Would anybody care to weigh in on this?

[Talk Host]

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK

[Russ_Boston]

No brainer - who cares what the dish is called. If you are ordering it as your main meal then why would anyone consider it appropriate to share with you? We, quite often, order apps instead of entrees.

[Bill-n-Brillo]

TH - I'll side with your perspective, without question.

Bill

[herbaru]

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK

How about asking "Is anybody interested in sharing an appetizer with me?" When they say no, than I see no need to pass.

[Talk Host]

Now, one clarification. I am talking about a true appetizer here. Not an entree. A dish ordered before the main course.. In this situation, we all have ordered an entree other than my appetizer.

[redwitch]

Quite honestly, I'd be pretty ticked off if the others had said no to ordering one and then ate mine. However, I wouldn't want to just sit and eat in front of them, so I would offer to share. If they took me up on it, the next time I dined with this group, I'd simply state that it is their turn to order the appetizer, not simply ask if they wanted on. If the appetizer was going to be my main meal, I'd request the server bring it with the other dinners.

[Russ_Boston]

Now, one clarification. I am talking about a true appetizer here. Not an entree. A dish ordered before the main course.. In this situation, we all have ordered an entree other than my appetizer.

OH - a little different I think.

If I had said no to an app I wouldn't take any but if I had ordered one I'd offer (hoping no one would take any:))

[chuckinca]

An appetizer is meant to be shared - I would share it

.

[tpop1]

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

JLK

In MHO the offer was made and declined!

No need at that point to share; except the wife tells you to...married 39 years and haven't won one like this yet.

Next time order a couple for the table!

[sunday]

I agree with Chuck.
Although I certainly empathize with the poster...
I personally never order an appetizer that I don't expect to share, regardless.
Come to think of it...nor do I dine with anyone that I do not have full intent on treating anyway.

[Talk Host]

Come to think of it...nor do I dine with anyone that I do not have full intent on treating anyway.

Must be nice. Please invite me out frequently.

[Jane52]

I agree with TH. If they have been asked if they want to order an appetizer together with you and they said "no", then they can watch you eat what you ordered for yourself.

But for the sake of marital peace and not embarrassing your wife, maybe you could do this:

So you don't get the almost empty plate with 2 pathetic morsels of YOUR appetizer left at the end of it, how about this when it's brought:

Put half or 1/3 of it on a separate plate and say, "If you'd like some of my appetizer, here is some of it to pass."

[charlie49]

I agree with you since the topic of appetizers had been discussed before ordering. Sometimes I order an appetizer at Bonefish and split an entee with my wife and I intend to eat the entire appetizer. This is made clear to the table when we are discussing our dinner choices. Friends realize this is my dinner choice and do not expect me to share it.

You may appease your wife by saying you are ordering an appetizer for your self and if the table would like to share one, you will buy one for them.

Charlie

[getdul981]

TH - I'll side with your perspective, without question.

Bill

Exactly!!!! Everyone had the same opportunity as you to order an appetizer. If they wanted one even after you got yours, they could still have ordered one. Any time we are going to share with others at the table, it is understood before we order.

We're kinda picky folks any way. We don't usually share with anyone except with each other.

[chuckinca]

Come to think of it...nor do I dine with anyone that I do not have full intent on treating anyway.


To a certain extent, such as splitting the tab evenly when it might be really be a 60/40 split or so, I do also. We have a long time lady friend who always gets a $60 or so bottle of wine and always gets the most expensive entree on the menu; however, when they visit our house her hubby always brings a couple nice bottles of wine.


.

[kb8tpw]

Wow ! this has all sorts of implications. The wife and I would have a serious discussion when we arrived home, especially if it were bang-bang shrimp at Bonefish ! If it is any consolation I've been there also and it is never win-win as is borne out by the earlier comments.

[justanormalgirl]

Let me see...'share' and Bonefish Grille 'Bang Bang Shrimp'...I'm sorry, those words don't even sound right together, they would have to get their own BBS because I ain't sharin' mine! :) That dish is addictive!

[Russ_Boston]

.nor do I dine with anyone that I do not have full intent on treating anyway.

We'll be there Jan 8th - my phone # is 508-2......

[bkcunningham1]

Here's how it happens with my husband and me in similar situations. He would agree with you 100 percent. When he orders an appetizer and everyone else declines; it is his and his alone.

So when he orders a single appetizer and everyone else declines, I know from experience what is going to happen. So I order a couple of extra appetizers to have a variety and to allow sharing. It has happened many times with us. I love to watch people eat and enjoy themselves. It just seems so warm, secure and social to me to share food and break bread together. (I know, I know. If they wanted it they could order it. But I don't want to eat in front of people who aren't eating.)

It is something in me. Good or bad, I can't stand to think someone is hungry. I am the person who keeps heaping food on guests' plates and cooking way more than we need. I suppose it come from having seven brothers and sisters.

[Pturner]

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK

Sometimes, no one wants to be the first to speak up and order an appetizer, especially if they think they might be the only one. So, if you want an appetizer, instead of saying, "is anybody going to order an appetizer," maybe try, "Should we order a few appetizers for the table?" People in social situations, like to be agreeable, so someone is likely to accent and you can take it from there.

p.s., Bang Bang Shrimp. Never had it. But now that some people raved, I must try it. :icon_hungry:

[Pat_RI]

You could try having the appetizer brought at the same time as your meal this may resolve the issue but then again would it still be an appetizer?

[getdul981]

This just occurred to me. If everyone feels that an appetizer should be shared or no one should have any, does that mean that if one person wants a dessert they have to share that too? Same difference, just on the other end of the meal.

[Yoda]

TH - I'll side with your perspective, without question.

Bill

:agree::agree::agree:

Yoda

[chuckinca]

This just occurred to me. If everyone feels that an appetizer should be shared or no one should have any, does that mean that if one person wants a dessert they have to share that too? Same difference, just on the other end of the meal.


Yes, desserts are also shared.


Red needs to start another poll.


.

[thistrucksforyou]

How long have you been married ? Wife is always correct !

[Bryan]

You've got several questions going at once, some with different answers, so I think it is a matter of priorities.

First there is the question of "Manners" - yours and the others. I think good manners would say you make the offer to share and good manners would say the others would decline your offer. The problem with manners is that you control yours but can only observe others. You use good manners and make the offer and some of the others don't exercise the same good manners and accept, you end up with 'two small pieces'. Such is life. Life in not fair and birth is a terminal disease.

Then there is the question of etiquette - should you offer to share or not? I don't know, for sure. My suspicion is that etiquette is similar to manners.

Last is marital relations. Your bride wants you to make the offer. I thought I remembered somewhere that she is your bride of 39 years or so. That probably means she is a 'keeper'. In the interest of good marital relations, I would make the offer and smile!

So set your priorities. I suggest that good marital relations is a higher priority than the other two - but that is only my priority. Yours may be different.

I do very much like the one idea posted here of putting some portion of the appetizer (say about 1/3 of it) on a separate plate, offering to share and passing that plate. To me, that smacks of win-win all around.

[hedoman]

When "she who must be obeyed" orders an appetizer as an entree we ask it to be delivered when dinners are served. I usually pass on apps if nobody else is going to order just to avoid this situation......

[MrMark]

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK

A simple solution might be to invite the entire group to select and share several different appetizers. Most often there will be quick agreement on which ones to order especially if the requester is an effective controller. Then the only issue that you will need to be concerned about is "double dipping"!

[redwitch]

Yes, desserts are also shared.


Red needs to start another poll.


.

Sit on it and twirl, Chuck. I learned my lesson (maybe). I'll leave the polls to Tal.

BTW -- I hate to share my desserts. I don't mind someone asking for a taste so they can decide to order their own, but actualy sharing, um, NO! I am not passing my yummy chocolate whatever around the table for everyone to take a bite. You eat your dessert, I'll eat mine. If you want a taste, ask and I'll cut you off just enough so you can flavor but not so much that I feel like I didn't get enough. (One of the reasons why I rarely order a dessert.)

[Talk Host]

Sometimes, no one wants to be the first to speak up and order an appetizer, especially if they think they might be the only one. So, if you want an appetizer, instead of saying, "is anybody going to order an appetizer," maybe try, "Should we order a few appetizers for the table?" People in social situations, like to be agreeable, so someone is likely to accent and you can take it from there.

p.s., Bang Bang Shrimp. Never had it. But now that some people raved, I must try it. :icon_hungry:

This is probably the best advice so far. Maybe I could say, "I would like to treat the table to some appetizers, what shall we order." Or, "Have you ever tried the Bang Bang Shrimp? I'd like to treat the table to some appetizers, I'll order a few for us."

In regard to being prepared to pick up the check for the table all the time, I believe that is a social blunder.

[RichieLion]

Sometimes, no one wants to be the first to speak up and order an appetizer, especially if they think they might be the only one. So, if you want an appetizer, instead of saying, "is anybody going to order an appetizer," maybe try, "Should we order a few appetizers for the table?" People in social situations, like to be agreeable, so someone is likely to accent and you can take it from there.

p.s., Bang Bang Shrimp. Never had it. But now that some people raved, I must try it. :icon_hungry:

I like your idea on how to approach the subject of appetizers. That gives people the option of saying "yes, that sounds great", or to say "no, I don't think I want an appetizer". At that point you can say "OK, then I think I'll just order an appetizer for myself; it's really good, is everyone sure?".

I'm sure your wife, and mine especially, will find flaw in my thinking, but it's usually near impossible to ever be "right" in a dispute with the wife.

I think some people would love to have a bit of tasty appetizers, but are, frankly, too frugal to order extras. We eat out so often in TV, that it can get a bit expensive, but in order to develop and maintain the social circle that is key to our TV happiness, do so more that we would otherwise.

[Mikeod]

Putting myself on the other side of the question, if someone at the table asked if the group wanted to order appetizers and I declined, I would never expect someone who did order to share it with me. If the appetizer was passed around the table, I would still not take any. I had my chance to order one for myself, or to suggest we order a few to share around the table. Absent that, I do not partake of any appetizers. Same for deserts. I'm with Red. I'll give someone a small taste, but that's all.

Reminds me of a story about my folks. My dad would often order a desert and my mom would ask for a taste. (She was always on a diet.) Then another, then another until she had at least half his desert, if not more. He would just sit there and smile and watch her eat. The giveaway was that he would often order a desert she would like, so having only half or less was just fine for him and he loved watching her enjoy the desert.

[gongoozler]

I agree with Chuck.
Although I certainly empathize with the poster...
I personally never order an appetizer that I don't expect to share, regardless.
Come to think of it...nor do I dine with anyone that I do not have full intent on treating anyway.


:agree:

[saratogaman]

If your wife ordered a cocktail and no one else did, would she offer to share it with all?

[downeaster]

We eat out a lot with various friends. We never had this problem. Maybe you need new dinner "partners" TH.
If someone in our party orders an appetizer it is theirs. If my wife volunteered sharing my appetizer (she wouldn't) I would order another.

[Talk Host]

Maybe you need new dinner "partners" TH.



I don't think I'll abandon my friends over an appetizer.

[sandybill2]

We have close friends that we vacation with and, therefore, we eat out alot. They are "appetizer" people---we are not. They always order appetizers and they offer to share but we decline. Sometimes we each order different appetizers so we can share them but if we do not order--we do not partake---simple as that. I would feel awful to realize that the appetizer "orderer" only ended up with a small portion.

[Shimpy]

Next time order a cup of clam chowder.

[laryb]

Sometimes, no one wants to be the first to speak up and order an appetizer, especially if they think they might be the only one. So, if you want an appetizer, instead of saying, "is anybody going to order an appetizer," maybe try, "Should we order a few appetizers for the table?" People in social situations, like to be agreeable, so someone is likely to accent and you can take it from there.

p.s., Bang Bang Shrimp. Never had it. But now that some people raved, I must try it. :icon_hungry:
I totally agree. If I want an appetizer, say bang bang shrimp, I probably want more than one. So your approach would get me more than one. I would probably say that I really like them, so does anyone want to get a couple orders? Gotta go, think my wife is eating my chicken wings!:22yikes:

[batman911]

My parents and grand parents always taught me to offer to share food when others do not have their own to eat. I think a person should offer to share the selection even though the others declined to order their own selection. I usually only dine with friends or relatives so I would not want to treat them badly. Now if someone is taking advantage of the situation continously, you have the choice of deleting them from your dining partners list or if you value their friendship over the cost of the food, then live with it.

Just my thoughts. Others may have other ideas.

[rjm1cc]

She should not expect you to share. If it was the two of you I would expect you to offer to share.

[pooh]

I've not read all the posts, but here's my "solution" to this problem...and I've learned it from our son, who is a chef.

When a group gets together for dinner, order appetizers and enough for all to enjoy. Order a variety. Once people start talking, they naturally grab food and munch. We don't generally order appetizers, but when dining at our son's restaurant, he always orders a few so we can try something we might not generally order.

Order, then the next time, maybe someone else will do the same.

[Walt.]

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"
JLK

If the other five people ordered an appetizer and you didn't would your wife think it ok for you to pass a plate around for them to load for you?
It's actually not any different than what they did... just sped up a bit.
You're right. She's wrong.

[Talk Host]

It's actually not any different than what they did... just sped up a bit.
You're right. She's wrong.


Please call her and tell her.

[2BNTV]

Originally Posted by Pturner
Sometimes, no one wants to be the first to speak up and order an appetizer, especially if they think they might be the only one. So, if you want an appetizer, instead of saying, "is anybody going to order an appetizer," maybe try, "Should we order a few appetizers for the table?" People in social situations, like to be agreeable, so someone is likely to accent and you can take it from there.

I agree with TH on this one. Human nature being what it is, people might not want to be the first to say they want an appetizer but will automatically start eating when it is presented. IMHO

The advice by Pturner is excellent. I would probably share if the portion was hugh. If it was a main course selection, I would have it delivered when the other meals arrived.

Order clam chowder with several straws is a good way to share. :jester:

A friend of mine told me he wins every argument with his wife and always has the last word, "YES DEAR". :smiley:

[twinkletoes]

I agree with you, no sharing unless the group decides to share an appetizer before ordering but when they say they don't want an appetizer then they should not expect to have some of yours. Same as when everyone says they don't want dessert then everyone wants just a little bite of yours. Don't mean to sound selfish.

[rick2071]

Did they offer to share the expense? I'll bet no, anyway it's your appetizer so eat and enjoy.

[ajdeck]

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK



When I order the Bang Bang, I have same problem. So what I do is order one and see if anyone (or how much) wants any, if so and I need more I just order another one for me.

Now that said (and why should I have to pay twice), when I go with same couple(s) to somewhere else I always enjoy their "starter".

Seems this has changed how many want to enjoy mine.

Selfish ---- aren't I

aj

[Tickled_pink]

Quote from Mikeod:
Reminds me of a story about my folks. My dad would often order a desert and my mom would ask for a taste. (She was always on a diet.) Then another, then another until she had at least half his desert, if not more. He would just sit there and smile and watch her eat. The giveaway was that he would often order a desert she would like, so having only half or less was just fine for him and he loved watching her enjoy the desert.

What a sweet father you had Mike. I'm going to strive to be more like him. Thanks for sharing!

[graciegirl]

Mothers day is coming soon.

Remember what your Mother said.

Share nice now.

[jblum315]

Some appetizers - for example the onion rings at OakHouse - are too big for any one person to eat. But I do think people who often eat together should take turns ordering and sharing an appetizer.

[The Great Fumar]

If I want an appetizer , I'll order an appetizer, I don't need someone encouraging me to order an appetizer............and if I don't order any then I certainly wouldn't partake of someone elses.........

taste the soup fumar

[skyguy79]

If I want an appetizer , I'll order an appetizer, I don't need someone encouraging me to order an appetizer............and if I don't order any then I certainly wouldn't partake of someone elses.........

taste the soup fumar:thumbup: :thumbup:

[Pturner]

Order clam chowder with several straws is a good way to share.

Now that reminds me of a fun family dinner at an Italian restaurant a few years ago. Waitress asks if we would like wine before dinner. I ordered a red Zinfandel. My Dad, may he rest in peace, said he didn't know there was a red Zin. So the waitress asked him if he would like one. He said, "no, but I'll taste hers."

Now, older brother's turn. Trying to be funny, he said, "No, but I'll taste some of hers." Next, the waitress asked SIL, and keeping up the humor, she said, "No, but I'll taste some of hers".

On down the line it went, everybody at the table responding the same.

Without blinking an eye, the waitress said, "Okay, that'll be one wine and nine straws." :clap2:

[Bill-n-Brillo]

Now that reminds me of a fun family dinner at an Italian restaurant a few years ago. Waitress asks if we would like wine before dinner. I ordered a red Zinfandel. My Dad, may he rest in peace, said he didn't know there was a red Zin. So the waitress asked him if he would like one. He said, "no, but I'll taste hers."

Now, older brother's turn. Trying to be funny, he said, "No, but I'll taste some of hers." Next, the waitress asked SIL, and keeping up the humor, she said, "No, but I'll taste some of hers".

On down the line it went, everybody at the table responding the same.

Without blinking an eye, the waitress said, "Okay, that'll be one wine and nine straws." :clap2:

So was there any left for you, p??? :thumbup:

Bill

[Pturner]

So was there any left for you, p??? :thumbup:

Bill

lol. I think I finally got a taste from the third bottle. just kidding.

[barb1191]

What seems to work for us is separate checks AND if one chooses to order just an appetizer for their meal, they request that it be served along with the other meals ordered at their table, and not before. Thus, everyone is eating their own order and need not share with the table. Problem? What problem?

[Russ_Boston]

This is one of those issues that I've never run across before until TV.

Since most of the time in TV we have separate checks (that in itself is a new concept to me) I just order what I want, eat it when I want and share it if I want. And if someone said "hey can I try a little of that (appetizer) I say 'sure'! Don't really see the issue.

[graciegirl]

This is one of those issues that I've never run across before until TV.

Since most of the time in TV we have separate checks (that in itself is a new concept to me) I just order what I want, eat it when I want and share it if I want. And if someone said "hey can I try a little of that (appetizer) I say 'sure'! Don't really see the issue.

You are right of course. We do have a little too much time on our hands.

[TrudyM]

I have noticed that peoples attitudes toward sharing and who pays can really change over time. When visiting people I hadn't seen in a few years I noticed, that the same people that in years past always put in their share towards the check and were mindful of the cost of what they ordered; now order the most expensive thing on the menu and assume the member of our party that sold his business for a nice profit a few years back will pick up the bill. My husband slid him our share and paid the tip. Afterwards I said to his wife I couldn't belive no one even offered to leave the tip. She said it had been that way ever since they had sold the business. Isn't it rude to assume that the rich guy is going to pick up the tab. We were probably the couple with the least money attending that weekend and we wouldn't have gone if we didn't intend to pay our share.

[robertj1954]

I have to agree with your wife. Eating out with friends is a social event and how great to be with friends having a nice dinner out. It is no big deal to share an appetizer for the opportunity to enjoy some laughs and good times with friends. In my mind it is a small price to pay for something far more rewarding. Just saying…

[Bryant]

If there were 4 people, I would probably share. Any more than that...no way. By the time it would get back to me, I'd be lucky to get a 2nd piece.

[jtdraig]

LOL...if everyone indicated that they did not wish to order an appetizer and you do, you get to eat what you ordered. It is good to remember that everyone had the option BEFORE you ordered, so if they want to grab some, they should order their own. Reminds of the time we were with friends in Montreal and had a fantastic dinner. No one but my wife was interested in dessert so she ordered creme brulee. When it came, everyone tried to grab a bite and she woulldn't let them near it. Turned out to be so funny that everyone else ordered a creme brulee. AND, outside of ONE place in Paris, there has never been a better creme brulee than Montreal.

[rubicon]

I enjoy sharing a meal with people. So we have people over often and put on a nice meal. However, to have someone wave off an appetizer and then dig in when it arrives just doesn't sit well with me. I would rather pay for others appetizers than to have to go through with that nonsense. I mean is it any different than if you ordered a meal and somone said, gosh I should have ordered that too. Does that mean I am obligated to give them a taste.

there may be one exception to this and that is if everyone agress to share the check in equal amounts.. Moral of the story...if you dine with rubicon better order your own bang bang shrimp:pepper2:

[tpop1]

I enjoy sharing a meal with people. So we have people over often and put on a nice meal. However, to have someone wave off an appetizer and then dig in when it arrives just doesn't sit well with me. I would rather pay for others appetizers than to have to go through with that nonsense. I mean is it any different than if you ordered a meal and somone said, gosh I should have ordered that too. Does that mean I am obligated to give them a taste.

there may be one exception to this and that is if everyone agress to share the check in equal amounts.. Moral of the story...if you dine with rubicon better order your own bang bang shrimp:pepper2:

I might be tempted to reply with a quote from that famous TV character, Joey Tribbianni, who said, ......
"Joey doesn't share FOOD!!!"
_

[billmar]

wouldn't feel comfortable eating another couples appetizer after declining to order one myself. Don't think you have an obligation to offer others your appetizer, and don't think people expect you too, either. What bothers me though is when two couples go out and each orders an appetizer, but they both get put on your bill. The other couple doesn't say anything or maybe just doesn't notice it. Sometimes it's uncomfortable to say anything :shrug:
I would, but hubby not so much, he's nicer.:laugh:

[Tweety Bird]

Next time order a cup of clam chowder.

and, could we have 7 other spoons?

[Tweety Bird]

We dined at Bonefish with 8 of us for a birthday celebration. My husband and I orderd two spendy bottles of wine to share with the table. They were mostly busy with the hard stuff. My husband and I ordered a huge plate of mussels. We did not offer to "share" until I was well-satisfied and doled out a few at the end of my gastronomic appetizer consumption time. I don't feel compelled to share unless others have appetizers as well and we do a few swaps. I always offer the warm bread with the olive oil dip. Don't get FULL on MY appetizer!!!! :evil6:

[nonseniorresident]

I get her perspective because it's awkward to be eating alone before everyone. It is a nice gesture to order a couple apps and share but if everyone states they aren't interested in an appetizer I would just tough it out and wait to eat until the entrees arrive. It's still rude for people to help themselves after they declined. Even if you politely offer some once it arrives, they said no and should stick with their decision. Now if you are with those people that want to chat with drinks for 10 minutes before they order, mention how you want to get something in your stomach right away and will later order entrees when they are ready. Then feel free to dig in solo!

[BostonUnit]

The situation you described can be attributed mostly to the Bang Bang Shrimp. It is a great dish. And it appears sufficient for sharing. The problem is, it is a great dish, and you know it, and you want it all for yourself. See?
If you ordered a salad appetizer or worse, the edamame dish, no one would have taken you up on your offer.

So you need to lay the law down, "I'm gonna have a Bang Bang. See? I love the Bang Bang. That's why I picked this restaurant. See? So if you want a delicious mouthwatering appetizer, I suggest you order one too. See?
Because I want every one of my Bang Bangs. So don't say I didn't warn you. Any question?"

And then when the waitress comes you reiterate, that you want one, and you invite the waitress to vouch for you how damn good the Bang Bang dish is, and she will, and she can then either take the orders for a others, or she can serve as your witness that you did all you could to convince others that they would be missing out.

Conversely, you could just take the high road, and order two. One for yourself, and one for the table.

PS- I think they are offered at half price on Wed evening.

[Hummintwo]

IMO, I would ask the group, "would anyone else besides me like to share an order (name of appetizer) and expense"? If no interest is expressed then don't share the appetizer. If there is interest, determine how many orders are needed and divide the cost. Something else to consider is whether you all receive one check and divide the cost among you or each couple pays their own bill. I don't see anything wrong with making your thoughts known upfront. After the fact is not only awkward but may create unnecessary problems.

[Ritabob]

I agree with the husband. Unless everyone at the table is going to chip in and help pay for the appetizer, the person who ordered it should eat it. If there is more than they want, then it can be shared.

[gomoho]

wow - what an interesting post. so many ideas, but still the situation will exist the next time any of us go out. I have to agree - if you said you didn't want an appetizer than the considerate person that offers to share should be respected and you should decline the offer. But then how many are considerate??? My mama taught me right!!!

[gomoho]

and another thing - is it reasonable to expect the person that wants an appetizer to pick up the tab for the extras some suggested he order? maybe he can't afford it.

[lizbell]

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK
I'm with you on that !

[Donvito]

I agree with Chuck. The other couples said no to appetizers, so you should not share. If you offerd them a piece and they liked it, they should order their own.

[bonrich]

Easy way to do it is when ordering tell the waitress you will have the appetizer as your encore and to serve it with the other dinners. I will have on occasion an appetizer and a dinner salad as my dinner choice, which i would request to serve them at the same time, with the other dinners at our table.

[butterfly sue]

You ordered it, it is yours. One thing you could ask (since you are having it as your main meal) is to have it served with the others meals. BUT even as an appetizer, it is yours.

[dsned]

I would not share, We are in the Villages now and if they want an app they can order one. Next time have it brought with your dinner and there will be no prob with the wife.

[rn1tv]

I think you are dining with some cheap people. If they elect not order their own appetizer, obviously they don't want one and there should be no reason to share.

[Golfingnut]

I would not go out to dinner with anyone I would not love to share with. That said, quite tacky to say no to buying an appetizer and then eating what someone else paid for.

[jillian04]

absolutely!

[SALYBOW]

OH - a little different I think.

If I had said no to an app I wouldn't take any but if I had ordered one I'd offer (hoping no one would take any:))

Note to self... Do not take an appetizer even if Russ has offered it. :ohdear: :1rotfl:

[dkrhardy]

I think you are dining with some cheap people. If they elect not order their own appetizer, obviously they don't want one and there should be no reason to share.

You got it! If you don't want it, don't think mine is yours UNLESS I offer!
Don

[Frank7]

I feel if you order an appetizer it's like buying a round of drinks for your friends
And next time someone else should order the apps.

[NIPAS K-9]

:)I agree with you. Its your meal, Im sure they are not going to ask, "WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SHARE MY MEAL"............YOU get my vote.

[Villages PL]

The heading tells me that "weight" could be an unspoken issue. Bang Bang shrimp is breaded and deep fried; it's a rather large appetizer, high in calories. If you order it, together with an entree, and eat it all yourself, it's too much, in my opinion. It's like supersizing your meal. Therefore, sharing, to your wife, may represent a way to distribute the calories evenly around the table.

:)

[Vic&Judy]

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK

Try licking each shrimp...or calamari....or whatever... as soon as it arrives at the table; that'll do it!!

[Neal2tire]

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK
Your wife is wrong. If another diner in your group ordered an appetizer and you and your wife refused to order one would you have the nerve to eat theirs? No (that is why I eat alone) That is also why I weigh 260lbs

[Lbmb24101]

But if you wanna loose weighht and the appetizer is your meal , no need to share
I would say at the table:
I am ordering an appetizer as my meal.

[CFrance]

In MHO the offer was made and declined!

No need at that point to share; except the wife tells you to...married 39 years and haven't won one like this yet.

Next time order a couple for the table!

This made me laugh out loud. And I'm the wife.

[Mimivillager]

If it is the only thing on the menu you like as you stated, then have it arrive when the other meals come. However you did say you got a meal as well, so I am confused!
Or, if they eat it all, order another one. Maybe they will offer to share in the cost. You have all night, right?

We went there with another couple and his wife kept urging us to try his bang bang shrimp. If we do share an appetizer, we offer to share the cost

[jimmy D]

You are right. Your wife is right. Your friends are wrong. get some new ones