Enough!

[tony]

Dear members,

This is essentially what I sent today to one of our members.

I removed your post . . . . It was clearly a criticism of a first-time poster, and was extremely unfriendly.

Quite candidly I have reached the end of my patience with members viciously criticizing other members. It will stop.

Discussing and arguing is expected and is what makes a forum work. Rebukes of posters could make this forum quite unfriendly for new, and existing, posters.

You are quite often guilty of this type of behavior. Please stop it immediately.

Obviously this particular rebuke is deserved to be made of only a comparatively few of the thousands of posts here.

Who am I to judge? I am an administrator and owner and I want this forum to be a place people feel welcome.

Those who conduct themselves this way can expect warnings and possible banning. Their meanness has to stop. Where is their gentility and civility?

The preponderance of posts here are fine and normal discussion and argument, but we all recognize those few that continually attempt to verbally batter others. We will be dealing with their authors decisively.

We will not tolerate mocking and denigrating this forum and our conduct of it. Nor will we tolerate attempts to ruin the reputation of Talk Of The Villages.

Enough is enough.

[rekop]

Thanks Tony. Posters do occasionally get out of hand. Its nice to know someone is keeping an eye on things and keeping the forums a place where people can post without being called names, experiencing excessive meanness, etc.

[KathieI]

Whew!! Good job. Maybe now I won't be afraid to post anymore. It had to happen, getting so out of control!!

Let's all have a Happy and Healthy and Peaceful New Year!!!

[Best Mom]

Tony,
I have never experienced meaness to me in my life(even when very ill) until TOTV. Some just don't get it. They think they own the board!!
Good news Tony is most people agree with you. There is a hugh silent majority. People have left the board or are afraid to post.
So bless you Tony. Carry out your rules. This should be a friendly place as the silent majority are the nicest people in the world.
Good luck and thanks for all you do.

[Boomer]

Whew!! Good job. Maybe now I won't be afraid to post anymore. It had to happen, getting so out of control!!

Let's all have a Happy and Healthy and Peaceful New Year!!!


I am on Kathie's team. OK.

The tone of the board takes such a bad turn when people try to make themselves feel better by making others feel worse. Not my style. Boomer even considered leaving a couple of times. I cannot stand it when someone attempts to embarrass or belittle someone else. Or to have the last word for the sake of some deep rooted need to have the last word.

And having seen these things, I have wondered, "Uh oh, this nasty streak that can show up here from time to time -- it comes after others. When will it come after me?"

It has never come after me -- yet (I don't count political) but even so, I cannot stand to see it come after others, and in some cases, not only embarrassing someone but maybe even truly hurting that person. That just ain't right. And I could not be a part of something where that is allowed to go on.

But mostly, I like it here and I want to stay around. Where else could I write those lame little vignettes and an entire dissertation about farts. I have been around for too long I think sometimes. But I really like it when it's got its groove. Political and all.

So, KNOCK IT OFF!

Uh oh, now it will come after me.....

Boomer

[KayakerNC]

Tony,
Thanks for keeping the lid on.:agree:
I'm reminded of the 50's song, Charlie Brown, by the Coasters.
"Why is everybody always picking on me?"
Having said that; rock-throwing, never nice, is best left to the political forums.

[ConeyIsBabe]

YOU ARE MY HERO !

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/rosarobin/ONEROSE.gif

[Russ_Boston]

Darn - did i miss another interesting thread? I hate when that happens.

[njgranny]

I never seem to see any of the stuff that goes on here. It must be a matter of wrong place, wrong time. :-)

[Dutchman]

EXCELLENT Tony! I have garnered so much great information from this site. There are some posts I choose to ignore but overall the give & take on the many subjects provides valuable insight not only of the Villages as a community but also the residents or those hoping to be residents some day. Keep up the good work for that fabulous salary you get!

[The Great Fumar]

Would have loved to have seen it , knowiing that Tony is a cool and calm guy, It must have been a beaut,,,,,,,

Nobody tells me anything... Fumar ........:shrug:

[ouma1938]

Thank you Tony, as a rather desperate wannabee, TOTV is my lifeline to a community that I hope to be a part of someday -- soon! I love the information and friendship on this site, and do enjoy the heated and generally civil political discussion. Its wonderful to know that the content is monitered to ensure that there are no cruel and belitteling attacks made on the membership.

[dfn8tly]

Thanks, Tony;

I think sometimes people post negative or hurtful messages inadvertently. We are generally a verbal society and often forget that in a written environment our vocal inflections cannot be heard. Unfortunately, the words stand on their own without the help of a smile, wink or chuckle to guide the reader.

I know I can be guilty of being so eager to express myself that the tone of my message is occasionally misinterpreted. Re-reading our posts from another perspective before we push that "post" button can save a lot of embarrassment and hurt.

A happy and thoughtful New Year to everyone.

[Pocadot55]

Bravo!!!!

[TV MAN]

From one Tony to another it is great that you are able to keep on top of issues like this. All to often people forget that they should read what they put down before they just do it.

Forums are a great place for many people to trade information, vent frustrations from time to time, but it should never be used as a platform for downright hostility against other members or others out side of the forums for that matter.

There was recently another forum dealing with technical information on home theater things and alike who recently had to shut down a forum board on a discussion of Blu-Ray disc vs HD video disc that got so heated & out of had that actual threats we made against posters & admn's alike, threatening to take them to court bla,bla,bla.

I would hope that that type of activity would never be found on this forum, but it thanks to people like yourself that help to keep things in check.

To you and all the other admns in this forum keep up the good work in keeping things even keeled.

[Talk Host]

Sadly, there are at least two, maybe as many as 5 members on this board who are actively engaging in keeping things stirred up. They have made it clear that they don't like the administrators, or our guidelines. They are very close to being banned. We are hoping, instead that they just go away. How sad is that? This is suppose to be a place where people can discuss issues, identify and help solve problems, exchange greetings, make friends and improve our community. Instead, to a small group, it has become a place to deliberately offend others. As Tony has so eloquently written, the administrators won't allow it. Not only do we have a great deal of time and money invested in this forum, we have nearly 7,000 members who use it for what it is intended.

[ijusluvit]

Hey Tony,

Here's a thought. May I respectfully suggest our "home page" is not that attractive. What hits you primarily when you open TOTV is the two primary ads. I think the ads should be reserved for the left and right sidebar and the primary visual should be the TOTV logo with photo graphics, instead of lines and boxes. And a couple of bullets with the "golden rules" of posting. Nothing too wordy, but much more prominent than the stickys you have to open to see. We are all relatively new to communicating in cyberspace and its easy to forget we need to act like we're face to face. The word "civility" and perhaps a few others need to strike the eye/brain the moment we click on TOTV.

If you think this is a worthwhile idea, why not ask for design input? Maybe give us a template and run a contest for a new TOTV homepage?

This is at the end a a long thread. I hope you see it.

[Whalen]

Thanks, Tony;

I think sometimes people post negative or hurtful messages inadvertently. We are generally a verbal society and often forget that in a written environment our vocal inflections cannot be heard. Unfortunately, the words stand on their own without the help of a smile, wink or chuckle to guide the reader.

I know I can be guilty of being so eager to express myself that the tone of my message is occasionally misinterpreted. Re-reading our posts from another perspective before we push that "post" button can save a lot of embarrassment and hurt.

A happy and thoughtful New Year to everyone.

Well Said.
I learned at an early age to never put anything in writing that you wouldn't say in person.
So much can get lost in translation.

Happy , Heathly and Friendly New Year to All!

[CAL]

Thank You!, Thank You!, Thank You!
Such attacks made me quit TOTV once before and forcing me to come back with a new user ID. Glad to see some action is being taken. Perhaps I will start more posting again.

[Matthew]

Thank You!, Thank You!, Thank You!
Such attacks made me quit TOTV once before and forcing me to come back with a new user ID. Glad to see some action is being taken. Perhaps I will start more posting again.

Cal's words could be mine.

Thanks again.

[golfnut]

People who don't follow the rules should be given one warning and if they break the rules again they should be banned, period....GN

[abracadabra]

Thank you, Tony. I stopped being a daily "visitor" to TOTV and stopped posting because of exactly what you mentioned. I've been a member since 2006 and got many of my friends and neighbors to join. I stopped promoting TOTV when the "voice" changed. I certainly will give TOTV another chance in hopes that you, the administrators, can revive the wonderful service you have provided us. I would miss this website.

[TVdaughter]

Thank you for posting this, Tony! I think a lot of people appreciate your fairness and help on TOTV.

-TVdaughter

[ewstanley]

Thanks!
I haven't posted in over a year (I think).
I thought that perhaps I was the only one who didn't appreciate the controversy and negativity.

[tkret]

If this isn't our own local version of the "Silent Majority" running for cover because of a few, a small few, provocateurs, I don't know what would be a better example. It appears that some former members are returning and feel comfortable enough that they can participate without fear of mockery or unpleasantries. Welcome back.

[Frank7]

Just joined today and it is nice to see that the administrator is alive and aware of of the people out there who are just crule and live to bash.
Good work.

[Boomer]

This thread has been interesting.

And I think we are getting our groove back.

Like the way we were about a year ago.

Only bigger.

Lots bigger.

Way bigger.

And I am glad.

Here's to bigger......and better. :beer3:

Boomer

[Cassie325]

If this isn't our own local version of the "Silent Majority" running for cover because of a few, a small few, provocateurs, I don't know what would be a better example. It appears that some former members are returning and feel comfortable enough that they can participate without fear of mockery or unpleasantries. Welcome back.


Well said T!!! As always....well said!

[ouma1938]

:agree::agree: [. . . ] Vigorous discussions and exchanges of ideas are always good -- nastiness is not. It can be very intimidating and has no place in a forum that has become home to so many intelligent, caring, and funny people. I am grateful that Tony and the administrators take notice of verbal bullies and call them on their behaviour. It makes "Our TOTV" a pleasure to have as part of my life. And my growing group of friends a joy.

[Cassie325]

The Enough! thread is not about a healthy exchange of ideas. Its about name calling and bashing.

I think it is both....intertwined with each other...name calling and bashing is just not needed....I know I have been on both sides of this fence and felt horrible on both sides as well...and VERY sorry!

It is nice to see that the name calling and bashing has ceased. It is also nice to see so many new names on here, as well as some names that we haven't seen in a while.

We all have differences in opinion....it is healthy to share them....not so healthy to degrade someone for having a differing opinion.

This world would be very boring if we were all the SAME!!!

So let's continue sharing our opinions....we can only learn from each other!

[Jerseygirl08]

Golfnut and Tkret, you said it all for me. I too have disappeared from the board because of the mean spirited nature of a handful of posters. There's too much strife in daily life to have this board turn to even more strife. Let's all do what President O asked us to do - maybe we can do our part by taking personal responsibility right here on this board. Here's to showing kindness to our neighbor.

Thanks Tony (all Admins) for finally putting an end to this cyber bullying.

[tony]

JerseyGirl,

We're trying, and we hope you stick around a while and find the tone to your liking. If you don't, please let us know.

[Mintjulep]

I too disappeared for awhile, as reading some of the forums was just not enjoyable to me anymore...
I'm looking forward to being back and reading again...
And maybe occasionally posting...
Thanks...

[FITZIE]

Good for you Tony!! I totally agree with your post about people who are mean and unkind. There is no need for that!! Have a good day. :agree: Fitzie

[duralee]

This scares me. I'm just starting to look to retire in Florida and you are saying people can't speek there mind? What is TV? Move here and forget your constitutional rights? We or at least me are having serious questions.

[downeaster]

Of course you can speak your mind, duralee. We all can and do but we try to keep it civil. Just browse through the threads and posts here and you will see we are pretty outspoken at times. What you won't see are mean, profane, insulting, abrasive, abusive, etc. posts. They have been removed by the Administrators.

I see you have just joined here. Welcome! Let's hear more from you and by all means, speak your mind. The Villages promotes itself as "The Friendliest Town in Florida". I can't attest to its truth but I can say TOTV is the friendliest forum I have ever known.

[handieman]

This scares me. I'm just starting to look to retire in Florida and you are saying people can't speek there mind? What is TV? Move here and forget your constitutional rights? We or at least me are having serious questions.

Rolls his eyes and mumbles...........oh never mind
:ohdear:
Handie

[katezbox]

This scares me. I'm just starting to look to retire in Florida and you are saying people can't speek there mind? What is TV? Move here and forget your constitutional rights? We or at least me are having serious questions.

Hi Duralee,

Downeaster (as usual) makes some good points. :agree:We have differences of opinion - but we should voice them respectfully. This forum is a great place to learn. However, many folks won't post questions if they feel they will be subject to ridicule.

This is the USA and we all have free speech as both a right and a privilege - but that doesn't give anyone the right to yell "FIRE" in a crowded theater.

So submit your questions, voice your feelings - even use this guy to indicate how you feel:cus:

k

[JimJoe]

IMHO we should all be able to comment on the issues without being personally attacked. If you disagree with me, say so and explain why. Do not call me names or attack my intelligence or my motives...
But I too fear that the line can get crossed and dissent gets censored. The PROBLEM is if the admin censors anything, do we never get to know what we didn't get to read? What about posting the message and posting xxxx for ONLY the words that are censored? It would be very interesting to know who and what has gotten the xxxxx. We could learn more about the poster and about the admin.

[JimJoe]

IMHO we should all be able to comment on the issues without being personally attacked. If you disagree with me, say so and explain why. Do not call me names or attack my intelligence or my motives...
But I too fear that the line can get crossed and dissent gets censored. The PROBLEM is if the admin censors anything, do we never get to know what we didn't get to read? What about posting the message and posting xxxx for ONLY the words that are censored? It would be very interesting to know who and what has gotten the xxxxx. We could learn more about the poster and about the admin.

For example:
IMHO we should all be able to comment on the issues without being personally attacked. If you disagree with xxx, say so and explain why. Do not call me xxxx or attack my xxxxxx or my xxxxxx...
But I too fear that the line can get crossed and dissent gets xxxxxxx. The PROBLEM is if the xxxxxx censors anything, do we never get to know what we xxxx get to read? What about posting the message and posting xxxx for ONLY the words that are xxxxxxx? It would be very interesting to know xxx and what has gotten the xxxxx. We could learn more about the xxxxxx and about the xxxxxx.

Who wants to know what we are not seeing?
If you don't want to know, why not?
I was personally attacked on this forum awhile back.. and my response was please don't attack me personally, tell me why you disagree with me. He who throws mud loses ground.

[Bryan]

:agree: with Handieman except that maybe I :cus: and roll my eyes a little more than him over this. :undecided:

[Talk Host]

As Tony pointed out earlier, personal attacks and name calling will not be allowed on Talk of The Villages. There are other forums available in the villages where that type of activity is allowed and encouraged. When you post here, please refrain from it.

[CJ]

I have been away from my computer for 2 months as we were in our new home ordering furniture, ect. and haven't been on the wonderful talk site.

Before we came down, we always looked and asked advice on business'
that are reliable. Now, we have experiences to share (esp. with newcomers as ourselves) and want to post. However, not having seen whatever this situation (posting problems from some source), I am hesitant. Can you share good and not so good experiences with a business that may be important?

I agree, nastiness is not necessary...it is not to be tolerated. I just wanted to share our personal pro's and con's as we have seen in the past.
Please advise and I don't want to get in a bucket of bugs.

[tony]

Yep, we have a place for the posts about your experiences.

Look for the Contractors and Services section of the forum on the main index page. Start a topic and post.

And we hope you enjoy your new place.

Click on the following link

Contractors and Services (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=91)

[mzmom3]

Thank you, Tony, for watching out for this wonderful place. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are thinking positive as am I and wish you well and thank you for keeping it a forum we want to visit.

[carm310]

:coolsmiley:
Tony,
Wow, having just joined minutes ago I am happy to see that this is a place where people are welcomed and respected.
I am excited about getting to know much more about our "home". We have a new home in Hemmingway (October 2008) and can't be permanent residents quite yet but we are looking for ways to connect. I came across Talk of the Villages purely by accident!
Carm

[chuckinca]

Welcome to TOTV!

Check out the Chicago Natives Social Group (click Social Groups in Site Navigation - upper left of the screen)


.

[eweissenbach]

I have been on message boards that have been completely ruined by contentious and mean-spirited people. Getting rid of them quickly keeps the board a welcoming place for the rest of us.

[jdsl1998]

Thanks for keeping us away from "the dark side". We know it's out there, but I log on here for information & friendship. Sometimes we have to say the worst about a contractor but it can still be done in a way that is as if it's your husbands brother that you're talking about. I also needed some direction in the beginning as to where to place postings and you helped and explained. Keep up the good work.

[Pturner]

...But I too fear that the line can get crossed and dissent gets censored. The PROBLEM is if the admin censors anything, do we never get to know what we didn't get to read? What about posting the message and posting xxxx for ONLY the words that are censored? It would be very interesting to know who and what has gotten the xxxxx. We could learn more about the poster and about the admin.

Hi Jim, I fully confess to being curious about the comments that were struck. I agree that there is a fine line between enforcing civility and censorship. Problem is, if Admin didn't enforce any civility, we still would "never get to know what we didn't get to read." We have been missing the viewpoints of those former TOTV participants who quit posting because of personal attacks.

Despite my keen curiosity about the banned content, I think the Admin is doing an admirable job of walking the fine line. I base this judgment on the spirited discussions and disagreements that do get posted. That tells me that vigorous dissent is welcome; vulgarity is not.

Thanks Admin. :clap2:

[jebartle]

Atta boy, Atta boy!

[BethS]

Thank you so much!:coolsmiley:

[taylor111947]

Too bad you can't identify the obnoxious poster - I want to make sure I don't move in next door to him/her when I get to TV.