Help - What to do with Mom (86 years old)

[salpal]

Hubby and I want to move to TV but need info regarding care for senior citizens (those older than us LOL). Seriously, I need to have a place for independent living for her, that also has assisted and nursing home care as she grows older. She is still in good health. I know they are building Freedom Pointe, but have no idea when that will be done (Fall 2009?) and how much a month it will cost. I am sure I am not only person in this situation, would appreciate any advice.

[aln]

If you want her to stay in The Villages, Homewood is nice for independents and has services as needs grow.
Probably starts at about 5K/mo and goes up. They're small now but are growing with Freedom Point.

Outside TV, there's a place in Leesburg near the medical center call Alterra and it also is quite nice with activities and independent living.

Lady Lake Specialty care is an option but when we visited it I wasn't too impressed.

[candelandscape]

if your intrested in assisted living lady lake specialty care has a assisted living building next to it called the springs of lady lake and the is also lake port square in leesburg

[salpal]

Sorry, maybe I was not real clear. Mom needs Independent living, not assisted. Homewood on TV property wants $5,000 a month for assisted, Mom does not need assisted. Freedom pointe does not open till Fall 2009 and God know how expensive they will be. Please do not suggest I put her in her own villa or apartment, or live with me, none of those options will work, they have been tried in the past. I am seeking an independent living facility that does not cost $5K a month. She does not really need any assistance, I just want her to be with other people for meals, etc. Thanks so much.

[Cassie325]

http://www.holidaytouch.com/senior-independent-living-holiday-retirement/

Holiday Retirement is a great independent senior living company. There food is GREAT...they have many activities (including Wii games and trips to casino's etc).....

Above is a link to their closest communities. They typically have apartments with kitchenettes (no stove). Studio's, 1 bedrooms and 2 bedrooms. I have not been to any of their FL properties but the many I have visited have been wonderful.

They run it similar to a cruise ship.....it seems they have a few within a 20 mile radius to TV's!!

Call them, ask for their info. They will not provide any personal care...but most place work with local home care agencies...so when and if the time comes, mom can stay in her own apartment there and hire in home care.

This way she will be close to you....have her own place and independence....it will be just like her own little Villages~!! They are fun lively places!!

If these do not work I can find some others...but these are the best places to start.

I would also ask them about the local doctors teir other residents use...this way you can have all of that set up before her arrival

If you want someone to talk to....just as I have been through this with my grandparents and used to do this for work....send me a PM and I will be glad to talk...

Best of luck and let me know if you need anything else.

Please note...this is not a professional opinion...just a TOTVer helping when I can.

[salpal]

Thank you Cassie. Checked out this site. All of these are too far away from TV. I visit Mom EVERY day, I do not want to drive 40 miles roundtrip, seven days a week to do so.......looks like we are stuck here in northeast.

Another person suggested she get her own place and a golf cart, etc...she does not have that kind of money. Living with us is not an option, she will ruin our marriage. Although she is independent, she cannot drive a golf cart, she can barely walk a block or so.

[F16 1UB]

I mean no sarcasm, but wish I had this problem. We put everything on hold for 3 years due to family illness.

[KathieI]

Sorry, maybe I was not real clear. Mom needs Independent living, not assisted. Homewood on TV property wants $5,000 a month for assisted, Mom does not need assisted. Freedom pointe does not open till Fall 2009 and God know how expensive they will be. Please do not suggest I put her in her own villa or apartment, or live with me, none of those options will work, they have been tried in the past. I am seeking an independent living facility that does not cost $5K a month. She does not really need any assistance, I just want her to be with other people for meals, etc. Thanks so much.

The nearest place for "Independent Living" is in Sun City, Fl. which is 1 1/2 hours from The Villages. Unfortunately, I just went through this with my dad a few weeks ago, he is 92. I spent hours on end investigating all alternatives on the internet and that is the closest facility to TV. All other facilities near or in TV are for assisted living, and the $5K/mo. is the normal rate for that service. Sorry for the bad news, but you can try to investigate it yourself on the internet. Kathie I

[Cassie325]

The nearest place for "Independent Living" is in Sun City, Fl. which is 1 1/2 hours from The Villages. Unfortunately, I just went through this with my dad a few weeks ago, he is 92. I spent hours on end investigating all alternatives on the internet and that is the closest facility to TV. All other facilities near or in TV are for assisted living, and the $5K/mo. is the normal rate for that service. Sorry for the bad news, but you can try to investigate it yourself on the internet. Kathie I

Kath...actually there is a Holiday prop just in Eustis....which is only about 20 miles from town.....

Unfortunately that may be a little further than hoping for....I will check again on some other sights and see what I come up with....

there really are not a lot of Independents in the immediate area...Leesburg maybe...I will look again for others...!

Freedom point will be great...but opening too far off in the distance....

[graciegirl]

I know that this is none of my business, but Kathie has made a compromise. I know she enjoys her father and would see him every day if he were nearer. Perhaps you could make a compromise too. Than both of you would be happy. Perhaps she wants to see you every day, but sooner or later we have to deal with unpleasant realities and you both deserve to be happy. I don't think that any of us ever can expect to be perfectly happy.

I hope that you did not consider me sarcastic. I know that family relations are a mixed blessing. My own mother died when I was eight days old. I had a wonderful loving grandmother who died when I was twelve. When people live close to each other's hearts, they get on each others nerves at times. Adding not feeling well because of arthritis makes people irritable I am sure. It always looks easier from the outside looking in.

I hope you can find a solution that would work out for all of you to enjoy your senior years.

[candelandscape]

lake port square in leesburg has the indepent living area next to the assisted living and nursing home care facilitys I believe it has around 400 apartment in that section not sure the cost however

[KayakerNC]

Medicare now has a rating system for nursing homes. It's a good start in your search.

http://www.medicare.gov/NHCompare/Include/DataSection/Questions/SearchCriteriaNEW.asp?version=default&browser=Firefox|3|Windows+Vista&language=English&defaultstatus=0&pagelist=Home&CookiesEnabledStatus=True

[diskman]

Hubby and I want to move to TV but need info regarding care for senior citizens (those older than us LOL). Seriously, I need to have a place for independent living for her, that also has assisted and nursing home care as she grows older. She is still in good health. I know they are building Freedom Pointe, but have no idea when that will be done (Fall 2009?) and how much a month it will cost. I am sure I am not only person in this situation, would appreciate any advice.
get her a 75 yr old boyfriend:ohdear:

[salpal]

Thanks Diskman, are you applying for the job. You are 75, she's 86, hope you like older women.

Seriously, I do thank you for all for your replies, serious and funny. It seems that the term Independent Living is misunderstood. It means she has her own apartment, can dress, medicate and handle all personal needs, but meals are provided in a group setting. Additionally, there are social gatherings, clubs, etc.

The only facility at TV is freedom point. I received their info, you have to buy a unit, the cheapest being a 750 ft studio at $275,000 and on top of that approximately $1,300 a month. Since I am not related to Donald Trump, I nor she can afford that. Granted, you get some of the money back upon death.

Without having a crystal ball to know how long she will need Independent Living, then progress to Assisted and finally nursing home, it is ridiculous to buy something and lose most of her wealth.

The nearest real Indep. Living place is Sun City a 90 minute drive from TV. This is unacceptable to me.

So, no villages for us (frown).

[graciegirl]

You said that she doesn't get out and socialize with others when she is living alone in an apartment. My mother in law didn't either and it was hard for me, born a social creature, to understand her need for solitude. I think some people are shy and feel much more comfortable outside of groups.

I don't know if we can change someone who is 86 years old or if we should try.

If she had a Villa here or a small modular home on the historic side and she could take care of herself and you could visit her, at least all of you would have their needs fulfilled.

I am sure I do not understand the problem, so forgive me for simplifying it. It used to be that social scientists believed we could and should modify behaviors, but now it is believed that certain personality traits are inborn and some like shyness can't really be changed much.

[gowens1]

Its not easy. My mother is also 85 and lives in her own home, my father is 89 and is in a locked down ward in a nursing home. We live 65 miles from the Villages and reasonable accommodations are almost impossible to find here.
Every time we have taken my mother to the Villages she says she doesn't like it there, so It looks like I won't be moving any time soon, and yes a 75 year old boyfriend would help, but the only person that could put up with her is my father.

gary
Deltona, FL

[ConeyIsBabe]

"If she had a Villa here or a small modular home on the historic side and she could take care of herself and you could visit her, at least all of you would have their needs fulfilled."


As graciegirl wrote, I agree that this seems like a logical and possible solution. Since you visit your mom every day anyway, you could bring her a substantial meal (along with sandwich, salads, etc) and if she lives within a block or two to a rec center/pool she would have the opportunity to socialize (if she chooses to do so).

P.S. I had a similar situation with my mother when I lived in C/Gables and she lived in Miami Beach in a small studio apt. I would do all her grocery shopping as she was very reclusive. She did manage to make her own simple meals, though, and I visited several times a week.

[diskman]

Thanks Diskman, are you applying for the job. You are 75, she's 86, hope you like older women.

Seriously, I do thank you for all for your replies, serious and funny. It seems that the term Independent Living is misunderstood. It means she has her own apartment, can dress, medicate and handle all personal needs, but meals are provided in a group setting. Additionally, there are social gatherings, clubs, etc.

The only facility at TV is freedom point. I received their info, you have to buy a unit, the cheapest being a 750 ft studio at $275,000 and on top of that approximately $1,300 a month. Since I am not related to Donald Trump, I nor she can afford that. Granted, you get some of the money back upon death.

Without having a crystal ball to know how long she will need Independent Living, then progress to Assisted and finally nursing home, it is ridiculous to buy something and lose most of her wealth.

The nearest real Indep. Living place is Sun City a 90 minute drive from TV. This is unacceptable to me.

So, no villages for us (frown).

NO was just in a humerous mood (happily married)