Log in

View Full Version : Random Thoughts on Old Age


chuck90199
03-27-2016, 09:17 AM
The biggest lie I tell myself is��I don�t need to write that down, I�ll remember it.�

Wouldn�t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven�t had a meeting yet!

I don�t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don�t need anger management. I need people to stop ****ing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don�t have grey hair. I have �wisdom highlights.� Apparently I�m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would�ve put them on my knees.

The kids text me �plz� which is shorter than please. I text back �no� which is shorter than �yes�.

I�m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I�ll do that second week.

Even duct tape can�t fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you�re just gonna transfer me to someone I can�t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age �getting lucky� means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

My people skills are just fine. It�s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

And, of course� Have I posted this already?

kcrazorbackfan
03-27-2016, 09:19 AM
The biggest lie I tell myself is��I don�t need to write that down, I�ll remember it.�

Wouldn�t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven�t had a meeting yet!

I don�t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don�t need anger management. I need people to stop ****ing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don�t have grey hair. I have �wisdom highlights.� Apparently I�m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would�ve put them on my knees.

The kids text me �plz� which is shorter than please. I text back �no� which is shorter than �yes�.

I�m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I�ll do that second week.

Even duct tape can�t fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you�re just gonna transfer me to someone I can�t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age �getting lucky� means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

My people skills are just fine. It�s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

And, of course� Have I posted this already?

:BigApplause::BigApplause:

2BNTV
03-27-2016, 12:20 PM
Loved this one!

Even duct tape can�t fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!

billethkid
03-27-2016, 01:21 PM
The biggest lie I tell myself is��I don�t need to write that down, I�ll remember it.�

Wouldn�t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven�t had a meeting yet!

I don�t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don�t need anger management. I need people to stop ****ing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don�t have grey hair. I have �wisdom highlights.� Apparently I�m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would�ve put them on my knees.

The kids text me �plz� which is shorter than please. I text back �no� which is shorter than �yes�.

I�m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I�ll do that second week.

Even duct tape can�t fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you�re just gonna transfer me to someone I can�t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age �getting lucky� means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

My people skills are just fine. It�s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

And, of course� Have I posted this already?

And the winner is (see highlight above).

Great list and oh how so true!!!

Cedwards38
03-28-2016, 07:08 AM
Great list! I'd add:

The mind says yes. The body says no, and I'll make you pay dearly, physically and mentally, if you try!