Any good jokes?

[MikeVillages]

I heard this one at the Piano Club.

George Washington’s father reviewed George's report card.
His talk with his son:
You maintain an A in ethics, a B+ in math,
But why did you go down in History? 😄

[C4Boston]

I heard this one at the Piano Club.

George Washington’s father reviewed George's report card.
His talk with his son:
You maintain an A in ethics, a B+ in math,
But why did you go down in History? 😄

Lots of good jokes, none that can be posted.

[Shipping up to Boston]

Comedian Greg Geraldo during a set for The Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff (a noted ‘drinker’ at that time)

“Hasselhoff....when alcohol does its taxes....it lists you as a dependent!”

[Davonu]

I’ve just finished reading a book about the world’s greatest basement ….. It was a best cellar.

[fdpaq0580]

Late one chilly evening, a fellow who had a few too many drinks, decided to walk home from the pub. It started to rain, so he took a shortcut through the cemetery and fell into an empty grave.
An hour later, another drunk decided to take the same shortcut. As he was passing by the open grave, he heard the first drunk calling, "Help me! I'm freezing down here!" To which the second drunk said, "Of course your freezing, you bloody fool! You've kicked off all your dirt!"

[Ecuadog]

I went on a date and all was good until she aksed me, "Boxers or briefs?"

I said, "Depends."

She never came back.

(Hat tip to Gene Farmer)

[fdpaq0580]

I went on a date and all was good until she aksed me, "Boxers or briefs?"

I said, "Depends."

She never came back.

(Hat tip to Gene Farmer)

😖😱 Oops.

[tophcfa]

Sucks getting old

[Remembergoldenrule]

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

[hmbfoxtail]

As a woman I thought this was very funny. I think the only one's offended are the one's using filters. ������ Benjamin Miller | Ok lady's
Please 🙏 stop the filters
#nofiltersneeded #nofilter | Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6ueHtysgCj/?igsh=MW10ajVyNGQ2bW92Mg==)

[chuckpedrey]

What did the cherry tree say to George Washington?

“Don’t ax me.”

[Michael G.]

https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=104412&stc=1&d=1717765374

[oneclickplus]

Young hot wife asks husband to fix the wobbly kitchen cabinet. He notes that it is a broken hinge and removes it. He gives it to his wife and sends her to the hardware store with instructions to buy the exact same hinge.

At the hardware store, she shows the hinge to the clerk and asks for a replacement. While he is finding the correct item, she notices a beautiful faucet that would look great in her kitchen. The clerk tells her that it is very expensive because it is made of solid gold.

At the cash register, he asks the woman: "do you want a screw for this hinge?"
She replies: "no, but I will for that faucet"

[Two Bills]

Dated a young lady many years ago, who was a twin.
Someone asked me how I could tell the twins apart.
I said Mary here, always paint he nails red, and Peter has a beard.

[retiredguy123]

Two engineers are standing near a flagpole, when a young girl rides up on a bicycle and asks what they are doing. They tell her they are trying to figure out the height of the pole. The girl takes out a wrench, removes the bolts at the bottom, and lays the flagpole down. Then, she uses a tape measure and says, "it's 28 feet". After she rides away, one engineer says, "stupid girl, we need the height, not the length".

[MikeVillages]

I heard this one at the Piano Club.
...

I've been getting private messages asking about the piano club. They meet on the first Wednesday of the month at Laurel Manor, 3pm. It is a free club, people volunteer to play the piano. Some are great, some are ok. Even if you don't play, all are welcome. Oh, The president often starts with a joke like the one I used starting this tread.

PS
Lots of GREAT jokes. Keep them coming. :pepper2:

[JEM0715]

I've been getting private messages asking about the piano club. They meet on the first Wednesday of the month at Laurel Manor, 3pm. It is a free club, people volunteer to play the piano. Some are great, some are ok. Even if you don't play, all are welcome. Oh, The president often starts with a joke like the one I used starting this tread.

PS
Lots of GREAT jokes. Keep them coming. :pepper2:

Did you hear about the terrible accident the other night just outside the villages on a 2 lane county road? A pickup driver in his 80's was driving as the sun was setting and didn't see the 2 guys walking along the berm of the road and hit them.

One of the guys went flying through the windshield and the other went flying 100' into the weeds. Sumter Cty sheriffs evaluated the incident and no tickets were issued to the driver.

But, tickets were instead issued to the 2 pedestrians. The man that went through the windshield was issued a ticket for "breaking and entering" and the other guy got a ticket for "leaving the scene" of the accident. LOL

[JoeBell100]

A husband asked his wife, am I number one?
She replies, yes but I have been with nines and tens.

[Ecuadog]

A husband asked his wife, am I number one?
She replies, yes but I have been with nines and tens.

The guy asks the girl, "Am I your first?"

She replies, "Of course you are. Why do all you guys ask the same question?"

[MikeVillages]

Why do restaurants on the moon get such bad reviews? No atmosphere.

[tophcfa]

Went to WaWa the other day to pick up a couple things. At the checkout, the good looking young women instructed me “strip down, facing me”. By the time I realized she was talking about my debit card, it was too late.

[grecora]

I just moved here to The Villages...and it's so hot I started going to church.

????? I don't get get says his friend

I just realized I would never make it in hell

[delima2000]

How about this one

[Two Bills]

Gorilla drinking a pint at the bar.
Barman. "We don't get many gorillas drinking in here."
Gorilla. "At the prices you charge, you can't wonder at it."

[elevatorman]

A Frenchman, a German, and an Irishman walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The beers were served and each one had a fly on the head. The Frenchman blew on the head and the fly was gone. The German drank the beer fly and all. The Irishman picked the fly up by its two wings and yelled "Spit it out, Spit it out"