Elder Parents Situation - Thoughts Please

[Davonu]

My wife's mother and father are both in their 90's and still living in their house. For their age, they're not doing bad, but of course there are health issues and family considerations. I'd like to hear some input regarding the moving-to-The-Villages option.

If they moved to TV, my wife would be helping them all the time. And I would too as needed. I'd just like to get a handle on what the various options are, of course understanding that some might not be extremely practical and all would have pro/cons compared to others. For example, is selling their current house and buying a house small here a viable option? Are there services that could help with health needs and home care needs? If that is not practical, of course there's the ALF option. But I guess my question comes down basically to...are there other options that might somehow be a bit in-between?

I'll just stop here because I'd really like to hear your thoughts about any/all options that are available and we may not even be thinking of.

Thanks in advance.

[retiredguy123]

Personally, I don't think buying a house is a good idea because of the maintenance and the lack of reliable transportation. If they are independent, I think Freedom Pointe is a great place, but it is very expensive. You can get a very nice apartment in independent living, and then move to assisted living or even to a nursing home without ever leaving Freedom Pointe. There are also other similar, less expensive places, but not as nice, in my opinion. I would visit several of the facilities and get a tour.

[KSSunshine]

Another option is to rent (not purchase) a Villa near you. You can hire in home assistance as needed or for specific tasks (e.g. showering, cleaning...). Even Independent Living is well more expensive than the Villa Option. Hopefully they can stay in the Villa for as long as possible. When you're making dinner for yourselves, just make a few more servings to bring over. Best Wishes in your decision-making. Not easy.

[njbchbum]

My first thoughts...have you discussed this with your in-laws and what are their feelings...and how prepared are you and your wife to devote more and more time to providing assistance or purchasing assistance?

My Mother chose to live with my Sister and her family and became as dependent as the kids. When she finally became frustrated at what she perceived as a lack of attention from the entire household she opted for a community that took her from independent living to assisted living to nursing care. BUT she still expected my Sister to visit almost daily and to run her on errands for banking and shopping - taking the community bus to grocery shop or a Doctor appt was not her cup of tea! My Sister moved up many rows for when she finally arrives in heaven and she would not have had it any other way. Se rarely regretted having the time she had with her.

[rjm1cc]

I guess the answer lies in what they want to do and what they can afford.
Renting close to you could be the start of the process with the idea of going to an assisted living facility if needed.
Make sure that you line up medical providers before the move. If they are not on original Medicare then you will need to get a local health insurance plan here.
Yes sell their home.
Assume you will provide transportation to medical appointments.
Can they get around in a golf cart? Join activities etc.
Moving here could be a very good idea if they do not have support where they are.

[kathyspear]

If they are independent, I think Freedom Pointe is a great place, but it is very expensive. You can get a very nice apartment in independent living, and then move to assisted living or even to a nursing home without ever leaving Freedom Pointe. There are also other similar, less expensive places, but not as nice, in my opinion.

My MIL should be moving to assisted living and the family is starting to bring the subject up with her. Money is not really an issue but I am curious what these places cost. Never had to deal with such things as my father passed at 62 and mom lived with my sister for several years before she died. (And I know what the other poster means about sister's place in heaven. I couldn't have done what my sister did.)

Anyway, what do the "nicer" places cost per month when the resident is relatively healthy and independent?

Thanks.

kathy

[vintageogauge]

Keep in mind that they will need all new doctors and they are just not the same down here, at least compared to Northern Ohio.

[Rsenholzi]

A word of advice- check with them first before you do anything at all. People that age have set ideas and may not want you imposing yours on them. After my mom broke her hip we rented a place here and she refused to come. Her friends and support system were up north and that’s where she wanted to stay! However, if you choose to bring them down , there is a wonderful place in Leesburg near the hospital . We checked out all the others in the area and found this one to be the best. It is like a college campus , with a boat to take them across Lake Harris for lunch’s. There is a bus to take them to stores, churches etc every day. The dining room is like a cruise ship and there is an indoor pool/hot tub on site. In addition, there is a bank, hair dresser, ice cream parlor on site. A dr comes in once a week as well as PT onsite. You buy into independent living with the option of getting back 50% for the heirs ( negotiable prices) . They have different size apts. the person can work their way through independent , assisted and nursing home onsite . They were building an Alzheimer’s unit while we were checking it out . Not sure if it is finished yet. The place is reasonable and is called Lake Port . Short distance from the Villages - gives you space yet is close enough to visit every day if you wanted to

[retiredguy123]

A word of advice- check with them first before you do anything at all. People that age have set ideas and may not want you imposing yours on them. After my mom broke her hip we rented a place here and she refused to come. Her friends and support system were up north and that’s where she wanted to stay! However, if you choose to bring them down , there is a wonderful place in Leesburg near the hospital . We checked out all the others in the area and found this one to be the best. It is like a college campus , with a boat to take them across Lake Harris for lunch’s. There is a bus to take them to stores, churches etc every day. The dining room is like a cruise ship and there is an indoor pool/hot tub on site. In addition, there is a bank, hair dresser, ice cream parlor on site. A dr comes in once a week as well as PT onsite. You buy into independent living with the option of getting back 50% for the heirs ( negotiable prices) . They have different size apts. the person can work their way through independent , assisted and nursing home onsite . They were building an Alzheimer’s unit while we were checking it out . Not sure if it is finished yet. The place is reasonable and is called Lake Port . Short distance from the Villages - gives you space yet is close enough to visit every day if you wanted to
FYI, Lake Port Square is a Brookdale facility, which is the same company that owns and operates Freedom Pointe in The Villages. I think that all Brookdale facilities are very nice, but they tend to be more expensive than other senior care facilities. With Brookdale, you need to pay a large sum to buy in to the facility. Some of this money is used by Brookdale to fund an insurance policy that is similar to long term care insurance. So, you are guaranteed to be cared for forever. Several other local facilities are operated as a pay as you go system where you just pay a monthly rent. But, if you run out of money, you may need to move out. You really need to visit the available facilities to see what works for you. I think Freedom Pointe is very nice, but I don't like the buy in system because I have never liked buying insurance. Note that, when you move into a place like Freedom Pointe, it is a major commitment, and you will probably never leave because of the buy in.

[Madelaine Amee]

A word of advice- check with them first before you do anything at all. People that age have set ideas and may not want you imposing yours on them. After my mom broke her hip we rented a place here and she refused to come. Her friends and support system were up north and that’s where she wanted to stay! However, if you choose to bring them down , there is a wonderful place in Leesburg near the hospital . We checked out all the others in the area and found this one to be the best. It is like a college campus , with a boat to take them across Lake Harris for lunch’s. There is a bus to take them to stores, churches etc every day. The dining room is like a cruise ship and there is an indoor pool/hot tub on site. In addition, there is a bank, hair dresser, ice cream parlor on site. A dr comes in once a week as well as PT onsite. You buy into independent living with the option of getting back 50% for the heirs ( negotiable prices) . They have different size apts. the person can work their way through independent , assisted and nursing home onsite . They were building an Alzheimer’s unit while we were checking it out . Not sure if it is finished yet. The place is reasonable and is called Lake Port . Short distance from the Villages - gives you space yet is close enough to visit every day if you wanted to

Congratulations on writing such a nice post, especially the para about where THEY wanted to live. I think we are inclined to see people of that age as NEEDING our help to make a decision and often the decision is biased towards what is easier for the adult children in the situation.

My parents lived in their home until they passed. My in-laws lived in their home until they passed. All our elderly relatives have remained in their homes until they passed .... except for one who had dementia. None of my relatives had children living close by on whom they could rely, in fact several of the children were working abroad.

If your parents have friends, a community they like and know, and are still ambulatory I think the decision should be theirs. Many of the East Coast Northern States have excellent facilities for their elderly in the way of transportation and much more.

[asianthree]

We have tried to get the move since 2010. Bought a PV furnished it, for them to use anytime. At our expense.

NOPE, not going to leave their home, they came for a week or so. But will not leave their house unattended.

I have added Alexa and blink in their Up north home. Cameras in garage, front door, basement stairs, and stairs to bedrooms. Alexa is in every room. So if fall occurs help is there,

Good luck, my parents are in the middle of an ice storm, and I can’t get them to leave even for the winter.

[Madelaine Amee]

We have tried to get the move since 2010. Bought a PV furnished it, for them to use anytime. At our expense.

NOPE, not going to leave their home, they came for a week or so. But will not leave their house unattended.

I have added Alexa and blink in their Up north home. Cameras in garage, front door, basement stairs, and stairs to bedrooms. Alexa is in every room. So if fall occurs help is there,

Good luck, my parents are in the middle of an ice storm, and I can’t get them to leave even for the winter.

You have done everything you could do, so no need for a guilt trip. The saying in our family was "they are coming out feet first," and they did! I think we forget sometimes just how hardy our parents are, they are part of the greatest generation, they have lived through more history than we will probably ever see and they did it without technology, without all the modern appliances available to us now. I remember my grandmother boiling her sheets in a huge pan on the stove and then rinsing them and carrying them outside to hang on the line to dry - nobody ever told that old lady what to do!

[KLBNJ]

They will never be happier or more cared for by their trusted doctors then to remain in their own home until their passing. Please let them stay where they know the area and feel safe. Do not make them relocate here. The Villages is good but not great and if you move them you will lose them shortly afterwards. The move and stress you are putting them under will not be worth it and you might regret making them move here. I was a caregiver for both my parents back home. When they passed in their. 90’s I moved here. Trust that after one passes the other will pass shortly after, please keep them in their own home for peace of mind for all. In their hearts they don’t want to move but are only moving for you not themselves. They won’t tell you but they want to stay home. The Villages will never be their home.

[Cranford61]

As they say, you get what you pay for. No free lunch

[Spalumbos62]

I guess the answer lies in what they want to do and what they can afford.
Renting close to you could be the start of the process with the idea of going to an assisted living facility if needed.
Make sure that you line up medical providers before the move. If they are not on original Medicare then you will need to get a local health insurance plan here.
Yes sell their home.
Assume you will provide transportation to medical appointments.
Can they get around in a golf cart? Join activities etc.
Moving here could be a very good idea if they do not have support where they are.
What did you mean by original medicare...isn't there only one and you add a supplement? Or is it different in villages?

[paulat585]

My wife's mother and father are both in their 90's and still living in their house. For their age, they're not doing bad, but of course there are health issues and family considerations. I'd like to hear some input regarding the moving-to-The-Villages option.

If they moved to TV, my wife would be helping them all the time. And I would too as needed. I'd just like to get a handle on what the various options are, of course understanding that some might not be extremely practical and all would have pro/cons compared to others. For example, is selling their current house and buying a house small here a viable option? Are there services that could help with health needs and home care needs? If that is not practical, of course there's the ALF option. But I guess my question comes down basically to...are there other options that might somehow be a bit in-between?

I'll just stop here because I'd really like to hear your thoughts about any/all options that are available and we may not even be thinking of.

Thanks in advance.
Hi, as you may have surmised from this wide range of answers, this topic is more complicated than what can be dealt with in a short post. Here is a forum that speaks to all the issues you should be considering--finances, increasing amount of time needed to provide care, medical issues, etc. etc. Good luck!

Caregiver Forum and Support Group - AgingCare.com (https://www.agingcare.com/caregiver-forum?HL=Home%20Care&campaignid=1371280043&affiliateid=C2B76E5B-BB2D-4F62-B5F2-60F00A57E756&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIjub_k9X-5gIVFYeGCh3Aew08EAAYASABEgJ8JfD_BwE)

[Blessed2BNTV]

We moved my mom from an apartment in my brother’s basement to Buffalo Crossing on 466. Their staff was wonderful and they have a variety of floor plans. Also as she needed more care we were able to add it on her monthly cost for exactly what she needed.

My mom was driving and when we moved her to TV we did not bring her car because she was having eye issues.

One thing I did was to set up a schedule with her so she knew when I was spending the day with her and scheduled her doc appointments on that day. We then spent either Saturday or Sunday making her dinner or taking her out. I still popped in every couple of days to check on her or to have lunch/dinner with her.

She passed away very peacefully at Buffalo Crossings. I now volunteer there.

[MasterChief]

We are moving my mom to Village Veranda. It is a great place. I would recommend you call and meet with them.

[MZambr]

Check out Grand Living in Sarasota or Citrus

[CoachKandSportsguy]

Please do some research on the healthcare scenario in the United States, due to generational differences, and your own biases. A great book is "On Being Mortal, What matters in the end" by Atule Gwande. He, his mother and father, all are doctors, and surgeons, and the book is a wonderful view of the expectations of family, of your parents, and of the healthcare system when people are dying, young, old, etc. After reading the book, and we just had my wife's mother pass away with pancreatic cancer at 87, your expectations may change but you will have a much better basis for discussions than a bulletin board of strangers with limited medical experience.

sportsguy

[dewilson58]

My parents are 94 & 95.


Just moved them into assisted living.
They were not excited, but are enjoying the place and activities.


They have not YET, but I know things will start to slip.....memory, mobility, balance, abilities, etc. I have a piece of mind knowing someone is close by (not blocks or miles) 24/7.

[villageuser]

My MIL should be moving to assisted living and the family is starting to bring the subject up with her. Money is not really an issue but I am curious what these places cost. Never had to deal with such things as my father passed at 62 and mom lived with my sister for several years before she died. (And I know what the other poster means about sister's place in heaven. I couldn't have done what my sister did.)

Anyway, what do the "nicer" places cost per month when the resident is relatively healthy and independent?

Thanks.

kathy


Go checkout various places and talk to them. You are looking for “Assisted Living”, not a nursing home. Some Assisted Living may take Medicaid. I have seen prices that range mid $3000s to over $6000. Price does not necessarily indicate the quality of the place. I have seen great deals being offered by really nice places. And I have found that places will negotiate with you sometimes. Also be aware that besides the monthly cost there may be a one-time move-in cost that can range from $0 to $3000. It may be called different things, but it’s basically a front-end cost. Also, find out what they offer - - free transportation to medical appointments? Is there nursing available? What do the activities look like? Actually attend some to see how accurate the schedule is and the quality of the program. Do they do any in-house medical procedures, like nail clipping, blood work, etc? Good luck! I have gone through this process and have gone with friends to help them navigate the process. It takes time.

[daylilylady]

My father went from independent to assisted to memory care at Freedom Point. That was the most horrific experience I have been through. CNA's on their phone, aids never showing up to do his pills, they didn't want to come in on the weekend, and smelling my father's room before I got there. Please look around for other options. You would not want to believe the stories I have to tell. My husband and I went as high as we could here with the organization and never got anywhere.

[NotGolfer]

Look into Trinity Springs on 100 (behind the Walmart on 466). It's a beautiful facility with a chef that prepares wonderful meals. I've heard the cost there is competitive to other care-centers. At least go for a tour and maybe tour some other places too, to compare.