better! I'd prefer you stick around, personally.
Take a break, etc. but don't burn bridges.

[graciegirl]

You know John is right. NO ONE should get into the political forum unless they want to up their blood pressure medication, see a shrink or start drinking heavily. The people on TOTV are not the only people in the world and even the best friends do NOT see everything the same way.

Life is too short to feel bad about this, although I truly understand. A couple of times I felt kinda "too old" to run around with the "popular girls" on TOTV.

We are all perfectly wonderful in our own way. Smile for us and come back, you hear? Feel this hug.

[Hancle704]

Why give up, none of this will be on The Final Exam with the possibile exception of, how did you treat others?

[samhass]

Gracie, From the look of your picture, you are one of the young ones on TOTV.

And Hancle, there you go with that wisdom again.


Why give up, none of this will be on The Final Exam with the possibile exception of, how did you treat others?

[Barefoot]

Marti, I think I understand why you're taking a sabbatical from TOTV. I think it's a good idea. I know most of the players involved in your decision and I know that they didn't intentionally post anything to hurt you. But you're a sensitive person and right now you're feeling emotional. Good time for a break.

Sometimes TOTV can get pretty intense and time consuming. I've made a plan to limit myself to 1/2 hour or less per day. I feel I need to pull back and gain some perspective in order to enjoy it more.

To quote Beady: "To make this forum interesting we need all sides of the issues debated and your opinions count."

So Marti, by all means take a break, but please return soon!

[nONIE]

Marti,

I do understand where your comming from. You are a very sensitive person and so am I. It really only takes someone to look crosseyed at me to feel attacked. From my contact with you I know you to be a kind, sensitive person and thats not a bad thing. I think we both have to grow a tougher hide and continue to state our opinions if we feel that strongly about an issue.

Taking a break from TOTV sounds like a good idea, when you feel ready, take a deep breath and let us all have it. We respect and appreciate your opinions.

[renielarson]

I disagree (here I go) with some of you saying "hurtful" things are said. I don't think for an instant that anyone knowingly or purposely posts "hurtful" things. I truly believe that all posters speak from their heart and it's only interpreted as "hurtful" when it goes against the grain of someone else.

Just my humble opinion...

[Just Susan]

We all hear and react through our own filtering system...always!

[KathieI]

Sorry, but I agree with Mc... I have become extremely unhappy with the posts on TOTV of late, that I too have taken a step back and am not posting anywhere near as much as I used to.

I'd say its the 80/20 rule as usual, 80% of the people are wonderful and write really good and interesting posts about TV and the other 20% spoil it. The contemptuous, scornful and disrespectful posts have been impossible for me PERSONALLY to deal with. I have no intention of fueling this fire or debating issues with the likes of people who post "hurtful" words, which have nothing to do with going against the grain or your opinion or the recipients opinion but just downright "hurtful".

It isn't just the political forum, because I have stayed away from there for quite awhile, but its everything and anything as long as you don't agree with the 20%. Then the attack starts.

Mc, you're not stupid, by no means, and you and I are not politically on the same page, but you are respectful and well mannered and you should be proud of that.

[l2ridehd]

KathieI :bigthumbsup: :bigthumbsup: :bigthumbsup: :agree: :agree: with you and Mc.

I agree with you completely. But the big problem is how do you stay away from political topics? I see a side bar post that says the first 3 words of the topic, open it, and even the full topic name doesn't lend itself to a correct definition, but that is exactly what it turns out to be. And on any day I can find 5 topics in general or non villages threads that are 99% political. It is a subject that seems to have taken over this forum.

And for those that think that there is no name calling or other disrespectful posts, you really need to go back and read what was written, and not put your own spin on it. There are many personal attacks on people because of what they say or believe. And that is what drives people away from here.

The biggest improvement that could be made to TOTV is to somehow identify all political discussion so that those of us who do not want to read it can easily identify it and stay away. Then those few people who thrive on it could have at it without the rest of us having to deal with their jaded views of the world.

[Boomer]

mcelheny, I hope you feel better and will come back soon.

And Kathie, I thought I was not seeing you around often enough. Then I thought maybe it was my imagination. Then I thought maybe you were really busy.

Anyway, I have missed your smiling face. I hope to see you more often.

I am going to go out there and start another thread today that I hope a lot of people will be willing to pitch in on. It is on a subject that fascinates me and I think this is the perfect group to be able to learn more from.

I hope to see you all later.

Boomer

[SteveFromNY]

Everybody goes through cycles with these message boards. It's just the way it is. I've dropped out of view for periods of time myself. So have lots of others. Typically I go away because I start feeling like there are just a few things to discuss and the same few opinions about each. And then of course there are the obstinate fools too who occasionally get under your skin. As a New Yorker I have a few choice words for them (actually, two), but you gain nothing by letting them know they got to you.
If you get sick of it, for whatever reason, quietly fade away. Then come back if you want. When you do, some of the ones who annoyed you will be gone! Or you'll have forgot how much they annoyed you. Relax and enjoy, and when it's no more fun, stop!

[ConeyIsBabe]

Agreeing with Kathie :agree:

Lately, I've been lurking mostly, for the reasons she has stated.

Some people think it's OK to mask their "put-downs" in the guise of an opinion.

[nanci2539]

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies and Gentlemen!

These are only words. Unless you plan to live with the people who post here, take these postings with a grain of salt. When we sit behind a keyboard, it's so easy to pound out our inner feelings and these feelings get translated in many differnet ways. I bet if we all sat around a table and discussed whatever, nobody would walk away with hurt feelings.

I guess I just don't get it - if I don't like what I read, I either flick it off or move on to the next post. Maybe I'm different but unless you're very best friends with the person you feel is "hurting" you, why don't you just shrug it off!

[islandgal]

In regard to all of these discussions, I still think this previous post pretty well says it all:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwqqRP3Csd4&feature=related

[Just Susan]

Nance and Wiwi... :bigthumbsup: :bigthumbsup: :agree: :agree: :agree: Very well said.

[Barefoot]

Everybody goes through cycles with these message boards. If you get sick of it, for whatever reason, quietly fade away. Then come back if you want. Relax and enjoy, and when it's no more fun, stop!

:agree: Steve

There is much to be said for taking a "time out", quietly fading away without recriminations, and returning when you're ready.

[chelsea24]

Some people think it's OK to mask their "put-downs" in the guise of an opinion.


Have to disagree with this. I believe that some people automatically take a difference of opinion as a put-down.

[nanci2539]

Llike I said earlier -- or did I say this earlier. Well, I'll say it now!

There are those who are victims and then there are those who are willing victims.

[Meg]

I am a Newbie and this is my 1st visit to any of the Forums. Mc sounds as if she has MANY friends here and lots of posts. Sometimes when we are feeling a little down or deppressed, we tend to become overly sensitive and quick to make decisions. Maybe just take a week off and then see how you feel. Remember, if you recognize anything seriously about "just going away", it never hurts to see a counselor or talk to your Dr. about feeling unwanted or unappreciated. I wish you the best Mc, and all of the nice people who have come out to show their friendship. :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :bigthumbsup:

[samhass]

My husband has a cool t-shirt with a wading bird on the front. A frog is half way down the bird's throat. The frog has his hands wrapped around the bird's throat and the caption reads.."Never Give Up". My thoughts exactly.

[graciegirl]

I am a Newbie and this is my 1st visit to any of the Forums. Mc sounds as if she has MANY friends here and lots of posts. Sometimes when we are feeling a little down or deppressed, we tend to become overly sensitive and quick to make decisions. Maybe just take a week off and then see how you feel. Remember, if you recognize anything seriously about "just going away", it never hurts to see a counselor or talk to your Dr. about feeling unwanted or unappreciated. I wish you the best Mc, and all of the nice people who have come out to show their friendship. :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :bigthumbsup:


You have such a kind heart Meg. :bigthumbsup:Sit here next to me. :)

[nONIE]

Is there a "kind hearted" people club in TV???? If not , I would like to start one. ;D

[KathieI]

Is there a "kind hearted" people club in TV???? If not , I would like to start one. ;D

Nonie, you're so kind-hearted, you should be the President of the club. All in favor, say "Aye"!!

I'll join too, we need to develop a charter, which should be easy.... we'll only do kind things all day long.... Isn't that pleasant!

[nONIE]

Kath, what would we do for excitement??? evil6, LOL

[KathieI]

Fugetaboutit!!

Consider yourself IMPEACHED!!

Isn't going to KB's to dance considered a "kind" thing?

We need a Pres who has more creative thinking!

[MSNPA]

In the Yoga class I take the instructor shared wonderful words of wisdom. She said before you speak (or email) ask yourself is it kind, is it honest and is it necessary. In July it will be a year since I discovered TOTV. While I am not part of the "regulars" and do not have many posts nor visit the Chat Room, not a day goes by that I do not read TOTV. I have learned so much. This site has been invaluable. It is sad some get so intense.

[nONIE]

Fugetaboutit!!

Consider yourself IMPEACHED!!

Isn't going to KB's to dance considered a "kind" thing?

We need a Pres who has more creative thinking!




fine!! I didnt want to be president anyway! >:(

[ConeyIsBabe]

MSNPA...... thank you for sharing those words of wisdom :agree:

[KathieI]

In the Yoga class I take the instructor shared wonderful words of wisdom. She said before you speak (or email) ask yourself is it kind, is it honest and is it necessary. In July it will be a year since I discovered TOTV. While I am not part of the "regulars" and do not have many posts nor visit the Chat Room, not a day goes by that I do not read TOTV. I have learned so much. This site has been invaluable. It is sad some get so intense.

Agree CIB, :agree: Enough kidding around.

Good post, MS. Can I come to that yoga class?

[chelsea24]

So, wouldn't it be more "kind hearted" to Mc to just let this post fade. Clearly she's in trouble and I still consider her a friend. Just a thought. chels

[KathieI]

:agree: :agree: :agree: :agree:

Nuff said!!

Kathie :bigthumbsup:

[Rokinronda]

I think we all want MC to know that we CARE!!! MC, we like you and want to give you warm fuzzy good thoughts. No one wants you to leave. If you are sad we hope to make you happy. If you are lonely, we want you to know we are here for you. If we disagree, it is only an opinion and not meant as a put down. When we post here, we agree to disagree and then move on. I hope this puts an end to your sadness. Don't worry, Be happy............Rokin

[mcelheny]

So, wouldn't it be more "kind hearted" to Mc to just let this post fade. Clearly she's in trouble and I still consider her a friend. Just a thought. chels


Chel, Clearly I am not in trouble. I see you erased one of the messages that put me in tears.


I choose not to post. I have a life with tons of friends and lots of fun things to do. I found out how many friends I have and I love all the support!!! Feel free to keep posting- I love it- especially keep those pms. Keep them coming because they are going to be my way to communicate from now on. Life is good. Thanks Rokinronda. That post did give me warm fuzzy good thoughts.








And yes Chel,we will be friends, but don't stop this thread.

[Lil Dancer]

We do want you to have warm and fuzzy thoughts, Mc. I'm glad you will still be reading your pms, and not dropping out entirely. We care about you and wish you the best! :-* :-*