Learn the signs of approaching death in a loved one.

[B767drvr]

In the past seven months I’ve buried both of my parents. (I won’t even pretend that’s it’s been anything but brutal emotionally.) In the process, I’ve learned a great deal and I’ve come to like many of you on this board, so I wish to pass the most helpful small pieces of information along in the hope it will help someone.

At the urging of our Hospice doctor, my wife and I sat down to view this free You Tube presentation. I WISH I HAD WATCHED THIS VIDEO SOONER! I sincerely hope this message helps someone in a similar circumstance. The information presented is not macabre in the least. It is presented with compassion from a 30+ yr Hospice nurse and it’s comforting to learn the steps most of us will take as the end of life approaches.

Hospice does its finest work three months prior to death! Please don’t wait (as we did) to call them. Another piece of advice: choose your Hospice provider carefully. (Ask around… ask friends, relatives, nursing staff in a nearby facility who they recommend in your area.) It is likely these are the people who will be with YOU and your loved one at their passing. You have a choice and it might become very important that you make a wise one. It’s an exceedingly difficult time, but it can be made so much nicer with a compassionate and competent Hospice team at your side.

Here’s a link to the video I found so helpful (Gone from My Sight):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPx-qpos57g

[Taltarzac725]

In the past seven months I’ve buried both of my parents. (I won’t even pretend that’s it’s been anything but brutal emotionally.) In the process, I’ve learned a great deal and I’ve come to like many of you on this board, so I wish to pass the most helpful small pieces of information along in the hope it will help someone. (Those NOT interested in this subject can skip to the next dog poop thread!)

At the urging of our Hospice doctor, my wife and I sat down to view this free You Tube presentation. I WISH I HAD WATCHED THIS VIDEO SOONER! I sincerely hope this message helps someone in a similar circumstance. The information presented is not macabre in the least. It is presented with compassion from a 30+ yr Hospice nurse and it’s comforting to learn the steps most of us will take as the end of life approaches.

Hospice does its finest work three months prior to death! Please don’t wait (as we did) to call them. Another piece of advice: choose your Hospice provider carefully. (Ask around… ask friends, relatives, nursing staff in a nearby facility who they recommend in your area.) It is likely these are the people who will be with YOU and your loved one at their passing. You have a choice and it might become very important that you make a wise one. It’s an exceedingly difficult time, but it can be made so much nicer with a compassionate and competent Hospice team at your side.

Here’s a link to the video I found so helpful (Gone from My Sight):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPx-qpos57g

Thanks for posting this. I lost my younger brother Chuck, grandmother Helen, and brother-in-law James within the past 1.5 years. All of these were complicated by medical conditions-- long term alcoholism, alzheimer's, paranoid schizophrenia respectively.

It is hard dealing with the deaths of any loved ones.

[russtcc]

Lost my mom a little over a year ago. Hospice was involved for 6 months. I can't overstate how important and helpful they were thru this process. This was back in Oklahoma and the hospice we used was found from friend recommendations. I am sorry for your loss.

[dmatkin]

Thank you for the post. I lost my Dad last November. During his last three months I served as his primary caregiver with the assistance of Hospice. Dad's wish was to pass in his home and not in a nursing home. Idaho (where me Dad lived) does not have hospice hospitals like in Florida and other states. You are so correct when you mentioned the emotional toll it takes on you during the last three months. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There is no way I would have been able to serve as his caregiver during the three months without hospice. Hospice is amazing and helps make the journey easier for you and the dying individual. They form a strong bond with the patient as well as you the caregiver. Above all, they make it possible for your loved one to pass peacefully and without pain.

[Pointer]

Thank you so much for sharing this link. I will share it with my children and siblings. Great info to have no matter ones age. We need to be able to talk about this stuff. It's part of life we seem to have distanced ourselves from and we need this wisdom as human beings.

[Ecuadog]

Thank you.

[B767drvr]

I'm glad several have found the information in the video helpful and comforting, as I did. I learned, after the fact, that the changes in patterns of behavior (eating, sleeping, social withdrawal) that I witnessed in the months prior to my parents' death were absolutely normal. I was, at first, quite confused by my father's "terminal delirium/agitation" and wish I had seen the video earlier, for I would have understood what was occurring sooner and not become upset.

Part of successfully advocating for your loved ones' final wishes is becoming informed. Once one understands the normal end of life "labor", the better you can interact with Hospice and medical care providers for appropriate levels of comfort meds (ex. morphine, methadone, Ativan, Resperdol, etc...) The last few hours/days of the normal dying process can be rough on the surviving loved ones to watch/experience, but if you're informed, it will be much more bearable.

Very best wishes to all...

[CFrance]

From Hospice nurses, I learned the term "actively dying," applied to one of my best friends who died way too young from brain cancer. They were of great help to his wife. I wish they had been in existence when both my parents died in their 50s in '68 and '71.

My sincere condolences to you on the loss of your parents. How difficult that is to have them pass away so close together. And thank you for posting the video.

[DruannB]

I have been off the site for a while because I had to go to Louisiana this past December to help my brother in the last stages of his cancer. He died on Christmas day. I was by his side, with only a few hours of sleep each day, for the last month. Hospice gave us a book very similar to this video and it helped me tremendously in dealing with the stages of death and his final passing. No, it's not easy, but the hospice crew gave me an opportunity to give back to a brother who was always there for me when I was growing up. It's tough to lose someone when they're only 60, but I know he didn't die alone, and I kept the pain away as best I could. The nurses encouraged me and supported me, and will forever be in my memory. Everyone should watch this video. Knowing really does help us get through this, and we can also help the dying let go gracefully.

[simpkinp]

Thank you for posting this. It has helped me greatly in dealing with loss. Bless you

[Judith Ann]

I watched the whole thing, and it was wonderful. I learned so much. Thank you, thank you for posting this link!!

[NYGUY]

Thank you very much. My wife and I both learned some very important information.

[B767drvr]

I'm so happy for all that have watched this video and either learned or were comforted by it. It's been a long day dealing with paperwork, death certificates, closing accounts and settling bills and I'm truly glad that sharing this link has made a difference to someone.

Best wishes...

[xcaligirl]

One of the best posts I've seen in a very long time ~ if not the best ever! Thank you so much for the information that we all can benefit from.