Message from an old friend

[TOMCAT]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

[raynan]

So sorry for your losses. Ignore him.

[Mortal1]

I understand why this would bother you as it would me too. Get off social media...it isn't worth the stress.

[fdpaq0580]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

Facebook? Oh, my.
PM him back and say, " Still feeling my loss. Too soon for me to get involved in others problems. Sorry." , then block him from your account.
This sounds to me like maybe he sees you as a sensitive soft touch for money. If you haven't seen either for 20 years, then you are not that close. No call here.

[bagboy]

Three very good answers.

[Stu from NYC]

I do not see how it would hurt to reach out and discuss your mutual grief.

However if you do not want to do it, dont do it.

[billethkid]

Facebook.....need anymore be said!!!
Publicly expose your personal information? Live with the result.

[charlieo1126@gmail.com]

Is this guy being inconsiderate, maybe but most likely not , after all you are having some kind of connection through Facebook. The sister may be like many as they get older who seem to think the past was always better , for some it might be , but mostly it’s just the past. I’m sorry for what you have gone through and everyone processes grief different, but maybe a call to his sister may help her with a minute or two of forgetting about her health issues by talking about for her were sweet moments , maybe it will help you or maybe not , the choice is yours to make

[Rose Ann Vinci Igoe]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

we all would handle this differently. So if you don't want to , don't, delete message and let it go. no need to delete Him as a FB friend he meant well. If he says anything just say I'm not ready right now, I'm sure you can understand... period. or just don't respond to the message, not everyone responds back when they write to someone. you don 't need this stress right now.

[TOMCAT]

we all would handle this differently. So if you don't want to , don't, delete message and let it go. no need to delete Him as a FB friend he meant well. If he says anything just say I'm not ready right now, I'm sure you can understand... period. or just don't respond to the message, not everyone responds back when they write to someone. you don 't need this stress right now.

Yes, I did try that at first. I told him politely that I went through a lot with my brother and niece and the sicknesses that they had. He did not seem to get it. He message me back with their phone numbers. I then message him again and told him I am not ready for anymore grief right now and put him on ignore on messenger. There is more to it. I heard through a mutual friend that his sister got involved in drugs. I do not need that stress. Plus, I would feel funny calling someone after so many years. He also told me not to tell her that he told me to call her and not to mention her health issues, which I do not know what they are. Just too suspicious to me. After all, I do not know them that well anymore.

[New Englander]

This is exactly why I don't use ANY social media's.

[MartinSE]

Well, I am only on FB for connection to my family which is spread all over the country. So, I simply set my profile to ONLY allow my friends to see or communicate with me. Problem solved.

[Nucky]

Yes, I did try that at first. I told him politely that I went through a lot with my brother and niece and the sicknesses that they had. He did not seem to get it. He message me back with their phone numbers. I then message him again and told him I am not ready for anymore grief right now and put him on ignore on messenger. There is more to it. I heard through a mutual friend that his sister got involved in drugs. I do not need that stress. Plus, I would feel funny calling someone after so many years. He also told me not to tell her that he told me to call her and not to mention her health issues, which I do not know what they are. Just too suspicious to me. After all, I do not know them that well anymore.

You don't deserve the response you received. Strange things happen on Facebook. I wish I could tell you how to block the person who is bothering you but I have done the blocking myself but it was by trial and error.

Sorry for your loss. The answer for the other person lies elsewhere, don't feel bad for a second. You did the correct thing by asking for advice on here. It's one of many resources when you need a helping hand. :pray:

[Gpsma]

This is exactly why I don't use ANY social media's.

Yet you are on TOTV...not too different.

To the OP...ignore everything.

[TOMCAT]

This is exactly why I don't use ANY social media's.

Yes, I thought about deactivating my Facebook account, but I will miss the family pictures that get posted, and I do try to wish my family Happy Birthdays as Facebook is good at reminding me of birthdays. I have a big family. It is this just this one person. I did feel bad, but he made me feel bad. I do not want to call anyone I haven’t seen or talk to for 20 years. Before that meeting when we met, I saw them last when we were kids, 25 years before.

This is social media also. There is a risk with social media.

[SGR720]

Yes, I thought about deactivating my Facebook account, but I will miss the family pictures that get posted, and I do try to wish my family Happy Birthdays as Facebook is good at reminding me of birthdays. I have a big family. It is this just this one person. I did feel bad, but he made me feel bad. I do not want to call anyone I haven’t seen or talk to for 20 years. Before that meeting when we met, I saw them last when we were kids, 25 years before.

This is social media also. There is a risk with social media.

You can unfriend him on Facebook, he will not be notified that you have unfriended him but he should not be able to contact you again. In Facebook go to the help center and ask how to unfriend someone and they will give you instructions on how to do that. There is no need for you to deactivate your account just block his access to you.
Good luck.

[MartinSE]

This is exactly why I don't use ANY social media's.

Well, except you are here on a social media.

[Two Bills]

Well, except you are here on a social media.

Except on here, if anyone has any sense, they are not who they are!
I have a Facebook account, that is just for the family.
Even my details on that page are false., but our kids and friends know it is me.
There is enough real information about everyone floating about on the internet, without adding more to it unnecessarily in my humble opinion.

Regarding OP's problem, I agree with what was suggested in earlier post, and just unfriend the person. Seems easiest way out, without actually giving other person a straight refusal.

[La lamy]

Yes, I did try that at first. I told him politely that I went through a lot with my brother and niece and the sicknesses that they had. He did not seem to get it. He message me back with their phone numbers. I then message him again and told him I am not ready for anymore grief right now and put him on ignore on messenger. There is more to it. I heard through a mutual friend that his sister got involved in drugs. I do not need that stress. Plus, I would feel funny calling someone after so many years. He also told me not to tell her that he told me to call her and not to mention her health issues, which I do not know what they are. Just too suspicious to me. After all, I do not know them that well anymore.

Sounds like you've done what you need to do. Peace.

[mkjelenbaas]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.
First of all I would not take advice from someone I do not know and on this site! Make a decision and run with it.

[danglanzsr]

If I got off Facebook, I would lose my Gary Larson, Dilbert, Amateur Guitar, and other valuable groups and my family connections! No way!

[Ken D.]

Yes, I did try that at first. I told him politely that I went through a lot with my brother and niece and the sicknesses that they had. He did not seem to get it. He message me back with their phone numbers. I then message him again and told him I am not ready for anymore grief right now and put him on ignore on messenger. There is more to it. I heard through a mutual friend that his sister got involved in drugs. I do not need that stress. Plus, I would feel funny calling someone after so many years. He also told me not to tell her that he told me to call her and not to mention her health issues, which I do not know what they are. Just too suspicious to me. After all, I do not know them that well anymore.
Why do I sense he’s setting you up for money? Sister has a drug problem, hmmm

[tsmall22204]

Living your life on social media will only result in hacks and scams. There are those out there that will take advantage of every opportunity to scam you.

[Shoogley]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.
The older you get the more memories come flooding back because you have more time. There certain triggers ( death. Weddings, birth etc.) that bring memories to the fore. You cannot grow old friends. Make contact and take the good memories and enjoy. And share the loss of loved with a little sympathy and pain.

[Petersweeney]

Tell the person why you don’t want to get involved in the situation- you’ll sleep better at night knowing you didn’t run from the issue by”unfriending” him….

[midiwiz]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

it's funny you ask that, because I constantly wonder why people treat FB like that. It's an internet forum - you owe no one anything, including the truth. The internet has long been the mask for people. You can be whoever you want to be, if someone wants to judge you then it's their ego and problem not yours.

For those that came into the internet when AOL ruined it, you wouldn't see this it just seems like a huge social party - the internet was never a huge social party, it in fact, was a place of information that was far more accurate and far less littered than it is today. Now everyone has to document their life like it matters to the world - trust me it doesn't all you are doing is helping the hackers.

Quit worrying about all that and just do whatever you want to do - that's it

[bp243]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

You kind and sensitive nature is a gift, but we all have control over how our gifts are shared. Clearly, you are still experiencing your own losses and this acquaintance seems to have missed that. Perhaps politely acknowledge that this isn’t the best time for you, but that you’ll keep his concerns in mind for the future. Then, if he still doesn’t get the message either unfriend or block him. Lots of choices. Good luck!

[Queenie504]

Whats the bug deal? Unfriend and block them both. They don't need to know your business.

[Jeffery M]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

If you feel that you want to contact his sister then go ahead. She wasn't the one being tactless. That is her brother. As far as he goes, just disregard him. If he wants to be considerate and contact you then fine. Tell him how you felt about his lack of sympathy. If he continues being inconsiderate toward you then he is being self-centered, and the best thing to do is recognize that he is the type of person you don't need in your life. Stay away from a narcissistic person like that.

[Jeanette.U]

My family is also spread across the country. We have a private family Facebook group where only the members can see what is posted.

[airstreamingypsy]

Here's the thing about FB, just because you posted something doesn't mean the post went to all your friends' FB feed. You are assuming he knows about your loss, but he may not.

[dhdallas]

Facebook should be called Vain-Book. People post the most inane things about themselves as if anyone cares how busy the supermarket was, that you were stuck in traffic, a photo of what you had for lunch, really stupid jokes, yet another photo of a grandchild (or dog), your new ___ (insert car, house, whatever), the weather, your personal opinions of whatever, yet another selfie, etc. The vain among us seem to enjoy seeing just how many "Friends" they can accumulate whether or not they ever actually knew them (or cared about them). Then there is that someone from 50 years ago. If a person wasn't important enough to you to keep in touch for years and years, why would you give a crap about them now. Everyone seems to trying to outdo everyone else in the vanity race. I am opting out (right after I post a photo of myself typing these comments).

"People speak well of the man who does not speak too much of himself."
- Epictetus (l.c. 50 - c. 130 CE)
"One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses."
— Dale Carnegie, 1888-1955, author/lecturer

[Watchdr@yahoo.com]

I understand both sides and the ultimate decision is yours and only yours. But, you never know what a kind word can do for someone’s spirits. Think about a smile from a total stranger and how it makes you smile. Your attitude is contagious and you may just be or have the words that this girl needs to hear. It’s only a few minutes of your time for a person who is battling something we cannot understand. Again, this decision is only yours but think about it.

[Curtisbwp]

I stay in contact with several of my childhood friends. I find it very satisfying

[ProfessorDave]

Responding: A Life Choice. Giver or Taker.

“I watched them tearing a building down,
A gang of men in a busy town.
With a ho-heave-ho and a lusty yell,
They swung a beam, and the side wall fell.
I asked the foreman: "Are these skilled--
And the men you'd hire if you had to build?"
He gave me a laugh and said: "No, indeed!
Just common labor is all I need.
I can wreck in a day or two
What builders have taken a year to do."
And I thought to myself as I went my way,
Which of these roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder who works with care
Measuring life by a rule and square?
Am I shaping my deeds to a well made Plan,
Patiently doing the best I can?
Or am I a wrecker, who walks the town
Content with the labor of tearing down?”

[TOMCAT]

Here's the thing about FB, just because you posted something doesn't mean the post went to all your friends' FB feed. You are assuming he knows about your loss, but he may not.

He did know as he expressed his condolences in the comments of it.

[TOMCAT]

If you feel that you want to contact his sister then go ahead. She wasn't the one being tactless. That is her brother. As far as he goes, just disregard him. If he wants to be considerate and contact you then fine. Tell him how you felt about his lack of sympathy. If he continues being inconsiderate toward you then he is being self-centered, and the best thing to do is recognize that he is the type of person you don't need in your life. Stay away from a narcissistic person like that.

Yes, that was what I felt. He is narcissistic.

[TOMCAT]

My family is also spread across the country. We have a private family Facebook group where only the members can see what is posted.

Yes, I made a family group page where my family sees it. I am very careful who my friends are. I do not let anyone be my friend, only people I know. Still some want to get closer. Like was said earlier, Facebook is entertainment and not to create relationships that some may not want to go any further. I ignored him. If in time, I decide to talk to his sister, I will. I have no desire right now. I certainly do not want to get involved with other people’s problems. If she was a close friend who I talk with all the time, that would be different.

Thank you all for your kind suggestions. It was most appreciated.

[joelfmi]

Kristina Lerman, a principal scientist at the USC Viterbi School of Engineering Information Sciences Institute (ISI), and her team have found that for most social media users, their feeds expose them to a biased representation of reality.

Recently published in the scientific journal “Nature Communications,” their research paper “Friendship Paradox Biases Perceptions in Directed Networks” highlights how the structure of modern social networks leads to perception bias, or the fact that a person’s connections often skew their perception of how prevalent a trait or belief is in society.

Lerman’s paper shows that when popular people engage in an activity or possess a certain trait, perception bias causes others to perceive this trait or behavior as much more prevalent than it actually is.

“An individual’s perception of a trait is shaped by its local prevalence among his or her friends,” the paper said. “Any trait that is correlated with popularity is likely to be misperceived.”

Lerman and her team didn’t make this discovery by accident. Their new paper builds upon Lerman’s previous research into the structure of social networks. Her past work, which focused on proving certain structural qualities of these networks, laid the foundation for this new study of perception bias.

Perception bias can apply to something as trivial as having red hair or as significant as opinions on vaccination.

[DAVES]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

My definition of a friend. A friend is someone who can tell you something and you know there is no harm meant.

"What would you do?" is not the proper question. Choice, is self responsibility. We will not need to live with the result of the choice.

[Velvet]

Yes, I did try that at first. I told him politely that I went through a lot with my brother and niece and the sicknesses that they had. He did not seem to get it. He message me back with their phone numbers. I then message him again and told him I am not ready for anymore grief right now and put him on ignore on messenger. There is more to it. I heard through a mutual friend that his sister got involved in drugs. I do not need that stress. Plus, I would feel funny calling someone after so many years. He also told me not to tell her that he told me to call her and not to mention her health issues, which I do not know what they are. Just too suspicious to me. After all, I do not know them that well anymore.

It sounds creepy to me.

I had a high school classmate email me (I am not on FB). He said he wanted to connect with people he remembered as he had some kind of illness now. For all those years while he was well he had no communication with me and now he wants to? He found out where I lived and wanted to meet me - alone and not with my husband, at a park. I wrote back, “Sorry, no.” But he kept writing. I never wrote again, he kept saying one of our classmates would come too, a person who became a famous movie star, but returned later to my city up north. I just ignored his emails. He kept it up for 3 years before he gave up. I still get a small shiver when I think about it.

[TOMCAT]

How awful for you. I know what you mean. I am being sought out because of problems. I was never sought out when there was happiness. I feel like I am being drawn into a situation that I do not want to enter.

[craigrmorrison]

I want a little feedback on this problem, if anyone would like to comment. Facebook is a way to connect to your old acquaintances. I do not wish to call anyone that I have not seen for twenty years.

There is this guy I have not seen in twenty years nor his sister. That time when I saw them was at a funeral for a mutual friend. To make a long story short, this past year my niece passed away and four months later her father, my brother, passed away also. This guy who is one of my Facebook friends is aware of this because I posted it on Facebook. This guy private messaged me to call his sister because she has health issues. I have not seen or talk to his sister in over twenty years. What would you do? I find it strange and inconsiderate for him to do this as he is aware of my loss.

This is a delicate situation. You are grieving yet your friend sees you as a source of hope in his/his sister’s time of need.

What type of relationship did you have with them. If you could turn back the clock and the same request was made, would you oblige?

If so, there is nothing wrong with replying with a deferral or I’ll consider in the future.

If not, then kindly reply with a no thank you based on AI attachment.

I’m only 62 and within the past year have embraced the reunion of many relationships that went stale over the past 20-25 years.

This is ultimately your decision. I encourage you to not only reach out to those of us on this forum.

What is your Heavenly Father telling you?