I need some honest input .....

[Madelaine Amee]

This is not really the forum I would like to use, but I have no other, so here goes:

My husband who is very active physically has no interest in eating a real supper. He likes fruit and cereal for breakfast and a sandwich and fruit lunch, but his taste for dinner has changed completely over the past six months and it is worrying me. Tonight I made Shrimp Pasta, he picked at it. He did eat a small salad and he will have some ice cream later, but evening meal times are turning into a nightmare. His doctor sees no problem with his weight and no problem with him not eating a big evening meal.

What do you think ................

[pbkmaine]

I think this is a natural progression for many people. I don’t like a large evening meal myself anymore.

[VApeople]

I don't see the problem. His diet is better than mine and you say he is active and in good health.

evening meal times are turning into a nightmare.

Why are you turning the meals into a nightmare? Are you not willing to let him make his own decisions about what he eats?

[Madelaine Amee]

I think this is a natural progression for many people. I don’t like a large evening meal myself anymore.

So what do you like to eat in the evening? I am at a loss, plus I can always eat which makes it worse.

[dewilson58]

Two things really change as we age.......Metabolism & taste buds.

Our sense of smell and taste change as you age. Between the ages of 40 and 50, the number of taste buds decreases, and the rest begin to shrink, losing mass vital to their operation. After age 60, you may begin to lose the ability to distinguish the taste of sweet, salty, sour, and bitter foods.

Nothing new here............just happens a lot.

[Madelaine Amee]

I don't see the problem. His diet is better than mine and you say he is active and in good health.



Why are you turning the meals into a nightmare? Are you not willing to let him make his own decisions about what he eats?

I would LOVE to let him make his own decisions, but every single day he asks me "so what gourmet delight are we having tonight". To me, that does not sound like he is making his own decision! He is expecting me to conjure up something incredible in the kitchen and put it before him, which I try to do, and then he tells me he is not hungry.

[VApeople]

So what do you like to eat in the evening? I am at a loss, plus I can always eat which makes it worse.

Fix food that you want to eat and let the man fix food that he wants to eat. We men like to make our own decisions.

[Madelaine Amee]

Two things really change as we age.......Metabolism & taste buds.

Our sense of smell and taste change as you age. Between the ages of 40 and 50, the number of taste buds decreases, and the rest begin to shrink, losing mass vital to their operation. After age 60, you may begin to lose the ability to distinguish the taste of sweet, salty, sour, and bitter foods.

Nothing new here............just happens a lot.

Thanks .......... he has, indeed, lost his sense of smell and taste. He really does like sweet foods. Loves scones with loads of butter.

[Madelaine Amee]

Fix food that you want to eat and let the man fix food that he wants to eat. We men like to make our own decisions.

I wish he would, but he does not know where the kitchen is, or the dish washer, or the laundry!!!! Spoiled brat man. His Mother spoiled him and now I have continued the practice.

[fw102807]

Honestly I force myself to eat dinner for my husband because I would rather just eat something light as he does.

[pbkmaine]

So what do you like to eat in the evening? I am at a loss, plus I can always eat which makes it worse.


Many nights I make a regular meal and just eat less than my husband does. Sometimes he cooks. Sometimes we just make snacks. Sometimes we go out and I will get an appetizer or take half the meal home. For me, it’s not taste buds changing. It’s that I sleep better with a lighter evening meal.

[Bjeanj]

Keeping in mind I am not a doctor, there are many reasons why a person’s appetite declines. Decline in sense of smell, depression, dental problems, change in medication, etc. While it’s good that the doctor has checked him, you have lived with him for (how many years?), so you know him very well.

Keep an eye on him, and in the meantime, make sure that what he *does* eat has plenty of healthy calories. If it seems as if he is losing weight, follow up with his doctor. As long as his activity level doesn’t decline, as pbkmaine suggests, perhaps it’s a natural progression due to age. He’s lucky he has you to keep an eye on him.

[VApeople]

every single day he asks me "so what gourmet delight are we having tonight".

If he asks that, just describe the food you are fixing for yourself.

Sometimes I ask my wife what she wants to fix for dinner and she says "Popcorn". So I either eat popcorn or I go out for Egg Foo Yung or I fix something else.

After 47 years of marriage, this is the happiest time of our lives.

[Madelaine Amee]

Thank you to everyone who made suggestions, I really do appreciate it. I will try just telling him what I am going to eat and asking him what he would like. No, we don't eat out too much because there is nothing on the menu that he wants!

He was wined and dined all his working life, and it very difficult for me to get a handle on these changes in him.

[retiredguy123]

I think his eating habits are very healthy. Eating a large meal for dinner is not a good thing. I try to eat 6 or 7 times a day, and avoid large meals. If I go out to dinner, I may order a large steak, eat half of it, and take the rest home for the next day.

[Pinball wizard]

Why don't you just talk to him about it instead of trying to guess what's up?

[EdFNJ]

This is not really the forum I would like to use, but I have no other, so here goes:

My husband who is very active physically has no interest in eating a real supper. He likes fruit and cereal for breakfast and a sandwich and fruit lunch, but his taste for dinner has changed completely over the past six months and it is worrying me. Tonight I made Shrimp Pasta, he picked at it. He did eat a small salad and he will have some ice cream later, but evening meal times are turning into a nightmare. His doctor sees no problem with his weight and no problem with him not eating a big evening meal.

What do you think ................


Honest opinion ... let him eat what he wants. Unless he is getting ill, getting fat, getting high BP he's a grown man and can make his own decisions. If cooking what he wants bothers you tell him to make it himself. You think opinions you will get here are better than what a doctor will tell you?


You asked so don't kill the messenger. ;)

[rjm1cc]

I do not see a problem but you could try and switch the "big" meal to lunch time.

[Madelaine Amee]

Why don't you just talk to him about it instead of trying to guess what's up?

I'm married to a man who just clams up, does not talk. Never talked. His Father was EXACTLY the same and his Mother used to get as frustrated as I do. I'm on lots of blood pressure meds .......................

[thelegges]

We eat our large meal at lunch time. Protein, veggies, fruit. Supper is the traditional old southern way of something lite like a sandwich, scramble eggs, sometimes just fruit, maybe granola.

It’s been too hot and eating is the last thing on my mind. However, if his weight takes a large drop, I would be concerned.

[fw102807]

If he asks that, just describe the food you are fixing for yourself.

Sometimes I ask my wife what she wants to fix for dinner and she says "Popcorn". So I either eat popcorn or I go out for Egg Foo Yung or I fix something else.

After 47 years of marriage, this is the happiest time of our lives.

There are many nights I could be happy with popcorn for dinner.

[Madelaine Amee]

Well, after all the really great suggestions here, I'm going to consciously relax and let things just happen. It should be very interesting, if nothing else!

:icon_wink:

[Bogie Shooter]

Strange personal discussion for social media.

[kcrazorbackfan]

So what do you like to eat in the evening? I am at a loss, plus I can always eat which makes it worse.

Sometimes a half of a PB and honey sandwich, sometimes hummus and pita chips, sometimes cereal; tonight, Mrs. KC fixed shrimp, coleslaw, fries and corn casserole. It was good but way too much to eat for supper.

[fw102807]

Strange personal discussion for social media.

Yet more interesting than most

[Madelaine Amee]

Strange personal discussion for social media.

Maybe Bogie, but where else would you get such a diversity of information? This is not a conversation I could have brought up with friends at a dinner party, or I would have been dining alone. TOTV is rather like going to the psychologists office, no one knows me here, no one is really interested in my situation, but they have taken the time to let me know that my husband is no different from dozens of other aging people and I very much appreciate the wealth of information I have been given.

[Arctic Fox]

Consuming most of your calories at breakfast and noon, with just a snack in the evening, is the healthiest option.

The added benefit is that going out for "lunch" is usually cheaper than dinner, and the menu is often the same.

[blueeagle65]

If his Dr. sees no problem and he's fine otherwise don't worry about it and leave him alone. Sometimes your system knows it doesn't need pasta or other carbs and goes for a salad instead. If you think you need a full meal, reduce the recipe and fix whatever you want.

[Nucky]

Maybe Bogie, but where else would you get such a diversity of information? This is not a conversation I could have brought up with friends at a dinner party, or I would have been dining alone. TOTV is rather like going to the psychologists office, no one knows me here, no one is really interested in my situation, but they have taken the time to let me know that my husband is no different from dozens of other aging people and I very much appreciate the wealth of information I have been given.

I think its great that you brought it up and its a good topic with no real answer. I want to eat like I'm going to jail the next morning most of the time. It may be a blessing in disguise for your husband. I think I would let him do his thing and who knows maybe he'll come around.

You are a wonderful wife and person for investigating! Bravo! :bigbow:

[graciegirl]

My appetite has waned for the last couple of years and I too see a doctor four times a year. I haven't lost weight and I do also see an endocrinologist for hyperthyroidism and all checks out. I am the cook and nothing tastes really good to me and sometimes I anguish that I am not cooking well for my husband and our daughter. I worry about that a lot and bring it up and it probably sounds like I am asking them to compliment when in fact I worry that I have lost my touch. They always answer in the affirmative, but they are both kind and sweet. I am glad you brought this up. I feel better hearing this discussion.

[Two Bills]

Cook/eat what you like, and if he wants to share, fine. If he doesn't want to eat, you will have a lunch for the next day.

As my old mom used to say when I didn't want to eat something, "Hunger is a good kitchen, it will still be there tomorrow" and cold greens/veg for breakfast were not my idea of comfort food!

[arbajeda]

Growing up we had two choices for dinner: take it or leave it. You ate what was put on the table. Instead of worrying about making something he may or may not like, make what you like. If he complains, ask him what he would rather have. No specific answer, keep making what you like.

[Henryk]

I think this is a natural progression for many people. I don’t like a large evening meal myself anymore.

I totally agree.

[bilcon]

Maybe he is sneaking out to a chinese buffet in the afternoon or Scooples Ice Cream Parlor in Brownwood.

[VILLAGERBB]

Madelaine Amee,
I do agree with the posters that taste, smell etc. change so I wouldn't worry too much about your husband...as long as he remains healthy. Fix whatever YOU LIKE to eat and let him fend for himself.

I wish he would, but he does not know where the kitchen is, or the dish washer, or the laundry!!!! Spoiled brat man. His Mother spoiled him and now I have continued the practice.

[bluedivergirl]

I would LOVE to let him make his own decisions, but every single day he asks me "so what gourmet delight are we having tonight". To me, that does not sound like he is making his own decision! He is expecting me to conjure up something incredible in the kitchen and put it before him, which I try to do, and then he tells me he is not hungry.


OK, I can understand this. I can put together a decent meal out of anything, I've always defined myself as a cook.

DH recently developed digestive issues (he's being treated) and has little appetite. After years of meals happily greeted, he'll push it away with a little grimace.

Food is a physical manifestation of love. We cook to feed our loved ones, on more than one level. When he can't eat what I've offered, I had to think long and hard about why it bothered me.

Perhaps you're feeling similar emotions?

[VApeople]

When he can't eat what I've offered, I had to think long and hard about why it bothered me.

Great comment!

Instead of blaming your husband for your unhappiness, you looked at yourself for the answer.

[Madelaine Amee]

Great comment!

Instead of blaming your husband for your unhappiness, you looked at yourself for the answer.

You actually left out the most relevant part of BlueDivers comment:

Food is a physical manifestation of love. We cook to feed our loved ones, on more than one level. When he can't eat what I've offered, I had to think long and hard about why it bothered me.

Perhaps you're feeling similar emotions?

[CFrance]

Fix food that you want to eat and let the man fix food that he wants to eat. We men like to make our own decisions.
Wow, that rings true with us. I don't eat the same things as my husband most of the time. We each do our own cooking. He is meat/grill oriented and I am definitely not. It works for us. I will make a salad sometimes for both of us, and some homemade pizza where we each do our own toppings. A couple of other things we both eat, but we haven't had communal meals for a couple of decades.

Madelaine, can you make lunch the main meal of the day? Maybe your husband just doesn't like a big meal at dinner anymore.

[CFrance]

Why don't you just talk to him about it instead of trying to guess what's up?
I am sure she has done that. I know her to be an wise person who would go that route first off.

[Madelaine Amee]

Wow, that rings true with us. I don't eat the same things as my husband most of the time. We each do our own cooking. He is meat/grill oriented and I am definitely not. It works for us. I will make a salad sometimes for both of us, and some homemade pizza where we each do our own toppings. A couple of other things we both eat, but we haven't had communal meals for a couple of decades.

Madelaine, can you make lunch the main meal of the day? Maybe your husband just doesn't like a big meal at dinner anymore.

Only if we go out to lunch, which we do, but not often because he is gone about four days of the week and I am gone too. This evening I followed some of the advice and just asked him what he wanted for supper, he said Cheeseburger ......... cheeseburger it was with side salad. I had a main course salad with cheeses etc. All is good, we may be able to stay married after all !!!!:icon_wink:

[VApeople]

You actually left out the most relevant part of BlueDivers comment:


In my opinion, the main point in BlueDivers comment was that she looks to herself to solve a problem rather than expect her spouse to solve it.

Spoiled brat man.

[Madelaine Amee]

In my opinion, the main point in BlueDivers comment was that she looks to herself to solve a problem rather than expect her spouse to solve it.

Oh whatever floats your boat .............. enjoy.

[Carla B]

Dear Madeline A: What about soup for dinner? Here, we have been into the "soup" stage for some years now. Doesn't matter the temperature outside. A full breakfast, a decent lunch, and, for dinner, a bowl of homemade soup with French bread or cornbread and a glass of wine now evokes the same satisfaction as filet mignon once did. I believe it is just a natural progression and nothing to worry about. When we get to the ""Pablum" stage, that'll be the time to worry.

[Madelaine Amee]

Dear Madeline A: What about soup for dinner? Here, we have been into the "soup" stage for some years now. Doesn't matter the temperature outside. A full breakfast, a decent lunch, and, for dinner, a bowl of homemade soup with French bread or cornbread and a glass of wine now evokes the same satisfaction as filet mignon once did. I believe it is just a natural progression and nothing to worry about. When we get to the ""Pablum" stage, that'll be the time to worry.

Thanks Carla. Excellent suggestion. We enjoy home made soups with Fresh Market crusty bread ... yum.

[ronsroni]

Let him eat what he wants. Metabolisms change. He's healthy. He is an adult. Lay off.
Sounds like a bit of sarcasm with his 'gourmet' meal statement.
Expecting a different outcome.........
I lost my sense of smell and taste 2 years ago. My appetite changed. I eat what and when I want to. I am healthy.
Stop cooking to what you think may entice him. It is not working.
The only one needing him to EAT is you.