How do you get your significant other to dance?

[DruannB]

Tonight, my husband and I went to our local senior center for line dancing lessons. I wanted to get ready for The Villages. Everyone was truly trying to be helpful, but they made my husband very self conscious about his dancing ability. After the first 15 minutes, he left the floor and started watching the clock. So, my question is, how do I ease him into learning to dance? Any advice on how to get him willing to learn...or just dance any old way? Should I just call it a losing battle? He's quite willing to humor me but that's not what I really want. I'd like him to actually enjoy it.

[gerryann]

Does he dance at other venues? ....like weddings? If he NEVER dances, then I wouldn't hold my breath that he'll line dance. But if he will get on the dance floor during other events, he'll come around. My ex refused to dance EVER. Here in TV, no one cares what anyone else is doing on the dance floor. They just have fun.

[BobandMary]

Promise him happy times when you get home...

[DruannB]

The last time he took dance lessons was for our wedding 10 years ago. The last time he danced with me--10 years ago. Hopeless, huh? I did promise to learn to play bridge, however, if he would learn line dancing.

[blueeagle65]

Alcohol.....

[DonH57]

Ok. I'll try and respond again since I'm sure I didn't say any thing offensive. I'm sure maybe when you guys arrive here He may be more comfortable when he sees the fun everybody's having and no one is judging his or your dancing. I think you will find people here very helpful and nonjudgemental. Come here and have fun.

[rexxfan]

I'm kind of in the same boat as your husband. I don't dance, but cc convinced me to try line dancing before we headed back North this Spring. It was a beginners class, although it was toward the tail end of a multi-week program, so a fair amount of knowledge was assumed by the instructor. Most of the time I was lost (and worse, I have trouble hearing in noisy environments so it was difficult to follow the instructions sometimes) but I did manage a few of the simpler steps. I'll probably give it another try, but I think it'd be best to start the beginner's class week 1. Maybe we all could go together. It's oddly comforting when you're not the only clueless one :-)
--
bc

P.S. cc also took me to to Irish dancing one night. That's fun to watch but seems WAY harder than line dancing (although there are some similarities). I don't think I'm going to do that again, but who knows, perhaps if I get reasonably competent at line dancing I might give it a go.

[dewilson58]

Gin.

Actually it's a mood thing. Sounds funny, but I need to be in the mood to swing my junk. It's been easier in TV because everyone is having fun and no one is judging.

As soon as I see score card from the crowd, I'm done. :cryin2:

Good luck.

[dbussone]

Alcohol.....


I concur!

[jnieman]

Tonight, my husband and I went to our local senior center for line dancing lessons. I wanted to get ready for The Villages. Everyone was truly trying to be helpful, but they made my husband very self conscious about his dancing ability. After the first 15 minutes, he left the floor and started watching the clock. So, my question is, how do I ease him into learning to dance? Any advice on how to get him willing to learn...or just dance any old way? Should I just call it a losing battle? He's quite willing to humor me but that's not what I really want. I'd like him to actually enjoy it.

Before I moved here I thought I would have to learn to line dance because that is what I saw on the video. I don't line dance and never have and a lot of people don't. I wouldn't push him. It's supposed to be fun and if he isn't having fun then ....what's the point of it?

[tippyclubb]

You have already won half the battle by getting him to attend one dance lesson. Wait until you get here before you attempt it again. Once he gets to the squares it will be easier to coax him to try again. Although, there's a lot of line dancing you two can do freestyles or slow dance until you can get him back to a class. Oh, and don't forget to keep your promise to learn to play Bridge.

[liere]

After seeing the line dancing done at the squares I decided I wanted to give it a try. I went to the Chula Vista rec center on Thursdays afternoon for the beginners men's class. There must have been about 40 guys learning the basics....good class and I learned a few steps and have done some line dancing at the squares. He may be willing to go to this class.

[redwitch]

Or he can sit and enjoy watching you dance. Think that's one of the reasons line dancing is so popular enough here -- no partner needed.

As to bridge, tell hubby he is making a huge mistake. Too many fights caused by couples playing together. The game is too addictive. If he's any good, not that hard to find partners here. However, if you really want to learn, our duplicate club gives free or low-cost lessons for both absolute beginners or those who haven't played in a long time. Shout out if you're really interested.

[Dr Winston O Boogie jr]

I don't dance and frankly, I resent people trying to get me to dance. I've tried int he past and I feel horribly uncomfortable and don't enjoy myself at all.

While I certainly understand people who dance and enjoy it, I cringe when I see people up on the dance floor trying to get all of the non dancers to join them. Honestly, go dance and have a good time, but leave me alone. What does it matter to you if someone else is dancing.

I really enjoy watching a band perform but I don't run up to the dance floor and drag people to the seats so they can enjoy what I'm enjoying.

I do get up and slow dance so I would always take the opportunity to make my wife happy during the slow songs.

[jnieman]

I don't dance and frankly, I resent people trying to get me to dance. I've tried int he past and I feel horribly uncomfortable and don't enjoy myself at all.

While I certainly understand people who dance and enjoy it, I cringe when I see people up on the dance floor trying to get all of the non dancers to join them. Honestly, go dance and have a good time, but leave me alone. What does it matter to you if someone else is dancing.

I really enjoy watching a band perform but I don't run up to the dance floor and drag people to the seats so they can enjoy what I'm enjoying.

I do get up and slow dance so I would always take the opportunity to make my wife happy during the slow songs.

:clap2::clap2:

[outlaw]

Not everyone likes to dance; especially line dance. Think about it. Practicing a preplanned set of movements, only to repeat it with a bunch of others. What's the point? He may feel like an idiot practicing and repeating it over and over like a dog being trained to do tricks. It's like taking marching lessons. Who does that?

[kstew43]

if you look on youtube.com you can find dance class instructions for most of the dances, line, ballroom and otherwise.

you can take classes in the privacy of your own home. I do this all the time.

[looneycat]

I normally don't dance as it tends to frighten children and small pets, however, with a 'dance floor' surrounded by 4 bars I have gotten up a couple of times....sorry to those whose pets ran away on those occasions!

[Villager Joyce]

Not everyone likes to dance; especially line dance. Think about it. Practicing a preplanned set of movements, only to repeat it with a bunch of others. What's the point? He may feel like an idiot practicing and repeating it over and over like a dog being trained to do tricks. It's like taking marching lessons. Who does that?

I'm a nondancer who lucked out and married a nondancer. The line dancing strikes me as so robotic. No facial expressions. Just to the left, to the left, to the left.

[dewilson58]

I'm a nondancer who lucked out and married a nondancer. The line dancing strikes me as so robotic. No facial expressions. Just to the left, to the left, to the left.

Line dancing is the chicken dance, upgraded. I don't do either.

:ho:

[LI SNOWBIRD]

Before I moved here I thought I would have to learn to line dance because that is what I saw on the video. I don't line dance and never have and a lot of people don't. I wouldn't push him. It's supposed to be fun and if he isn't having fun then ....what's the point of it?

I agree hes needs to have fun too. My wife loves to dance and I do not. I will dance a slow dance with her occasionally. She is more than happy to dance fasts alone, with female friends or with any woman there that would like to dance. it works for us.

[2BNTV]

I've noticed that married women usually line dance, when their SO does not want to dance.

He should try to keep you happy by slow dancing. The dance floor gets more crowded, with spouses.

Maybe he will have a change of heart when he sees that no one is really watching to see how well, or not so well, his moves are.

IMHO - You are fighting a losing battle, as many women, are in the same boat.

A lot of men just don't like to dance, period......but I wish you well. :smiley:

[Dr Winston O Boogie jr]

Not everyone likes to dance; especially line dance. Think about it. Practicing a preplanned set of movements, only to repeat it with a bunch of others. What's the point? He may feel like an idiot practicing and repeating it over and over like a dog being trained to do tricks. It's like taking marching lessons. Who does that?

An interesting point. I play in a band that has played on the squares. Whenever bands are going to play one of the squares a discussion of the set list always ensues. The majority feel that the band should do a lot of dance songs and cater to the line dancers. The next time you go to a square, look around and see how many people are dancing, how many are line dancing and how many are sitting listening to the band. I've estimated that only about 20% to 30% of the people are dancing.

[Jima64]

I normally don't dance as it tends to frighten children and small pets, however, with a 'dance floor' surrounded by 4 bars I have gotten up a couple of times....sorry to those whose pets ran away on those occasions!

You gave me my laugh of the day.

[kittygilchrist]

What is the reason he does not enjoy dancing?
That will determine what if anything can be done to help. If it is fear or low aptitude then private lessons are best so that instruction does not go beyond your learning pace.
If it is lack of appreciation for moving with rhythm and music, that is not easy to acquire.
Often people who are afraid have had a single humiliating incident that comes back whenever they dance, and the anxiety of that makes learning and enjoyment impossible.
In that case, try dancing at home making a very personal and pleasant event of it. In time the pleasant memory will replace fear.

[golfing eagles]

Or he can sit and enjoy watching you dance. Think that's one of the reasons line dancing is so popular enough here -- no partner needed.

As to bridge, tell hubby he is making a huge mistake. Too many fights caused by couples playing together. The game is too addictive. If he's any good, not that hard to find partners here. However, if you really want to learn, our duplicate club gives free or low-cost lessons for both absolute beginners or those who haven't played in a long time. Shout out if you're really interested.

Sorry, but I have to disagree with your bridge assessment. It depends on the couple. My wife and I started playing bridge together 25 years ago with no knowledge of the game, I actually read Goren cover to cover as a start. We hooked up with some decent players, ditched Goren, learned 2/1 and went to tournaments. Two years later we were life masters, have won regionally rated events at NABC's, and are ACBL certified instructors. We even took 25/26 matchpoints from Bergen and Cohen at the 1993 Washington DC NABC, so we do have some idea of what we're talking about.
If we disagree at the table, it stays there. Any further "discussion" is purely analytic and a learning experience. It's the first thing we teach beginners---love and respect your partner. If they cannot absorb this, which quickly becomes evident, we suggest they take up solitaire. So it can be done.
That being said, don't ever let a game come between your marriage. Also, play with other partners---the kind of inbred hostility that occasionally develops in couples will not be tolerated by a stranger

[rosygail]

Get him some good private ballroom dance lessons. Not Free group classes. You should both go as a couple and I recommend a male instructor. It will help him feel more manly while dancing if he is doing what another guy told him to do. My husband hated dancing and after 8 private lessons he was hooked. We continued to take lessons and dance at least 2 times every week for 10 years till we moved to The Villages. Now no lessons but we are still dancing 2 times a week or more. It's a great way to make friends too!

[FlamingoFlo]

If he is willing to try more lessons go for it but in my opinion I would never pressure my husband to do something he really doesn't want to do. In 25 years I found dancing is the only thing he doesn't want to do. I can live with that. But if you watch the dancing at the square not too many people dance all that well and I don't see them judging others...just having fun.

[Shimpy]

Not everyone likes to dance; especially line dance. Think about it. Practicing a preplanned set of movements, only to repeat it with a bunch of others. What's the point? He may feel like an idiot practicing and repeating it over and over like a dog being trained to do tricks. It's like taking marching lessons. Who does that?


Agree.......I tried it and got bored after about 40 seconds of doing the same thing over and over again. Average songs last about 3 minutes and I couldn't wait to get off the floor.

[Shimpy]

An interesting point. I play in a band that has played on the squares. Whenever bands are going to play one of the squares a discussion of the set list always ensues. The majority feel that the band should do a lot of dance songs and cater to the line dancers. The next time you go to a square, look around and see how many people are dancing, how many are line dancing and how many are sitting listening to the band. I've estimated that only about 20% to 30% of the people are dancing.

Exactly and why don't the bands understand this? You play fast music or line dance and a few get up to dance. The rest of the audience sets there. When a slow dance song is played the dance floor becomes crowded. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that slow is more popular. I've always believe the bands play what they themselves like to hear and assume the audience feels the same.
We quit going to the squares since we rarely got a chance to dance (slow) because of selection of the bands.
If a band would advertise "easy listening" or lounge singer type music I would bet they would become very popular around here.

[hulahips]

I'm a big dancer and my husband prefers sports! However I did get him to dance because marriage is about compromise. So alone I hula dance, line dance and clog. There are many options he can choose from. Together we country partner dance, ballroom dance, swing dance, etc. Try different types of dance and see what appeals to him. He may enjoy country partner or ballroom? Since there are so many free classes offered, you have nothing to lose. Lots of luck! Hope to see you both on the dance floor!

[DruannB]

After seeing the line dancing done at the squares I decided I wanted to give it a try. I went to the Chula Vista rec center on Thursdays afternoon for the beginners men's class. There must have been about 40 guys learning the basics....good class and I learned a few steps and have done some line dancing at the squares. He may be willing to go to this class.

This is very helpful. A class of just men might be what he needs. All those women at the senior center were making him jumpy.

[DruannB]

Get him some good private ballroom dance lessons. Not Free group classes. You should both go as a couple and I recommend a male instructor. It will help him feel more manly while dancing if he is doing what another guy told him to do. My husband hated dancing and after 8 private lessons he was hooked. We continued to take lessons and dance at least 2 times every week for 10 years till we moved to The Villages. Now no lessons but we are still dancing 2 times a week or more. It's a great way to make friends too!

We tried this for our wedding. We took private lessons wit a male teacher. Unfortunately, the teacher told him he had no rhythm and kept saying, "if she can do it, why can't you?" Needless to say, that didn't help his fear of dancing. I think he's just outgoing in different ways.

[handyman]

six gun,three rounds in the floor ,he will be dancing like Fred Astaire ;)

[MikeV]

The last time he took dance lessons was for our wedding 10 years ago. The last time he danced with me--10 years ago. Hopeless, huh? I did promise to learn to play bridge, however, if he would learn line dancing.

Promise him something a little more to his liking. :D

[cmj1210]

Promise him something a little more to his liking. :D


Sometimes even that won't work. I say dance with your friends. [emoji12]