advice needed

[LuckySevens]

After visiting out of state and discovering how bad my sibling's dementia has gotten, I have found myself in charge of her finances. This is not something I want to do, but need to do for her, so I accept it. I am struggling with making decisions on how to handle her banking issues (she lives out of state). Does anyone know of an agency (hopefully no charge) that can help direct a person in this type of decision making? I would appreciate any and all information. Thanks in advance.

[l2ridehd]

Probably need more information.

What kind of banking decisions? If it's just doing her bank transactions for her, you should be able to do everything online. Pay bills, transfer funds, manage bank credit cards, etc. If you asking about investing decisions, again most can be done online now, but are dependent on the investment company and vehicles you would be using.

Most everything can be done online today so you should be able to do this for her even if she resides in a different state.

[Bogie Shooter]

You might consider an Elder Care attorney.

[Chi33]

Consider Elder care. Villages and apartments for that.

[Boomer]

After visiting out of state and discovering how bad my sibling's dementia has gotten, I have found myself in charge of her finances. This is not something I want to do, but need to do for her, so I accept it. I am struggling with making decisions on how to handle her banking issues (she lives out of state). Does anyone know of an agency (hopefully no charge) that can help direct a person in this type of decision making? I would appreciate any and all information. Thanks in advance.


The CFPB (Consumer Financial Protection Bureau) has published 4 guides under the topic Managing Someone Else's Money. You might want to start by reading the one titled "Help For Agents Under A Power of Attorney."

As someone in a fiduciary position, it would be wise to have legal advice. But for now, I hope this link can help you to get started. You can download the entire publication or order a printed copy. If you scroll down, you will find a list of various links under the general topic. (The one about the Power of Attorney is the first one on the list of descriptions.) The publication is clearly written.

Managing Someone Else’s Money | Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (https://www.consumerfinance.gov/educational-resources/resources-for-older-adults/managing-someone-elses-money/)

[LuckySevens]

Probably need more information.

What kind of banking decisions? If it's just doing her bank transactions for her, you should be able to do everything online. Pay bills, transfer funds, manage bank credit cards, etc. If you asking about investing decisions, again most can be done online now, but are dependent on the investment company and vehicles you would be using.

Most everything can be done online today so you should be able to do this for her even if she resides in a different state.

She has literally no assets, just her monthly SS check. No investments involved. I assume an Elder Care Atty would be expensive, and she cannot afford that.
She is in another state and I will pay her bills from FL. Main decision for me is to decide if I should deposit an 'allowance' (for personal items) into an out of state acct. Problem is she doesn't keep track of what she spends, and I don't want her to overdraw. She has dementia (getting worse) but is physically o.k. I wish there was some sort of easy 'refillable' card to get for her. Just trying to take care of her the best I can.

[LuckySevens]

Probably need more information.

What kind of banking decisions? If it's just doing her bank transactions for her, you should be able to do everything online. Pay bills, transfer funds, manage bank credit cards, etc. If you asking about investing decisions, again most can be done online now, but are dependent on the investment company and vehicles you would be using.

Most everything can be done online today so you should be able to do this for her even if she resides in a different state.

The CFPB (Consumer Financial Protection Bureau) has published 4 guides under the topic Managing Someone Else's Money. You might want to start by reading the one titled "Help For Agents Under A Power of Attorney."

As someone in a fiduciary position, it would be wise to have legal advice. But for now, I hope this link can help you to get started. You can download the entire publication or order a printed copy. If you scroll down, you will find a list of various links under the general topic. (The one about the Power of Attorney is the first one on the list of descriptions.) The publication is clearly written.

Managing Someone Else’s Money | Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (https://www.consumerfinance.gov/educational-resources/resources-for-older-adults/managing-someone-elses-money/)

Thank you very much. Will check this out. I do already have POA.

[Nucky]

After visiting out of state and discovering how bad my sibling's dementia has gotten, I have found myself in charge of her finances. This is not something I want to do, but need to do for her, so I accept it. I am struggling with making decisions on how to handle her banking issues (she lives out of state). Does anyone know of an agency (hopefully no charge) that can help direct a person in this type of decision making? I would appreciate any and all information. Thanks in advance.

I want to help you so the first thing I would do is make it your legal responsibility in writing so you will face no problem from others after you help your sibling. I know you have the best of intentions buy money makes other people in the family crazy after the money is gone. Do the rite thing in the correct order and things should run smoothly. I had to hire a forensic accountant to prove I was a trustworthy person. About 12K down the drain. I kept fantastic records. I turned out fine but ruined several family relationships because of a few dollars.

[Kirsten Lee]

You could open two accounts. One in both of your names in which her ss funds would be deposited. Have an automatic transfer set up to an account in your name only on the same day the ss deposit is made. (Ask the bank the order of deposits and auto transfers.) You could auto transfer the majority of the funds and on a weekly basis you can online transfer money back to the joint account. Your sister can have a debit card to access the funds. You would be putting funds into the account and making her debit card "fillable." You can also set up automatic payments on the account in your name to make payments or use the banks bill pay system. Find a larger bank with branches in both The Villages and your sisters hometown just in case you ever need to add funds in The Villages for your sister.

[JoelJohnson]

I went through this with my mother.

Is she living by herself? If she is how do you know she won't wander off or leave the stove on?

You are going to have a very difficult job trying to manage her finances from here in FL.

Use Eldercare, I used them up in MASS. They were a BIG help in explaining what she was going though and what to expect.

Good luck.

[villagetinker]

She has literally no assets, just her monthly SS check. No investments involved. I assume an Elder Care Atty would be expensive, and she cannot afford that.
She is in another state and I will pay her bills from FL. Main decision for me is to decide if I should deposit an 'allowance' (for personal items) into an out of state acct. Problem is she doesn't keep track of what she spends, and I don't want her to overdraw. She has dementia (getting worse) but is physically o.k. I wish there was some sort of easy 'refillable' card to get for her. Just trying to take care of her the best I can.

I went through this with my mother, she eventually had to go into assisted living. IMHO, you may want to look into this option now, so you have ideas of cost, and aid that might be available, etc. In my mothers case, she had to go into the home directly from a hospital stay, I literally had 1-2 days to set this up. I got lucky with the home that we picked.
Also, while she was at the home, I was able to setup an arrangement that she could purchase small items and these would be added on to the monthly bill that I was paying (out of her account, with a POA).

If your mother can handle a debit card, you can set that up to notify you of every purchase by email, and then transfer funds as necessary. This also has the advantage that the purchase will be denied if she tries to overdraw the funds.

Now a really big word of caution. make sure the joint account is setup correctly, ours was NOT, and when my mother passed away, the remaining funds ended up in her 'estate', and it cost over $2000 in lawyers fees, almost 1 year to settle a $15,000 estate. If the account had been setup correctly, this would have been completely avoided.
Hope this helps, send me a PM if you would like to discuss over the phone.

[autumnspring]

She has literally no assets, just her monthly SS check. No investments involved. I assume an Elder Care Atty would be expensive, and she cannot afford that.
She is in another state and I will pay her bills from FL. Main decision for me is to decide if I should deposit an 'allowance' (for personal items) into an out of state acct. Problem is she doesn't keep track of what she spends, and I don't want her to overdraw. She has dementia (getting worse) but is physically o.k. I wish there was some sort of easy 'refillable' card to get for her. Just trying to take care of her the best I can.

As to overdraft. I wonder if you could change a credit card into a debit card with no overdraft.

I'm sure you are not the only one with this problem. Perhaps, you could go to your bank and ask for advice.

You do not say it BUT, your issue is with your heart and soul. You probably need help from a human as opposed to a computer. WHERE-sorry I don't know but, you church, temple, bank should be able to direct you.

[gailarlene]

Try RSVP, the Retired and Senior Volunteer Program, and ask for their Money Management program. This is volunteer work and is free to the user.

One idea I have is that the volunteer on her end could withdraw a set amount from her bank account (or cash a check you send) and give her a cash allowance each month. Your mother would then be on a cash-only basis (no credit or debit cards) and when she runs out of cash, she has to wait for the next month for more.

Good luck!