Death discussion: Organ donation, donating body to science, funeral home costs, etc..

[DaddyD]

I'm a caretaker for two elderly parents, and while I've discussed with them their end-of-life wishes (both are organ donors & both desire cremation) I really have no idea the steps one needs to go through once a person dies.

If they die at home (most likely scenario) who do I call first? Their primary doctor, police department, funeral home, or other agency?

They are both organ donors, but is there demand for organ donation of a 90 year old person?

If you want to donate your body to science, does this need to be arranged in advance? Lots of different organizations out there, maybe some not so reputable....any recommendations?

I read that the average funeral costs approx $10,000...to each their own but that seems absurd to me.

[retiredguy123]

If a person dies at home and he/she is a hospice patient, you can call the hospice nurse. But, if they are not a hospice patient, I am pretty sure you need to call 911.

A funeral can easily cost $7,000 or more (the sky is the limit), if you want a complete funeral with a casket, a service, and a burial. But, if you get a simple cremation, it shouldn't cost more than about $1,400. Both options can be priced in advance without paying in advance, which I would never do. I would visit a funeral home and get a price list, which I think is required by law. Also, the funeral home should give you a detailed quote for the entire cost.

If they are organ donors, I would find out who to call in advance and let them make the decision at the time as to whether they want the body. But, they would need to make the arrangements to transport the body and pay any costs.

[CoachKandSportsguy]

you can get free cremation if you donate their bodies to universities for med students to practice exams, research, etc. My mom has two options for research, Harvard and Tufts medical schools. UMASS didn't return my phone calls. .

the body will be cremated when finished and shipped back to you. They will pay for removing the body as well. if you have power of attorney, then you can fill in the paperwork, as long as they verbally agree with any other family members present for witnesses, depending upon their ability to comprehend.

I would think that hospice is a decision with the patient, primary care doctor and you as to when to use "Hospice at Home". Also, you can always discuss end of life decisions with the primary care doctor.

Also, I recommend reading Atul Gawande's book, Being Mortal, What Matters in the End., he is a boston surgeon who discusses end of life with his patients and when his father, both parents were doctors, passes away.

Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters... book by Atul Gawande (https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/being-mortal-medicine-and-what-matters-in-the-end_atul-gawande/3277965/item/19145346)

good luck

[retiredguy123]

you can get free cremation if you donate their bodies to universities for med students to practice exams, research, etc. My mom has two options for research, Harvard and Tufts medical schools. UMASS didn't return my phone calls. .

the body will be cremated when finished and shipped back to you. They will pay for removing the body as well. if you have power of attorney, then you can fill in the paperwork, as long as they verbally agree with any other family members present for witnesses, depending upon their ability to comprehend.

I would think that hospice is a decision with the patient, primary care doctor and you as to when to use "Hospice at Home". Also, you can always discuss end of life decisions with the primary care doctor.

Also, I recommend reading Atul Gawande's book, Being Mortal, What Matters in the End., he is a boston surgeon who discusses end of life with his patients and when his father, both parents were doctors, passes away.

Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters... book by Atul Gawande (https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/being-mortal-medicine-and-what-matters-in-the-end_atul-gawande/3277965/item/19145346)

good luck
I had a friend who died at home. Hospice at home was the only option for hospice because they didn't have a facility. One advantage to hospice is that you can avoid a 911 call to verify that foul play was not involved in the death. If you don't have hospice, calling a doctor or funeral home is usually not an option.

[mraines]

you can get free cremation if you donate their bodies to universities for med students to practice exams, research, etc. My mom has two options for research, Harvard and Tufts medical schools. UMASS didn't return my phone calls. .

the body will be cremated when finished and shipped back to you. They will pay for removing the body as well. if you have power of attorney, then you can fill in the paperwork, as long as they verbally agree with any other family members present for witnesses, depending upon their ability to comprehend.

I would think that hospice is a decision with the patient, primary care doctor and you as to when to use "Hospice at Home". Also, you can always discuss end of life decisions with the primary care doctor.

Also, I recommend reading Atul Gawande's book, Being Mortal, What Matters in the End., he is a boston surgeon who discusses end of life with his patients and when his father, both parents were doctors, passes away.

Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters... book by Atul Gawande (https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/being-mortal-medicine-and-what-matters-in-the-end_atul-gawande/3277965/item/19145346)

good luck

I just wonder if you have any suggestions as to who to call. I tried to call UF with no luck.

[Papa_lecki]

I just wonder if you have any suggestions as to who to call. I tried to call UF with no luck.

The are networks of “Organ Procurement Organizations” all over the country.
They are primarilyfor transplants, but an elderly would not be a candidate for transplant.
I work in this space, the OPO might be involve with university or other researchers.

Organ Procurement Organizations and Transplant Centers | Donate Life Florida (https://www.donatelifeflorida.org/local-resources/transplant-centers/?lang=en)

Looks like this may serve central FLA
AdventHealth Transplant Institute
2415 N. Orange Ave., Suite 700
Orlando, FL 32804
407-303-2474
AdventHealth Transplant Institute (http://www.adventhealthtransplantinstitute.com/)

Call them and talk, they will have facts.

[asianthree]

One must be at a medical facility to donate organs. So dying at home doesn’t work for organ donation.
I don’t know the oldest organ donor, but have been witness to more of my fare share of ages from hours old to the oldest was 78. But that is just one metro area, of many years of trauma.

[villageuser]

you can get free cremation if you donate their bodies to universities for med students to practice exams, research, etc. My mom has two options for research, Harvard and Tufts medical schools. UMASS didn't return my phone calls. .

the body will be cremated when finished and shipped back to you. They will pay for removing the body as well. if you have power of attorney, then you can fill in the paperwork, as long as they verbally agree with any other family members present for witnesses, depending upon their ability to comprehend.

Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters... book by Atul Gawande (https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/being-mortal-medicine-and-what-matters-in-the-end_atul-gawande/3277965/item/19145346)

good luck

I looked into donating my body to a college a few years back when my daughter was getting a medical degree and I realized what a gift that is to the students to do something like that. I didn’t try to contact any university. I did my search online. What I found out was that the educational systems, at least the ones I researched, does NOT pay to have the body transported to them, and one does have to have pre-balming done before the body is sent to them. Afterwards, 2 years I believe it is, the family member has the option of the ashes being sent back to them, or allowing the university to do a ceremony which thanks all the donors, and the ashes spread somewhere. I believe in Florida it is over the Gulf of Mexico.

[mntlblok]

I looked into donating my body to a college a few years back when my daughter was getting a medical degree and I realized what a gift that is to the students to do something like that. I didn’t try to contact any university. I did my search online. What I found out was that the educational systems, at least the ones I researched, does NOT pay to have the body transported to them, and one does have to have pre-balming done before the body is sent to them. Afterwards, 2 years I believe it is, the family member has the option of the ashes being sent back to them, or allowing the university to do a ceremony which thanks all the donors, and the ashes spread somewhere. I believe in Florida it is over the Gulf of Mexico.

Looked into the donation thing once. They weren't interested. Burial at sea would be cool. No muss, no fuss - other than organizing the boat ride and maybe a concrete block.

[CoachKandSportsguy]

Looked into the donation thing once. They weren't interested. Burial at sea would be cool. No muss, no fuss - other than organizing the boat ride and maybe a concrete block.

My dad's wishes were to be buried at see (or just off the coast by three miles) and we did so. . his cremated ashes were poured into the water with family and guests in attendance. I couldn't go as it was very rough, many seasick, and just herniated a disc so standing and walking was not easy. commercial ceremony paid for with a sailing vessel out of gloucester, ma,

My uncle's ashes were scattered by family members in Long Island Sound, from a friends boat. .

CoachK's wishes are to have her ashes used to fill golf divots at a course of her choice.. . . 18 holes course. .

there is plant a tree over the ashes. .

There are many ways to dispose of ashes after cremation. . . and they don't have to involve money. .

[MacScuba]

Science Care - Donate your body to science - no cost program (https://www.sciencecare.com/)

[mntlblok]

My dad's wishes were to be buried at see (or just off the coast by three miles) and we did so. . his cremated ashes were poured into the water with family and guests in attendance. I couldn't go as it was very rough, many seasick, and just herniated a disc so standing and walking was not easy. commercial ceremony paid for with a sailing vessel out of gloucester, ma,

My uncle's ashes were scattered by family members in Long Island Sound, from a friends boat. .

CoachK's wishes are to have her ashes used to fill golf divots at a course of her choice.. . . 18 holes course. .

there is plant a tree over the ashes. .

There are many ways to dispose of ashes after cremation. . . and they don't have to involve money. .

Reminds me of the broken blue and white urn I used to see regularly on my Pompano Beach shore dives. I was thinking more of skipping the fire part. Waste of protein. Lots of cute scavengers out there.

[Shelbyh]

I'm a caretaker for two elderly parents, and while I've discussed with them their end-of-life wishes (both are organ donors & both desire cremation) I really have no idea the steps one needs to go through once a person dies.

If they die at home (most likely scenario) who do I call first? Their primary doctor, police department, funeral home, or other agency?

They are both organ donors, but is there demand for organ donation of a 90 year old person?

If you want to donate your body to science, does this need to be arranged in advance? Lots of different organizations out there, maybe some not so reputable....any recommendations?

I read that the average funeral costs approx $10,000...to each their own but that seems absurd to me.
If you wish to donate your body to science you need to determine which scientific institution you want in to go to. There are forms to complete which I am sure are available online. I only know because a friend of mine who has no family not married or had children went with this option.

[Cheryl695]

My husband and I just signed up for cremation with Coast To Coast Cremations. They give you a card with a number for your next of kin to call and they will take care of everything for your family. This includes picking up the body, getting death certificates, the cremation, notifications to Social Security. We thought it was reasonably priced, and it takes the burden of what to do, in our families time of grief, off of the family.

[CybrSage]

As someone with a vertebra from another person in my neck, I applaud those who donate what is left behind after they pass.
Thanks to all who give of themselves to help others. It matters

[trishaf]

We recently had to deal with a family member who passed in the hospital with no living will. I found the National tissue network they are available only in Florida and Arizona at this time. After a health discussion, illnesses, etc. they were willing to accept his body which will go to students to practice on after that they will cremate the body and either return the ashes to you or spread them in the golf of Mexico your choice, they take care of everything and there is no cost to you . You should give them a call and discuss your situation and see what they say because it is free and a package deal, pick up, study, cremate, dispose of ashes ; return to you or placed in the Gulf and provide the Death Certificates.
Good luck.

[yporter]

I'm a caretaker for two elderly parents, and while I've discussed with them their end-of-life wishes (both are organ donors & both desire cremation) I really have no idea the steps one needs to go through once a person dies.

If they die at home (most likely scenario) who do I call first? Their primary doctor, police department, funeral home, or other agency?

They are both organ donors, but is there demand for organ donation of a 90 year old person?

If you want to donate your body to science, does this need to be arranged in advance? Lots of different organizations out there, maybe some not so reputable....any recommendations?

I read that the average funeral costs approx $10,000...to each their own but that seems absurd to me.

I can address body donation for science; have been through this twice already (late husband and mother). The program I am a part of is educational (Wright State University in SW OH), and did require registration before death, other programs may be different.

The basics were you had to register (WSU is not currently taking new participants), and once you were a part of the program you received a laminated wallet card with your registration info and their contact info (in case of death out of state or in an accident). If notified, they would take custody of your body after death whether you could be part of the educational program or not, their committment to take your remains was not based on suitability for educational use. If you did go to a classroom, it could be out of state as there is a network of schools participating in this program; my late husband was shipped to Carbondale IL, then returned afterward. They really appreciate information on the person's medical history so the students can correlate and understand the body's condition. For those needing closure, the local university had an annual ceremony for family and friends with class respresentatives from the medical school discussing their appreciation.

I was very surprised they were able to take my late husband for educational purposes; he had a very hard last 4 years due to multiple primary cancers, surgeries, radiation, chemo, etc but they said that medical students needed to see all differing kinds of conditions.

[chrisinva]

Another option - green burial - no casket, no embalming, etc., totally back to the earth, for FL. At this time, I plan on going to Prairie Creek Conservation Cemetery near Gainesville. They will take the body after it has been donated to science or organs donated. We visited them, saw the site & learned that many funeral home will handle the paperwork & transport.
If your folks want to be buried outside FL, just search for green burial and the state name. Good to think for the future.

https://www.wlrn.org/environment/2023-04-20/want-a-green-burial-in-florida-heres-what-you-need-to-know (http://https://www.wlrn.org/environment/2023-04-20/want-a-green-burial-in-florida-heres-what-you-need-to-know)

[DAVES]

Looked into the donation thing once. They weren't interested. Burial at sea would be cool. No muss, no fuss - other than organizing the boat ride and maybe a concrete block.

Awkward, experience. My fishing buddy past away and was cremated. At his funeral his wife asked me if I would take his family in my boat and dump his ashes where used to go fishing. Fortunately my boat was too small. Imagine catching and eating fish that had been that close to my friend. My family owns a huge plot. Due to awkward management issues. It has become sort or ? Chain migration. Families seeking in without the proper last name to match the large marker. I have a letter that I have a reserved seat. I will of course be dead. I expect when I pass they will drive my wife nuts. When my dad passed and was buried, they called my mother and wanted him moved. My father in law had a planned and prepaid funeral for him and his wife. It made it much easier for all. My family?? HUH? The more we spend the less we inherit.

[END OTT]

I'm a caretaker for two elderly parents, and while I've discussed with them their end-of-life wishes (both are organ donors & both desire cremation) I really have no idea the steps one needs to go through once a person dies.

If they die at home (most likely scenario) who do I call first? Their primary doctor, police department, funeral home, or other agency?

They are both organ donors, but is there demand for organ donation of a 90 year old person?

If you want to donate your body to science, does this need to be arranged in advance? Lots of different organizations out there, maybe some not so reputable....any recommendations?

I read that the average funeral costs approx $10,000...to each their own but that seems absurd to me.
Donate for Life Florida will give you a card for you wallet

[SoCalGal]

Looked into the donation thing once. They weren't interested. Burial at sea would be cool. No muss, no fuss - other than organizing the boat ride and maybe a concrete block.

Yes, it is possible to be buried at sea, but some specific regulations and guidelines must be followed:

Legal Requirements: In the U.S., burials at sea are regulated by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), which requires that the burial be done at least 3 nautical miles from land and in water at least 600 feet deep. The body must be prepared in a way that it will decompose quickly or be weighted to sink to the seafloor. Internationally, similar regulations might apply, but they can vary by country. In international waters, one typically follows the guidelines of the flag under which the vessel is sailing.

Preparation of the Body: The body must not be embalmed with chemicals that would contaminate the sea. Often, the body is wrapped in a cloth that will degrade or placed in a biodegradable casket. Weights or some form of ballast are used to ensure the body sinks; this could be a steel coffin, or more traditionally, weights attached to the body or the shroud.

Ceremony: Naval and private vessels can conduct the ceremony. If it's a naval ceremony, there are traditional rituals like flag-draping, prayers, and a moment of silence before the body is committed to the deep.

Documentation: You generally need to notify or get a permit from relevant authorities. In the U.S., a Burial at Sea Notification Form needs to be submitted to the EPA. Other countries might require different documentation.

Environmental Considerations: The practice must not harm the marine environment. This includes avoiding burial in marine sanctuaries or areas designated as environmentally sensitive.

Cultural and Religious Practices: Some cultures and religions have specific rituals or beliefs regarding sea burials, which can influence how the burial is conducted.

If someone wishes to be buried at sea, they or their estate should plan ahead, possibly consulting with a funeral director who specializes in such services or directly with maritime services that offer sea burials. It's also wise to inform family members and perhaps include these wishes in one's will or end-of-life planning documents. Source: GrokAI

[TheMosker-Behrs]

Firstly, my heart goes out to you having two parents to care for at the same time, it can be stressful and challenging but also rewarding to still have them in your life.

For whom to call first, it can depend on the time of day and what arrangements you have made in advance. If you have made pre-death funeral arrangements, you can often simply call the funeral home to arrange for transport straight to their facility. This is assuming you are absolutely certain they have passed and there are no questions as to the circumstances of their death. Anything in question, you may want to call the non-emergency police number and they will direct you to the appropriate party. If it's after hours, it's unlikely their primary caregiver would be available to take the call, but that is certainly something you may want to ask them about before the time actually comes.

Regarding donating remains to science, you would want to arrange that in advance because time is of the essence in most cases. There is a wealth of research but still needs to be done regarding the human body. Even a 99-year-old person can provide valuable information such as incidence of 'cancer' existing without any symptoms, known disease progression, neurological decay, etc. It can be rewarding for a person who sees value in medical research, so long as no one feels any moral contradictions.

Regarding expenses, it sounds as if they haven't procured any end of life insurance for that purpose. With my mother-in-law's passing, she had purchased a prepaid funeral several decades prior, and the terms of that policy guaranteed it would cover expenses no matter what had happened with inflation. She really went all out for herself. The bundle of red roses on top of her casket was bigger than the casket itself! Most people may not have that good fortune, so there are many things you can do to reduce costs if that is your need or desire. A simple bundle of flowers purchased from Costco or Sam's that morning, wrapped with a satin ribbon can be perfectly lovely on top of a casket, or next to an earn if the cremation has already taken place. You can gather photo frames from around your house and fill them with photos of your parent to place on a central table, like an altar. Feel free to be creative and add personal touches such as a favorite knick knack, blanket or other personal object your loved one enjoyed. Nice services need not be overpriced, and that industry is known for taking advantage of people in their time of grief. You likely know best what your parents would want, but if they are unwilling or unable to make the arrangements themselves in advance, you shouldn't feel any guilt about the choices you make when the time comes.

Your post here on TOV is sure to get plenty of feedback that will give you a variety of ideas and information to help guide you. Meanwhile, enjoy your time with them.


I'm a caretaker for two elderly parents, and while I've discussed with them their end-of-life wishes (both are organ donors & both desire cremation) I really have no idea the steps one needs to go through once a person dies.

If they die at home (most likely scenario) who do I call first? Their primary doctor, police department, funeral home, or other agency?

They are both organ donors, but is there demand for organ donation of a 90 year old person?

If you want to donate your body to science, does this need to be arranged in advance? Lots of different organizations out there, maybe some not so reputable....any recommendations?

I read that the average funeral costs approx $10,000...to each their own but that seems absurd to me.

[mntlblok]

Yes, it is possible to be buried at sea, but some specific regulations and guidelines must be followed:

Legal Requirements: In the U.S., burials at sea are regulated by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), which requires that the burial be done at least 3 nautical miles from land and in water at least 600 feet deep. The body must be prepared in a way that it will decompose quickly or be weighted to sink to the seafloor. Internationally, similar regulations might apply, but they can vary by country. In international waters, one typically follows the guidelines of the flag under which the vessel is sailing.

Preparation of the Body: The body must not be embalmed with chemicals that would contaminate the sea. Often, the body is wrapped in a cloth that will degrade or placed in a biodegradable casket. Weights or some form of ballast are used to ensure the body sinks; this could be a steel coffin, or more traditionally, weights attached to the body or the shroud.

Ceremony: Naval and private vessels can conduct the ceremony. If it's a naval ceremony, there are traditional rituals like flag-draping, prayers, and a moment of silence before the body is committed to the deep.

Documentation: You generally need to notify or get a permit from relevant authorities. In the U.S., a Burial at Sea Notification Form needs to be submitted to the EPA. Other countries might require different documentation.

Environmental Considerations: The practice must not harm the marine environment. This includes avoiding burial in marine sanctuaries or areas designated as environmentally sensitive.

Cultural and Religious Practices: Some cultures and religions have specific rituals or beliefs regarding sea burials, which can influence how the burial is conducted.

If someone wishes to be buried at sea, they or their estate should plan ahead, possibly consulting with a funeral director who specializes in such services or directly with maritime services that offer sea burials. It's also wise to inform family members and perhaps include these wishes in one's will or end-of-life planning documents. Source: GrokAI

Fascinating! Thank you! Reminds me that the blackwater folks go out to where it's around 700ft deep - and I know a lot of those folks, and it would surprise none of them. Most of that diving is done out of West Palm. Some degradable cloth/shroud and a steel 120 and I'd be good to go. A toast or two and dive, dive, dive! Don't need no stinkin rituals. Shall start making inquiries. :-) The sites for all those "authorities" and forms were readily available! Thanks, again!

Come to think of it, though, there *are* stretches where the weather and seas limit those outings. Guess one of those "green Prairie" sorts of things could be a back up plan. . .

[Pantherlj]

Not sure if all funeral homes do it but my parents prepaid for cremation and it saved money. When they passed hospice called the funeral home for us and they were there within a coupe of hours.

[retiredguy123]

Not sure if all funeral homes do it but my parents prepaid for cremation and it saved money. When they passed hospice called the funeral home for us and they were there within a coupe of hours.
In most cases, pre-paying for a cremation does not save money. That is why you see so many ads for a free lunch or dinner to sell you a prepaid cremation. Knowing the price for a cremation and the phone number of the funeral home in advance is all you need. Pre-paying is like giving the funeral home a free loan, and sometimes, people lose the paperwork, so the survivors end up paying for the cremation anyway.

[MrLonzo]

As someone with a vertebra from another person in my neck, I applaud those who donate what is left behind after they pass.
Thanks to all who give of themselves to help others. It matters

I've heard of vertebral disk replacement (artificial disks), but I've never heard of a vertebral transplant from one person to another. Any more information?

[Pantherlj]

In most cases, pre-paying for a cremation does not save money. That is why you see so many ads for a free lunch or dinner to sell you a prepaid cremation. Knowing the price for a cremation and the phone number of the funeral home in advance is all you need. Pre-paying is like giving the funeral home a free loan, and sometimes, people lose the paperwork, so the survivors end up paying for the cremation anyway.

I can see that. Mine were on hospice and they still offered us a discount to prepay. We went directly to the funeral home so no free lunch ha.

[CybrSage]

I've heard of vertebral disk replacement (artificial disks), but I've never heard of a vertebral transplant from one person to another. Any more information?

Don't really know more than that, sorry. Had a bone spur on the inside of a vertebra that was growing into my spinal cord. They removed mine and replaced it with the one from a cadaver.
The hospital was a teaching hospital so they had easy access to body parts.

[Arch S]

I suggest you look into Medcure (Body Donation to Support Medical Science - MedCure (https://medcure.org)) All services, cremation, pick up, etc are free. The body is donated to medical research. This organization was recommended to me by the Hospice folks that provided care for my wife.

Also, The Villages provides a room in a recreation center at no charge for a Celebration of Life.