Men are just Happy People - oldie but goodie

[JohnN]

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE
This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $150. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $9.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild Man.

EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators!

MONEY. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs . A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. .Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and to the men who will enjoy reading

(feel free to continue the thread - why men are happier)

[Ecuadog]

Thanks. I enjoyed it, but I am not showing it to my wife. Why tempt fate?

[JohnN]

Thanks. I enjoyed it, but I am not showing it to my wife. Why tempt fate?
Ecuadog - doesn't matter, she already knows all this, and so much more

[margaretmattson]

Thanks. I enjoyed it, but I am not showing it to my wife. Why tempt fate?
Laughed all the way through. Not going to show it to my husband, ln hls eyes women have it made.

[JohnN]

men are happier because when they get older and their hearing gets worse,
it's really great. we can pick and choose what we want to hear

[Battlebasset]

Some of this I agree with, some I don't.

The bottom line why men are happier is that (most) don't make perfect the enemy of good (enough). We tend to make decisions quicker, don't overthink, and focus on the goal. Woman (some, not all) agonize over details of limited importance, and they experience "analysis paralysis" and even when it's done, question what decision they made and could they have done better. Men shrug and move on.

Don't believe me? Stand in line at a McDonalds and watch men order vs women. Men will walk up, order in mind - "Number five with a diet coke". A woman will stand back for a bit, study the menu, and still when they get up there, hesitate.

I might do that with a house or car. McDonalds? Low impact decision. The goal is food in your belly. Make it and move on.

[retiredguy123]

Some women will see a chair they like in a furniture store. But, if it is the wrong color, they will wait 6 months to get a special order.

[Michael 61]

Some of this I agree with, some I don't.

The bottom line why men are happier is that (most) don't make perfect the enemy of good (enough). We tend to make decisions quicker, don't overthink, and focus on the goal. Woman (some, not all) agonize over details of limited importance, and they experience "analysis paralysis" and even when it's done, question what decision they made and could they have done better. Men shrug and move on.

Don't believe me? Stand in line at a McDonalds and watch men order vs women. Men will walk up, order in mind - "Number five with a diet coke". A woman will stand back for a bit, study the menu, and still when they get up there, hesitate.

I might do that with a house or car. McDonalds? Low impact decision. The goal is food in your belly. Make it and move on.
I’m that way with clothes shopping - I now what brands fit me, I know my size, and I go in store with a set of agenda of what I need (no window shopping). I rarely try on any clothes - I can easily go into a clothing store, pick up several items of clothing in minutes without trying them on, pay and be out in ten minutes. (Or better yet, buy it all online and avoid shopping in a store all together)

[Battlebasset]

I’m that way with clothes shopping - I now what brands fit me, I know my size, and I go in store with a set of agenda of what I need (no window shopping). I rarely try on any clothes - I can easily go into a clothing store, pick up several items of clothing in minutes without trying them on, pay and be out in ten minutes. (Or better yet, buy it all online and avoid shopping in a store all together)

You and me both. If it is really horrible, take it back. But that rarely happens. Again, low impact decision - "I need clothes to cover my body". Make it and move on to golf, pickleball, or whatever it is that you need/want to do that provides more pleasure.

[JMintzer]

I’m that way with clothes shopping - I now what brands fit me, I know my size, and I go in store with a set of agenda of what I need (no window shopping). I rarely try on any clothes - I can easily go into a clothing store, pick up several items of clothing in minutes without trying them on, pay and be out in ten minutes. (Or better yet, buy it all online and avoid shopping in a store all together)

Presicely...

https://images.hive.blog/0x0/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPfe66q7y3Ste2pcLQTMEaRYMbex3CnpXrjFZdaGWHVg5/FB_IMG_1528367628301.jpg

[margaretmattson]

Presicely...

https://images.hive.blog/0x0/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPfe66q7y3Ste2pcLQTMEaRYMbex3CnpXrjFZdaGWHVg5/FB_IMG_1528367628301.jpg
When I want to get my husband out of my hair I tell him we need one of the following: a new tool, a bigger screen TV, golf clubs, a new car, fishing gear, or a better grill. Whichever item I choose, I do not see him for a week. He is too caught up in the excitement of buying something he could use. Eventually, his exuberance wears off and he tells me the item is too expensive and we will just keep what we have. I shake my head in agreement. I got my much-needed space (5-7 days of freedom)
and that"s all that matters. Works every time!

[mikeycereal]

That and the chart are pretty funny. Though there are a few things on the list that don't apply to me; 2 of them being I always cut my nails with clippers (same ones since the 80s) never a knife, and my phone convos usually take longer than 30 seconds. Looks like not updated for texts or paying to eat out. The 30 secs for me are sub for short convos in the form of texts. I venmo the person paying the bill if on same check.

For the shopping chart, the top one is a lot closer to me than the bottom for grocery shopping, though the line should go through 2-3 more aisles, and 2-3 lines at the produce (right) side. Looks like a Publix map! Sams and Walmart... add a few more lines. For Fresh Market the top is spot on.

[ehendersonjr]

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE
This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $150. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $9.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild Man.

EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators!

MONEY. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs . A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. .Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and to the men who will enjoy reading

(feel free to continue the thread - why men are happier)

I encouraged my son to fail as often as possible because no one learns anything by continuous success. I prefer someone who has tried and failed a thousand times over anyone who has not tried at all.
My daughter was a different matter. I gave every boy she brought home a threatening look and an even more threatening “talk.” I figured if they could handle me, they might have a chance at handling her. 😁

[Michael G.]

I encouraged my son to fail as often as possible because no one learns anything by continuous success. I prefer someone who has tried and failed a thousand times over anyone who has not tried at all.
My daughter was a different matter. I gave every boy she brought home a threatening look and an even more threatening “talk.” I figured if they could handle me, they might have a chance at handling her. 😁


And as they say in the dating game, if you want to know how the girl your dating
is like, get to know her mother.

[NoMo50]

Other bits of life's knowledge:

One thing to NEVER say to your wife..."Those small faults of mine are what kept me from getting a better wife."

On kids...I always wanted my children to turn out better than me. That's why I set such a low standard.

[kendi]

When I want to get my husband out of my hair I tell him we need one of the following: a new tool, a bigger screen TV, golf clubs, a new car, fishing gear, or a better grill. Whichever item I choose, I do not see him for a week. He is too caught up in the excitement of buying something he could use. Eventually, his exuberance wears off and he tells me the item is too expensive and we will just keep what we have. I shake my head in agreement. I got my much-needed space (5-7 days of freedom)
and that"s all that matters. Works every time!

Hahaha. I’ll have to try this with my husband.

[Boomer]

JohnN, another fun thread from you to start my day —thanks.

Boomer

[JohnN]

When I want to get my husband out of my hair I tell him we need one of the following: a new tool, a bigger screen TV, golf clubs, a new car, fishing gear, or a better grill. Whichever item I choose, I do not see him for a week. He is too caught up in the excitement of buying something he could use. Eventually, his exuberance wears off and he tells me the item is too expensive and we will just keep what we have. I shake my head in agreement. I got my much-needed space (5-7 days of freedom) and that"s all that matters. Works every time!

Hmmm, well, men are the more simple creatures, we don't look for deep logic nor cunning.

And regarding grocery stores, at one point in my career I managed a warehouse of electronics and it was important to keep stuff orderly. Thusly, when checking out, I am a bit .. structured.. that the dairy up first onto the conveyor, meats or other freezer/fridge stuff, then the canned goods, then jars, boxes, produce, eggs and non-edibles.
And I bag it when possible because, of course, I'm the best ******! LOL

[allsport]

Some of this I agree with, some I don't.

The bottom line why men are happier is that (most) don't make perfect the enemy of good (enough). We tend to make decisions quicker, don't overthink, and focus on the goal. Woman (some, not all) agonize over details of limited importance, and they experience "analysis paralysis" and even when it's done, question what decision they made and could they have done better. Men shrug and move on.

Don't believe me? Stand in line at a McDonalds and watch men order vs women. Men will walk up, order in mind - "Number five with a diet coke". A woman will stand back for a bit, study the menu, and still when they get up there, hesitate.

I might do that with a house or car. McDonalds? Low impact decision. The goal is food in your belly. Make it and move on.

Impulse decision making and the ability to look at the big picture and make a data based decision are two very different things. Women take longer to order food and change some of the parameters because they are more concerned about their health and food value, however, most women who are making data based decisions do not go to McDonalds unless their kids want Happy Meals.

[Villagesgal]

What a bunch of stereotypical garbage. This is exactly why so many marriages are not good ones, people keep perpetuating this kind of thing.

[Boomer]

What a bunch of stereotypical garbage. This is exactly why so many marriages are not good ones, people keep perpetuating this kind of thing.

I have a different opinion. I think a sense of humor is good for a marriage. Laughing at the little silly stuff that makes us different is fun.

Vive la difference!

Boomer

[JMintzer]

What a bunch of stereotypical garbage. This is exactly why so many marriages are not good ones, people keep perpetuating this kind of thing.

https://media.tenor.com/WzkWoJwsaPcAAAAC/oof-saturday-night-live.gif

[margaretmattson]

In good spirit here are some valuable tidbits the men in my life have taught me. I will title it Lucky To Be A Woman

1. A man is expected to fix everything. The only thing a woman fixes is her hair. And dinner, when she feels like it.
2. A man has to carry the heavy items. If he doesn't, he isn't a real man. A woman could care less how heavy something is she just wants it moved.
3. A woman can smile at a man, woman, or child and easily make new friends. If a man smiles at a man, woman, or child he is asking for an ass whooping, slap in the face or jail time. (in that order)
4. A well-dressed woman is admired.
A well-dressed man is gay.
5. A woman can cry and all is forgotten. No traffic tickets from police, free stuff from retailers, and someone else happily picks up the slack. If a man cries he is a wuss.
6. On a hot summer day, a man has to decide if he can adjust or scratch his "family jewels" in public. Or, suffer and not risk the embarrassment. A woman is always cool as a cucumber.
7. Every child remembers Mother's Day but Father's Day is hit or miss. If they do remember, you get a necktie.
8. A woman can have sex whenever she pleases. A man has to beg and plead.
9. Women have it made. She simply says, "Oh! I can't reach this!" And, someone immediately retrieves it for her. A man has to retrieve everything on his own.
10. A woman can forget her wallet ans someone happily foots the bill. If a man forgets his wallet, he is cheap.
11. A woman can talk to another woman about anything. A man can talk to another man on limited subjects... weather, tools, barbecue, sports, and farts.

12. Happy wife; happy life. A happy man is never the plan. And a woman could care less...princess mode!

There are many more, but you get the drift. Yes, men may be simple and happy but women are damn lucky.

[kcrazorbackfan]

That was awesome 👏!

[Battlebasset]

Presicely...

https://images.hive.blog/0x0/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPfe66q7y3Ste2pcLQTMEaRYMbex3CnpXrjFZdaGWHVg5/FB_IMG_1528367628301.jpg

And then they will say "A woman's work is never done".

A woman's work is never done, because they never want it to end.

[Battlebasset]

In good spirit here are some valuable tidbits the men in my life have taught me. I will title it Lucky To Be A Woman

1. A man is expected to fix everything. The only thing a woman fixes is her hair. And dinner, when she feels like it.
2. A man has to carry the heavy items. If he doesn't, he isn't a real man. A woman could care less how heavy something is she just wants it moved.
3. A woman can smile at a man, woman, or child and easily make new friends. If a man smiles at a man, woman, or child he is asking for an ass whooping, slap in the face or jail time. (in that order)
4. A well-dressed woman is admired.
A well-dressed man is gay.
5. A woman can cry and all is forgotten. No traffic tickets from police, free stuff from retailers, and someone else happily picks up the slack. If a man cries he is a wuss.
6. On a hot summer day, a man has to decide if he can adjust or scratch his "family jewels" in public. Or, suffer and not risk the embarrassment. A woman is always cool as a cucumber.
7. Every child remembers Mother's Day but Father's Day is hit or miss. If they do remember, you get a necktie.
8. A woman can have sex whenever she pleases. A man has to beg and plead.
9. Women have it made. She simply says, "Oh! I can't reach this!" And, someone immediately retrieves it for her. A man has to retrieve everything on his own.
10. A woman can forget her wallet ans someone happily foots the bill. If a man forgets his wallet, he is cheap.
11. A woman can talk to another woman about anything. A man can talk to another man on limited subjects... weather, tools, barbecue, sports, and farts.

12. Happy wife; happy life. A happy man is never the plan. And a woman could care less...princess mode!

There are many more, but you get the drift. Yes, men may be simple and happy but women are damn lucky.

Thank you for this, and your sense of humor. Which seems to be lacking in some.

[Battlebasset]

What a bunch of stereotypical garbage. This is exactly why so many marriages are not good ones, people keep perpetuating this kind of thing.

Whoo boy....

[JohnN]

A man was walking along a beach when he stumbled on something.
He bent down and picked it up and it was an Arabian lamp.

He proceeded to wipe the sand off when a Genie appeared. The Genie seemed to be angry and said “This is the third time that I’ve been disturbed this week, so you’re only going to get one wish instead of three, so you’d better make it a good one!”

The man thought for a minute and said,
“I’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii, but I get seasick, and I’m afraid of flying, so I wish that you would build me a bridge so that I can drive over.”

The Genie exclaims:“You’ve got to be kidding me! Think about the logistics, all of the steel that would have to be sunk in the ocean and all of the asphalt! That’s too hard, think of something else.”

The guy thinks again and says, “You know, I’ve been married and divorced three times and each time, they say it's because I don’t understand them. So I wish to be able to understand women, know what they’re thinking when they’re quiet…”

The Genie interrupts him saying “Stop right there! Did you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?”