Would you continue living here after your spouse passes ?

[FG111]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks

[Stu from NYC]

Most likely my dear wife survives me and than she would decide.

Rumor has it an eligible widower will never have to cook again and will have all the females he can handle.

[BobnBev]

If I go first, she'll stay here, If she goes first, I'll stay, but I'll buy a small motorhome and do some travelling. I do miss our motorhome sometimes.

[Velvet]

My aunt stayed after uncle passed away. She lived in her home until she had to go to care facilities near by and she is still there. She has close knit family in several states and a sister in Europe - she visited them often, but always came back to her Villages home. My mother, on the other hand, left TV when she got more vulnerable to live with my brother and his family. I am not sure what I would do.

[graciegirl]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks

I have thought about this way too often. You know I don't think so. I would take our daughter and move back to where ever our other daughter will land when they retire.

My heart aches for our friends who are widowed and especially during this Pandemic. I think of them and hold them close to my heart. It is so hard losing the love of your life.

[asianthree]

I really don’t think anyone could give you the answer you are looking for. It depends on the spouse that is left, and how dependent or independent they are. TV is easy to handle a house, because you can hire a reputable company to fix it.

Some will stay due to activities here. Some for friends, or if they are a veteran because there is a clinic here.

Then there is the spouse who came to make the other happy, and would leave to go back to family.

But I will say if you are a male, your chances of being well fed, and have a active social life is pretty good.

I don’t think the decision you are looking for, really could be made until the time has come. Pre planning could only change once realizing how much your life just changed

[Villageswimmer]

Thank you, OP, for an interesting thread. I think about this from time to time. I don’t know. I think I’d be drawn back North near family. Maybe I’d go back and forth for a while before making a final decision. I do have great respect for those who stay. It’s a difficult decision.

[cypress]

Nope. She like likes it here and I could care less about this place.

[golfing eagles]

I would stay, and I did!

[Nucky]

I would move near my kids where I could be demoted back to babysitter and jack of all trades. I loved my promotion to Grandfather that The Villages move provided me. I’ll stay. I’m going to outlive everybody. The odds are against me but Forgetaboutit, I’m going to do it anyway. I’d never get married again. The reason would be obvious if you met the wife. I’m happy here!

[Topspinmo]

I’ll be long gone before I crook.

[Number 10 GI]

Should my wife go before me I'll be out of here and back to Tennessee to be near family.

[dtennent]

I think that either one of us would stay. Not that either of us would remarry but we just enjoy being in Florida.

[JSR22]

My husband would stay. I would move to a condo on the beach.

[vintageogauge]

Interesting. We decided on TV vs other retirement communities because my wife is a people person and likes to get involved in all sorts of activities, at least those that she can physically participate in. I on the other hand more or less keep to myself and enjoy doing things around the house. I'm not a fan of 90+ degrees with full sun and humidity but am also not a fan of snow and negative temps. We have discussed this and surprisingly my wife would go back north to be near family although that could change as you never know where family will be living at that time and I'm sure she would miss all of her friends here in TV. I would leave and most likely end up in a mountain or country area near the family but 3 or 4 hours away so it would be an easy drive for me to visit or help out if needed. If you ever watched "Log Cabin Living" that is where I would be. We have always had second/vacation homes either in the mountains or on water and do miss that environment, especially the mountains. These are our thoughts but as we all know each year we get older and things can change at any time.

[thirtyoughtsix]

My wife passed away 16 months ago and was quite lll for many years prior, early on I decided to stay and did just that. There is no better place to be with all the fabulous friends one makes here. The kids back North all have jobs and the grandkids are having fun growing up. Everyone needs companionship, someone to eat with, play (golf, cards,pickleball etc).At our age it is amazing how honest and open we are with each other and no subjects (except religion and politics) is forbidden to discuss. In my case I have no interest in getting married again or having someone move in with me or vice versa. I was married to the most wonderful woman for 53 years and still think of her daily. That being said however, life goes on and I have started a new chapter in my life with a new lady friend who thinks exactly how I do. Obviously each has to do what is best for them.

[firebiker]

Almost eight years ago when my husband and I were touring The Villages and deciding about moving here, one of the things he said was when the time came that one of us was alone, he thought The Villages would be a great place to find peace and heal for the one left behind. He passed almost three years ago, and he was so very, very right. If it wasn't for the wonderful people we met here, who have become dear friends, I'm not sure what shape I would be in. I thank the Lord he led us to this amazing community.

[davem4616]

It's unlikely that either of us would ever remain in TV for long if the other spouse passed.

Too much of a game changer to remain in a huge house so far away from the rest of our family...

life is for the living...that would be the time to move on to the next life chapter

[perrjojo]

I can’t say what we would do but I know several who have stayed and have rich full lives here. Each person is different.

[Debfrommaine]

Husband and I have discussed......of course one never knows until they are in the situation. But, as of now whomever is alone would definitely consider moving into one of the new apartments The Villages is building.

[Stu from NYC]

My wife passed away 16 months ago and was quite lll for many years prior, early on I decided to stay and did just that. There is no better place to be with all the fabulous friends one makes here. The kids back North all have jobs and the grandkids are having fun growing up. Everyone needs companionship, someone to eat with, play (golf, cards,pickleball etc).At our age it is amazing how honest and open we are with each other and no subjects (except religion and politics) is forbidden to discuss. In my case I have no interest in getting married again or having someone move in with me or vice versa. I was married to the most wonderful woman for 53 years and still think of her daily. That being said however, life goes on and I have started a new chapter in my life with a new lady friend who thinks exactly how I do. Obviously each has to do what is best for them.

Good for you

[buzzy]

I've been a widower for over three years. Different situation than most. No kids, no family at all, just me. Here, I have friends, acquaintances, hobbies and activities. Even if I wanted a change of scenery, geography, or climate, I'd be alone and have to start over. There are lots of sights to see by land and air travel, but The Villages will remain my home base.

[FG111]

My wife passed away 16 months ago and was quite lll for many years prior, early on I decided to stay and did just that. There is no better place to be with all the fabulous friends one makes here. The kids back North all have jobs and the grandkids are having fun growing up. Everyone needs companionship, someone to eat with, play (golf, cards,pickleball etc).At our age it is amazing how honest and open we are with each other and no subjects (except religion and politics) is forbidden to discuss. In my case I have no interest in getting married again or having someone move in with me or vice versa. I was married to the most wonderful woman for 53 years and still think of her daily. That being said however, life goes on and I have started a new chapter in my life with a new lady friend who thinks exactly how I do. Obviously each has to do what is best for them.

Thank You for your honesty and God Bless...

[dpscmsgt]

My wife passed away in Nov of 2016. I soon entered the single life here and found that there were many clubs and functions just for singles. During my single life I met my current wife and true soul mate. During normal times this is the best place to be a single person

[Mikef99]

As a widower I moved here. The social activites and friendly atmoshere attracted me. I have family north and a little here. Covid and lock down has changed my outlook some as the people here have been nasty compared to a year ago, Lack of interaction is a problem if you are by yourself. I also do not see the rioting and extreme issues as in NY , Portland , Philly ,,,,,while I consider moving back I have not ....I hope as covid and the election passes things become more like they were....

[linsid]

My husband passed away seven years ago. We had so many wonderful friends and neighbors I couldn’t imagine leaving. My children are spread all over the country with none living in my home town. I stayed and I am so happy I did. Five years ago I met a wonderful man and I couldn’t be happier.

[chrisinva]

We've discussed this...

If I survive, I'll get a smaller villa (now in designer). :welcome:

If husband survives, he'll get cable. :a040:

[airdale2]

when U stay in a motel U dont talk to anyone, staying in a campground U talk to everyone.

[IndianaJones]

Nope. She like likes it here and I could care less about this place.

Copy that - I didn’t want to be here in the first place, but she really likes it so it was worth moving here just to make her happy. I got a F/T job outside of TV so I’d only really have to be here 2 days per week!

[maryanddoug]

I lost my husband in February. Although it’s been incredibly hard during the pandemic, my friends have been so great at visiting and lifting my spirits. I’m a people person and had to put myself out there. There are good people here. Yes it’s lonely at times, but I think it would be worse somewhere else. I can’t imagine being anywhere other than the Villages I feel safe and know my friends are there for me. I hope to stay here until the end.

[B-flat]

I know of 4 family members ( 2 husbands and wives) who retired to other 55 plus communities here in Central Florida ( not Tv). When one of the couple's spouses died she returned north. When the other couple's spouse died he remained in Central Florida. If I were to survive my wife I would return north where I still have family and long time friends, some since grammar school. Love winters here but don't care for the summer heat.

[G.R.I.T.S.]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks

Resounding YES! I would definitely stay here as long as my health allowed. The reasons for moving here have not changed, with or without my wonderful spouse!

[drgoofy]

I'm sure many of you have heard the mantra, "Don't make any major changes for at least a year." I think that's good advice. As a minority, I believe it would be more difficult here, but on second thought, it would be challenging anywhere,

[daca55]

My wife passed away 16 months ago and was quite lll for many years prior, early on I decided to stay and did just that. There is no better place to be with all the fabulous friends one makes here. The kids back North all have jobs and the grandkids are having fun growing up. Everyone needs companionship, someone to eat with, play (golf, cards,pickleball etc).At our age it is amazing how honest and open we are with each other and no subjects (except religion and politics) is forbidden to discuss. In my case I have no interest in getting married again or having someone move in with me or vice versa. I was married to the most wonderful woman for 53 years and still think of her daily. That being said however, life
Lgoes on and I have started a new chapter in my life with a new lady friend who thinks exactly how I do. Obviously each has to do what is best for them.

Well said and good nick to you with new life chapter!

[hotrodgirl]

I was unfortunately widowed at the young age of 54, working, and living elsewhere. When I retired at age 59, I knew I had to make some changes and jumpstart my life again. Some friends suggested I check out The Villages, and they came with me for a lifestyle visit. Three of us were widowed already, and we came down with another married couple. On the 5th day here, I bought a lot and decided to build. Best decision EVER! Had I not done so, I believe I would be inherently more idle and lonely. There are so many activities and clubs to join here, and one can try their hand at so many different things. I ended up in a wonderful new neighborhood and have made lifelong friends here. I cannot imagine what my life would be like, had I not made this move. Consequently, all but one of those friends from home have moved here as well. My life is full, I am blessed beyond measure, and I am truly enjoying these years. Since I moved here in 2012, we have sadly lost some people in our neighborhood. Most widows/widowers have remained here, and are busy with their lives.
Just my experience , but I hope this helps...

[KRM0614]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks
I am alone I’m 65 and can tell you it is not the place for a woman alone. I don’t go to bars to pick up men. The married women here think we want their husbands which is not true for the most part. Another fact is the sales clerks who work here only sell houses not relationships.
I’m hopeful I can get rid of the house, move somewhere cooler and a variety of people of every age.

[lyfewell@gmail.com]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks
I really appreciated reading your post this morning. I am a recent widower and reside in Atlanta, GA. I am in the process of moving to the Villages because from what I can tell, TV offer many many venues and opportunities socially to interact, which is what I need in my life. I look forward to further feedback from others on this topic.

[KRM0614]

Most likely my dear wife survives me and than she would decide.

Rumor has it an eligible widower will never have to cook again and will have all the females he can handle.
You are another reason to leave this place too many like you.

[lyfewell@gmail.com]

I sincerely hope I find the same to true for me once i get moved down there!

[B-flat]

You are another reason to leave this place too many like you.

We have a neighbor who has this philosophy. These old men who survive their wives are either looking for " a nurse or a purse."

[Blessed2BNTV]

Hubby and I have discussed. Our children are scattered over US.

When one of us passes, we would stay here. If he passes, I would downsize to courtyard villa, easier to maintain.

We both have made so many friends that have become family.....like my screen name says.....we are blessed to be in TV.

[Newvilla]

I would remain in The Villages as long as I can live independently. I like the fact that you could live here without being able to drive or get a Driver’s License. I could access almost everything I need without a car or a Driver’s License. I would probably move to a home in TV with a smaller yard that requires less maintenance.

[La lamy]

Since I am retired and my boyfriend isn't, I end up spending 6 months in TV alone. It's not the same as being widowed, but I chose TV because of how easy it is to make friends, feel part of a community, play pickleball and other sports at any time of the day, go listen to music at night (even dancing as a solo person is perfectly fine here). Even though there was a comment about how badly someone felt seeing people eat alone, please don't, some of us are perfectly happy with one's own company. I've had lots of opportunities to be out with friends and still chose to be alone at times. It's a matter of personality as others have said, but as a single person in TV I get to be active and as social as I choose.

[newcastlegirl]

I am in that situation now. My husband passed away this past July, of Covid. We always talked about what we would do if one of us goes, of course he was much older than I, so during this pandemic and now a new normal for me, I am staying put for now. I am from western PA and dont really want to go back there. The problem is I am not 60 yet, so my parents are still living and back in PA. you're right, being a single person here isnt so easy, most of the groups you join want to party and drink every day, I guess I just dont get into that. I am doing okay, I will survive and I have many friends. The problem I DO have is that it is getting waaaaay too crowded here, and that has me maybe contemplating a move to a smaller community. But again, as a single person, the decisions are harder to make because you are the only person to make them. I went off on a little tangent, lol, sorry.

[NotGolfer]

It's easy to think we know what we'd do until the time actually presents itself. That said though, I've thought about this and my thoughts are that I'd stay put. We have our medical people here in place, our church and our friends. Those can all change, of course, but to relocate is hard enough. Think about when y'all came here and had to get re-established. Unless our "kids" wanted to take care of me, which I don't think they'd be crazy about, I'd rather keep myself where I'm most familiar. We can never plan for what our future experiences will be however and what health-issues will occur. So for now, I'm living life one day at a time as tomorrow isn't promised. PLUS....don't want to live with the ice and snow and cold that goes with it, ever again.

[Guitarman1951]

Hate to image living life without my spouse. However, I don't think I would move back north. I don't want to live in a large metro area again. For one thing, moving is strenuous and I don't want to deal with it again in my life. For another, I have met and made friends with people here. I do have friends in the city where I'm from but everyone is spread out so far, just visiting is difficult. I keep in touch with them via FB, messenger, emails or phone calls. I can see my friends here by just a walk or in my golf cart or playing golf. We all have old age in common. Our children are all grown and have their own lives. I wouldn't want to impose and make their lives much more difficult. We have a will dividing our possessions among them and they are aware of who gets what. So, God willing, I will stay and deal with the sadness and loneliness. No matter where you are, it's not something you get over, it's just something you get through.

[t&akea]

I’ve lived here as a 6 month snowbird with my spouse for 15 years. We enjoyed many activities as a couple. After his passing, many of those activities were not an option for me. Some “friends” included me for a while, others not at all. There are many activities for singles available if you choose to participate. But many of those participating are looking for a partner. In general many aspects of the Villages are geared toward couples e. g. Cart fees, golf or tennis priority membership. I pay as much for my cart fee as a household with 2 or three carts in use simultaneously.

[djspinner1]

I would move to On TOP OF THE WORLD in Ocala

[kendi]

Most likely my dear wife survives me and than she would decide.

Rumor has it an eligible widower will never have to cook again and will have all the females he can handle.

That's what my dad thought too since he was healthy and had family history of living into the upper nineties. Died at 80 6 yrs ago and mom is still here with all her health problems.

[kendi]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks

The person who does things by them self may want to be alone. Recent widows and widowers sometimes prefer to be by themselves. Just depends on the person. Grief manifests very differently from person to person. I'm curious about your comment that TV does not offer the same lifestyle for singles. What do you mean by that?

[JimmyDebbie]

We finally retired and moved here permanently in May after owning our house for 4 years. This is something we will need to talk about. My first thought is that either of us would stay when the other dies.

We had a neighbor here whose wife died about 10 years. He had remained very happy here after she died. He told us numerous times that he would stay and die here instead of moving back to Indiana. He wanted to stay here because his wife had died here and he felt her presence. His family was always after him to move back. He went home for Thanksgiving last year and ended up being alone most of the time while his family seemingly ignored him (we learned this from a neighbor who had talked to him while he was there). They were also pressuring him to stay there and not return to Florida. The poor man had a heart attack while he was there and died a few weeks later. I truly believe he died from the stress he was under. It’s so sad that he wasn’t able to be in his Florida home (where he had lived for 22 years) when he died. This is where he wanted to be.

[nikonuser1]

My wife and I bought here while she was still with me but knowing she had limited time on earth. We were seasonal all those years. After she passed I moved here full time and never regretted my decision. Being a widowed person is difficult even with all of your friends. But after experiencing being the "odd" person in the group I joined several of the many singles groups. My enjoyment of life went straight up from there. The singles groups here in TV go places, do things and enjoy life. They do everything that couples do. They trevel, they play golf, pickle ball, pool volleyball, dance. I mean everything.

[PugMom]

I would move near my kids where I could be demoted back to babysitter and jack of all trades. I loved my promotion to Grandfather that The Villages move provided me. I’ll stay. I’m going to outlive everybody. The odds are against me but Forgetaboutit, I’m going to do it anyway. I’d never get married again. The reason would be obvious if you met the wife. I’m happy here!

what a sweet post

[1coventrygirl]

That is interesting, what attracts you to TOTW in Ocala vs TV?

[Mrprez]

I would keep the house and rent it out. Then I would buy a truck camper and go back out west and travel. Or a single hand sailboat and cruise to Alaska.

[Quixote]

I'm sure many of you have heard the mantra, "Don't make any major changes for at least a year." I think that's good advice. As a minority, I believe it would be more difficult here, but on second thought, it would be challenging anywhere,

Not to make major changes for a year following widowhood (or any other major change) is an excellent guideline. We once went to a house sale where the man had become a widower three weeks earlier; the problem was that the house was his wife's (second marriage), and her children wanted it sold and done. He spoke in positive terms (he was a minister). but one could see he was so at odds with what was happening....

The person who does things by them self may want to be alone. Recent widows and widowers sometimes prefer to be by themselves. Just depends on the person. Grief manifests very differently from person to person. I'm curious about your comment that TV does not offer the same lifestyle for singles. What do you mean by that?

Excellent point! I enjoy my own company and love our home. We've discussed this and have agreed that this is home, and theoretically we've both decided that we would remain here when the other dies. I say 'theoretically,' as when one of us finds oneself in this situation, who knows what can happen.

We had friends who lived in a beautiful villa in south FL, where they knew the name of the next door neighbor, and decided to move here for the day when 'the two of them' would become 'one of them.' She died suddenly, and his children encouraged him to sign onto a local singles site. He met a lovely woman and had a warm relationship; however, he too died suddenly. We moved here as they had introduced us to TV. It's ironic that we're here—and they've both died.

We have another friend from south FL who, when what was to be her only grandchild was born, with the agreement of the parents she took a studio apartment where they lived and made herself available for babysitting, shopping, cooking, and whatever the needs were. As soon as the child started school, she gave up the studio and returned to FL full time, with the realization that the parents are both working and the grandchild is not only in school but is into structured after-school activities, playdates, you name it. I have scattered children and grandchildren up north, and I cannot see living with any of them where I would be alone most of the time and enduring winters (which are the main reason I'm living in FL). My spouse agrees, but as I say, when the time comes, who knows?...

[Boomer]

We have a good friend who is facing this decision. He is in another southern state in a retirement community where he is actively involved.

He has been widowed for a few years. He is reaching an age where he is realizing it is time to acknowledge what could be coming with health issues. He had a recent scare and has recovered. But it definitely got his attention.

His kids are terrific but they live in the Midwest where it is cold and gray for many months of the year. He is looking into CCRCs (Continuing Care Retirement Communities) where he can go into independent living but will have further care if he needs it.

He is looking near his kids, up north. But he is also looking at Shell Point in Ft. Myers. He visited there and was impressed. You can look them up on medicare.gov to see how their healthcare is rated.

Shell Point is not inexpensive but seems to have a lot to offer, including close proximity to airports where his kids can connect faster than they can now. And, of course, they have the warmer weather and sunshine he loves after living for the past several years in the south.

I just learned about this place and looked through their website which is quite detailed, including pricing.

For those whose kids are scattered everywhere or who live in places that are far colder than what we are used to or for those who do not have children or family, Shell Point might be worth looking into.

All my information on Shell Point is second-hand and from the website. We have not been there. It is a 501(c)(3) which sometimes can mean it is better run than a chain but I don’t know that for sure. I think it might also mean that they do not kick you out if you run out of money -- not sure about that either. Of course, I would think you would have to have a discussion of net worth, income sources, etc. to get in.

I think our friend told us that they want you to come in while you can still live independently. The choices of homes run quite a gamut in pricing.

He is a very close friend and we are happy to see he is planning to make some decisions while he is in a position to make them for himself and can start into a CCRC in independent living.

For those who are looking ahead, it might be worth visiting the website at shellpoint.org and if it looks interesting to you, maybe take a road trip down to Ft, Myers to see what you think.

Does anyone here know anything about Shell Point in Ft. Myers? It sounds like it could offer some solutions and security for aging in place — in sunshine. :) But I don’t really know much about it, yet. It could be his choice so I will be learning more about it soon.

I wish everyone the best.

Boomer

[Quixote]

An additional point: We are all unique individuals. We are close with one woman who is so content to be alone, whereas we have another close friend whose spouse died recently and is having a difficult time, especially with the pandemic limiting activites. On the other hand, we have a much older friend who is a recent widow who is holding her own, even though she speaks of missing him tremendously. I knew them well, and they were the kind of marriage one longs for! We are all so different....

[Quixote]

We have a good friend who is facing this decision. He is in another southern state in a retirement community where he is actively involved.

He has been widowed for a few years. He is reaching an age where he is realizing it is time to acknowledge what could be coming with health issues. He had a recent scare but has recovered. But it definitely got his attention.

His kids are terrific but they live in the Midwest where it is cold and gray for many months. He is looking into CCRCs (Continuing Care Retirement Communities) where he can go into independent living but will have further care if he needs it.

He is looking near his kids, up north. But he is also looking at Shell Point in Ft. Myers. He visited there and was impressed. You can look them up on medicare.gov to see how their healthcare is rated.

Shell Point is not inexpensive but seems to have a lot to offer, including close proximity to airports where his kids can connect faster than they can now. And, of course, they have the warmer weather and sunshine he loves after living for the past several years in the south.

I just learned about this place and looked through their website which is quite detailed, including pricing.

For those whose kids are scattered everywhere or who live in places that are far colder than what we are used to or for those who do not have children or family, Shell Point might be worth looking into.

All my information on Shell Point is second-hand and from the website. We have not been there. It is a non-profit which can mean it is better run than a chain but I don’t know that for sure. I would think medical care in that area might be more available. It is located 30 miles from Naples.

I think he told us that they want you to come in while you can still live independently. The choices of homes runs quite a gamut in pricing.

He is a very close friend and we are happy to see he is planning to make some decisions while he is in a position to make them for himself and can start into a CCRC in independent living.

For those who are looking ahead, it might be worth visiting the website at shellpoint.org and if it looks interesting to you, maybe take a road trip down to Ft, Myers to see what you think.

Does anyone here know anything about Shell Point in Ft. Myers? It sounds like it could offer some solutions an security for aging in place. But I don’t really know much about it, yet.

I wish everyone the best.

Boomer

We come from a really tiny town up north and bought our present (last!) home from a couple who, it turned out, came from the same tiny town. (It just happened.) They explained to us that they were moving into such a community (that is, independent living at first and then care as needed), as they have no children and didn't want to become an imposition to their nieces and nephews.

[meme5x]

Unless one is close to family members elsewhere, where else could you go that has as many activities that The Villages does? I am a snowbird who comes down for 3 months and always finds something to do. Also eat out alone, usually in bar area

[Ajiveson]

You are very kind, but being single doesn’t mean you are lonely and being married doesn’t mean you aren’t.
I go about my day and like going out to eat or movies by myself. If I want company, I invite someone.
Life will be different when you lose someone, no matter where you live. You will find good things in life whether you are single or married.

[Villagesgal]

I've stayed. My children want me to move in with their family back home. I'm only 66, was 61 when my husband passed. Friends walk away, they are afraid you'll go after their husbands or want 4 to do things like play cards with. You have to make new friends, but with all the activities here it's worth staying. Widows don't go after widowers, that's an urban myth. Most widowers I've seen eat alone because they want too, all it takes is to ask if they could join a single woman eating alone, but they don't make the effort. Another urban myth is that all widows want or need a man to make ends meet so will go after a widower. That is the exception, not the rule. Most widows take years of grieving before they are ready to move forward and even consider dating. Many widows aren't interested in marriage again, just going out and doing things with female or male friends here in the Villages. It's hard now with covid, but we'll be able to go out and do activities again in the rec centers sometime hopefully soon. If any of you are concerned about your widowed friends, just invite them out or over for dinner, all we really need is some good friends.
As far as moving in with my either of my sons families, I tell them to ask me again when I'm 80. I love that they both want me, but I'm still enjoying my life here even though now it's alone.
You can live a good, active and happy life here as a widow, but you have to get out there and participate. It may feel like it's the end of the world when your spouse dies, but it's just the beginning of a different life, it's up to you to live it.

[Parnell]

This topic describes my life-lonely. My husband died after we moved here about 5 years ago. None of our couple friends ever invite me out to eat with them hence I never go to restaurants. Eating alone is the pits. Forget the squares etc. it's assumed that I should find other widows but that doesn't mean we'll be friends. I do my best to stay busy but usually alone. Living near my kids isn't an option. Singles clubs are event based with no lasting interactions. The saddest part is not being included with the people I was closest to. No, the villages isn't the friendliest place for widows. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent.

[cassjax2]

My husband passed, I sold our home, left,?and now I’m back. Wish I’d kept our home.

[JoMar]

Really some strange posts here. We have several single men and women in the neighborhood and they are always included on many levels. I can't comprehend the insecurity that some have that they believe their husbands would leave them and that widows are after them....especially at this time in life. We have two that became widows in the last 8 months and we treat them the same as when their spouses were here. If anything were to happen like some mention, remember, it takes two.

[Stu from NYC]

I've stayed. My children want me to move in with their family back home. I'm only 66, was 61 when my husband passed. Friends walk away, they are afraid you'll go after their husbands or want 4 to do things like play cards with. You have to make new friends, but with all the activities here it's worth staying. Widows don't go after widowers, that's an urban myth. Most widowers I've seen eat alone because they want too, all it takes is to ask if they could join a single woman eating alone, but they don't make the effort. Another urban myth is that all widows want or need a man to make ends meet so will go after a widower. That is the exception, not the rule. Most widows take years of grieving before they are ready to move forward and even consider dating. Many widows aren't interested in marriage again, just going out and doing things with female or male friends here in the Villages. It's hard now with covid, but we'll be able to go out and do activities again in the rec centers sometime hopefully soon. If any of you are concerned about your widowed friends, just invite them out or over for dinner, all we really need is some good friends.
As far as moving in with my either of my sons families, I tell them to ask me again when I'm 80. I love that they both want me, but I'm still enjoying my life here even though now it's alone.
You can live a good, active and happy life here as a widow, but you have to get out there and participate. It may feel like it's the end of the world when your spouse dies, but it's just the beginning of a different life, it's up to you to live it.

Very interesting. Always thought that a widower was in the catbird seat but do understand taking time to get over your grief when you lose your partner

[Boomer]

We have a good friend who is facing this decision. He is in another southern state in a retirement community where he is actively involved.

He has been widowed for a few years. He is reaching an age where he is realizing it is time to acknowledge what could be coming with health issues. He had a recent scare and has recovered. But it definitely got his attention.

His kids are terrific but they live in the Midwest where it is cold and gray for many months of the year. He is looking into CCRCs (Continuing Care Retirement Communities) where he can go into independent living but will have further care if he needs it.

He is looking near his kids, up north. But he is also looking at Shell Point in Ft. Myers. He visited there and was impressed. You can look them up on medicare.gov to see how their healthcare is rated.

Shell Point is not inexpensive but seems to have a lot to offer, including close proximity to airports where his kids can connect faster than they can now. And, of course, they have the warmer weather and sunshine he loves after living for the past several years in the south.

I just learned about this place and looked through their website which is quite detailed, including pricing.

For those whose kids are scattered everywhere or who live in places that are far colder than what we are used to or for those who do not have children or family, Shell Point might be worth looking into.

All my information on Shell Point is second-hand and from the website. We have not been there. It is a 501(c)(3) which sometimes can mean it is better run than a chain but I don’t know that for sure. I think it might also mean that they do not kick you out if you run out of money -- not sure about that either. Of course, I would think you would have to have a discussion of net worth, income sources, etc. to get in.

I think our friend told us that they want you to come in while you can still live independently. The choices of homes run quite a gamut in pricing.

He is a very close friend and we are happy to see he is planning to make some decisions while he is in a position to make them for himself and can start into a CCRC in independent living.

For those who are looking ahead, it might be worth visiting the website at shellpoint.org and if it looks interesting to you, maybe take a road trip down to Ft. Myers to see what you think.

Does anyone here know anything about Shell Point in Ft. Myers? It sounds like it could offer some solutions and security for aging in place — in sunshine. :) But I don’t really know much about it, yet. It could be his choice so I will be learning more about it soon.

I wish everyone the best.

Boomer


Here I am, quoting myself -- which I know is an excruciatingly tacky thing to do.

But I just wanted to follow up what I wrote this morning by providing a link to the website for Shell Point. (I did not do that earlier because I was on my iPad and even after all these years, I have never learned to link on my iPad. (blush) Now I am on my laptop.)

Anyway, here's the site. I will warn you though that you could end up spending hours going through it. See if you can find the part that is their Press Room -- kind of interesting.

Here's the link:

Shell Point Retirement Community | Luxury Southwest Florida Retirement Community (https://www.shellpoint.org/)

[JC and John]

I lost my husband in February. Although it’s been incredibly hard during the pandemic, my friends have been so great at visiting and lifting my spirits. I’m a people person and had to put myself out there. There are good people here. Yes it’s lonely at times, but I think it would be worse somewhere else. I can’t imagine being anywhere other than the Villages I feel safe and know my friends are there for me. I hope to stay here until the end. Sorry for your loss and courage to post here. Keeping reaching out to your friends and may God bless you as you walk a new path. Be well!

[crydzanich]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks

I lost my husband in 2013. He was 71 and I was 67. I listened to everything my lawyer and everyone else that said not to make any major decisions for at the least a year or two. Well, I didn’t. I found it very difficult to maintain my home, yard, and everything else once I lost his SS. I had great friends and neighbors but after 3 years I sold my home and everything in it and moved out. I went to live in VA with my daughter. It was great to have people to cook for and socialize with again. The issues I had were that the development they lived in outside of DC is that people get up before dawn and go to work and come after dark. No people my age. It wasn’t working so, I came back to the villages. I bought a small patio villa. My friends that I had before I left welcomed me back with open arms. Now the issue I have is they all still have their partners to do things with. I’m one of those women you see eating alone in the restaurants. I have to admit that I am lonely. I did get a part time job to keep me busy but was furloughed due to COVID. Sorry this is so long, but I find that we all have to do whatever it is that makes us happy. I am happy living here instead of the cold north, I guess I need to get more involved and join some clubs.

[FG111]

This topic describes my life-lonely. My husband died after we moved here about 5 years ago. None of our couple friends ever invite me out to eat with them hence I never go to restaurants. Eating alone is the pits. Forget the squares etc. it's assumed that I should find other widows but that doesn't mean we'll be friends. I do my best to stay busy but usually alone. Living near my kids isn't an option. Singles clubs are event based with no lasting interactions. The saddest part is not being included with the people I was closest to. No, the villages isn't the friendliest place for widows. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent.

Mrs. Parnell-
Thank you for sharing and I hope you find happiness here in The Villages...

P.S.------Dog spelled backwards spells God...

There are many good dogs in the local animal shelters
that would love to become your friend...

[Marshaw]

I am not a widower but I have 2 observations. All of the items you say may be true to different levels. But keep in mind, the same issue would be experienced back home.

If your from the north you have another negative. Remember you didn't move here because you wanted more snow, ice, and cold.

[eweissenbach]

We are currently snowflakes, spending 4-5 months in TV and the rest in Kansas City. If my bride of 53 years passes first I am fairly certain she would stay full time in Missouri near our three kids and our grandkids. If she were to pre decease me, I would likely sell out in Missouri and move full time to TV. I would continue to spend time with the kids and grandkids and they all have large houses with room for me when I visit. I play a lot of golf and am pretty social while dear wife doesn’t golf and is less gregarious than I. Hopefully that choice does not face either of us for many years to come, but one never knows.

[Sherrilee]

I don’t want to live in Ct!!! I dont want to burden daughter but who knows!! Not my home state - and MA too expensive... I guess I’ll stay here till a decision would need to be made.

[Pairadocs]

As a widower I moved here. The social activites and friendly atmoshere attracted me. I have family north and a little here. Covid and lock down has changed my outlook some as the people here have been nasty compared to a year ago, Lack of interaction is a problem if you are by yourself. I also do not see the rioting and extreme issues as in NY , Portland , Philly ,,,,,while I consider moving back I have not ....I hope as covid and the election passes things become more like they were....

Hope so too ! Could not agree with you more about how the nasty attitude permeated in what seemed like such a short time. "They" always say "you never know the true nature of a person until the worst of times". Can you imagine if the majority of the retired military men and women living here had acted/interacted with their comrades in arms during war times as "some" people are treating their once friends and neighbors here in TV's ? Wonder how such diverse people, culture, religion, politics, and socioeconomic status ever joined together and openly supported and encouraged and SHARED what they had with each other like my parents always told me about the "war years" ? I now wonder why that did NOT tear the nation apart and set neighbor against neighbor.... after all, my mother told me that at times it was very difficult to get such life sustaining items as ingredients to make formula for infants, a simple cup of morning coffee, some sugar you hoped for to make a cake for a birthday or some cookies for the holidays. Had to take your wagon (meaning my radio flyer) to the store, had a car but could not get rubber/tires. The person(s) with wagons ALWAYS asked the neighbors if they needed items as the thinking back then, was "why should everyone have to walk through the snow in 12 degree weather"...... Now I think of how people act here, and I wonder, would we make it through WW III when we can't even cope with "The Virus" ? Now, before it all starts with the gross comments, MANY people have NOT allowed this to change their caring, their personalities, or their basic human decency.... but the "trend" is a kind of icy every man for himself feeling and many seem to have noticed. Hope it's faded soon, maybe the election being over will help too ?
:pray::bigbow:

[Baldbaron]

To tell the truth, there are actually three certainties: Death, taxes and change. We can't really do anything much about the first two, but we can greet change as opportunity, even in our grief and frustration. There WILL be laughter in your life again...

[Gulfcoast]

This is an interesting thread to read. My reasoning for considering moving into TV is that 1) we will get our downsizing done now while we have the energy/ability to do it ourselves 2) we will choose a fairly low maintenance yard so that we will have more time for fun activities and travel 3) we will enjoy time together as a couple but we will also each find an activity or two to do individually based on our own interests 4) we will get the lay of the land and our doctors/dentist, etc established while we are clear thinking and healthy. Hopefully, we'll have things in place well before a health emergency crops up.

Health problems and the loss of a spouse are not going to be easy no matter where you live. But I would think that it would be doubly hard to go through a crisis when you are in a regular suburban neighborhood with mostly young families around you. It's not that the neighbors don't care, they just are in a very different stage of life than a retired couple is. I'm not a big fan of the idea of moving in with my adult children even though I think that they are amazingly wonderful people. They need to focus on work, their own spouses/homes and raising their own children without worrying about me and their dad. So, for me, part of the plan would be to stay put in TV, in our paid off home no matter what life brings our way. Or at least that is the theory I have of how it will be. I know that reality has a way of changing plans.

[manaboutown]

Each situation is different. I know a woman widowed three times in 35 years who soon found a new husband after each one passed. She is plain in appearance but pleasant intelligent company. Another one in her early 70s within a short period of time married a guy she had worked with for years after her husband of 40+ years suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. Others live out their lives as singles. People handle grief differently. I have observed widowers and widows marrying people they had known in childhood or throughout their marriages. IMHO a late in life marriage within someone you have known well over time is a good thing.

Also I believe one's age, health, outlook on life and family situation can be determinative factors.

[B-flat]

This topic describes my life-lonely. My husband died after we moved here about 5 years ago. None of our couple friends ever invite me out to eat with them hence I never go to restaurants. Eating alone is the pits. Forget the squares etc. it's assumed that I should find other widows but that doesn't mean we'll be friends. I do my best to stay busy but usually alone. Living near my kids isn't an option. Singles clubs are event based with no lasting interactions. The saddest part is not being included with the people I was closest to. No, the villages isn't the friendliest place for widows. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent.

Quite a few years ago my in-laws lived in Oak Run 55 + Ocala. They told us once a spouse passed the widow/widower became like a 5th wheel and were never invited out with those friends who were their friends as couples. It all came down to the same thing the widow/widower was assumed to be a wife or husband thief.

[kcrazorbackfan]

I’ve told my wife when I go to put a sign on the front door the says “only single digit handicaps need knock on this door”. 😀😀

[NavyVet]

Interesting topic. I have thought about this subject a lot and even did some research. Almost 18 years in TV and, in spite of it being a "community with the illusion of gates," I had felt safer here than anywhere else I have lived. Thanks to ptsd and agoraphobia, I don't do well with crowd situations, etc. and try to keep my life simple and quiet. If it was to happen that my DH goes first and leaves me behind, I would not want to live here alone in a house that would be too difficult to maintain by myself. Also, too expensive between the bonds, taxes, amenities fees, etc for a 'lifestyle' I don't use and surely don't get my money's worth. I would have zero interest in dating or becoming a nurse or purse for anyone else. I would most likely look into a CCRC/independent living situation so I know I'll be taken care of when needed. I will never leave Florida as it has the best Veterans benefits of all the neighboring states. I would be sure to live near a VAMC and also closer to a military base. I have been researching CCRCs near Jacksonville. Hopefully this won't happen for a long time as I am not yet 65. But if it does, I want to be prepared. I would wait at least a year but then I'm outta here. Moving is not an option until then.
The other factor that has been mentioned here is going to live with kids. I never had children, but even if I did, I would never subject them to having to take care of me in my old age, the way my elderly parents did to me. 2020 has been tough on many people, but for me it's a piece of cake compared to 2017-2019. I had no life, couldn't travel. Caregiving is all encompassing and stressful in the best of circumstances and a full time job. Dealing with toxic family members on top of that stress was exhausting and ruined my health, both physical and mental. So the past few years have not been 'fun' the way retirement should be.
I have enjoyed all 3 of my homes here but not overly attached to any of them. I won't miss the crowds, traffic, or roundabouts. I would definitely miss having my own pool though.
Sorry for rambling - guess I got a little sidetracked. Everyone's circumstances are different and unique. Many residents here have a carefree retirement and TV is party central. I'm happy for them. However, many others struggle with various issues, whether financial, illness, disability, relatives, and so on.
Ain't nothing easy about aging! Best of luck!

[gpkk_2000]

This is such a tender subject. One so many of us face here in The Villages. We don't spend enough time talking between the two of us, (other than a persurary passing comment) that we are not giving our significant others some peace after our passing. My own circumstance depends on my personality. I am somewhat a loner, so am comfortable being alone. I crave the companionship of an animal (a feline) so would search out a new pet as I would not be traveling as much. He would search out another relationship, I am ok with that, I understand his needs.

My deepest concern is that my contribution to our core family is passed on to those that I want. I have seen too many inheritances go to a new spouse/family that did not have "ownership"). That has been taken care of.

[Gulfcoast]

Navyvet - be sure to analyze the financial stability of the CCRC before you commit to anything. Many are fine but more than a few are on shaky enough ground that I would be worried. If the CCRC goes belly up so does your contract and all of the money that you invested. Not trying to scare you, just giving a friendly reminder to do your research.

[Gulfcoast]

This is such a tender subject. One so many of us face here in The Villages. We don't spend enough time talking between the two of us, (other than a persurary passing comment) that we are not giving our significant others some peace after our passing. My own circumstance depends on my personality. I am somewhat a loner, so am comfortable being alone. I crave the companionship of an animal (a feline) so would search out a new pet as I would not be traveling as much. He would search out another relationship, I am ok with that, I understand his needs.

My deepest concern is that my contribution to our core family is passed on to those that I want. I have seen too many inheritances go to a new spouse/family that did not have "ownership"). That has been taken care of.

I would talk to a lawyer about possibly setting up a trust.

[FenneyGirl]

I would definitely stay. I told my husband I wanted us to get settled here so than when one of us goes, the other left behind won’t be lonely. We would have great health care already set up. This place is Paradise to both of us. Both of us said we would keep our home. It’s sits on a pond and we really enjoy the birds.

[Coal Miner]

I would move back home and winter here.

[KristineTVFL]

My husband and I have discussed this subject. I’m not sure we have the same ideas on what we would do when the other passes. Personally, I think TV would be a great place for a single person. There are so many opportunities to do things you like to do, try things you’ve wanted to try, travel and meet new people. However, those aren’t the things I’m thinking about. My thoughts run more to....do I want to remain in this house? Do I want to downsize to a smaller individual home, giving up well known friends and neighbors that may provide needed moral support? Would I be better off in a condo or apartment? If I sold the house, rent wouldn’t be an issue, if something breaks or needs replacing, you just call the landlord. I feel that senior women are so vulnerable in so many ways. We don’t have the strength to do things that might me easy for a larger, stronger male. Would I feel safer if I was surrounded more closely by more people? I think it’s a very individual decision that has to be made based on personal preferences, finances and health. Everyone grieves differently and I’ve always been told that you should wait at least a year to make any significant changes.

[LarsB]

Not so.. it is difficult for singles to meet contrary to the supposed men/women ratio.

[angellmccann@yahoo.com]

I would stay. There are so many clubs and activities to get involved in. There are many singles here and people are friendly and want to meet others. You have to make an effort to make it work! You can always visit family but I feel it’s important to have your own life!

[Idaholady]

I’ve been a widow for five years. Three years ago I suffered a major health scare. After that I realized life is short - I better enjoy the rest of it. I came down here last winter and checked out The Villages and decided to move here which I did in June. Terrible timing because of Covid. So far, I have found The Villages to not be a great place for a widow. I’m hoping it’s different when clubs and activities resume. My neighbors for the most part have not been friendly. No parties, etc. like I understand other neighborhoods have. I am very outgoing and social and I’m finding it to be difficult. I won’t go to bars or dancing at the squares by myself. Also, I realized I moved too far away from my kids since Covid is making travel difficult. I’ll give it a year and if I feel the same way I’ll move back west.

[DanBrew]

Two years ago, my spouse of 37 years decided to pass to California as I guess since I was no longer making money, but rather spending it, the gig was up. I bought back half the house from her that I had already paid for once, stayed and have never regretted it. This place is awesome!!!

[cmeinel@verizon.net]

For me it will depend on how much support I have in the villages, if have a few good friends I could depend on in time of need, I would definitely consider staying but likely would down size. I am new and only 62 so I have a lot of acquaintances but I haven’t had anyone wanting to be a close friend. My husband is still working and I spend a lot of time alone in the house. I have some mobility concerns so I don’t just mosey around alone.

[TerSul]

Moving to The Villages was my husband's idea. Then he got sick with a degenerative brain disease complicated by Parkinson's. I was amazed how helpful and thoughtful Villagers were. I never went anywhere that someone wouldn't offer to help me move my husband. Neighbors were always checking on me and encouraging me. My husband died nearly seven years ago and I am still here. I remember thinking that if we had to grow old, this was a good place to do it since The Villages provides everything you need to delay the process. That hasn't changed. I love the availability of music and art and the long winters of New England discourage me to make a move. Since my adult children are spread out, this works for me. Who knew?

[bonniemanross]

I was a Realtor here with Re/Max and we always suggested to our clients not to make any drastic moves for at least a year. Just to make sure you really want to move back north.

[dadoiron]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks

But I'd get a smaller place - bills with no vegetation - rocks. Can't beat the weather.

[dadoiron]

Villas - hate spell check that changes it to bills????

[rmd2]

I’ve been a widow for five years. Three years ago I suffered a major health scare. After that I realized life is short - I better enjoy the rest of it. I came down here last winter and checked out The Villages and decided to move here which I did in June. Terrible timing because of Covid. So far, I have found The Villages to not be a great place for a widow. I’m hoping it’s different when clubs and activities resume. My neighbors for the most part have not been friendly. No parties, etc. like I understand other neighborhoods have. I am very outgoing and social and I’m finding it to be difficult. I won’t go to bars or dancing at the squares by myself. Also, I realized I moved too far away from my kids since Covid is making travel difficult. I’ll give it a year and if I feel the same way I’ll move back west.

It will be better when all the clubs and activities are going. The recreation centers are a great place to make new friends. I've lived here 10 years and have noticed the stress of COVID has taken a toll on people here during this pandemic. It's understandable. It WILL be better.

[rwfisher1969]

My wife and I were just talking about this the other day. We are planning our move to the Villages for next year. She asked me what I would do and I said that I would stay. I look forward to the life that want to build there. It not be something that I would want to stop living. She said that she did not know what she would do. I think she would go back and forth.

[NavyVet]

I’ve been a widow for five years. Three years ago I suffered a major health scare. After that I realized life is short - I better enjoy the rest of it. I came down here last winter and checked out The Villages and decided to move here which I did in June. Terrible timing because of Covid. So far, I have found The Villages to not be a great place for a widow. I’m hoping it’s different when clubs and activities resume. My neighbors for the most part have not been friendly. No parties, etc. like I understand other neighborhoods have. I am very outgoing and social and I’m finding it to be difficult. I won’t go to bars or dancing at the squares by myself. Also, I realized I moved too far away from my kids since Covid is making travel difficult. I’ll give it a year and if I feel the same way I’ll move back west.

These are definitely unusual times. Have seen numerous articles about how the whole pandemic restrictions thing is especially difficult for extrovert people. For introverts, homebodies, and those with anxiety disorders, it has been less of a drastic change. Some people handle being alone better than others and are not necessarily lonely. Some people can't handle being alone at all and need to be out doing things constantly. Me, I'm never bored. I always know how to amuse myself.
:)

[Madelaine Amee]

I have no idea, and also hope it is many years before I have to nmake a decision like that. Perhaps I will get lucky and go before him.

[kathyspear]

This has been a really interesting thread. Condolences to all those who have suffered the loss of their spouse and many thanks for taking the time to share your experiences with us.

Recently I had a health scare and asked the hubs if he would move back up north if I died. He said YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE ANY TIME SOON and for now, at least, that turned out to be the case. :)

We had been snow birds for several years before moving to TV full-time. My sister and her hubby lived here already. Had that not been the case we would have settled in Pinellas County, where our winter place was. I'm sure that if I go first my guy will move back "home" where his mom, brother, daughter and her family live. Winters don't bother him the way they bother me. If I end up alone I will stay here as long as sissy and BIL are still here. Our house is on the larger side as TV homes go, though, (2650 sq ft) so I would definitely move to a smaller place.

Good luck to everyone as you get to the place in your life where these decisions need to be made.

kathy

[Dennys37Packard]

If that dreaded day ever comes, my worst nightmare, I would stay and stay single. I could never find perfection like her. There is so much to do here, so many things I enjoy, there would be no where else I would want to be. It is peaceful, beautiful, and can be as exciting or as laid back as you want, depending on your mood that day.

[Lbmb24101]

Completely agree with you
I am in a similar situation

[Two Bills]

Believe me when I say that I am as tough as old boots.
But.
If my other half went before me I would be a complete and total wreck.
I would probably seriously consider making it a double funeral.
It's my worse nightmare, and to awful to imagine.

[tfa4755]

I am staying. My passed in August 2019.
I love Florida and TV

[sswitenki]

These are things that I think many people think about. We have a place near Canada and I love It but know I couldn’t stay there alone. If something happened and I were sick and unable to drive, there is not delivery service for food or medication. Amazon can only go so far. Although no cab service here, I could get help. People are friendly here and opportunities are available to meet others with your interests.

[RealJudy]

I’m staying and my husband would have stayed if he hadn’t passed away. Some go back to family only to find they are working and grandchildren are in school; so, you’re alone all day. Winters can be brutal north of Florida. Be with your friends here and visit family while kids are out of school and you can really enjoy them.

[kathyc1955]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks
Hi,

The reason we moved to the villages was if something happened to one of us we would already have activities & a base of friends one of us passed away. Our family Is 2 days drive away.

My husband passed away of a fast illness. It is hard being alone. I can be as active as I want to be. I still have friends to do things with. It’s different though.

We started doing a few things separately so we had friends that weren’t just couples. He had car guy friends I had samba & Mah Jong friends. We shared pickle ball friends.

Pickle ball is a good mixer you don’t need to be a couple. You get in line & play the next 4 when a court opens.

Some friends that lost spouses did go back home but home wasn’t the same either. Everyone has busy lives, they found themselves waiting for someone To be free to do something with. They moved back to the villages. They were happier here there are more people like you here.

It’s not easy being a widow. I could sit & mope around But I choose not to. I am making new friendships & holding on To some of the old friends too.

Am I super happy all the time of course not. No one truly is. I’m doing the best I can especially during these covid times.

The important thing is I have my health, I am helping friends when I can. I am learning as I go. I am grateful for sharing the 10 years of retirement that I Did have with my husband.

Im still on the younger end of the villagers, am I searching for someone? No. It would be nice to meet someone special again. Right now I need to find out who the new me is. What do I really want?

My suggestion to other couples is to make sure your final arrangements are all made. Make sure either person would be financially ok. Make sure you expand your interests to create a few of your own friends. Stay as healthy as you can and enjoy each other while you can, let the small stuff go.

We are responsible for our own happiness and how we treat others. I try to add to other people’s lives not take away. A good example: the other day I was walking my dog & made some small talk with a neighbor I didn’t know. At the end I said “have a good day”. He Said “and you have even a better one”.

I’m stealing that. It made me smile all day. Take care.

[Garywt]

Part of the reason we bought here and bought what we did was because my wife can continue on here without me.

[cj1040]

Agree..they have their own lives

[cj1040]

Even with a spouse this covid thing has made a lot of us lonely when we can't socialize like before. I miss all of my own activities...just hang in and things will get better.

[John_W]

If my wife passed away, I would probably stay in TV as long as I could golf and go to MVP. My other option would be to sell my CYV and pay off my reverse mortgage, take my balance and buy a Class A motor home like this 2015 Winnebago 36' from LaMesa RV in Sanford for $99,000 and head to Pinellas County.

https://lmrvimages.azureedge.net/pp148957/01-main.jpg

https://lmrvimages.azureedge.net/pp148957/03-main.jpg

Once in Pinellas County I would head to the section known as Seminole. Park at one of the local RV camp grounds with a pool. It's a 1/2 mile from Madeira Beach, Bay Pines VA Hospital is right there, Walmart is right there and most any store you need is on Seminole Blvd. Here on this map.

Google Maps (https://www.google.com/maps/search/rv+camp+grounds/@27.8205838,-82.784648,3599m/data=!3m2!1e3!4b1!4m8!2m7!3m6!1srv+camp+grounds!2s Bay+Pines+VA+Healthcare+System,+10000+Bay+Pines+Bl vd,+Bay+Pines,+FL+33744!3s0x88db43b7e43afc83:0x765 4250f2119907!4m2!1d-82.7788821!2d27.8106262)

This RV park fits the bill.

https://bickleypark.com/our-lots/

This is a standard lot, $495 a month on an annual lease.

https://www.passport-america.com/campgrounds/images/2952_6.png

https://www.passport-america.com/campgrounds/images/2952_3.png

[meme5x]

I’m an oddity.. married and husband visits once in awhile..hard to make friends with this status..just can’t take the cold..wish there were more single type activities.

[FG111]

I’m an oddity.. married and husband visits once in awhile..hard to make friends with this status..just can’t take the cold..wish there were more single type activities.

Explore your inner self and explore. There are many lonely dudes that will
be happy to replace your husband and fulfill your needs. Good Luck

[Topspinmo]

We have a neighbor who has this philosophy. These old men who survive their wives are either looking for " a nurse or a purse."

So, you’re saying there no gold digger’s around here:popcorn:

[manaboutown]

You might have to stay in your house if you have a reverse mortgage on it and little or no equity left in it if you need money from your home's equity to move. On top of that I believe the income from his SS might be gone.

[John_W]

...wish there were more single type activities.

Almost every activity for me started as a single type activity. When I started playing softball I went for evaluation at Buffalo Ridge and then was placed on a team. I played five years in a row, three seasons of 14 games a year until I stopped. When I took Pickleball 101 and then went to Colony Cottage and played during beginner's time until I got better and played more often. When I went to MVP at Brownwood, I tried all the classes the first two weeks and then just attended the ones I liked afterwards. When I played golf, I put my name in with twosomes and threesomes that I didn't know and met a lot of nice people. Then I began playing with a neighbor nine years ago, now we have a steady foursome, we added two players who put their name in with us. I just read on the bowling thread that Villagetinker is looking for bowlers and to send him a private message. The point is, you have to make it work yourself, no one is going to give you anything.

[Papa_lecki]

Why would you possible be taking such a life changing decision advice from the Internet?

[RaunchyRich]

YES I WOULD STAY.. Absolutely... it's safe.

[Aces4]

NO!

[TwinTurboViper]

This is a question I have asked myself and my wife many times. We have no children and other family members are all involved with their own circle and as we both have learned from getting married at 60 and her 50, that life without a "true & loving" partner can be no life at all.

To answer your question I have thought many times about it and have told my wife more than once should she leave before me that I would buy a nice dog for a companion and move to Maui where I have always liked the seclusion and solitude to live my last days.

One thing she has told me more than once..... I worry more about "her" if something should happen to either than I worry about living today in taking measures over and beyond in "preparations" for her should I leave first. THIS.... is peace of mind knowing she will be secure once I am gone

If and when we can ever get out again I will show her more than ever things that she has only dreamed of. Living alone without her is one choice I hope I never have to make and yes I will end up in Maui... with my faithful companion away from people should she leave me here alone.

[RLORFS]

I lost my wife last week from a sudden illness that took her 2 weeks ago over a weekend. So sad. She was beautiful, healthy and very active. We moved to Arizona to try retirement living here and have not liked much. She was 69 and I am 63 so we thought there would be lots here to do and see. Not so much. A few weeks before she passed we were discussing moving to TV's. We thought if one of us went the other might be able to continue life with new friends and activities. We have no kids so geography was never an issue. Thats why I decided to read this post. I wanted to see what people thought who have experienced the same thing I'm experiencing now. I have no connections here and was curious if such a move to TV's would help in finding things to do to keep my mind free. My sole-mate is gone and I will miss her forever, but at some point I will need to rebuild my life.

[OrangeBlossomBaby]

I guess it would depend on my financial status at the time. If I could afford it and was still in good physical condition, I'd probably return north and maybe find a nice 1st-floor apartment in Cambridge, MA near Harvard Square. Or possibly buying a tiny home in one of the retirement communities somewhere near Eugene, Oregon. Or maybe I'd keep the house here, renovate it and rent it out while I travel overseas for a few months every year. Placed I'd love to go, that I haven't gone to because it just doesn't interest the spouse. Greece, Wales, England, Parts of India, maybe Morocco, parts of Spain, Madagascar. Lots of this planet I want to see before I'm too old to appreciate them.

[charlieo1126@gmail.com]

Been in the villages many years and in many homes but my plans have never changed, I would stay here as long as I was healthy ( I am at 82 ) but the cutoff would be 85 but no later then 86 and then I would go back home to Boston . I want to live where I can walk to everything and I can interact with all kinds of people on city streets . I always thought looking out the window in your last years in Florida if your ill and staring at grass or a parking lot while your dying in the sun is not for me and if I do get sick in the future I’ll be getting treated at Massachusetts General Hospital a 15 minute walk from my home

[retiredguy123]

I lost my wife last week from a sudden illness that took her 2 weeks ago over a weekend. So sad. She was beautiful, healthy and very active. We moved to Arizona to try retirement living here and have not liked much. She was 69 and I am 63 so we thought there would be lots here to do and see. Not so much. A few weeks before she passed we were discussing moving to TV's. We thought if one of us went the other might be able to continue life with new friends and activities. We have no kids so geography was never an issue. Thats why I decided to read this post. I wanted to see what people thought who have experienced the same thing I'm experiencing now. I have no connections here and was curious if such a move to TV's would help in finding things to do to keep my mind free. My sole-mate is gone and I will miss her forever, but at some point I will need to rebuild my life.
At 63, there is time to start over, but don't wait too long. There are lots of things to do and people to meet in The Villages. Good luck.

[CFrance]

My husband would flee to SW France. I would stay here. There's no pickleball there. It's lovely but cold and rainy in the winter. I love it there in the spring/summer, but I like it here, and if I had to choose, climate would prevail.

[kathyspear]

I lost my wife last week from a sudden illness that took her 2 weeks ago over a weekend. So sad. She was beautiful, healthy and very active. We moved to Arizona to try retirement living here and have not liked much. She was 69 and I am 63 so we thought there would be lots here to do and see. Not so much.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Many people suggest not making any big decisions for a while after losing a partner. Maybe take some time to think about what you want out of life, what kind of activities you can see yourself taking part in. Lots to do here, with over 3,000 clubs. And the weather is nice more often than not.

Good luck.

kathy

[FenneyGuy]

My wife passed and so far, I have no plans to leave.

[SKIMAN]

I plan to sell hop on the steel pony no gps ride until I want to stop have a beer and think about the next day.

[vintageogauge]

I have no idea at this point, I guess it would depend on health, where my family is at the time, and how much driving I could do at the time. Probably stay put for awhile weighing my options. I hope I don't have to make that decision.

[DavidCovid]

I lost my wife last week from a sudden illness that took her 2 weeks ago over a weekend. So sad. She was beautiful, healthy and very active. We moved to Arizona to try retirement living here and have not liked much. She was 69 and I am 63 so we thought there would be lots here to do and see. Not so much. A few weeks before she passed we were discussing moving to TV's. We thought if one of us went the other might be able to continue life with new friends and activities. We have no kids so geography was never an issue. Thats why I decided to read this post. I wanted to see what people thought who have experienced the same thing I'm experiencing now. I have no connections here and was curious if such a move to TV's would help in finding things to do to keep my mind free. My sole-mate is gone and I will miss her forever, but at some point I will need to rebuild my life.

I'm so very sorry for your loss and as you previously stated, at some point, you will have to rebuild your life. I hope you do find happiness be it within The Villages or anywhere else. Be safe.

[rjm1cc]

I think part of the answer has to consider your age and health as well as is their an a place you can move back too.

[unialimon]

NO.

[GrumpyOldMan]

My wife and I have discussed this, and I would probably stay here until I die. My wife, on the other hand is pretty sure the will sell here and move closer to her kids in CA.

[JMintzer]

A little levity, for a somewhat somber discussion...


A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving," he says, "I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I guess so."

"If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand-new. It's going to last a long time. I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."

[DAVES]

The only two things certain in life; death and taxes.

Although we live in a lovely house here in The Villages and live a great life with lovely neighbors, I personally don't know that I will remain in The Villages after my spouse passes ( or if she remains if I pass first ) or just move back home with family.

Naturally, living here as a widower in The Villages would not bring the same happiness as living with my spouse and I don't believe The Villages offers the same lifestlye for singles. I feel so terribly sad when I see a lady / gentleman eating by themselves in a restaurant / walking the dog by themselves or just being isolated from the rest of the community since they are a recent / current widower.

**Not saying that all widoweres are lonely or isolated**, but unfortunately life dramatically changes when one loses their spouse and living here in The Villages would never be the same.

I'd sincerely enjoy any feedback from current / recent widowers on how you deal and how life has changed living in The Villages after your loss. Thanks

Not sure why you are thinking this way. Perhaps, an illness, perhaps a friend. In any case being a widower and moving from the villages, you will still be a widower where ever you go. Moving does not solve that.

Funny yet sad. My mom in a far smaller active senior place when word was out that my father had passed had several guys hitting on her. One it particular only lasted till he discovered his information was wrong. They had little or no money.

[bobdeb]

Tough question. Although my wife would be back up to New England for sure.

Both my daughters are southern girls now so I may stay.

I've moved around a bit but one of my favorite places was in a small New Hampshire town. Had farmhouse on a beautiful piece of property with stone walls, a bubbling stream and apple trees.

And lots of land between all of the neighbor's homes.