Really ... looking for the best dating app ...

[thevillager1988]

I am looking for real success stories with apps that connect people who are socially and economically right for one another ... I know they are out there. Anyone know a success story and the app that created the success?

[manaboutown]

Nope, I have found them all to be a total waste of time. Getting off the couch and out among people works best for me.

[fdpaq0580]

Thought about a dating app, but my wife said "NO!"

[JGibson]

I have had two friends meet their current wives on a dating app and are still married many years later.

I think online people exaggerate even more than in person for that first impression effect.

There are Single clubs on TV some are golf orientated but some skip the golf part and just attend all the social activities outside of golf.

There is also an American Single Golf Association which has a TV chapter and they other than playing golf do a lot of social things like traveling.
It's not really a dating app and everyone is there for different reasons, some just for company and others hoping to take it to the next level.
This is what I have been told by some of its members.
Good Luck and be careful a lot of bad actors out their looking for a meal ticket.

[BrianL99]

Good Luck and be careful a lot of bad actors out their looking for a meal ticket.

Or to be a meal ticket.

[manaboutown]

Or to be a meal ticket.

or a nurse with a purse

[BobnBev]

Don't need an app, just go to City Fire.

[Blackbird45]

Curious what if you're not looking for a date and just want to chat.
I know there used to be chatroom; do they still exist?

[Craftylady]

My husband and I met on the dating app “ plenty of fish”. We Met in 2012 got married in 2014 and here we are in The Villages.

[cleosmum]

I have a friend who met her husband on “Elite Singles”. It turns out they both lived in the same village here in The Villages, and did not know each other. They’ve been happily married for several years now.

[MandoMan]

I am looking for real success stories with apps that connect people who are socially and economically right for one another ... I know they are out there. Anyone know a success story and the app that created the success?

My ex-wife was looking specifically for a member of her less-well-known religious denomination. E-Harmony let people list their denomination and search for it, and she found a new husband that way. This was about 13 years ago. The catch was that she had a great job in Pennsylvania and couldn’t move. He lived in Georgia or something. That’s a long trip for that first date, especially as they believed in no sex until marriage. But they’ve been very happy. I attribute that to who they are, rather than to the dating site, but in any case, that worked.

I used Match. (I also tried OKCupid, which I liked, though I got no dates from there.) I put effort into writing an honest profile that wasn’t a string of clichés and using honest photos. Actually, I’m shy, so I mostly went out with women who wrote to me after they saw I looked at their ad or liked it. That worked out pretty well. I dated a professor for four months, a lawyer for three years, and a banker for eight years. This always meant spending weekends together at their house and a 90 minute drive each way.

Socially and economically right, which you ask about, is very important, no matter what your own is. Online dating calls for constant vigilance—yes, for safety, but also for scam artists, both male and female, and even for the people who are not social and economic matches. At our age, every month is precious, and we don’t want to waste a year or two with wrong people. We may not marry, but we want to be happy. (A friend her in her mid-seventies went on Match and was soon contacted by a man with a nice house on the beach. They talked happily on the phone for a week and looked forward to meeting. Then she found out the distance wasn’t a problem for him because he expected her to sell her house and move in with him in about four months. Without even meeting!)

When I first went on Match, as a college professor with a Ph.D,., I refused to meet women without graduate degrees and excellent jobs. I figured we would have more in common. There was no one like that in my age bracket within an hour of me. That was a problem. Here in The Villages, most people I know don’t know what I did before I retired, and I don’t know what they did. We live here, do the same activities, like some of the same things, and that’s enough. I guess you could say that I’m less snobbish. But I only dated women who actually live in The Villages, just a few minutes away from me.

I would never consider a site like Tinder because the idea of being judged and found wanting in two seconds on the basis of a photo is revolting. I’m no longer on Match, but I’m sort of an expert. I want to see a well-written profile without clichés. No references to little black dresses or walks hand in hand along the beach or bottles of wine or loving to travel when you don’t even have a passport. Don’t say you love art if you really mean crafts and you don’t go to art museums and know what you are looking at. Don’t say you are athletic if that was thirty years ago. Don’t say you are fit if you aren’t. (I’m not.) Don’t say you love to read if you don’t do it. Don’t say you love all sorts of music unless you really do. Save us both time: if you are a liberal or a moderate Democrat or Republican or right wing, say so. One night a woman threw a martini in my face at a country club bar because of a political disagreement at a first meeting. But I also wouldn’t date someone “woke”. I like moderate.

If you write a good profile, I may find something appealing in what you write. If you write nothing, I’ll probably skip you. Take the time to read my profile and you may be repelled or enchanted. In any case, you would have quite a bit on which to base a judgment.

You can learn a bit from a good profile about the social and economic background of a potential date. You can learn where they went to school, what they did for a living, if they have kids, if they are outgoing and have lots of friends (I’m not and I don’t). You can also learn from the photos. For me, if a woman posts photos of herself with tattoos or a motorcycle or a gun or a MAGA hat, she won’t hear from me. (Nothing against the guns, but not in a photo—it’s in there to send a message, and message received.) But if a woman posts photos of herself at expensive ski resorts, that’s also probably a no for me, because I don’t ski. Likewise with the sailboat shots. Not only do I not sail, but I can’t afford to ski and sail, even though I’m pretty well off. Another red flag is photos that aren’t relatively current. (More than one woman here has thirty year old photos on Match.) Watch out for photo apps that leave your face line free. That is generally obvious, and not many are fooled by it. That said, some lighting is more diffuse and hides wrinkles, while direct sun accentuates wrinkles. Have your photos taken in the shade. Take off the sun glasses and the hats. (Don’t use selfies taken with a wide angle lens. Have a friend take photos from six feet away, when crop them. The blurriness will help hide the wrinkles.)

I think a lot of us imagine ourselves looking much younger than we are. Also, when we move to The Villages, often we don’t have much experience with people our own age or older and aren’t used to how people that age really look. It really does take some getting used to. One problem with Match is that we often judge people by photos without getting to know them. If we actually spend time together, hours, or several dates, and talking on the phone, and stuff like that, we often look beyond the ravages of time and see the special person, the beauty between the lines. (Now, if you go to City Fire, you may find that having a few drinks is like a soft-focus filter. People may look better through the bottom of the glass. That’s one approach, though not for me. I’d rather get acquainted.)

[PersonOfInterest]

Just put a pink ribbon in your hair and go to City Fire .... and if you're a lady be sure to wear Red shoes.

[Susan1717]

I met my boyfriend on Bumble. It’s been 3 years, we are engaged and planning our future. I have a handful of friends all married to people they met on Bumble or Hinge. Hinge being the newest popular one. Make sure your first picture is the best one snd shows something about yourself.

[Villagesgal]

My ex-wife was looking specifically for a member of her less-well-known religious denomination. E-Harmony let people list their denomination and search for it, and she found a new husband that way. This was about 13 years ago. The catch was that she had a great job in Pennsylvania and couldn’t move. He lived in Georgia or something. That’s a long trip for that first date, especially as they believed in no sex until marriage. But they’ve been very happy. I attribute that to who they are, rather than to the dating site, but in any case, that worked.

I used Match. (I also tried OKCupid, which I liked, though I got no dates from there.) I put effort into writing an honest profile that wasn’t a string of clichés and using honest photos. Actually, I’m shy, so I mostly went out with women who wrote to me after they saw I looked at their ad or liked it. That worked out pretty well. I dated a professor for four months, a lawyer for three years, and a banker for eight years. This always meant spending weekends together at their house and a 90 minute drive each way.

Socially and economically right, which you ask about, is very important, no matter what your own is. Online dating calls for constant vigilance—yes, for safety, but also for scam artists, both male and female, and even for the people who are not social and economic matches. At our age, every month is precious, and we don’t want to waste a year or two with wrong people. We may not marry, but we want to be happy. (A friend her in her mid-seventies went on Match and was soon contacted by a man with a nice house on the beach. They talked happily on the phone for a week and looked forward to meeting. Then she found out the distance wasn’t a problem for him because he expected her to sell her house and move in with him in about four months. Without even meeting!)

When I first went on Match, as a college professor with a Ph.D,., I refused to meet women without graduate degrees and excellent jobs. I figured we would have more in common. There was no one like that in my age bracket within an hour of me. That was a problem. Here in The Villages, most people I know don’t know what I did before I retired, and I don’t know what they did. We live here, do the same activities, like some of the same things, and that’s enough. I guess you could say that I’m less snobbish. But I only dated women who actually live in The Villages, just a few minutes away from me.

I would never consider a site like Tinder because the idea of being judged and found wanting in two seconds on the basis of a photo is revolting. I’m no longer on Match, but I’m sort of an expert. I want to see a well-written profile without clichés. No references to little black dresses or walks hand in hand along the beach or bottles of wine or loving to travel when you don’t even have a passport. Don’t say you love art if you really mean crafts and you don’t go to art museums and know what you are looking at. Don’t say you are athletic if that was thirty years ago. Don’t say you are fit if you aren’t. (I’m not.) Don’t say you love to read if you don’t do it. Don’t say you love all sorts of music unless you really do. Save us both time: if you are a liberal or a moderate Democrat or Republican or right wing, say so. One night a woman threw a martini in my face at a country club bar because of a political disagreement at a first meeting. But I also wouldn’t date someone “woke”. I like moderate.

If you write a good profile, I may find something appealing in what you write. If you write nothing, I’ll probably skip you. Take the time to read my profile and you may be repelled or enchanted. In any case, you would have quite a bit on which to base a judgment.

You can learn a bit from a good profile about the social and economic background of a potential date. You can learn where they went to school, what they did for a living, if they have kids, if they are outgoing and have lots of friends (I’m not and I don’t). You can also learn from the photos. For me, if a woman posts photos of herself with tattoos or a motorcycle or a gun or a MAGA hat, she won’t hear from me. (Nothing against the guns, but not in a photo—it’s in there to send a message, and message received.) But if a woman posts photos of herself at expensive ski resorts, that’s also probably a no for me, because I don’t ski. Likewise with the sailboat shots. Not only do I not sail, but I can’t afford to ski and sail, even though I’m pretty well off. Another red flag is photos that aren’t relatively current. (More than one woman here has thirty year old photos on Match.) Watch out for photo apps that leave your face line free. That is generally obvious, and not many are fooled by it. That said, some lighting is more diffuse and hides wrinkles, while direct sun accentuates wrinkles. Have your photos taken in the shade. Take off the sun glasses and the hats. (Don’t use selfies taken with a wide angle lens. Have a friend take photos from six feet away, when crop them. The blurriness will help hide the wrinkles.)

I think a lot of us imagine ourselves looking much younger than we are. Also, when we move to The Villages, often we don’t have much experience with people our own age or older and aren’t used to how people that age really look. It really does take some getting used to. One problem with Match is that we often judge people by photos without getting to know them. If we actually spend time together, hours, or several dates, and talking on the phone, and stuff like that, we often look beyond the ravages of time and see the special person, the beauty between the lines. (Now, if you go to City Fire, you may find that having a few drinks is like a soft-focus filter. People may look better through the bottom of the glass. That’s one approach, though not for me. I’d rather get acquainted.)

My God, it's no wonder you are still single. From what you wrote, there is not a woman in the world that meets your requirements. Good luck to you. You need it.

[craiglittler]

I am looking for real success stories with apps that connect people who are socially and economically right for one another ... I know they are out there. Anyone know a success story and the app that created the success?

My wife and I met on Match.com 12 years ago and have been married for 10 years. She's the love of my life. The process was a bit grueling but ended up well worth it.I don't know how the app is these days but it worked for us. Just screen thoroughly and meet for a drink or coffee first. Dinner dates can be painful if the person turns out to be a bad choice. Good luck!

[mydavid]

My husband and I met on the dating app “ plenty of fish”. We Met in 2012 got married in 2014 and here we are in The Villages.
I also used plenty of fish, had many dates, been with the last date 10 years .:ho:

[msilagy]

MandoMan, that was an excellent summation of what to look for and expect on dating sites. Great points. You are a person who knows what he wants, is selective, and that's very admirable. I have limited exposure over the years, and do not participate any longer, but I also was selective. By that I mean I paid attention to education, profession, their written profile, their likes and dislikes, and of course pictures. I myself always dated my pictures, which I wish everyone would do, plus I never lied about my age. I spoke on the phone, blocked my number when there were only land lines until we met and I had a semblance of safety. One off color remark in the profile or over the phone and I am gone! I met several very nice men, dated a few times but never ended up in a relationship. The misrepresentation was rampant and that spoiled my desire to do online dating.

As for the remarks about City Fire it is no different than any other restaurant/bar anywhere in the US. Take it for what it is if you enjoy dancing and socializing. Overall it is not suggested to try and meet anyone in a bar, anywhere, not just City Fire. So why always the reference boggles my mind unless there are married folks commenting because they wish they could participate!!! ;)

[ChilePepper]

Brilliant commentary! I have had success on several dating sites over many years. You have summed it up very well. I might add please don't show me a picture with just your eyes, or the huge fish you caught, or your ex with his picture cropped out but his arm around you.

[CoachKandSportsguy]

My husband and I met on the dating app “ plenty of fish”. We Met in 2012 got married in 2014 and here we are in The Villages.

We met on the dating app “match”. We met in 2011 got married in 2012 and here we are in The Villages, well, not quite yet, but getting closer.

However, that was when we were still young, working and almost 15 years ago. In TV, i would do the IRL (in real life) singles group and if asked, just looking for companionship. .

[manaboutown]

Thank you MandoMan for your thoughtful comprehensive post.

Looking back I became single in 1994 and tried the old fashioned short four line personal ads in a local newspaper. Through them I met three delightful physically attractive women whom I dated for varying amounts of time and remained friends afterward. The ads had no photos so these were sight unseen meet-ups during which we discovered some mutual chemistry which cannot be achieved until meeting in person. This was in Newport Beach, CA. I believe one's location makes a huge difference in how many potential partners one can meet.

Then a dating service called Great Expectations became available in Irvine and I tried it. They maintained a library of profiles and videos of members. One could go to their business and look for dates on their shelves. The service would contact one's selectees to see if they wanted to meet the selector. I had pretty good results but discovered misrepresentations; many of the women lied about their ages; some lied about the number of times they had been married and even about how many children they had. This problem carried over into my dating app experiences. I tried eHarmony, Match, PoF and met several women, but nah...

It's Just Lunch is another dating service I tried (in Albuquerque, NM) and ended up dating the woman who ran it.lol

All of my three long lasting relationships came from meeting someone when I least expected to do so. I met one in a hospital, another at a church Thanksgiving time barbecue and the last at a Single Gourmet dinner, all in Newport Beach.

Over the years I met several women living around the country on airplanes, sightseeing vacations to Europe and Asia. I visit a few; they visit me; we remain in contact. Life is good.

[Sully2023]

I am looking for real success stories with apps that connect people who are socially and economically right for one another ... I know they are out there. Anyone know a success story and the app that created the success?

My girl and I meet on eharmony 6 years ago. It worked for us. I met a ton of single professional women on the app.

[Velvet]

My God, it's no wonder you are still single. From what you wrote, there is not a woman in the world that meets your requirements. Good luck to you. You need it.

Nope, I disagree. I am not looking but I meet every criteria including the PhD and the art and the living in TV. (Although I used to ride a Kawasaki 6R and have lots bike photos, not any more.)

I have friends who met on Match. They lived in different countries, spoke different languages, both were professors and somehow they worked it out - happily married 20 years now.

[manaboutown]

If Mr. Midnight is still around and active maybe he can weigh in. According to the book "Leisureville" Mr. Midnight was successfully using one or more internet dating sites to connect with women. This would have been in the early 2000s.

[swiley]

My nephew and his wife met on Match. They have been very happily married for 18 years and still going strong.

[Velvet]

or a nurse with a purse

Just my personal view. Although one obviously does not want a companion who is only interested in mooching, what is wrong with sharing your money?
If you’re saving it for the kids, they better be the ones who are there for you in your old age and when you are ill. If you expect your spouse to be there you ought to share with them.

A neighbor became a widow half a year ago. She is attractive and very well off. She has no close relatives to leave anything to. No charities she is interested in. And she thought she might try dating. People suggested City Fire. I’ve never been there so I don’t know. The neighbor thought about that for about 10 seconds. Then she said, “I think I’ll get kittens for company.”

She doesn’t spend much, she invests instead. All her life she was used to making money not spending it. I asked her, “So, what are you saving it for?” She had no answer. We went to a great (expensive) place for lunch afterwards.

[Pugchief]

Plenty of Fish, Match, OK Cupid and eHarmony worked great 10 years ago. No longer.

The apps of choice are now Bumble and Hinge. You might want to look into Our Time; not sure if that is any good these days or not.

Pictures are extremally important and the advice earlier in the thread has been good. It's worth considering paying a professional to take some profile photos.

My personal opinion is not to write a lengthy profile description. Not too short, but not so long and detailed. You can fill in the blanks if and when you meet in person.

I would also second the advice to focus primarily on meeting someone organically, especially here in TV. Join more activities and talk to people. It's the best method, hands down.

[Pugchief]

Although one obviously does not want a companion who is only interested in mooching, what is wrong with sharing your money?
If you’re saving it for the kids, they better be the ones who are there for you in your old age and when you are ill. If you expect your spouse to be there you ought to share with them.


You might have a different opinion if got taken to the cleaners in a divorce. That being said, you are correct that a faithful spouse or partner who takes good care of you should be rewarded. As for the kids, they can earn their own money.

[Blackbird45]

I post a question before, and I was hoping for an answer.
My wife died 2 weeks ago, and I am not looking for a mate.
Is there a site where you can just chat?
Years ago, I know there were a lot of chat rooms but no matter what topic you visited it always ended up about sex, so I dropped out.

[Velvet]

You might have a different opinion if got taken to the cleaners in a divorce. That being said, you are correct that a faithful spouse or partner who takes good care of you should be rewarded. As for the kids, they can earn their own money.

I guess you are right. I did have a divorce decades ago. But, although we were not well matched, he was a trustworthy gentleman. Without prompting, and zero expectation from me he gave me 2/3 of all our assets in the divorce. Needless to say, he is still a friend, and if he is in need he can count on me.

[Deedle]

My husband and I met in 2017 on an app called OK Cupid and we were married in 2022.

[texasliz]

Great response!

[Michread]

I have met some great people at City Fire, single and married.

I love to dance and socialize so that is the place for me. I’ve made good friends from the people I met there. The more I go, the more people I meet who enjoy doing what I like to do. I’ve had fun light and longer deep conversations at the bar.

There are good people at the bar as well as strange ones, but it’s no different than most other places.

Just like TV, don’t believe all the rumors!

[JGibson]

My God, it's no wonder you are still single. From what you wrote, there is not a woman in the world that meets your requirements. Good luck to you. You need it.
I was thinking the same thing.

That came across very pompous.

[JGibson]

I liked that speed dating thing like in the move Hitch with Will Smith and Kevin James. I can usually tell in a few minutes in person if we're going to be compatible.

I think a lot of American men especially financially secure ones are choosing foreign women for companions these days over American women.

Like Chris Rock said men want three things, food, sex and silence. lol.

[Velvet]

I liked that speed dating thing like in the move Hitch with Will Smith and Kevin James. I can usually tell in a few minutes in person if we're going to be compatible.

I think a lot of American men especially financially secure ones are choosing foreign women for companions these days over American women.

Like Chris Rock said men want three things, food, sex and silence. lol.

And… what do women want?

[manaboutown]

I attended a few speed dating events and found them enjoyable, briefly dating a few women I met at them.

[Flyers999]

I also used plenty of fish, had many dates, been with the last date 10 years .:ho:

Dear friend of mine lost her husband and didn't go out for a few years. I helped her fill out the forms on plenty of fish and she's been happily married for three years now after dating him for that same length of time.

[Pugchief]

Like Chris Rock said men want three things, food, sex and silence. lol.

And… what do women want?

I don't know, I've been trying to figure that out for 50 years. Please tell me for goodness sake.

[Stu from NYC]

I don't know, I've been trying to figure that out for 50 years. Please tell me for goodness sake.

Married for 51 years and still have no clue.

[BobnBev]

My ex-wife was looking specifically for a member of her less-well-known religious denomination. E-Harmony let people list their denomination and search for it, and she found a new husband that way. This was about 13 years ago. The catch was that she had a great job in Pennsylvania and couldn’t move. He lived in Georgia or something. That’s a long trip for that first date, especially as they believed in no sex until marriage. But they’ve been very happy. I attribute that to who they are, rather than to the dating site, but in any case, that worked.

I used Match. (I also tried OKCupid, which I liked, though I got no dates from there.) I put effort into writing an honest profile that wasn’t a string of clichés and using honest photos. Actually, I’m shy, so I mostly went out with women who wrote to me after they saw I looked at their ad or liked it. That worked out pretty well. I dated a professor for four months, a lawyer for three years, and a banker for eight years. This always meant spending weekends together at their house and a 90 minute drive each way.

Socially and economically right, which you ask about, is very important, no matter what your own is. Online dating calls for constant vigilance—yes, for safety, but also for scam artists, both male and female, and even for the people who are not social and economic matches. At our age, every month is precious, and we don’t want to waste a year or two with wrong people. We may not marry, but we want to be happy. (A friend her in her mid-seventies went on Match and was soon contacted by a man with a nice house on the beach. They talked happily on the phone for a week and looked forward to meeting. Then she found out the distance wasn’t a problem for him because he expected her to sell her house and move in with him in about four months. Without even meeting!)

When I first went on Match, as a college professor with a Ph.D,., I refused to meet women without graduate degrees and excellent jobs. I figured we would have more in common. There was no one like that in my age bracket within an hour of me. That was a problem. Here in The Villages, most people I know don’t know what I did before I retired, and I don’t know what they did. We live here, do the same activities, like some of the same things, and that’s enough. I guess you could say that I’m less snobbish. But I only dated women who actually live in The Villages, just a few minutes away from me.

I would never consider a site like Tinder because the idea of being judged and found wanting in two seconds on the basis of a photo is revolting. I’m no longer on Match, but I’m sort of an expert. I want to see a well-written profile without clichés. No references to little black dresses or walks hand in hand along the beach or bottles of wine or loving to travel when you don’t even have a passport. Don’t say you love art if you really mean crafts and you don’t go to art museums and know what you are looking at. Don’t say you are athletic if that was thirty years ago. Don’t say you are fit if you aren’t. (I’m not.) Don’t say you love to read if you don’t do it. Don’t say you love all sorts of music unless you really do. Save us both time: if you are a liberal or a moderate Democrat or Republican or right wing, say so. One night a woman threw a martini in my face at a country club bar because of a political disagreement at a first meeting. But I also wouldn’t date someone “woke”. I like moderate.

If you write a good profile, I may find something appealing in what you write. If you write nothing, I’ll probably skip you. Take the time to read my profile and you may be repelled or enchanted. In any case, you would have quite a bit on which to base a judgment.

You can learn a bit from a good profile about the social and economic background of a potential date. You can learn where they went to school, what they did for a living, if they have kids, if they are outgoing and have lots of friends (I’m not and I don’t). You can also learn from the photos. For me, if a woman posts photos of herself with tattoos or a motorcycle or a gun or a MAGA hat, she won’t hear from me. (Nothing against the guns, but not in a photo—it’s in there to send a message, and message received.) But if a woman posts photos of herself at expensive ski resorts, that’s also probably a no for me, because I don’t ski. Likewise with the sailboat shots. Not only do I not sail, but I can’t afford to ski and sail, even though I’m pretty well off. Another red flag is photos that aren’t relatively current. (More than one woman here has thirty year old photos on Match.) Watch out for photo apps that leave your face line free. That is generally obvious, and not many are fooled by it. That said, some lighting is more diffuse and hides wrinkles, while direct sun accentuates wrinkles. Have your photos taken in the shade. Take off the sun glasses and the hats. (Don’t use selfies taken with a wide angle lens. Have a friend take photos from six feet away, when crop them. The blurriness will help hide the wrinkles.)

I think a lot of us imagine ourselves looking much younger than we are. Also, when we move to The Villages, often we don’t have much experience with people our own age or older and aren’t used to how people that age really look. It really does take some getting used to. One problem with Match is that we often judge people by photos without getting to know them. If we actually spend time together, hours, or several dates, and talking on the phone, and stuff like that, we often look beyond the ravages of time and see the special person, the beauty between the lines. (Now, if you go to City Fire, you may find that having a few drinks is like a soft-focus filter. People may look better through the bottom of the glass. That’s one approach, though not for me. I’d rather get acquainted.)

You sound like a very nice person, and not a phony.

[Velvet]

I don't know, I've been trying to figure that out for 50 years. Please tell me for goodness sake.

In general women simply want to be happy. From a spouse; they would like to be cherished.

[Papa_lecki]

Thank you MandoMan for your thoughtful comprehensive post.

Looking back I became single in 1994 and tried the old fashioned short four line personal ads in a local newspaper.


If you like piña coladas
And gettin' caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like makin' love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape

[MorTech]

Just download the City Fire app.

[manaboutown]

In general women simply want to be happy. From a spouse; they would like to be cherished.

As a man that is also what I want.

[Pugchief]

I don't know, I've been trying to figure that out for 50 years. Please tell me for goodness sake.
In general women simply want to be happy. From a spouse; they would like to be cherished.

Ya, but how do you make them happy?

[Velvet]

Ya, but how do you make them happy?

The secret is to watch how the other person reacts. When you see a genuine smile, eyes light up etc - you’ve got it!

[Michael G.]

May 30th 58 years ago my wife and I met in a revolving door and been going around ever since. :1rotfl: :thumbup: :boom:

[JGibson]

In general women simply want to be happy. From a spouse; they would like to be cherished.

If the woman isn't happy when you meet her then she will only be artificially happy in any other way.

Happiness is truly an inside job. Some people no matter what you do will be happy.

[Whitley]

My ex-wife was looking specifically for a member of her less-well-known religious denomination. E-Harmony let people list their denomination and search for it, and she found a new husband that way. This was about 13 years ago. The catch was that she had a great job in Pennsylvania and couldn’t move. He lived in Georgia or something. That’s a long trip for that first date, especially as they believed in no sex until marriage. But they’ve been very happy. I attribute that to who they are, rather than to the dating site, but in any case, that worked.

I used Match. (I also tried OKCupid, which I liked, though I got no dates from there.) I put effort into writing an honest profile that wasn’t a string of clichés and using honest photos. Actually, I’m shy, so I mostly went out with women who wrote to me after they saw I looked at their ad or liked it. That worked out pretty well. I dated a professor for four months, a lawyer for three years, and a banker for eight years. This always meant spending weekends together at their house and a 90 minute drive each way.

Socially and economically right, which you ask about, is very important, no matter what your own is. Online dating calls for constant vigilance—yes, for safety, but also for scam artists, both male and female, and even for the people who are not social and economic matches. At our age, every month is precious, and we don’t want to waste a year or two with wrong people. We may not marry, but we want to be happy. (A friend her in her mid-seventies went on Match and was soon contacted by a man with a nice house on the beach. They talked happily on the phone for a week and looked forward to meeting. Then she found out the distance wasn’t a problem for him because he expected her to sell her house and move in with him in about four months. Without even meeting!)

When I first went on Match, as a college professor with a Ph.D,., I refused to meet women without graduate degrees and excellent jobs. I figured we would have more in common. There was no one like that in my age bracket within an hour of me. That was a problem. Here in The Villages, most people I know don’t know what I did before I retired, and I don’t know what they did. We live here, do the same activities, like some of the same things, and that’s enough. I guess you could say that I’m less snobbish. But I only dated women who actually live in The Villages, just a few minutes away from me.

I would never consider a site like Tinder because the idea of being judged and found wanting in two seconds on the basis of a photo is revolting. I’m no longer on Match, but I’m sort of an expert. I want to see a well-written profile without clichés. No references to little black dresses or walks hand in hand along the beach or bottles of wine or loving to travel when you don’t even have a passport. Don’t say you love art if you really mean crafts and you don’t go to art museums and know what you are looking at. Don’t say you are athletic if that was thirty years ago. Don’t say you are fit if you aren’t. (I’m not.) Don’t say you love to read if you don’t do it. Don’t say you love all sorts of music unless you really do. Save us both time: if you are a liberal or a moderate Democrat or Republican or right wing, say so. One night a woman threw a martini in my face at a country club bar because of a political disagreement at a first meeting. But I also wouldn’t date someone “woke”. I like moderate.

If you write a good profile, I may find something appealing in what you write. If you write nothing, I’ll probably skip you. Take the time to read my profile and you may be repelled or enchanted. In any case, you would have quite a bit on which to base a judgment.

You can learn a bit from a good profile about the social and economic background of a potential date. You can learn where they went to school, what they did for a living, if they have kids, if they are outgoing and have lots of friends (I’m not and I don’t). You can also learn from the photos. For me, if a woman posts photos of herself with tattoos or a motorcycle or a gun or a MAGA hat, she won’t hear from me. (Nothing against the guns, but not in a photo—it’s in there to send a message, and message received.) But if a woman posts photos of herself at expensive ski resorts, that’s also probably a no for me, because I don’t ski. Likewise with the sailboat shots. Not only do I not sail, but I can’t afford to ski and sail, even though I’m pretty well off. Another red flag is photos that aren’t relatively current. (More than one woman here has thirty year old photos on Match.) Watch out for photo apps that leave your face line free. That is generally obvious, and not many are fooled by it. That said, some lighting is more diffuse and hides wrinkles, while direct sun accentuates wrinkles. Have your photos taken in the shade. Take off the sun glasses and the hats. (Don’t use selfies taken with a wide angle lens. Have a friend take photos from six feet away, when crop them. The blurriness will help hide the wrinkles.)

I think a lot of us imagine ourselves looking much younger than we are. Also, when we move to The Villages, often we don’t have much experience with people our own age or older and aren’t used to how people that age really look. It really does take some getting used to. One problem with Match is that we often judge people by photos without getting to know them. If we actually spend time together, hours, or several dates, and talking on the phone, and stuff like that, we often look beyond the ravages of time and see the special person, the beauty between the lines. (Now, if you go to City Fire, you may find that having a few drinks is like a soft-focus filter. People may look better through the bottom of the glass. That’s one approach, though not for me. I’d rather get acquainted.)


Good God man, what a post. If your online dating page was this long, I can see where no one would get to the end of it. Not criticizing. You put a great deal of time and effort into your post. I hope you met the person of your dreams. Where did you teach?

[Whitley]

Just put a pink ribbon in your hair and go to City Fire .... and if you're a lady be sure to wear Red shoes.

Now you have me wondering what the pink ribbon stands for. Are you sure I wont look silly in a pink ribbon?

[Whitley]

MandoMan, that was an excellent summation of what to look for and expect on dating sites. Great points. You are a person who knows what he wants, is selective, and that's very admirable. I have limited exposure over the years, and do not participate any longer, but I also was selective. By that I mean I paid attention to education, profession, their written profile, their likes and dislikes, and of course pictures. I myself always dated my pictures, which I wish everyone would do, plus I never lied about my age. I spoke on the phone, blocked my number when there were only land lines until we met and I had a semblance of safety. One off color remark in the profile or over the phone and I am gone! I met several very nice men, dated a few times but never ended up in a relationship. The misrepresentation was rampant and that spoiled my desire to do online dating.

As for the remarks about City Fire it is no different than any other restaurant/bar anywhere in the US. Take it for what it is if you enjoy dancing and socializing. Overall it is not suggested to try and meet anyone in a bar, anywhere, not just City Fire. So why always the reference boggles my mind unless there are married folks commenting because they wish they could participate!!! ;)

Have you ever met mandoman?:popcorn:

[Stu from NYC]

Now you have me wondering what the pink ribbon stands for.

Your in the market?

[Whitley]

Your in the market?

I'm a six foot 200 pound male; where exactly would I put this pink ribbon?

[Ecuadog]

I'm a six foot 200 pound male; where exactly would I put this pink ribbon?

Do you wear a kilt?

[zmarkp]

There's a great book out there on writing personal ads called 'Cupid's Secret: How To Write Irresistible Personal Ads' with over 500 examples to guide you.

It's free with Kindle Unlimited.

And yes, I wrote it. And yes, it worked for me.

[Cybersprings]

My God, it's no wonder you are still single. From what you wrote, there is not a woman in the world that meets your requirements. Good luck to you. You need it.

Just about as directly insulting to another forum user as one can be. There was not one insulting statement in the person's post. Maybe not someone you are interested in, but not a license to insult in my opinion.

[GoldenBoy]

Your in the market?

Your what in the market? Your is a possive adjective usually followed by a object type noun. As in Your hat ... or Your car... or perhaps, Your education...

You were actually asking a question, so You are in the market. Or as a contraction, and I'm only guessing here, You're in the the market. But these are not really questions. These are declarative sentences. Perhaps what you meant to write is, Are you in the market? See the difference?

[Ecuadog]

Your what in the market? Your is a possive adjective usually followed by a object type noun. As in Your hat ... or Your car... or perhaps, Your education...

You were actually asking a question, so You are in the market. Or as a contraction, and I'm only guessing here, You're in the the market. But these are not really questions. These are declarative sentences. Perhaps what you meant to write is, Are you in the market? See the difference?

Your first day on the internet?