Husband with Alzheimer - combative

[Boudicca]

My friend Maureen’s Husband is temporarily being cared for in hospital as he had an internal infection. However his Alzheimer’s has begun to make him combative. He cannot stay in hospital. Due to this, my friend Maureen (quite senior and frail) has been unable to find a facility willing to take her husband.
I’d appreciate any information you are willing to share, a facility known to take such patients, or a live in, or daily type care giver / aide? I’ll pass the information along. Alzheimer’s is such a cruel and devastating disease.
Thank you, Sandra

[autumnspring]

My friend Maureen’s Husband is temporarily being cared for in hospital as he had an internal infection. However his Alzheimer’s has begun to make him combative. He cannot stay in hospital. Due to this, my friend Maureen (quite senior and frail) has been unable to find a facility willing to take her husband.
I’d appreciate any information you are willing to share, a facility known to take such patients, or a live in, or daily type care giver / aide? I’ll pass the information along. Alzheimer’s is such a cruel and devastating disease.
Thank you, Sandra

Your neighbor is lucky to have you with the heart to help.
From your post, you do not have any power to make any decisions. If, it were me, I would ask if there is any family and then try contacting them
Sadly, we went through this with my grandmother. My mother refused to put her into a home so she lived with us for several years before my mother finally resorted to putting her in a home. The strain on mother drove her into a breakdown. FAMILY? I remember my aunt bitching that my mother fixed up a room in her home for my grandmother at my grandmother's expense. We lost the great room where we used to have our ping pong table, dart board, TV etc. My sisters High School graduation. I still remember my mother crying on the phone to get either her brother or her sister to stay with THEIR MOTHER for a few hours so she could go to my sister's graduation. In the end, both were their to grab whatever was left from the estate when
my grandmother passed.

Your neighbor is not the first. I would call the hospital or perhaps better stop over. The hospital surely has a sociologist perhaps the title is patient advocate who can help you and your neighbor. You might also talk to an atty.
I DON'T KNOW BUTI'm no certain your neighbor has to pick him up from the hospital. That action, crude as it is, will force the hospital to help.

[fw102807]

Sadly the best place for an Alzheimers patient is in a memory care unit. We went though it with my husband's mother. He was very devoted to her and wanted her to live with us and take care of her.The first time she walked out the door in the middle of winter with only her sweater on he knew this was not going to be possible. Not only do they wander but they also do things like turn on the stove and walk away. Unless you can watch them 24 hours a day they are a hazard to themselves and everyone else. They are also far more combative with family. Memory care nurses are trained to deal with them and once they get settled in they are very happy there because of the structure of daily life. They become very disoriented with any small change in their routine. It is very difficult to place a loved one into a facility, especially in the beginning before they adjust to it and curse at you, but in time they are most safe and happy there.

[vintageogauge]

My father, his mother, two uncles, two brothers, and sister were all in institutions due to Alzheimer's. My father and uncle were extremely combative to the point of threatening to kill people. It took a very long time before my mother would agree that he had to go to a memory facility. After being admitted they had no problem with him, I'm sure he was somewhat drugged to settle him down at first but after a few months he called it his home. The professionals are trained to handle combative patients, we may not like what they do to calm them but something has to be done for safety reasons. It will be much easier on your friend to visit her husband as often as she wants rather than take a chance of being hurt or worse at home.

[Boudicca]

Yes Other daughter, the UTI is what landed Maureens husband in hospital. That’s when his aggressiveness ramped up, perhaps due to pain. As you said a nursing home might be the solution although this couple don’t have $$$

[Villageswimmer]

Is this gentleman a veteran? If he is, please PM me and I can share a personal experience with you about a similar situation in my family. So sorry they are dealing with this.

[texasfal]

Call the Millhorn law firm. They have a Medicaid Planning department and may be able to help. I used to work there and we helped many people.

[EPutnam1863]

Your neighbor is not the first. I would call the hospital or perhaps better stop over. The hospital surely has a sociologist perhaps the title is patient advocate who can help you and your neighbor. You might also talk to an atty.
I DON'T KNOW BUTI'm no certain your neighbor has to pick him up from the hospital. That action, crude as it is, will force the hospital to help.

The hospital social worker's primary job is to make sure the patient will be going home or someplace where he will continue to get care. So he will be the best resource as long as the patient is still in the hospital.

[EPutnam1863]

Sadly the best place for an Alzheimers patient is in a memory care unit. We went though it with my husband's mother. He was very devoted to her and wanted her to live with us and take care of her.The first time she walked out the door in the middle of winter with only her sweater on he knew this was not going to be possible. Not only do they wander but they also do things like turn on the stove and walk away. Unless you can watch them 24 hours a day they are a hazard to themselves and everyone else. They are also far more combative with family. Memory care nurses are trained to deal with them and once they get settled in they are very happy there because of the structure of daily life. They become very disoriented with any small change in their routine. It is very difficult to place a loved one into a facility, especially in the beginning before they adjust to it and curse at you, but in time they are most safe and happy there.

Agreed as long as someone pays for it. A welfare patient may end up in a facility where the bedrooms may have several beds. I had a friend who had to share his room with nine other patients. Of course since he was so out of it, it did not make any difference to him.

I blame the doctors and the families for pumping them full of meds to keep them alive only to get worse in their quality of lives.

[Boudicca]

Thank you all for so generously sharing your own experiences and for offering excellent advice. Utilizing your advice Maureen has found a small private facility willing to take her husband. He’d spent two weeks restrained in a local hospital bed.His VA benefits will certainly help with the cost incurred to keep him and others, safe.
Thank you all - TOTV, and kind hearted members to the rescue

[BoatRatKat]

My father-in-law became very combative while in the hospital and the hospital hired a 24/7 aide to stay with him at no extra charge. This wasn't in the Villages but I don't think a hospital can throw him out if he's ill. UTIs can cause delirium in the elderly which may be a part of the problem. As another poster mentioned, have the wife talk to the hospital social worker to help with the situation...that's what they're there for. Best wishes.

[fw102807]

Thank you all for so generously sharing your own experiences and for offering excellent advice. Utizing your advice Maureen has found a small private facility willing to take her husband. He’d spent two weeks restrained in a local hospital bed bed. His VA benefits will certainly help with the cost incurred to keep him and others, safe.
Thank you all - TOTV, and kind hearted members to the rescue

So glad to hear that things worked out.