A man came into a bar....

[JohnN]

A man went into a bar, sat down and ordered a beer. He noticed a huge jar full of $10 bills and asked the barkeep about it. The barkeep said “It’s got over $10,000 and you’re welcome to try to win it, it’ll cost you $10.” The man asked how, and the barkeep says “You’ve got to do 3 things, 1st-drink a firth of tequila within an hour, 2nd-go to the alley and remove the rotten tooth from the Rotweiller chained out there, 3rd-go upstairs and have sex with the 90 year old virgin up there- all within 3 hours.

Then you win the $10 thousand.” The man thought about it, took out $10 and said “I’ll try it”. He barely finished the tequila in time, then he staggered out to the alley. There was a huge commotion of barking, snarling, and screaming that went on for 30 minutes. The man came back into the bar, still staggering but now bloody and bruised. He said to the barkeep-“OK now, where’s the woman with the bad tooth?”

[ThirdOfFive]

A man went into a bar, sat down and ordered a beer. He noticed a huge jar full of $10 bills and asked the barkeep about it. The barkeep said “It’s got over $10,000 and you’re welcome to try to win it, it’ll cost you $10.” The man asked how, and the barkeep says “You’ve got to do 3 things, 1st-drink a firth of tequila within an hour, 2nd-go to the alley and remove the rotten tooth from the Rotweiller chained out there, 3rd-go upstairs and have sex with the 90 year old virgin up there- all within 3 hours.

Then you win the $10 thousand.” The man thought about it, took out $10 and said “I’ll try it”. He barely finished the tequila in time, then he staggered out to the alley. There was a huge commotion of barking, snarling, and screaming that went on for 30 minutes. The man came back into the bar, still staggering but now bloody and bruised. He said to the barkeep-“OK now, where’s the woman with the bad tooth?”
An oldie but goodie...

The way I heard it, the guy's last two tasks included a polar bear and...well...thought police and all...

[retiredguy123]

Another man came into the bar and saw an old dog lying behind the bar, licking his ba**s. He said to the bartender, "I wish I could do that". The bartender said, "go ahead, he won't mind".

[RICH1]

These jokes are over 75 years old and they still pull a laugh!

[Ecuadog]

A horse went into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "Why the long face?"

[ThirdOfFive]

These jokes are over 75 years old and they still pull a laugh!
Lol! That they do.

But maybe older than that...in some versions. To paraphrase John Steinbeck in The Grapes Of Wrath (should be enough to get it by the thought police...right?) a young guy had a heifer he wanted bred. Young gal at the farm adjacent had a bull that would take on the task. Young guy and young gal were perched on the fence watching the proceedings. Young guy says "I wish I was doing that".

Young gal replied "go ahead. It's your heifer".

[JohnN]

A blonde wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a handy-woman and started
canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if
he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge
me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, don't you think?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

[La lamy]

Good one!!!

[sdifede313@aol.com]

That reminds me of the attractive young lady who passed by my house and with a wink and a wave ������ stopped and coyly stated “I’ll do anything you want for 50 bucks! Really ? I asked, yes she replied! So I said, great, paint my house!

[PJackpot]

A man went into a bar, sat down and ordered a beer. He noticed a huge jar full of $10 bills and asked the barkeep about it. The barkeep said “It’s got over $10,000 and you’re welcome to try to win it, it’ll cost you $10.” The man asked how, and the barkeep says “You’ve got to do 3 things, 1st-drink a firth of tequila within an hour, 2nd-go to the alley and remove the rotten tooth from the Rotweiller chained out there, 3rd-go upstairs and have sex with the 90 year old virgin up there- all within 3 hours.

Then you win the $10 thousand.” The man thought about it, took out $10 and said “I’ll try it”. He barely finished the tequila in time, then he staggered out to the alley. There was a huge commotion of barking, snarling, and screaming that went on for 30 minutes. The man came back into the bar, still staggering but now bloody and bruised. He said to the barkeep-“OK now, where’s the woman with the bad tooth?”

:laugh:

[JohnN]

A guy walked into a bar. Sitting down, he said to the barkeep, "If I show you something you've never seen before, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender said "Sure", so the guy takes a tiny piano and a tiny man out of his pocket, and the man starts playing the piano. The bartender is amazed and says "That is amazing, here's your free drink. Where did you get him?" The guy replies "I got him from a genie out in the alley".

The bartender goes out to the alley, is gone a bit, and returns being chases by thousands of ducks! The bartender yells, "That genie can't hear very well, I asked for a million bucks!" The man replied, "Did you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

https://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=AwrFAYtCe.ZjEA4OkGyJzbkF;_ylu=c2VjA3NyBH NsawNpbWcEb2lkAzM0MGI5MmNkNzI0ZGYyODU3ZTNiMDAxNGZj YjNiNzY5BGdwb3MDMwRpdANiaW5n?back=https%3A%2F%2Fim ages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3Dmill ion%2Bducks%2Bimage%26fr%3Dyfp-t%26tab%3Dorganic%26ri%3D3&w=1280&h=720&imgurl=i.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FE69pWdL5sk4%2Fmaxresdefa ult.jpg&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DE 69pWdL5sk4&size=174.4KB&p=million+ducks+image&oid=340b92cd724df2857e3b0014fcb3b769&fr2=&fr=yfp-t&tt=Herding+Millions+of+Ducks+-+YouTube&b=0&ni=90&no=3&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=mK_rzmppxuNV&sigb=jINIQEZF72X0&sigi=auEy3R1NyRuC&sigt=SKMzPTUWIBZ1&.crumb=62J0mcdPMkL&fr=yfp-t

[KeithRiz]

A giraffe walked into a bar and announced, “The Highballs are on me”.

[Ecuadog]

Did you hear about the magician that walked down the street and turned into a bar?

[RICH1]

When I was in college I had a job circumcising Elephants at the Zoo, pay wasn’t good , but the tips were big