View Full Version : Men coming into our space in the supermarket
Madelaine Amee
06-25-2019, 04:34 PM
ladies only ............. Several times lately, especially when I am in Aldi's, I have found men (old men) pushing too far into my personal space. This morning I had a really annoying encounter with a nasty looking old man who got behind me in the check out line. I was oblivious to him. I always unload my cart from the front onto the belt because my arms are not long enough to unload from the push area!!!! I positioned myself at the Cashier's station and proceeded to unload my cart onto the belt, those cashiers are great and my items were disappearing fast into her basket at her end. Suddenly this elderly man started to push his cart into mine, I looked up in surprise and he used his hands in a way to shoo me along. He had plenty of room to unload his cart onto the belt, but for some reason completely unknown to me he wanted me to move further down through the check out area.
This morning was not the morning ..... I looked him right in the eye and said in a very load voice "What". He buckled immediately and started to shush me. To which I said "What is your problem" and continued to finish my purchase. He could not get out of the store fast enough.
I have to add to this .......... I have NEVER been harassed or bothered by a woman while waiting in line to check out. I have, in fact, met the nicest and funniest ladies in the check out line. On the other hand, how many times have I had a man make it known by deep sighing and being a pain in the butt, that they are late for something or other and don't want to wait in a line. I guess it's a guy thing ....................
Ladies, why do some of these men think they can MOVE us out of their way, or SHOVE us out of their way? Is this how they treat their wives?
OK, that is my rant, it has been simmering all day and thank goodness for TOTV so that I can let it out. By the way, I have a great husband who would never treat a woman in such a way!
CFrance
06-25-2019, 04:41 PM
Good for you, Madeleine. Take the bully down!
Velvet
06-25-2019, 04:48 PM
Sorry that happened to you. I wonder what he would have done if you looked him straight in the eyes and said: “Excuse me, I need more space. Please move back,” in your best teacher’s voice.
People tend to live up to your expectations I find. Some people need direct instructions. I have met pushy women too, by the way, it’s not just the guys.
manaboutown
06-25-2019, 05:22 PM
Pushy women get into my space from time to time. A few are welcome to do so but most are not.
karostay
06-25-2019, 06:21 PM
Uggg !
Madelaine Amee
06-25-2019, 06:45 PM
Pushy women get into my space from time to time. A few are welcome to do so but most are not.
Sorry .......... no men allowed on the Feminine Forum :ohdear:
Velvet
06-25-2019, 06:54 PM
I didn’t realize men weren’t allowed... how very nice to have our own Forum :):):)
OrangeBlossomBaby
06-25-2019, 07:02 PM
I've experienced this from men and women. And as a cashier, I've observed it happen TO both men and women, BY both men and women. What I have also observed, is that it's common for a woman to get "too close" to another woman, and the woman they got too close to, apologizes. I don't know why they do that.
But if someone bumps into you, don't apologize for being in their way. It's a very strange thing I've observed, and I have never seen a man apologize for someone else bumping into them. Only women.
NotGolfer
06-25-2019, 07:13 PM
I've had both women and men do this to me. It's disconcerting to say the least. The other day I felt a cart hit me from behind...I couldn't unload just yet due to the person ahead of me. Then I sensed something and this woman pushed past me saying "I need to get some mints". Like, what? Couldn't she have waited til she had easier access? I was taken aback by this. Next time...I may have to say something like "excuse me...is there not enough room here?" Or something along those lines. NOT sure what's up with people.......
chrisinva
06-25-2019, 07:16 PM
[QUOTE=Madelaine Amee;1660195]ladies only ............. Several times lately, especially when I am in Aldi's, I have found men (old men) pushing too far into my personal space. This morning I had a really annoying encounter with a nasty looking old man who got behind me in the check out line. I was oblivious to him. I always unload my cart from the front onto the belt because my arms are not long enough to unload from the push area!!!! I positioned myself at the Cashier's station and proceeded to unload my cart onto the belt, those cashiers are great and my items were disappearing fast into her basket at her end. Suddenly this elderly man started to push his cart into mine, I looked up in surprise and he used his hands in a way to shoo me along. He had plenty of room to unload his cart onto the belt, but for some reason completely unknown to me he wanted me to move further down through the check out area.
This morning was not the morning ..... I looked him right in the eye and said in a very load voice "What". He buckled immediately and started to shush me. To which I said "What is your problem" and continued to finish my purchase. He could not get out of the store fast enough.
I have to add to this .......... I have NEVER been harassed or bothered by a woman while waiting in line to check out. I have, in fact, met the nicest and funniest ladies in the check out line. On the other hand, how many times have I had a man make it known by deep sighing and being a pain in the butt, that they are late for something or other and don't want to wait in a line. I guess it's a guy thing ....................
Ladies, why do some of these men think they can MOVE us out of their way, or SHOVE us out of their way? Is this how they treat their wives?
OK, that is my rant, it has been simmering all day and thank goodness for TOTV so that I can let it out. By the way, I have a great husband who would never treat a woman in such a way![
Glad you vented. I completely agree - men do this but women don't, or rarely do it. It has happened to me. The only conclusion I can come to is that they are completely unaware (idiots!). ]
Velvet
06-25-2019, 07:36 PM
Something similar has happened to me, a guy pushed his grocery cart into my ankle... I yelped in pain and surprise as I heard my hubby roar: “That’s my wife!” The guy made a quick get away - wisely choosing not to confront. (Surprise sometimes catches one off guard.)
TheWarriors
06-25-2019, 08:39 PM
Stupidity and rudeness are not owned by one gender, it’s an equal opportunity employer.
manaboutown
06-25-2019, 10:41 PM
Stupidity and rudeness are not owned by one gender, it’s an equal opportunity employer.
I agree. Some of these old bags act like they own the store. “Get out of my way!l.
Fredman
06-26-2019, 04:41 AM
I love the women who will slow everything down by digging out 99 cents out of their change purse.
Two Bills
06-26-2019, 05:02 AM
Me too!
Madelaine Amee
06-26-2019, 05:26 AM
I agree. Some of these old bags act like they own the store. “Get out of my way!l.
Now really, is that necessary? "OLD BAG"
dewilson58
06-26-2019, 05:44 AM
I would bet this guy acts the same towards men as well, not just beautiful women.
This are places and times for mini-tasers.
Bay Kid
06-26-2019, 05:52 AM
Just grumpy old people. The heat will heat these problems up more. Be nice and people will be nice.
Madelaine Amee
06-26-2019, 06:05 AM
I would bet this guy acts the same towards men as well, not just beautiful women.
This are places and times for mini-tasers.
:icon_wink: Off topic for one minute ... I don't know if it is available yet, but there is a cell phone with a built in taser. Can you imagine that .... if you anger someone they taser you!
aninjamom
06-26-2019, 06:25 AM
It has been tested and is a fact; men assume that they have the right of way over women. If walking towards a man, a woman will find herself stepping out of the way. Very seldom is it the other way around. I have encountered this myself, a guy will practically run you over if you don't move. I was actually unconscious of this most of my life until it was pointed out! Next time you are at the square or in a store, try it and see.
Madelaine Amee
06-26-2019, 07:07 AM
It has been tested and is a fact; men assume that they have the right of way over women. If walking towards a man, a woman will find herself stepping out of the way. Very seldom is it the other way around. I have encountered this myself, a guy will practically run you over if you don't move. I was actually unconscious of this most of my life until it was pointed out! Next time you are at the square or in a store, try it and see.
Unfortunately, you are correct. I think the women born before the boomers were brought up to be subservient to men in every way. I have a neighbor and a friend who is a new widow who have both told me they had to have the meal on the table when the man got home, the children had to be her responsibility and out of the way until he had eaten, the women could only do menial task jobs outside the home (nothing professional) and tend to their homes and their family. So it is probably very difficult for these much older men to get it through their head that times have changed. I now know women who are the breadwinners and the husband is the house husband who takes care of the home and the children. Unfortunately, I think we have to wait for the older generation of men to die off before much changes.
In my home things were so very different. My Mother was a college educated women with a degree, my Father was an Engineer. She worked for as long as I can remember, he had his own business. I adored my Father who was so proud of us all and I married a man very much like my Father in his thinking. I take care of my husband because I WANT to, not because it is expected of me and my husband treats me the same way.
rjn5656
06-26-2019, 09:07 AM
I don't think it is men per se, but some of the few villagers who think they are entitled or self important that infringe on all of us whether in the market, on the road, at the restaurants or the golf courses. They are that way no matter where they go. But the rest of the people here are wonderful.
Marathon Man
06-26-2019, 09:25 AM
It has been tested and is a fact; men assume that they have the right of way over women. If walking towards a man, a woman will find herself stepping out of the way. Very seldom is it the other way around. I have encountered this myself, a guy will practically run you over if you don't move. I was actually unconscious of this most of my life until it was pointed out! Next time you are at the square or in a store, try it and see.
Please provide your supporting data.
Velvet
06-26-2019, 09:28 AM
...
Velvet
06-26-2019, 09:32 AM
I don't think it is men per se, but some of the few villagers who think they are entitled or self important that infringe on all of us whether in the market, on the road, at the restaurants or the golf courses. They are that way no matter where they go. But the rest of the people here are wonderful.
There are some people with Alzheimer’s or dementia that may be effecting their behavior.
Velvet
06-26-2019, 09:37 AM
Please provide your supporting data.
Video tape the incident next time and post it.
jim1941
06-26-2019, 10:15 AM
"Nasty looking old man".......really........how about "Inconsiderate elderly man" Don't judge all of us by the actions of one.
Velvet
06-26-2019, 10:42 AM
Yes, I agree with not judging the gender.
aninjamom
06-26-2019, 11:00 AM
Please provide your supporting data.
What Happens When a Woman Walks Like a Man? (https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html)
This was one of a few informal tests that were done out there. You don't have to believe me, it's easy to prove; just have your wife walk a few feet in front of you in a crowd or down a busy sidewalk/store, and tell her to not get out of anybody's way. She doesn't have to be aggressive about it, just walking normally. Then watch. Try not to hit anybody.
Velvet
06-26-2019, 11:11 AM
Interesting reading, I wonder where the experiment was done.
Madelaine Amee
06-26-2019, 11:33 AM
"Nasty looking old man".......really........how about "Inconsiderate elderly man" Don't judge all of us by the actions of one.
"Nasty looking old man Yes, he really was a nasty looking old man. Not too clean, big tall person who towered over me, and the expression on his face was really unpleasant. On reflection I am sure he was probably a very unhappy person just trying to get through his day. But, this is not the way to do it. Had he smiled and asked me if I could move forward I would have been pleased to oblige him, but DO NOT EVER shush a woman you do not know in a public place, or you pay the consequences - he will never do it again.
The reason for my annoyance is lost on the MEN who are replying here. This world has changed. This person had no reason AT ALL to talk to me, try to move me up, shush me and shoo me further down the check out line. He had half the belt to unload his items, the cashier in Aldi's is lightening fast and I was almost done when this altercation happened, and there was plenty of room for both he and I to unload. I had already placed the spacer at the end of my shopping so that he could proceed to unload. The whole point of this discussion is that he felt he was entitled to address me in such a way without even knowing me. Those days are gone, long gone and he was fortunate that I was not a young women who would have really torn him up one side and down the other.
manaboutown
06-26-2019, 12:51 PM
Now really, is that necessary? "OLD BAG"
Trade you one old bag for one nasty looking old man?
Seriously, The Villages is for the most part a community of seniors. Look at the parking, driving through roundabouts, autos on cart paths, left turns from right lanes and so on. People can be on behavior affecting meds, off their meds, suffering a degree of dementia, unable to hear, see, balance like younger folks. Give other seniors a break. Most of us are just trying to remain independent as long as we can.
stan the man
06-26-2019, 01:58 PM
Just wondering if you had you dogi in the shopping cart. Just trying to figure out why he was so disrespectful to you. You sound like such a nice person
Marathon Man
06-26-2019, 02:20 PM
Just wondering if you had you dogi in the shopping cart. Just trying to figure out why he was so disrespectful to you. You sound like such a nice person
:clap2:
aninjamom
06-26-2019, 02:21 PM
Just wondering if you had you dogi in the shopping cart. Just trying to figure out why he was so disrespectful to you. You sound like such a nice person
As if somehow SHE must have done something to CAUSE him to act that way. Really? Point made ladies.
Velvet
06-26-2019, 02:35 PM
The thing is if you’re in a hurry, shop at off hours.
Madelaine Amee
06-26-2019, 03:53 PM
As if somehow SHE must have done something to CAUSE him to act that way. Really? Point made ladies.
They just don't get it.
Henryk
06-26-2019, 04:50 PM
Please provide your supporting data.
Oh, Pull-eese.
OrangeBlossomBaby
06-26-2019, 05:32 PM
It has been tested and is a fact; men assume that they have the right of way over women. If walking towards a man, a woman will find herself stepping out of the way. Very seldom is it the other way around. I have encountered this myself, a guy will practically run you over if you don't move. I was actually unconscious of this most of my life until it was pointed out! Next time you are at the square or in a store, try it and see.
You contradict yourself. In your first sentence you put the burden on the man, with his assumption of his rights over women. In the very next sentence you put the burden on the woman, who takes the action in the situation.
Perhaps if it's the man who's assuming he has the right of way, it's because women keep moving to the side whenever they approach a man. Maybe if you stop moving to the side, men will stop continuing forward as if they own the space.
I only have this "problem" when I step aside. If I don't step aside, the other person does. Someone will always step aside. Sometimes it's the man, sometimes it's the woman. And sometimes, a man will hold the door for you and say something adorable like "beauty before age."
Boomer
06-26-2019, 05:50 PM
My observation has been that we live in a time where we are seeing the behavioral result of the amygdala under assault—way too many people spending way too much time tuned in to the constant barrage of flapping mouths spewing out reasons to be enraged and fearful.
I think it has changed some people who are more susceptible for whatever reason and get caught up in all that negative emotion, hatefulness that has been so easily tapped into. Never questioning why. They scowl. They rant. They subconsciously look for ways to feel power — especially where they feel no risk from the person they go after.
Or maybe that guy has been an @$$#&*e all his life.
ColdNoMore
06-26-2019, 06:10 PM
My observation has been that we live in a time where we are seeing the behavioral result of the amygdala under assault—way too many people spending way too much time tuned in to the constant barrage of flapping mouths spewing out reasons to be enraged and fearful.
I think it has changed some people who are more susceptible for whatever reason and get caught up in all that negative emotion, hatefulness that has been so easily tapped into. Never questioning why. They scowl. They rant. They subconsciously look for ways to feel power — especially where they feel no risk from the person they go after.
Or maybe that guy has been an @$$#&*e all his life.
:bigbow:
:thumbup:
Boomer
06-26-2019, 07:46 PM
Pretty much this. People are looking for reasons to feel wronged, so they can vent their righteous indignation. If everything is going fine, they can't be righteously indignant. They have nothing to be "righteous' about, so they come up with perceived slights and call them grave injustices against [insert category here].
In the case of men plowing through and women stepping aside, honestly? It's nothing new. If you're just now figuring it out, you're either 7, or you've spent your entire life privileged and are now for the first time realizing that you're no better than anyone else.
Men - GENERALLY SPEAKING have domineered since always. Why? Because they're bigger. Because they CAN. It's biology. On the other hand, if you ever see a big burly beefy confident gal being domineered by a scrawny short geeky guy, take pictures and send it to NBC, because I promise you it'll be news.
Also there is such a thing as a chivalrous man. They still exist, they've always existed, and they will always exist. Try hanging out with a few and perhaps your perception of men will change.
Of course I know that, Jazuela, I am married to one of the good guys.
My observation that you quoted was about the way things seem to be shaking out around us in the general population. Too much scowling.
My dad was a good guy, too.
I cannot imagine putting up with any other kind.
When my daughter was a teenager, she had to listen to my motherly words of wisdom about the male of the species. (I always treated her to my little talks while I was driving down the interstate at 70mph with her in the passenger seat.)
Here are a few quotes from those talks -- not actually talks -- just me talking while she rolled her eyes:
"Boomette, never forget that there is nothing more dangerous than an insecure male."
"Boomette, don't you ever settle."
"Boomette, get your education and be able to earn money on your own."
"Boomette, do not even think about some loser who is oh so misunderstood and tell yourself that he "needs" you to fix him. And I don't care how cute he is."
"Boomette, are they still using the line, "You would if you loved me"?
"Boomette, never, ever "loan" a guy money."
(Anyway, Boomette turned out just fine. I knew she was just pretending she was not listening to me.) :)
I am sure there were more things I said, but for now I have some paperwork that I am avoiding by writing posts on TOTV. I bet others can add to this with advice they gave to their daughters.
-- And, yes, this is the Feminine Forum. The long thread "Girl Talk" here started more than a decade ago by Barefoot. The reason it began was to allow a conversation that moved from topic to topic easily and freely like when women are together -- and as we know, we as women can follow it all with no complaints about jumping off topic. If you look at Page 1 of "Girl Talk", you will see how it was off and running from the start. (I think at the time, some of the guys tried to start their own forum but it fizzled.)
(Oh but wait! I also give advice to women who find themselves back in the dating world. "You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats the server.")
Boomer
Velvet
06-26-2019, 07:56 PM
Always a pleasure, Boomer.
ColdNoMore
06-26-2019, 08:17 PM
I too, told my own daughter, the same exact things Boomer instilled in "Boomette"...with the same wonderful results. :thumbup:
Now it's time for this guy to take his leave and let the ladies like Boomer...continue to dispense good advice. :ho:
OrangeBlossomBaby
06-26-2019, 08:20 PM
Oh I realize you knew all that Boomer! I was agreeing with your post AND adding comments about other posts by other people in the thread, to support my opinion.
bilcon
06-27-2019, 05:50 AM
Seriously? Keep shopping at those upscale stores. Omg
Boomer
06-27-2019, 05:56 AM
Oh I realize you knew all that Boomer! I was agreeing with your post AND adding comments about other posts by other people in the thread, to support my opinion.
Thanks. :)
Boomer
06-27-2019, 08:11 PM
- - -
Schaumburger
07-09-2019, 05:12 AM
Unfortunately, you are correct. I think the women born before the boomers were brought up to be subservient to men in every way. I have a neighbor and a friend who is a new widow who have both told me they had to have the meal on the table when the man got home, the children had to be her responsibility and out of the way until he had eaten, the women could only do menial task jobs outside the home (nothing professional) and tend to their homes and their family. So it is probably very difficult for these much older men to get it through their head that times have changed. I now know women who are the breadwinners and the husband is the house husband who takes care of the home and the children. Unfortunately, I think we have to wait for the older generation of men to die off before much changes.
In my home things were so very different. My Mother was a college educated women with a degree, my Father was an Engineer. She worked for as long as I can remember, he had his own business. I adored my Father who was so proud of us all and I married a man very much like my Father in his thinking. I take care of my husband because I WANT to, not because it is expected of me and my husband treats me the same way.
Change in generational attitudes between my mom, who was born in 1930 and my sisters and I, late Baby Boomers. After I moved out of my parents' home, occasionally I would call late afternoon. I remember the first time I called around this time. My mom answers the phone.
Mom: "Make it quick, I can't talk long now."
Me: "Are you going out?"
Mom: "No, your father will be home from work soon, and he wants his dinner at 6:00 pm."
Me: "Will the world end if dinner is served at 6:15 or 6:30?"
Shortly after one of my younger sisters got married, she was at my parents' house around dinner time. I must have been visiting my parents as I was already out on my own. My sister said she would stay for dinner. I said to her, "What about Wayne's dinner?" My sister's reply was "His arms aren't broken. He can make his own dinner." I guess it all worked out because they celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary a few months ago.
Spouses taking care of each other because they want to; that is what marriage should be.
Schaumburger
07-09-2019, 05:25 AM
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Of course I know that, Jazuela, I am married to one of the good guys.
My observation that you quoted was about the way things seem to be shaking out around us in the general population. Too much scowling.
My dad was a good guy, too.
I cannot imagine putting up with any other kind.
When my daughter was a teenager, she had to listen to my motherly words of wisdom about the male of the species. (I always treated her to my little talks while I was driving down the interstate at 70mph with her in the passenger seat.)
Here are a few quotes from those talks -- not actually talks -- just me talking while she rolled her eyes:
"Boomette, never forget that there is nothing more dangerous than an insecure male."
"Boomette, don't you ever settle."
"Boomette, get your education and be able to earn money on your own."
"Boomette, do not even think about some loser who is oh so misunderstood and tell yourself that he "needs" you to fix him. And I don't care how cute he is."
"Boomette, are they still using the line, "You would if you loved me"?
"Boomette, never, ever "loan" a guy money."
(Anyway, Boomette turned out just fine. I knew she was just pretending she was not listening to me.) :)
I am sure there were more things I said, but for now I have some paperwork that I am avoiding by writing posts on TOTV. I bet others can add to this with advice they gave to their daughters.
-- And, yes, this is the Feminine Forum. The long thread "Girl Talk" here started more than a decade ago by Barefoot. The reason it began was to allow a conversation that moved from topic to topic easily and freely like when women are together -- and as we know, we as women can follow it all with no complaints about jumping off topic. If you look at Page 1 of "Girl Talk", you will see how it was off and running from the start. (I think at the time, some of the guys tried to start their own forum but it fizzled.)
(Oh but wait! I also give advice to women who find themselves back in the dating world. "You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats the server.")
Boomer
:bigbow: Boomer, your words of wisdom should be texted to every young woman in America when she enters high school.
I would add as advice to young women entering high school to never put up with or tolerate physical or verbal abuse from any boyfriend, husband, partner, significant other, co-worker, supervisor or manager.
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