Dementia patients out in public here in the Villages.

[Taltarzac725]

Dementia-related Behaviors: Managing Public Outbursts - AgingCare.com (https://www.agingcare.com/articles/handle-dementia-fueled-outbursts-148106.htm)

Please take what is probably a dementia patient's outburst here in the Villages in some store, restaurant, park, etc., with a measure of restraint in both your approach and how you interact with the person's caregiver and with the authorities.

Get the facts before dialing the police. Otherwise you might make things worse for the caregiver and his or her patient.

While it may be tempting to keep a dementia patient at home where they are safe and cannot offend people, this isn’t always the best option. Fresh air, sunshine, social interaction, increased activity and changes in environment are crucial for keeping a dementia patient mentally and physically active and engaged. In many cases, carefully planned outings can minimize loneliness, restlessness, stress and agitation.

[JerryP]

Dementia-related Behaviors: Managing Public Outbursts - AgingCare.com (https://www.agingcare.com/articles/handle-dementia-fueled-outbursts-148106.htm)

Please take what is probably a dementia patient's outburst here in the Villages in some store, restaurant, park, etc., with a measure of restraint in both your approach and how you interact with the person's caregiver and with the authorities.

Get the facts before dialing the police. Otherwise you might make things worse for the caregiver and his or her patient.

Good advice, thanks for posting.

[thevillages2013]

Dementia-related Behaviors: Managing Public Outbursts - AgingCare.com (https://www.agingcare.com/articles/handle-dementia-fueled-outbursts-148106.htm)

Please take what is probably a dementia patient's outburst here in the Villages in some store, restaurant, park, etc., with a measure of restraint in both your approach and how you interact with the person's caregiver and with the authorities.

Get the facts before dialing the police. Otherwise you might make things worse for the caregiver and his or her patient.

Just curious as to why you chose to post this??

[manaboutown]

It seems some of them still drive...

[Taltarzac725]

Just curious as to why you chose to post this??

Someone close to me was out and about with her caregiver and started yelling she was being kidnapped. She was not but some busybody retired LEO decided to follow them out to the caregiver's car and then demanded ID and the phone of the patient from the caregiver. The caregiver called her company and the company made other calls. Lots of headaches because of a overzealous retired LEO.

Once they were out of the store it should not have been anyone's business.

People do get kidnapped but use some common sense and do not jump to conclusions especially if there is a person with dementia involved. Pay attention to details in other words.

[MartinSE]

Someone close to me was out and about with her caregiver and started yelling she was being kidnapped. She was not but some busybody retired LEO decided to follow them out to the caregiver's car and then demanded ID and the phone of the patient from the caregiver. The caregiver called her company and the company made other calls. Lots of headaches because of a overzealous retired LEO.

Once they were out of the store it should not have been anyone's business.

People do get kidnapped but use some common sense and do not jump to conclusions especially if there is a person with dementia involved.

That was a terrible situation. But, imagine if it was a kidnapping and the LEO had done nothing. In todays society it is often more dangerous to do nothing that to take unnecessary action.

Maybe the caregiver should have had a positive state issued ID stating they were a license caregiver and a photo ID indicating who they were taking care of.

[Bill14564]

Someone close to me was out and about with her caregiver and started yelling she was being kidnapped. She was not but some busybody retired LEO decided to follow them out to the caregiver's car and then demanded ID and the phone of the patient from the caregiver. The caregiver called her company and the company made other calls. Lots of headaches because of a overzealous retired LEO.

Once they were out of the store it should not have been anyone's business.

People do get kidnapped but use some common sense and do not jump to conclusions especially if there is a person with dementia involved.

I'm glad things worked out in the end and thank you for this thread. But I have to wonder, if someone is yelling that they are being kidnapped, why would you jump to the conclusion that they were suffering from dementia? Would it not be more prudent to be a busybody, watch out for your neighbor, and try to be sure they were not actually being kidnapped? How can I know the person has dementia? I certainly cannot rely on the word of the accused kidnapper.

[Taltarzac725]

I'm glad things worked out in the end and thank you for this thread. But I have to wonder, if someone is yelling that they are being kidnapped, why would you jump to the conclusion that they were suffering from dementia? Would it not be more prudent to be a busybody, watch out for your neighbor, and try to be sure they were not actually being kidnapped? How can I know the person has dementia? I certainly cannot rely on the word of the accused kidnapper.


The dementia patient sometimes says she is being murdered. She has said this about every week a few times.

The Villages has many Memory Care facilities which I assume have patients at many different stages of Alzheimer's or some other brain disease.

How often is a person been kidnapped here in the Villages? None that I remember in the 17 years I have lived here. And how often does a dementia patient here in the Villages have an episode? Probably many times every day.

I do remember child abductions though here in those 17 years. Alzheimer's patients often crave attention and will say the first thing that pops into their head. Like very young kids they have no filters.

[Taltarzac725]

That was a terrible situation. But, imagine if it was a kidnapping and the LEO had done nothing. In todays society it is often more dangerous to do nothing that to take unnecessary action.

Maybe the caregiver should have had a positive state issued ID stating they were a license caregiver and a photo ID indicating who they were taking care of.


Caregivers abound in the Villages. As do dementia patients. And there is a lot of turnover in that industry.

A better solution is for people to have some common sense. And read up on Alzheimer's and other kinds of brain diseases.

[manaboutown]

USUALLY if someone is screaming a problems exists. That it is a demented individual is rarely the case, even here. Personally, I would automatically react as if something bad was happening rather some demented person out and about was losing it. My response would be what numbskull let them out in the first place knowing this could happen and cause a disturbance or worse?

They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances.

[Taltarzac725]

I beg to differ.

Do you have a loved one suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s disease? If so, you may already know that intense, emotional outbursts are part of the picture. Is there a way to manage screaming and crying in dementia-afflicted individuals?

If you’ve already experienced this, you’ll be nodding your head as you read it. It is not uncommon for someone with dementia to yell, at the top of their lungs, “Help! Help!” For long periods, they may cry inconsolably. For both of you, this can be upsetting and disturbing.

Additionally, because they can’t precisely tell you why they are distressed, the person with dementia can feel extremely frustrated. They won’t or can’t stop the behavior and you have no idea how to be of assistance.

Managing Screaming And Crying In Seniors With Dementia | Regency Pointe (https://www.discoverregencypointe.com/alabama-senior-living-blog/managing-screaming-and-crying-in-seniors-with-dementia/)

USUALLY if someone is screaming a problems exists. That it is a demented individual is rarely the case, even here. Personally, I would automatically react as if something bad was happening rather some demented person out and about was losing it. My response would be what numbskull let them out in the first place knowing this could happen and cause a disturbance or worse?

They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances.

[Taltarzac725]

Also this.

14 Ways to Calm Dementia Screaming and Crying – DailyCaring (https://dailycaring.com/14-ways-to-handle-screaming-and-crying-in-dementia/)

In my experience and from research this is very common for Alzheimer's patients to scream.

And if they can be in the comfort of their homes that is probably better for them than being in an assisted living place.

[MartinSE]

Caregivers abound in the Villages. As do dementia patients. And there is a lot of turnover in that industry.

A better solution is for people to have some common sense. And read up on Alzheimer's and other kinds of brain diseases.

A better solution? "People have some common sense".

Okay, I will bite.

Would you care to explain how we get from (many/most) people don't have any common sense to everyone (most/many/some/a few) has common sense and uses it.

And how we do that in the current population and society. In my case, a solution that requires educating some number of generations will do me no good. If you can't say how, then it is not a solution, it's a wish or desire. It would be nice, the world would be a seriously better place. But, I don't see it as a "solution".

"Read up on...",

I too have memory issues (difficulty forming new long term memories), so I have "read up" (ahem) a lot on most (all?) forms of dementia.

There is a lot of turn over in many industries, so?

My solution was/is:

Florida does not require licensing for "care givers". With the dominant population of people with dementia or other cognitive difficulties being "older" and Florida having a fairly large population of seniors, not regulating who is taking care of those that are least able to protect themselves is not the best that Florida could do to protect its residents from the horde of scammers. Seniors are the most common target of scams.

If I get to the point where I need a care giver, I do not want my kids to have to try and figure out who they can trust. I would much rather have them be able to look up the license of any individual they are considering and KNOW they are who they say they are and they are certified and trained. Not perfect but better than anyone can print a business card and call themselves a "Care giver".

Given Florida passes legislation to require "care givers" to be licensed and have standardized IDs for both the care givers and the people with dementia they are providing care for. That way there is no need for "common sense" or guessing.

If a person is yelling and screaming that they are being kidnapped, they should be taken seriously. It might be real, it might not.

But, I would rather briefly inconvenience 20, 100, or even 1,000 people and just have the caregiver display a card with their photo and the photo of the person they are taking care of, than to not catch one wacko kidnapping someones parent or grand parent.

[Speedie]

Was this at a political rally.

[Eg_cruz]

Dementia-related Behaviors: Managing Public Outbursts - AgingCare.com (https://www.agingcare.com/articles/handle-dementia-fueled-outbursts-148106.htm)

Please take what is probably a dementia patient's outburst here in the Villages in some store, restaurant, park, etc., with a measure of restraint in both your approach and how you interact with the person's caregiver and with the authorities.

Get the facts before dialing the police. Otherwise you might make things worse for the caregiver and his or her patient.
Kindness and understanding never hurt anyone

[RICH1]

Beta-amyloid, a toxic protein when it builds up in the brain to form plaques, is a hallmark of Alzheimer’s disease. But many people have beta-amyloid buildup in the brain for years without showing severe memory loss or other symptoms of dementia… Be safe out there

[Chi-Town]

Someone close to me was out and about with her caregiver and started yelling she was being kidnapped. She was not but some busybody retired LEO decided to follow them out to the caregiver's car and then demanded ID and the phone of the patient from the caregiver. The caregiver called her company and the company made other calls. Lots of headaches because of a overzealous retired LEO.

Once they were out of the store it should not have been anyone's business.

People do get kidnapped but use some common sense and do not jump to conclusions especially if there is a person with dementia involved. Pay attention to details in other words.

Probably not the best example to state a case, but it does point out the difficulties that can be encountered.

[PugMom]

USUALLY if someone is screaming a problems exists. That it is a demented individual is rarely the case, even here. Personally, I would automatically react as if something bad was happening rather some demented person out and about was losing it. My response would be what numbskull let them out in the first place knowing this could happen and cause a disturbance or worse?

They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances.

so easy to say unless you're dealing with it. i cross that path everyday, & cannot bring myself to send someone i love to one of those places. it's a busy enviorment for sure, but also very lonely

[Taltarzac725]

Kindness and understanding never hurt anyone


Nicely put.

[Taltarzac725]

so easy to say unless you're dealing with it. i cross that path everyday, & cannot bring myself to send someone i love to one of those places. it's a busy enviorment for sure, but also very lonely


Many caregivers have told me the person I care for most of the time would not be happy there. And there are many kinds of in -house caregivers with a wide variety of skills and backgrounds.

More laws with more lawyers is not the answer.

[OrangeBlossomBaby]

Rather than confront the non-screaming person in an accusatory way, you could approach the pair and offer to help. Or distract. Sometimes a simple attention-diverting gesture is enough to snap someone out of it. Something simple like facing them, looking them in the eye, and saying "Hello! I'm OBB. Are you here for the music tonight?" is enough to distract them and get them to calm down.

Keep the statement/phrase simple - one thought at a time. Dementia patients sometimes have a lot of trouble processing complex ideas. "I'm want some chow mein" will mean more to them than "I'm hungry, I think I want chinese food. Do you know where there's a good take-out joint?"

And - though it seems incredibly patronizing, sometimes you can LITERALLY do the "look - shiny!" and it'll snap them out of it. Just find something colorful, point to it, and say LOOK AT THAT!.

[Taltarzac725]

Caregiving for Person with Alzheimer's Disease or a related Dementia | Alzheimer's Disease and Healthy Aging | CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/alzheimer.htm)

Alzheimer's main care-givers also often need a break. Which may mean a trip out for the Alzheimer's patient if he/she is still up to it.

Rather than confront the non-screaming person in an accusatory way, you could approach the pair and offer to help. Or distract. Sometimes a simple attention-diverting gesture is enough to snap someone out of it. Something simple like facing them, looking them in the eye, and saying "Hello! I'm OBB. Are you here for the music tonight?" is enough to distract them and get them to calm down.

Keep the statement/phrase simple - one thought at a time. Dementia patients sometimes have a lot of trouble processing complex ideas. "I'm want some chow mein" will mean more to them than "I'm hungry, I think I want chinese food. Do you know where there's a good take-out joint?"

And - though it seems incredibly patronizing, sometimes you can LITERALLY do the "look - shiny!" and it'll snap them out of it. Just find something colorful, point to it, and say LOOK AT THAT!.

[manaboutown]

Caregiving for Person with Alzheimer's Disease or a related Dementia | Alzheimer's Disease and Healthy Aging | CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/alzheimer.htm)

Alzheimer's main care-givers also often need a break. Which may mean a trip out for the Alzheimer's patient if he/she is still up to it.

Caregivers do indeed need breaks but if a patient creates serious disturbances affecting the serenity, peaceful enjoyment of their surroundings and the well being of others when out in public that is another matter entirely. A patient screaming "Murder", "Help, I'm being kidnapped" and the like which is at minimum alarming to strangers should not be taken out with their caregiver on a "break". Don't caregivers take breaks to get away from patients?

[ThirdOfFive]

USUALLY if someone is screaming a problems exists. That it is a demented individual is rarely the case, even here. Personally, I would automatically react as if something bad was happening rather some demented person out and about was losing it. My response would be what numbskull let them out in the first place knowing this could happen and cause a disturbance or worse?

They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances.
There are many kinds of dementias, all with some similarities but with significant differences as well. Alzheimer's is the most well known but it is far from the only one. Progressive dementias include Lewy body dementia, Vascular dementia, Frontotemporal dementia, mixed dementia, etc. Other types include Parkinson - related dementia, dementia related to head trauma, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, dementia caused by long-term alcohol abuse (often reversible to an extent) etc. etc.

The post to which this response is directed contains a blanket statement that could not be further from the truth, that "They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances." Nothing could be further from the truth. No dementia is a static condition that has a totally predictable pattern of progression. In many cases a person with dementia is at his or her most functional early in the day; things may get worse as the day progresses. Not all dementias involve delusionary behavior (the subject of the OP in my opinion). Not all functions are impacted equally: my dad had Parkinson's - related dementia which meant, among other things, that he suffered from delusions and hallucinations but the part of his mind having to do with numbers and figures was a sharp as it ever was. And so on.

I'll give odds that any one of us, if we're out and about, encounter at least twenty people a day with a dementia of some type or other, at some stage of advancement. Just like persons with developmental disabilities, most people afflicted are perfectly capable of functioning in society; some with no help at all, others with varying degrees of assistance. If a person with dementia has difficulty handling emotions to the point of irrational anger, or some other manifestation that puts the person at risk, then he or she should be accompanied by a companion who knows the risks and helps the person avoid situations where it could become a problem. There are medications that help with behavioral manifestations as well as slowing (at times even improving) the cognitive decline.

These people, unless there is definite evidence that their behaviors are going to cause significant problems or will result in a definite danger to themselves or others, BELONG out in society. It helps them hang on to various skills, assists in combating depression, and helps keep them functional for as long as possible. If we're inconvenienced by that from time to time--so what? There, but for the grace of God, go any one of us.

[manaboutown]

There are many kinds of dementias, all with some similarities but with significant differences as well. Alzheimer's is the most well known but it is far from the only one. Progressive dementias include Lewy body dementia, Vascular dementia, Frontotemporal dementia, mixed dementia, etc. Other types include Parkinson - related dementia, dementia related to head trauma, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, dementia caused by long-term alcohol abuse (often reversible to an extent) etc. etc.

The post to which this response is directed contains a blanket statement that could not be further from the truth, that "They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances." Nothing could be further from the truth. No dementia is a static condition that has a totally predictable pattern of progression. In many cases a person with dementia is at his or her most functional early in the day; things may get worse as the day progresses. Not all dementias involve delusionary behavior (the subject of the OP in my opinion). Not all functions are impacted equally: my dad had Parkinson's - related dementia which meant, among other things, that he suffered from delusions and hallucinations but the part of his mind having to do with numbers and figures was a sharp as it ever was. And so on.

I'll give odds that any one of us, if we're out and about, encounter at least twenty people a day with a dementia of some type or other, at some stage of advancement. Just like persons with developmental disabilities, most people afflicted are perfectly capable of functioning in society; some with no help at all, others with varying degrees of assistance. If a person with dementia has difficulty handling emotions to the point of irrational anger, or some other manifestation that puts the person at risk, then he or she should be accompanied by a companion who knows the risks and helps the person avoid situations where it could become a problem. There are medications that help with behavioral manifestations as well as slowing (at times even improving) the cognitive decline.

These people, unless there is definite evidence that their behaviors are going to cause significant problems or will result in a definite danger to themselves or others, BELONG out in society. It helps them hang on to various skills, assists in combating depression, and helps keep them functional for as long as possible. If we're inconvenienced by that from time to time--so what? There, but for the grace of God, go any one of us.

It is those and only those who cause significant problems that I was addressing. I want o be clear on that.

[ThirdOfFive]

It is those and only those who cause significant problems that I was addressing. I want o be clear on that.
Understood.

it comes down to what we view as "significant" and there is little agreement on that.

[Taltarzac725]

Understood.

it comes down to what we view as "significant" and there is little agreement on that.

The person I care for was leaving the store with her caregiver when the retired LEO followed them out. The nurse in training-- so to speak-- had put items back in order to leave the store. She had bought a few things but had come to the conclusion that her charge was dealing with too much input. So they left.

Rarely if ever would I think someone would kidnap a person in the middle of Walmart.

[Taltarzac725]

I do recall what might have been a kidnapping near the Villages but as far as I know it is unsolved.

Trenton Duckett has been missing since 2006 | wtsp.com (https://www.wtsp.com/article/news/special-reports/the-missing/trenton-duckett-missing-child/67-c9ad98ce-586e-4cea-aa56-e353bbdc63f4)

Death of Melinda Duckett - Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Melinda_Duckett)

[affald]

Thank you law enforcement and retired law enforcement for keeping the villages safe by using broken windows policing. ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry.

[Taltarzac725]

Thank you law enforcement and retired law enforcement for keeping the villages safe by using broken windows policing. ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry.

Broken windows like on a London street after the Blitz.

Public Health Action in Florida | Alzheimer's Association (https://www.alz.org/professionals/public-health/state-overview/florida)

580,000 people aged 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s in Florida.
13.6% of people aged 45 and older have subjective cognitive decline.
806,000 family caregivers bear the burden of the disease in Florida.
1.3 billion hours of unpaid care provided by Alzheimer’s caregivers.
$20.6 billion is the value of the unpaid care.

[affald]

Dementia-related Behaviors: Managing Public Outbursts - AgingCare.com (https://www.agingcare.com/articles/handle-dementia-fueled-outbursts-148106.htm)

Please take what is probably a dementia patient's outburst here in the Villages in some store, restaurant, park, etc., with a measure of restraint in both your approach and how you interact with the person's caregiver and with the authorities.

Get the facts before dialing the police. Otherwise you might make things worse for the caregiver and his or her patient.

ALWAYS dial law enforcement if someone may be in trouble. They will send a professional, not a social worker, trained to deal with trouble. Law enforcement will then determine the next best course of action .

[GatorFan]

[QUOTE=manaboutown;2116318]USUALLY if someone is screaming a problems exists. That it is a demented individual is rarely the case, even here. Personally, I would automatically react as if something bad was happening rather some demented person out and about was losing it. My response would be what numbskull let them out in the first place knowing this could happen and cause a disturbance or worse?

They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating i

[villageuser]

so easy to say unless you're dealing with it. i cross that path everyday, & cannot bring myself to send someone i love to one of those places. it's a busy enviorment for sure, but also very lonely

I totally agree with you. And you said it in a more compassionate way than I could think of responding to that statement. Seriously, because you don’t think the person is acting in a conventional manner, they need to be locked up? Are we back in the 1950s? Kids may scream and act immaturely out in public, and, unfortunately, so may people who are having cognitive issues. My mother screamed daily, multiple times during the day, that we had kidnapped her, because we no longer allowed her to go walk outside by herself, or if we didn’t take her out to the square every night. (Do note, she rarely went to the square before that.).

Life happens, and we should all try to handle it as compassionately as possible.

And, to the original poster’s comments, I don’t blame someone responding to someone screaming “I’m being kidnapped”. One has to take the side of safety. But, yes, the caretaker should have had some kind of identification, especially if they’re going to be taking the patient out in public.

[Worldseries27]

I'm far from knowledgeable about this particular condition. Perhaps a wrist bracelet providing information would help.

[Worldseries27]

i'm glad things worked out in the end and thank you for this thread. But i have to wonder, if someone is yelling that they are being kidnapped, why would you jump to the conclusion that they were suffering from dementia? Would it not be more prudent to be a busybody, watch out for your neighbor, and try to be sure they were not actually being kidnapped? How can i know the person has dementia? I certainly cannot rely on the word of the accused kidnapper.
you are 100 💯 percent correct.
The new norm in our society now, which we are barraged with in all our media, is
" see something, say something" or in leo jargon " let the judge figure it out"

[GmaLisaG]

We care for my mother in law and I appreciate this post. She has some days when she "seems" perfectly fine but others she can't remember and gets confused. We have had neighbors question us and say "we don't think she has dementia " . I honestly had to carefully chose my reply to that. Anyway, we are all living here to live. ❤️

[amexsbow]

Too many people think no action should be taken when there's an out of the ordinary incident is taking place. This attitude has caused a degradation in the fabric of society.
One only has to look at NYC, LA, SF, ETC. ETC. to see the results. It's sad to see someone old, young or any age out in public unrestrained in their behavior because of some lack of control. Those who are responsible feel they have a right to do as they please. They don't, your rights end where others' rights begin.

[MartinSE]

ALWAYS dial law enforcement if someone may be in trouble. They will send a professional, not a social worker, trained to deal with trouble. Law enforcement will then determine the next best course of action .

Exactly, not getting involved or thinking they PROBABLY have dementia will just get people killed.

[MartinSE]

Too many people think no action should be taken when there's an out of the ordinary incident is taking place. This attitude has caused a degradation in the fabric of society.
One only has to look at NYC, LA, SF, ETC. ETC. to see the results. It's sad to see someone old, young or any age out in public unrestrained in their behavior because of some lack of control. Those who are responsible feel they have a right to do as they please. They don't, your rights end where others' rights begin.

Exactly my point, thank you.

That kid going into the school with a rifle probably is just going to show and tell.

[MartinSE]

We care for my mother in law and I appreciate this post. She has some days when she "seems" perfectly fine but others she can't remember and gets confused. We have had neighbors question us and say "we don't think she has dementia " . I honestly had to carefully chose my reply to that. Anyway, we are all living here to live. ❤️

I am sorry to hear about your mother in law, I went through the same a couple years ago. Consider that your neighbors are just expressing concern, and explaining the situation may help. But, better neighbors are concerned for neighbors than indifferent.

[airstreamingypsy]

'Overzealous LEO" ? The guy should be honored for following up what could have been a real kidnapping. Kudos to him.

[PugMom]

Caregivers do indeed need breaks but if a patient creates serious disturbances affecting the serenity, peaceful enjoyment of their surroundings and the well being of others when out in public that is another matter entirely. A patient screaming "Murder", "Help, I'm being kidnapped" and the like which is at minimum alarming to strangers should not be taken out with their caregiver on a "break". Don't caregivers take breaks to get away from patients?

we get a break only when it's possible, which is almost never. it's a 24/7 job. the cost of qualified caregivers can get pretty high, & you will need to include this in your monthly budget. i get about 4 hrs free time in a week, anymore would add up to almost $200 a week.

[MartinSE]

I totally agree with you. And you said it in a more compassionate way than I could think of responding to that statement. Seriously, because you don’t think the person is acting in a conventional manner, they need to be locked up?

We went through this a couple year ago with my wife's mother. And I take strong exception to your term "locked up".

We ended up having to place her in assisted living for people with memory issues. We researched and found an outstanding facility (in Seattle - but I am sure there are good ones here too) that provided excellent care with a highly trained staff where her mother's special needs were taken care of and she was safer and healthier than she would have been in our care.

I certainly understand that many nursing homes or assisted living facilities are basically warehouses that make money off medicaid storing people drugged out of their minds until they die.

But, that is not always the case.

Anyone that has the time, energy and gets the training and wants to be the care giver for a parent or relative should certainly do so. But, it is NOT easy, it is not always safe, and I highly respect those that provide the care be they family members or professional, but many can't and shouldn't.

There are excellent facilities available if you take the time to find them, and it is NOT locking them away, it is providing for the best care available for loved one.

[MartinSE]

'Overzealous LEO" ? The guy should be honored for following up what could have been a real kidnapping. Kudos to him.

Thank you.

[MartinSE]

I'm far from knowledgeable about this particular condition. Perhaps a wrist bracelet providing information would help.

Exactly part of my first suggestion, or a photo id on a lanyard identifying the care giver and the person being cared for issued by the state, so it is easily identified as probably real.

[rrtjp]

That was a terrible situation. But, imagine if it was a kidnapping and the LEO had done nothing. In todays society it is often more dangerous to do nothing that to take unnecessary action.

Maybe the caregiver should have had a positive state issued ID stating they were a license caregiver and a photo ID indicating who they were taking care of.

Well said. Maybe they were not a licensed caregiver. I would have got the license plate and called the police.

[MartinSE]

I apology to those that feel I post too often. This thread hit a nerve with me.

My wife and I went though the decision to home care or place her mother in memory care facility just a couple years ago. It was a very hard and traumatic decision. In the end, each of us has to make the decision we feel is right for us and our loved one.

Sharons mother got to the point she would wander off, leave the stove burning, and thought people were breaking in while she slept and swapping her eggs out of her refrigerator. Several times someone found her wandering and brought her home to her apartment. Thankfully there were caring neighbors.

Something had to happen. At the time we were "poor" and living on SS only, and could not provide room or the care she needed.

We struggled with how to handle it, Sharon went out to Seattle (the airline donated a flight ticket for her) to stay with her for a while and after a few months it was clear it was more than Sharon could do. So, I flew out and we visited many facilities until we found one that was excellent.

She lived the rest of her life in comfort with good care providers. They provided transport and supervision to take her on "shopping" trips, trips to entertainment, etc. They made sure she got her medications, and all her needs were take care of. We do believe she was happier there than on her own or with us.

This is a difficult position to find one self in, but it happens. I will never criticize anyone for their decision on how to care for a loved one with any form of dementia. All we can do is do our best.

But, to suggest that a retired LEO was out of line for stepping in and making sure the person screaming was safe is about as far wrong as you can get in my not so humble opinion. It was EXACTLY the right thing to do. It is what we would have wanted for Sharon's mother if it had happened.

My suggestion was simply to provide certified identification to make it easy and fast for an LEO (or anyone) to KNOW what is going on.

[Taltarzac725]

Exactly, not getting involved or thinking they PROBABLY have dementia will just get people killed.

Context is important as is common sense. This was at a very large store and the person with dementia had been doing well up to a point where something set her off.

The caretaker took her charge out of the store quickly and went to her car. The RETIRED LEO-- or someone who claimed that-- followed them out to the car and demanded IDs.

That is NONE of this person's business. Alzheimer's patients yelling is a common occurrence. You take them out of the setting which our family's caretaker did. These caretakers are often in uniforms of a sort. Some do have name tags on some do not. Some wear clothing with their company's name on. Some do not.

An 80-90 woman with what to a reasonable person looks like a health care worker hardly never would be being kidnapped in that setting. Probably never anyway.

Use common sense. Most of the people in the large store did that. The retired LEO made things worse, not better. And I do not remember hearing him showing any ID whatsoever. He did call the police but the company we have called them and turned them away as far as I know. The company also called me and said they were working on getting my family member home but they did have to deal with the police.

My family member was very upset by the whole thing. That is the person with Alzheimer's. The man claiming to be a retired LEO made that day and this weekend a lot harder because of his sense of self-importance. And again I do not remember him showing any ID. He just claimed to be a retired LEO.

And some kid carrying a gun into a school is a very different matter. Some other poster tried to compare these.

A retired LEO should stop any one like that.

I have met retired cops -- some homicide ones-- here in the Villages and I doubt if they would have handled it like this "retired LEO" did. At least, they would have shown some situational awareness.

My family member with Alzheimer's caregiver does wear something that look like scrubs. She does look like many of the other caregivers I see coming in-and-out of various houses with people who need some kind of health care here in the Villages.

[MartinSE]

Context is important as is common sense. This was at a very large store and the person with dementia had been doing well up to a point where something set her off.

The caretaker took her charge out of the store quickly and went to her car. The RETIRED LEO-- or someone who claimed that-- followed them out to the car and demanded IDs.

That is NONE of this person's business. Alzheimer's patients yelling is a common occurrence. You take them out of the setting which our family's caretaker did. These caretakers are often in uniforms of a sort. Some do have name tags on some do not. Some wear clothing with their company's name on. Some do not.

An 80-90 woman with what to a reasonable person looks like a health care worker hardly never would be being kidnapped in that setting. Probably never anyway.

Use common sense. Most of the people in the large store did that. The retired LEO made things worse, not better. And I do not remember hearing him showing any ID whatsoever. He did call the police but the company we have called them and turned them away as far as I know. The company also called me and said they were working on getting my family member home but they did have to deal with the police.

My family member was very upset by the whole thing. That is the person with Alzheimer's. The man claiming to be a retired LEO made that day and this weekend a lot harder because of his sense of self-importance. And again I do not remember him showing any ID. He just claimed to be a retired LEO.


If ONLY everyone had common sense like you. Too bad we live in the real world. I am sorry for your family members issues. But, imagine how your post would have read if your family member had been kidnapped while people stood by and watched....

[ThirdOfFive]

I apology to those that feel I post too often. This thread hit a nerve with me.

My wife and I went though the decision to home care or place her mother in memory care facility just a couple years ago. It was a very hard and traumatic decision. In the end, each of us has to make the decision we feel is right for us and our loved one.

Sharons mother got to the point she would wander off, leave the stove burning, and thought people were breaking in while she slept and swapping her eggs out of her refrigerator. Several times someone found her wandering and brought her home to her apartment. Thankfully there were caring neighbors.

Something had to happen. At the time we were "poor" and living on SS only, and could not provide room or the care she needed.

We struggled with how to handle it, Sharon went out to Seattle (the airline donated a flight ticket for her) to stay with her for a while and after a few months it was clear it was more than Sharon could do. So, I flew out and we visited many facilities until we found one that was excellent.

She lived the rest of her life in comfort with good care providers. They provided transport and supervision to take her on "shopping" trips, trips to entertainment, etc. They made sure she got her medications, and all her needs were take care of. We do believe she was happier there than on her own or with us.

This is a difficult position to find one self in, but it happens. I will never criticize anyone for their decision on how to care for a loved one with any form of dementia. All we can do is do our best.

But, to suggest that a retired LEO was out of line for stepping in and making sure the person screaming was safe is about as far wrong as you can get in my not so humble opinion. It was EXACTLY the right thing to do. It is what we would have wanted for Sharon's mother if it had happened.

My suggestion was simply to provide certified identification to make it easy and fast for an LEO (or anyone) to KNOW what is going on.
Excellent post, and points made. My compliments.

That is the heart of the matter. Every decision made in these kinds of situations is individual, and we can only do our best.

[Taltarzac725]

If ONLY everyone had common sense like you. Too bad we live in the real world. I am sorry for your family members issues. But, imagine how your post would have read if your family member had been kidnapped while people stood by and watched....

My 87 year old family member being kidnapped in a Walmart in the Villages is extremely unlikely. Other Alzheimer's patients yelling "Help! Help!" or "I am being kidnapped" in Villages stores is very likely.

And in the real world, when was a Villager with Alzheimer's ever kidnapped by a stranger or even a caretaker? My guess is NEVER.

And how did the Alzheimer's patient get to Walmart in the first place? Someone had to have driven her there. Someone like a caregiver. Someone trying to do her job.

[Kenswing]

My 87 year old family member being kidnapped in a Walmart in the Villages is extremely unlikely. Other Alzheimer's patients yelling "Help! Help!" or "I am being kidnapped" in Villages stores is very likely.

And in the real world, when was a Villager with Alzheimer's ever kidnapped by a stranger or even a caretaker? My guess is NEVER.

And how did the Alzheimer's patient get to Walmart in the first place? Someone had to have driven her there. Someone like a caregiver. Someone trying to do her job.
I'm sorry, Tal. If someone is yelling that they are being kidnapped I'm going to call 911 and follow that person until either the police show up or it's determined that they are safe. In this world you just can't take the chance that there is something else going on. You are very passionate about this issue, but most of us have little or no experience in dealing with such variables as dementia patients in public. I'll always error on the side of caution.

[Kgcetm]

USUALLY if someone is screaming a problems exists. That it is a demented individual is rarely the case, even here. Personally, I would automatically react as if something bad was happening rather some demented person out and about was losing it. My response would be what numbskull let them out in the first place knowing this could happen and cause a disturbance or worse?

They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances.

Alzheimer's patients do not necessarily "belong" in assisted living facilities. They do, however, require love, care, touch and time. I hope you never have to watch as the disease gradually takes away 80 years of memories in a short 10 final years.

[Taltarzac725]

Alzheimer's patients do not necessarily "belong" in assisted living facilities. They do, however, require love, care, touch and time. I hope you never have to watch as the disease gradually takes away 80 years of memories in a short 10 final years.

It is very hard to watch. And Alzheimer's patients do deserve trips out like to parks, stores, restaurants, etc.

[manaboutown]

Alzheimer's patients do not necessarily "belong" in assisted living facilities. They do, however, require love, care, touch and time. I hope you never have to watch as the disease gradually takes away 80 years of memories in a short 10 final years.

I agree with you and have unfortunately observed the disease progress in people I have known several times.

Again, I was referring ONLY to those patients prone to create serious disturbances in public by screaming for help, they are being kidnapped or such to the point where strangers might react strongly.

[Villagesgal]

Someone close to me was out and about with her caregiver and started yelling she was being kidnapped. She was not but some busybody retired LEO decided to follow them out to the caregiver's car and then demanded ID and the phone of the patient from the caregiver. The caregiver called her company and the company made other calls. Lots of headaches because of a overzealous retired LEO.

Once they were out of the store it should not have been anyone's business.

People do get kidnapped but use some common sense and do not jump to conclusions especially if there is a person with dementia involved. Pay attention to details in other words.

Someone yelling they are being kidnapped is everyone's business. You were a bit harsh saying the individual was overzealous in trying to make sure all was OK. If it were you and the kidnapper said, "oh, she has dementia, pay her no mind," and allowed you to be kidnapped, you'd be screaming that the guy could have helped and didn't. Be glad someone was concerned about the lady. My husband suffered from Parkinsons dementia before he died and sometimes said odd things in public including that he didn't know who I was or why I was with him. I was always appreciative that people were concerned enough to want to help him, even if it was awkward for me. Be thankful there are people out there who care enough about total strangers to get involved in trying to help them. You may need one yourself some day.

[Taltarzac725]

https://thedawnmethod.com/dementia-and-the-grocery-store/

This is a very useful link.

[Taltarzac725]

An Alzheimer's patient yelling is her caretaker's business. And a woman or man in a kind of or actual uniform assisting her should suggest to people that is what is going on.

Someone yelling they are being kidnapped is everyone's business. You were a bit harsh saying the individual was overzealous in trying to make sure all was OK. If it were you and the kidnapper said, "oh, she has dementia, pay her no mind," and allowed you to be kidnapped, you'd be screaming that the guy could have helped and didn't. Be glad someone was concerned about the lady. My husband suffered from Parkinsons dementia before he died and sometimes said odd things in public including that he didn't know who I was or why I was with him. I was always appreciative that people were concerned enough to want to help him, even if it was awkward for me. Be thankful there are people out there who care enough about total strangers to get involved in trying to help them. You may need one yourself some day.

[manaboutown]

An Alzheimer's patient yelling is her caretaker's business. And a woman or man in a kind of or actual uniform assisting her should suggest to people that is what is going on.

Criminals even wear fake police uniforms. A kidnapper might be dressed as an attendant. You just never know these days.

What about patients who scream profanities or behave unexpectedly violent at times, such as striking strangers with their fists. Should they be taken out in public?

[Holpat39]

USUALLY if someone is screaming a problems exists. That it is a demented individual is rarely the case, even here. Personally, I would automatically react as if something bad was happening rather some demented person out and about was losing it. My response would be what numbskull let them out in the first place knowing this could happen and cause a disturbance or worse?

They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances.

Not all dementia patients should be locked up in a facility and why shouldn't they be allowed to be out with a caregiver. Your post "what numbskull let them out in the first place" makes it sound like taking out the dog. Some of the loud mouth drunks in town square shouldn't be out in the streets since they create a disturbance. If you know a dementia person in a nursing home you would not want them to be there since so many facilities are short handed and the person will not get the care they need. I speak from experience dealing with a Parkinson patient. One week in a nursing home and I brought him back home. Minimal care where he was placed..

[Taltarzac725]

Not all dementia patients should be locked up in a facility and why shouldn't they be allowed to be out with a caregiver. Your post "what numbskull let them out in the first place" makes it sound like taking out the dog. Some of the loud mouth drunks in town square shouldn't be out in the streets since they create a disturbance. If you know a dementia person in a nursing home you would not want them to be there since so many facilities are short handed and the person will not get the care they need. I speak from experience dealing with a Parkinson patient. One week in a nursing home and I brought him back home. Minimal care where he was placed..

Nice addition to the thread.

[manaboutown]

Not all dementia patients should be locked up in a facility and why shouldn't they be allowed to be out with a caregiver. Your post "what numbskull let them out in the first place" makes it sound like taking out the dog. Some of the loud mouth drunks in town square shouldn't be out in the streets since they create a disturbance. If you know a dementia person in a nursing home you would not want them to be there since so many facilities are short handed and the person will not get the care they need. I speak from experience dealing with a Parkinson patient. One week in a nursing home and I brought him back home. Minimal care where he was placed..

Again, I was ONLY referring to patients known to create disturbances out in public. I agree some if not most should be a able to get out when properly attended. Each case is different and never remains the same as most dementia is progressive.

[MartinSE]

My 87 year old family member being kidnapped in a Walmart in the Villages is extremely unlikely. Other Alzheimer's patients yelling "Help! Help!" or "I am being kidnapped" in Villages stores is very likely.

And in the real world, when was a Villager with Alzheimer's ever kidnapped by a stranger or even a caretaker? My guess is NEVER.

And how did the Alzheimer's patient get to Walmart in the first place? Someone had to have driven her there. Someone like a caregiver. Someone trying to do her job.

I am sorry. Everything you said applies to YOU and YOUR family member. But, none of it can be applied in general. How would I know who and what is going on. I see a stranger screaming at another stranger. I am going to call 911. I would hope if I was being accosted someone would call 911 or come to my help. How are they supposed to know I have dementia?

I am truly sorry your family member went through this. But, honestly it was no ones fault. And applying your situation and saying everyone else should be left on their own to deal with strangers is just wrong.

[MartinSE]

Again, I was ONLY referring to patients known to create public disturbances out in public. I agree some if not most should be a able to get out when properly attended. Each case is different and never remains the same as most dementia is progressive.

Exactly, "properly attended".

Each individual case is different, and a qualified care giver should be able to decide if the person in their care is able to be controlled or not.

[Keefelane66]

Dementia-related Behaviors: Managing Public Outbursts - AgingCare.com (https://www.agingcare.com/articles/handle-dementia-fueled-outbursts-148106.htm)

Please take what is probably a dementia patient's outburst here in the Villages in some store, restaurant, park, etc., with a measure of restraint in both your approach and how you interact with the person's caregiver and with the authorities.

Get the facts before dialing the police. Otherwise you might make things worse for the caregiver and his or her patient.
Thanks for posting this public service we have 2 currently in our area and one that just passed. God bless the Cargivers.

[Lea N]

Dementia-related Behaviors: Managing Public Outbursts - AgingCare.com (https://www.agingcare.com/articles/handle-dementia-fueled-outbursts-148106.htm)

Please take what is probably a dementia patient's outburst here in the Villages in some store, restaurant, park, etc., with a measure of restraint in both your approach and how you interact with the person's caregiver and with the authorities.

Get the facts before dialing the police. Otherwise you might make things worse for the caregiver and his or her patient.

Patience, kindness and a smile go far to help an Alzheimer's patient, and their caregiver.

I was a caregiver to my father. I took him anywhere he wanted to go. In the beginning we ate out a lot because he enjoyed it. Eventually that became too hard for him and unfortunately we had to stop. The noise and crowds started to confuse him and bother him. But I would pick up food from his favorite restaurants sometimes.

One day we were at one of our favorite restaurants (this was in SE FL) and we had been seated. The server had placed our drinks on the table. We were sitting outside on a beautiful day. My father went to use the men's room and I always watched closely to make sure he found his way back OK. As he was walking back to our table he went to the wrong table where a man was sitting by himself. My father started to pull out the chair at that table. I ran over to him, put my arm around him and said "Hey dad, our seats are over here. Look the waitress put our drinks there for us." He happily went along with me. The gentlemen sitting at the table was so kind. He wasn't bothered at all. He asked if we would like to join him. Looking back I probably should have said yes.

[Lea N]

A better solution? "People have some common sense".

Okay, I will bite.

Would you care to explain how we get from (many/most) people don't have any common sense to everyone (most/many/some/a few) has common sense and uses it.

And how we do that in the current population and society. In my case, a solution that requires educating some number of generations will do me no good. If you can't say how, then it is not a solution, it's a wish or desire. It would be nice, the world would be a seriously better place. But, I don't see it as a "solution".

"Read up on...",

I too have memory issues (difficulty forming new long term memories), so I have "read up" (ahem) a lot on most (all?) forms of dementia.

There is a lot of turn over in many industries, so?

My solution was/is:

Florida does not require licensing for "care givers". With the dominant population of people with dementia or other cognitive difficulties being "older" and Florida having a fairly large population of seniors, not regulating who is taking care of those that are least able to protect themselves is not the best that Florida could do to protect its residents from the horde of scammers. Seniors are the most common target of scams.

If I get to the point where I need a care giver, I do not want my kids to have to try and figure out who they can trust. I would much rather have them be able to look up the license of any individual they are considering and KNOW they are who they say they are and they are certified and trained. Not perfect but better than anyone can print a business card and call themselves a "Care giver".

Given Florida passes legislation to require "care givers" to be licensed and have standardized IDs for both the care givers and the people with dementia they are providing care for. That way there is no need for "common sense" or guessing.

If a person is yelling and screaming that they are being kidnapped, they should be taken seriously. It might be real, it might not.

But, I would rather briefly inconvenience 20, 100, or even 1,000 people and just have the caregiver display a card with their photo and the photo of the person they are taking care of, than to not catch one wacko kidnapping someones parent or grand parent.

The Alzheimer's Association used to have what they called Safe Return Bracelets. The bracelets were worn by the person who had Alzheimer's and also by their caregiver. I took care of my father. We both wore one. I don't remember exactly what each bracelet said but it identified him as a person with Alzheimer's or a memory disorder and me as his caregiver. If we were out together and something happened to me (a car accident for example) and EMT's or the police were involved the bracelets could explain the situation to them. They would know better what they were dealing with. The Alzheimer's Association had our records on file and their phone number was on the bracelets. If I was out with my father and "lost" him I could quickly contact the police department and also the Alzheimer's Association. At that time (over 15 years ago) 90-something percent of Alzheimer's patients who wondered away and were wearing a Safe Return Bracelet were safely returned to their family. Unfortunately the program has been discontinued. I don't know when or why it stopped, it was after my father passed away.

[Taltarzac725]

Sounds like it was a good idea. The Safe Return Bracelets. My biggest worry is my Mom wandering off. Getting kidnapped would probably rank around last.

[MartinSE]

The Alzheimer's Association used to have what they called Safe Return Bracelets. The bracelets were worn by the person who had Alzheimer's and also by their caregiver. I took care of my father. We both wore one. I don't remember exactly what each bracelet said but it identified him as a person with Alzheimer's or a memory disorder and me as his caregiver. If we were out together and something happened to me (a car accident for example) and EMT's or the police were involved the bracelets could explain the situation to them. They would know better what they were dealing with. The Alzheimer's Association had our records on file and their phone number was on the bracelets. If I was out with my father and "lost" him I could quickly contact the police department and also the Alzheimer's Association. At that time (over 15 years ago) 90-something percent of Alzheimer's patients who wondered away and were wearing a Safe Return Bracelet were safely returned to their family. Unfortunately the program has been discontinued. I don't know when or why it stopped, it was after my father passed away.

That is a great idea, thank you.

[Woodbear]

The Alzheimer's Association used to have what they called Safe Return Bracelets. The bracelets were worn by the person who had Alzheimer's and also by their caregiver. I took care of my father. We both wore one. I don't remember exactly what each bracelet said but it identified him as a person with Alzheimer's or a memory disorder and me as his caregiver. If we were out together and something happened to me (a car accident for example) and EMT's or the police were involved the bracelets could explain the situation to them. They would know better what they were dealing with. The Alzheimer's Association had our records on file and their phone number was on the bracelets. If I was out with my father and "lost" him I could quickly contact the police department and also the Alzheimer's Association. At that time (over 15 years ago) 90-something percent of Alzheimer's patients who wondered away and were wearing a Safe Return Bracelet were safely returned to their family. Unfortunately the program has been discontinued. I don't know when or why it stopped, it was after my father passed away.

I so wish something like this was still around. Watching your mid 50's wife fade away is difficult and getting harder every day.

[Lea N]

Sounds like it was a good idea. The Safe Return Bracelets. My biggest worry is my Mom wandering off. Getting kidnapped would probably rank around last.

It's been a long time since I was living in the world of Alzheimer's. Back then I was blessed with tremendous support - my husband, friends, the Alzheimer's Association and other caregivers (through Alzheimer's Association support groups.) We became a family of sorts. We looked out for each other, and all of our loved ones.

One thing you try is to put bells (like jingle bells) on all of the exit doors
. If your Mom tries to wonder off they'll make noise. In some, not all instances a black mat by the door(s) is very unwelcoming to some Alzheimer's patients. They see it as a whole in the floor and avoid it.

If you haven't already heard of the Alzheimer's Store here is a link to their site. They sell a lot of products to help families and people living with Alzheimer's. It's been a long time but I remember getting something for my Dad from them. They were very helpful.

If you haven't tried reaching the Alzheimer's Association give them a call. Back then they were a great resource for my Dad, myself and my husband. I don't know what they are like today. They used to have a 24/7 phone number for caregivers to call if they ever needed help with their loved one. I'm not sure if they are still doing that or not. Their phone number is 1-800-272-3900. I wish you and your Mom all the best.

[Lea N]

I so wish something like this was still around. Watching your mid 50's wife fade away is difficult and getting harder every day.

My heart goes out to your wife and you. Early onset Alzheimer's is especially cruel.

I hope you don't mind my suggesting that you give the Alzheimer's Association a call. It has been a long time since they were part of our lives. But at the time they were a tremendous support and resource to my Dad, myself and my husband. I ended up going to support group meetings that I really didn't want to go to. I learned so much about how to help my father, how to be prepared and surrounded myself and my Dad with people who were living with Alzheimer's or a memory disorder. We all looked out for each other and our loved ones. If you are interested here is their number 1-800-272-3900. You could ask them what kind of resources they have available to help your wife and you, about support groups in the area if any and what if anything they suggest to keep your wife safe from wondering off.

You could also take a look at the Alzheimer's Store. They sell all kinds of products to help families living with Alzheimer's. They are also very knowledgeable. Here is a link to their site: Alzheimer's Products | Activities | Wandering | Safety (https://www.alzstore.com/)

It's a tough road to travel. Today I am a caregiver to my beloved husband. It isn't Alzheimer's but it is hard to see someone you love going through health issues. I truly wish you and your wife all the best.

[Taltarzac725]

Thanks for the information. I do get a lot of help from some of the neighbors. Many have connections to home health care through new girl friends, a son with a new wife, etc.

It's been a long time since I was living in the world of Alzheimer's. Back then I was blessed with tremendous support - my husband, friends, the Alzheimer's Association and other caregivers (through Alzheimer's Association support groups.) We became a family of sorts. We looked out for each other, and all of our loved ones.

One thing you try is to put bells (like jingle bells) on all of the exit doors
. If your Mom tries to wonder off they'll make noise. In some, not all instances a black mat by the door(s) is very unwelcoming to some Alzheimer's patients. They see it as a whole in the floor and avoid it.

If you haven't already heard of the Alzheimer's Store here is a link to their site. They sell a lot of products to help families and people living with Alzheimer's. It's been a long time but I remember getting something for my Dad from them. They were very helpful.

If you haven't tried reaching the Alzheimer's Association give them a call. Back then they were a great resource for my Dad, myself and my husband. I don't know what they are like today. They used to have a 24/7 phone number for caregivers to call if they ever needed help with their loved one. I'm not sure if they are still doing that or not. Their phone number is 1-800-272-3900. I wish you and your Mom all the best.

[Taltarzac725]

The Great Courses (https://www.thegreatcourses.com/courses/understanding-disorders-of-the-brain)

This might be worth a look.

Check out this for access. Explore | Wondrium (https://www.wondrium.com/home)

Understanding Disorders of the Brain
Sandy Neargarder, PhD Professor, Bridgewater State University

The fields of psychology, neuroscience, and—more recently—neuropsychology are developing rapidly, offering more clues to unlocking the secrets of the brain. In the century and a half since railroad worker Phineas Gage’s famous personality-altering injury, scientists have mapped out the anatomy of the brain and examined the pathology of disorders such as:

Down syndrome,
Autism spectrum disorder,
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD),
Parkinson’s disease, and
Alzheimer’s and other dementias.

[jebartle]

/////

[justjim]

OP: Thank you for your post. This Thread has been very interesting and informative. In the last three years, my wife and I had two special friends who passed from Alzheimer’s and it was a heartbreaking ordeal for their spouses. We have not encountered a situation like you described but I’m sure in TV it could happen on any given day. I see where a bracelet on you (as the caregiver) and patient would be very useful in a similar situation. It makes me wonder why the Alzheimer’s Association discontinued its use. I also agree “common sense” is very useful. Unfortunately that is not always the case. For most of us, further education is needed. We never get too old to learn.

[Taltarzac725]

OP: Thank you for your post. This Thread has been very interesting and informative. In the last three years, my wife and I had two special friends who passed from Alzheimer’s and it was a heartbreaking ordeal for their spouses. We have not encountered a situation like you described but I’m sure in TV it could happen on any given day. I see where a bracelet on you (as the caregiver) and patient would be very useful in a similar situation. It makes me wonder why the Alzheimer’s Association discontinued its use. I also agree “common sense” is very useful. Unfortunately that is not always the case. For most of us, further education is needed. We never get too old to learn.

I have never experienced something like my mother and her caregiver went through on July 15, 2022 but assume it happens rather often here in the Villages. Thanks for the kind words.

[yellowtownhouse]

There are many kinds of dementias, all with some similarities but with significant differences as well. Alzheimer's is the most well known but it is far from the only one. Progressive dementias include Lewy body dementia, Vascular dementia, Frontotemporal dementia, mixed dementia, etc. Other types include Parkinson - related dementia, dementia related to head trauma, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, dementia caused by long-term alcohol abuse (often reversible to an extent) etc. etc.

The post to which this response is directed contains a blanket statement that could not be further from the truth, that "They belong in assisted living facilities and should not be out on the streets creating disturbances." Nothing could be further from the truth. No dementia is a static condition that has a totally predictable pattern of progression. In many cases a person with dementia is at his or her most functional early in the day; things may get worse as the day progresses. Not all dementias involve delusionary behavior (the subject of the OP in my opinion). Not all functions are impacted equally: my dad had Parkinson's - related dementia which meant, among other things, that he suffered from delusions and hallucinations but the part of his mind having to do with numbers and figures was a sharp as it ever was. And so on.

I'll give odds that any one of us, if we're out and about, encounter at least twenty people a day with a dementia of some type or other, at some stage of advancement. Just like persons with developmental disabilities, most people afflicted are perfectly capable of functioning in society; some with no help at all, others with varying degrees of assistance. If a person with dementia has difficulty handling emotions to the point of irrational anger, or some other manifestation that puts the person at risk, then he or she should be accompanied by a companion who knows the risks and helps the person avoid situations where it could become a problem. There are medications that help with behavioral manifestations as well as slowing (at times even improving) the cognitive decline.

These people, unless there is definite evidence that their behaviors are going to cause significant problems or will result in a definite danger to themselves or others, BELONG out in society. It helps them hang on to various skills, assists in combating depression, and helps keep them functional for as long as possible. If we're inconvenienced by that from time to time--so what? There, but for the grace of God, go any one of us.

AMEN and AMEN! And yes I am shouting. As a retired RN who spent30+ years working with Assisted Living and Memory Care Communities we are still so unenlightened regarding this devastating disease. This is the cruelest disease of all. Just ask families who have cared for a loved one until the end. Why is it the cruelest? Because you lose them twice.....once when they no longer recognize you and again when actual death comes. Patients and families deserve help in any way that we can assist. Even if it does "annoy" you or takes a tiny bit of your enjoyment away. Be kind..be patient....give another broken human being a chance to experience a little joy, even if it doesn't turn out that way. Thanks for reading.

[Taltarzac725]

Nicely put. We had a paid guide to deal with the health care system when my Dad was having problems back in 2020--Amy C.-- who compared dealing with Alzheimer's patients to the movie Fifty First Dates where the hero has to win the heroine over each date as if they had never met. 50 First Dates - Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/50_First_Dates)

She was talking about how I should deal with my mother while my father was in Rehab or other places.

AMEN and AMEN! And yes I am shouting. As a retired RN who spent30+ years working with Assisted Living and Memory Care Communities we are still so unenlightened regarding this devastating disease. This is the cruelest disease of all. Just ask families who have cared for a loved one until the end. Why is it the cruelest? Because you lose them twice.....once when they no longer recognize you and again when actual death comes. Patients and families deserve help in any way that we can assist. Even if it does "annoy" you or takes a tiny bit of your enjoyment away. Be kind..be patient....give another broken human being a chance to experience a little joy, even if it doesn't turn out that way. Thanks for reading.

[PugMom]

Not all dementia patients should be locked up in a facility and why shouldn't they be allowed to be out with a caregiver. Your post "what numbskull let them out in the first place" makes it sound like taking out the dog. Some of the loud mouth drunks in town square shouldn't be out in the streets since they create a disturbance. If you know a dementia person in a nursing home you would not want them to be there since so many facilities are short handed and the person will not get the care they need. I speak from experience dealing with a Parkinson patient. One week in a nursing home and I brought him back home. Minimal care where he was placed..

that's a big reason why i have my husband home. i don't trust anyone to do the job they way i would. such as bathing & fresh clothes every day, meals designed as brain food, & LOTS of patience