Traitors??

[wendyquat]

My husband and I visited The Villages for 2 months last year and decided "this is for us", so we came back to eastern NC and within a couple of weeks got our house and 5 acres on the market last July. We recently accepted an offer that we hope will close the end of May. We are very excited and packing each day in anticipation. We have made arrangements to rent a place in Palo Alto for a year to be sure of where we'd like to settle.
Although not home to us, we have lived in this little town for 40 years and have very good friends, our church family, and one son, daughter-in-law and two grandchildren that we will be leaving behind. I'm amazed to discover we are being treated as "traitors" for leaving and I was wondering if anyone had experienced the same attitudes.

The town where we live is very depressed and steadily declining with no opportunities for recreation and virtually no decent restaurants. Many years ago few people locked doors at night but all that has changed and we have even had robberies in the Wal Mart parking lot!! I am having a hard time trying to explain why we want to leave without putting this area down and I don't want to do that as it is home to most of our friends and you naturally have strong ties to the area where you were "born and raised". They think it is "God's Country"!

Honestly, their attitudes just make me want to get to The Villages that much quicker to meet new people and get started on "the last chapter of our lives". Personally I don't want to spend my "Golden Years" rocking on the front porch!

[Pookirgirl]

Wendyquat...we experienced the same reaction from our family and friends. I think it's more of a "We don't want you to go" thing without actually saying the words. It's easier for people to make noise about you being a traitor.
We fell in love with the Villages and tried explaining why but it fell upon deaf ears. Even when our house was on the depressed market after 3 years...my daughter was laughing...saying "you're never gonna sell!" SURPRISE!!! We got a contract. Boy was everyone surprised....especially my daughter. She was more in shock than anything else. It had become reality.. we were leaving her. My other concern was my 82 year old Father was being left in NJ. I hope to get him here to visit by Father's Day! We closed and moved here last April..sent pictures of our new home with all of our new furniture. We were proud of our new home. No one made any comments... it was a big let down for us. But we are here, we love it, have made many friends and are happy we made the move. My daughter and her family have not been here to visit yet. I understand they can't take off from their jobs and traveling is a big expense these days. I just hope they will eventually. I miss them everyday. We purchased a webcam so we can get to see our babies ( the best thing we did). Don't let them discourage you... you will not regret the move. It's a piece of paradise here. Good luck!

[Bill-n-Brillo]

wendy & pookir - To me, it's at times like the ones you describe when you find out who true friends really are. True friends would certainly hate to see you leave town but would wish you well, realizing you're doing it for reasons that work for you. Then the next thing they'd want to know is when can they come and visit you!!!

The other folks, the ones who label you as a "traitor"......well, I'll leave you to form your own opinion of them!! :)

Bill

[Mikitv]

Our oldest son was hoping we would move back to Michigan when we retired but understood why we wanted to retire to The Villages. That made it a little easier for us not to be close to him.

[marybb]

Wendyquat,

My husband and I are going through the same thing. We are leaving three grown children and five grandchildren,our fourth child lives in Fl,along with two grandchildren. We came down last Sept for two weeks,and invited our youngest daughter to visit. She has since told us her brothers and sister had planned to sabotage us, by having our visiting daughter dislike everything about the villages, by day three she was in love with the place and really understood why we wanted to move. As far as the other spoiled adult children they are finally coming around. It's nice to know you are loved that much. It takes time for them to make the adjustment, and they will. Hang in there it will all work out.

[rubicon]

Wendyquat my wife and I like many residents in TV have moved around lot over the years. Each and every move was emotional for my family. Our parents understood the need to move (job security) but nonethless were saddened. Each move was difficult because we left friends and a way of life we had become accustom to. Having said all of that each new move was an adventure and over the years we met so many wonderful people and learned so much about each of the regions we settled in.

So my suggestion to you is make your family and friends a part of your moving process were it ispossible to do so In time you wil lcome to realize you made the best choice for you. Finally target your family and friends to make the move to TV....ya'll come here

[pooh]

It's tough when "life" as so many know it, changes. When you move away, those you know and love will have their lives changed. So will yours. You're heading off to a new adventure, they are left behind, missing a part of their "life"....you. Alas, things are always changing. Nothing stays the same forever. Go forward to your next phase, be happy, smile and be understanding of those who will miss you. Just as you will adjust to your new circumstances, they will adjust to their new existence. Keep in touch, ask them to visit. Those who feel you've left them might just not be able to tolerate change easily....even a little and can't imagine how anyone else could. If they decide they will no longer stay in touch, just remember all the good times you've shared and smile.....then go and continue to make more good memories with all the new people you'll meet and share time with.

[GeorgeT]

We told family we were thinking about moving to Costa Rica then when we "changed" our minds and choose The Villages everyone was more receptive.

[ilovetv]

We see the same with former neighbors and "friends".

Bottom line: they are jealous because their lives are totally boring and they don't have the nerve to get on a plane or into the car and try something different.

Mainly it is: Misery loves company.

Also, we see that our siblings' and neighbors' grown, married kids pressure their parents to stay in the same boring town by them because they want the free, drive-in babysitters that their parents (Grandparents) have become to them. It is very selfish to see grown adults not wanting their parents to enjoy life by themselves for a change.

That goes both ways too. We also see grandparents unwilling to move and try something new like TV, because they think their 50-year-old kids and their kids can't stay alive without themselves there "managing" everything for them and coming to the rescue whenever "the kids" have a problem. Some parents/grandparents consider themselves "saviors".....makes them feel important and needed. But it breeds co-dependency and "kids" who will not leave the nest.

[salpal]

Went through similar experience, but told myself that if any of our friends/family had a chance to move, or had to move somewhere for a job, they would NOT hesitate just because of us. It's a two way street and we forget that sometimes. Your true friends will stay in touch.

[LI SNOWBIRD]

We told family we were thinking about moving to Costa Rica then when we "changed" our minds and choose The Villages everyone was more receptive.

what a great idea-- absolutely a master stroke.
:BigApplause:

[BobKat1]

One of our sons, his wife and their 3 kids all said if we moved to Florida (TV), we'd see more of them than we do now! Now that's support!

IMHO, true friends would wish you nothing but the best on a potential move in retirement.

[Bill345]

Wendy
How did you sell your home in Eastern NC? I am in eastern NC too and nothing in our neighborhood has sold in several years. I am not sure anything in the entire county has sold in months,

[wendyquat]

Wendy
How did you sell your home in Eastern NC? I am in eastern NC too and nothing in our neighborhood has sold in several years. I am not sure anything in the entire county has sold in months,

I understand! We were in the same boat for several months and there are still a lot of homes on the market here. Number one, we paid $350 for an appraisal which was $20,000 lower than what we wanted, so we came down to that and then came down again!! Hurts but we want to move that bad!

[wendyquat]

Thank you all for your input! I was beginning to feel alone in this situation and now I see I am not! Your willingness to jump in and help is one reason I know The Villages is for us!

[skyguy79]

I understand! We were in the same boat for several months and there are still a lot of homes on the market here. Number one, we paid $350 for an appraisal which was $20,000 lower than what we wanted, so we came down to that and then came down again!! Hurts but we want to move that bad!Wendy, I think that this is probably true more frequently than not. About a year and a half ago it took us a couple of months to sell a home and had to ask for less that we would have liked to then had to come down again when an offer came in so we could sell and get over.

Going back 27 years ago when we sold the second to last home, the basic same thing happened except then it took about 15 months to sell! In both cases we made price drops before getting an offer.

Then believe it or not the home going back even further sold before we even put it on the market to a friend of the only person we told it was going to be sold... and then for the full asking price! Go figure?

Anyway, good luck with your selliing! :thumbup:

[mikeandnancy1112]

GeorgeT,

First of all, welcome to the Villages.

We sold our place in the Villages in 2007 and moved to Costa Rica on the Pacific side. We bought a one bedroom condo and planned to live in it until our two bedroom condo was built. After 4 months we decided to sell and move back to the states. Luckily, we sold both of them. Only after buying a house in Hot Springs Village, Arkansas and living there for 9 months did we finally decide the Villages is the only place we wanted to live. So we have been back almost two years, and we are here for the duration. The two bedroom condo is still being built.

GeorgeT,

It sounds as though you made the right decision.

[scrapple]

We had the gammot of reactions from some family not saying much to other members deciding we won't be happy to a friend jealously acting out to other friends wishing us all the best and keeping in contact. In the few short months we've been here we haven't lacked for company! As far as we are concerned, we made an excellent decision and wouldn't change anything! Travel is much different today than it was in the past. You can go anywhere with very little effort (as long as you don't mind TSA restrictions and remember to pack a lunch!). People will adapt. Of course they are sad to see you go and need to make changes around that. Keep in contact with everyone via phone and email and offer them a visit.
Congrats on your decision!

[Pturner]

It's tough when "life" as so many know it, changes. When you move away, those you know and love will have their lives changed. So will yours. You're heading off to a new adventure, they are left behind, missing a part of their "life"....you. Alas, things are always changing. Nothing stays the same forever. Go forward to your next phase, be happy, smile and be understanding of those who will miss you. Just as you will adjust to your new circumstances, they will adjust to their new existence. Keep in touch, ask them to visit. Those who feel you've left them might just not be able to tolerate change easily....even a little and can't imagine how anyone else could. If they decide they will no longer stay in touch, just remember all the good times you've shared and smile.....then go and continue to make more good memories with all the new people you'll meet and share time with.

Pooh, That's an excellent way to look at it!

Hi Wendy,
We were faced with somewhat of a reverse of the situation you describe. After my Dad died last year, many people have asked us if we are going to "make" my Mom move back to Atlanta. Two of my three brothers and me live in ATL.

Our answer is no. She lives in a retirement community in Boca Raton that she loves. It is very easy for her to get around. She has a large network of incredibly supportive friends there. Looking more long term, my hubby and I and at least one of my ATL brothers and his wife plan to move to Florida in the next few years.

Instead of forcing her to uproot against her wishes, we go down often to visit and give assistance. At least one of has been down there every month since my Dad died. When she wants to come up here, one of us flies down and flies back to Atlanta with her. We are fortunate that she is in excellent health and still able to live independently. She plays bridge, golfs and does other things that would be harder for her to do in Atlanta. If she ever can't live on her own, we'll cross that bridge.

In the meantime, we wouldn't dream of taking from her more than she has already lost-- the love of her life.

Yes, it is a two-way street. Love and compassion doesn't have to mean keeping loved ones closer to us at the expense of what's better for them.

[Forsyth]

My husband and I visited The Villages for 2 months last year and decided "this is for us", so we came back to eastern NC and within a couple of weeks got our house and 5 acres on the market last July. We recently accepted an offer that we hope will close the end of May. We are very excited and packing each day in anticipation. We have made arrangements to rent a place in Palo Alto for a year to be sure of where we'd like to settle.
Although not home to us, we have lived in this little town for 40 years and have very good friends, our church family, and one son, daughter-in-law and two grandchildren that we will be leaving behind. I'm amazed to discover we are being treated as "traitors" for leaving and I was wondering if anyone had experienced the same attitudes.

The town where we live is very depressed and steadily declining with no opportunities for recreation and virtually no decent restaurants. Many years ago few people locked doors at night but all that has changed and we have even had robberies in the Wal Mart parking lot!! I am having a hard time trying to explain why we want to leave without putting this area down and I don't want to do that as it is home to most of our friends and you naturally have strong ties to the area where you were "born and raised". They think it is "God's Country"!

Honestly, their attitudes just make me want to get to The Villages that much quicker to meet new people and get started on "the last chapter of our lives". Personally I don't want to spend my "Golden Years" rocking on the front porch!
My family keeps reminding me of all things "home." To me, home was a depressing place with high drug rates, multi-national gangs, more speech in Spanish than in English, congested traffic, loud sirens, deadbolt locks on the doors and windows. I speak more with my family now, through email and telephone, than I did when I lived at "home."
I'm happy here (except for missing the grandchildren's daily lives.)

[GOJODO]

Oh, yes! My husbands son and wife called us traitors and could not understand why we were abandoning the family. They asked had we explored our town or somewhere close by. ( we have been to every state in the US). We too were bored, limited activities. Interesting our friends although were sad that we were leaving were supportive at the same time. Some have already visited and understand why we moved. The kids are now accepting but still don't completely understand but then they will not be here until mid April.

[Bill-n-Brillo]

.....The kids are now accepting but still don't completely understand but then they will not be here until mid April.

I think they'll "get it" once they're there to see it all in person!

Bill :)

[Minnesotalyn]

We told family we were thinking about moving to Costa Rica then when we "changed" our minds and choose The Villages everyone was more receptive.

We just spent a month this winter in Costa Rica because my husband though he might like to move there. I think he got it out of his system. It would be to big a change. But there are a lot of Americans and Canadians there. We had some people that didn't think we would leave either, even after talking about it for 2 yrs. Then after we got back from Costa Rica we put our house up for sale and I think now they know we are serious about TV.

[2BNTV]

IMHO - those who are calling one a traitor is more concerned about their well being and not the well being of the people moving to a new adventure.

One visit and they will see the reson for the move to TV.

For the children and grand-children, did you mention that TV is 56 miles away from Disney World?

There is an old saying., " when everyone gets through running their mouth, then I run my business.

Everyone needs to make themselves happy. If they look for happiness in other people, there is a good chance they will be disappointed.