"The wife"

[BowleesCreekYachtClub]

It's interesting that some men refer to their spouse as "my wife" and others as "the wife". I find the latter - "the wife" - somewhat derogatory as it is impersonal like "the car" or the "the house". On the other hand I guess that "my wife" makes it sound like she is a possession which may not be politically correct in the current era.

I'm not sure if there is a tight or wrong, possibly it is simply local usage that prevails. Personally I will continue to use the term "my wife" but I'd better check with the wife first to see which she prefers! Allan.

[Bill-n-Brillo]

The worst would be to use the "O.L." phrase!!!! I've had some people refer to Sandy with the O.L. phrase at times..........and I always get them straightened out, politely of course. For most of the people who use that, it's just a figure of speech for them, it seems. They don't think anything of it.

Of course, they never have the nerve to bring up that phrase when she's present. She'd have them out back for the beating of their life if they did!! :swear: Ha-ha!

Bill :)

[gage405]

Do you ever see a woman refer to her husband as "the husband?"
I havent.
I dont like to see "the wife."

[silvertoken]

Thanks, now I live in the (old phrase) Dawg House!!!
Signed: The other half.

[graciegirl]

Do you ever see a woman refer to her husband as "the husband?"
I havent.
I dont like to see "the wife."

You know, I feel the same way and I don't know why. Some people use that term on here and I know they treasure their wife. It just doesn't sound right to me somehow.


Do we all have too much time to evaulate things or what?????:wave:

[jebartle]

Mine is the "ole boy" and his term for me "his girlfriend"....Not sure I would want to be "THE" wife but will settle for "girlfriend" of 35 years, the other names we will keep "under wraps"...tee hee




You know, I feel the same way and I don't know why. Some people use that term on here and I know they treasure their wife. It just doesn't sound right to me somehow.


Do we all have too much time to evaulate things or what?????:wave:

[Whalen]

I too find the phrase "the wife" offensive.
It denotes possession as in I own the house, I own the car and I also own the wife.

[lightworker888]

I always wondered why men didn't just use their wife's name. When the ladies are talking together you almost always hear the name of their husband in the conversation and as someone pointed out, you never hear about "the husband". I have often wondered about the practice and it is good to know that there are others who don't like the term. I think it is probably colloquial as opposed to malintended, but I think it is good for those that use it to realize the implication of its use (at least if they read TOTV!)

[Pturner]

It struck me at first blush as somehow tacky too.

Perhaps it's because the more common, "my husband," "my wife," my child," sounds more interpersonal and attached. By contrast, "the wife," sounds impersonal and detached, not as someone would typically think about family.

I agree with Allan and GG though. Use of the phrase doesn't necessarily evidence detachment or intent to slight. It could be just a colloquialism the user picked up.

[Russ_Boston]

Remember, what offends you doesn't necessarily offend 'the wife'. I don't use that phrase but I don't judge others who do. And now that I work with 90% women (in nursing) I hear "the husband" sometimes as well. Actually they normally go with "that &$% husband of mine":)).

[GaDawg]

As for me I would never use "the wife" to refer to she who must be obeyed. Nope, never would do that. :-)

[ljones190]

My mother was Italian and she used the to say The father,mother, daughter, son ,wife, husband and others. We always thought it was funny so I use it out of respect for "The Mother".

[redwitch]

Once upon a time I was married to a pretty nice man. He was my friend as well as my husband. I once came up behind him as he was telling a friend of this that he needed to check with "the wife." His buddy started cracking up as I was glaring daggers into his back.

I was Dee, his spouse, his wife, his friend, his love or at least I thought I was. To say I was the wife depersonalized me. I was no longer someone special -- I was a thing. I honestly didn't speak to him for three days after that comment. So far as I know, I was never "the" anything again, not even after we were divorced.

Now, if your spouse is okay with you making a thing out of her rather than being the special person she is, then keep using "the wife." Just don't be surprised when another female or two glares at you.

[logdog]

I think the term "Spousal Unit" is more politically correct and gender neutral. I would say "my Spousal Unit" versus "the Spousal Unit" to avoid any confusion since others in the group may also be in Spousal relationships.

[graciegirl]

I think the term "Spousal Unit" is more politically correct and gender neutral. I would say "my Spousal Unit" versus "the Spousal Unit" to avoid any confusion since others in the group may also be in Spousal relationships.

Some people are so clever and ornery on here you just have to love 'em.:loco:

[skyguy79]

If I'm talking to someone about "my wife" or they don't know her or know her well, then I use the term "my wife" or "my wife Eileen." After all, if she's not "my wife" then whose wife is she? :confused:
If I'm talking to someone who knows my wife, then I call her Eileen but only because... well, that's her name! http://th827.photobucket.com/albums/zz192/denistephenson/smileys/smiley%20text/th_huh.gif

As for "the wife," I don't see any big deal about that or think there is any negative motive behind it, but I don't think it's the best way of expressing a referrence to the wifey-poo! :oops:

[springfield illinois]

From the first day of our married life to this day I have called the woman of my life,,, "MY BRIDE" she is still like that to me,,, it is constant reminder to me that I am nothing without her! I let her know that, because of her,, we have what we have,, We both have worked all our lives, she is a great mom to our wonderful kids, and she is the main reason we will not become permant residents of the villages,,she takes care of her mother,, and when grandkids start coming it will be easier to move an oak tree out of Illinois than to get my wife to move for good away full time. More than once a day I let her know she is the "queen of my double wide" ,, and my bride,,,she can call me most anything she wants, because it is most likely the truth!

[l2ridehd]

I use "my bride", "soul mate", "sexy lady", "love of my life", "gorgeous lady", "better half", and a few others I will hold as personal. :angel:

[barb1191]

I don't find such semantics pejorative. "My husband" often refers to me as "the bride" and I really find that to be romantic. He will often sign his emails to me as "the groom."

To each his own.

[ilovetv]

Calling her "the wife" sounds like "the washer" or "the sink", but I don't think guys mean anything derogatory with it.

I think the first time I ever heard that was from Archie Bunker on All in the Family. I don't recall ever hearing it in the midwest where I'm from. Sad to say, All in the Family would never have made it to broadcast if it came out today. Somebody, somewhere might be "offended".

[LittleDog]

The worst would be to use the "O.L." phrase!!!! I've had some people refer to Sandy with the O.L. phrase at times..........and I always get them straightened out, politely of course. For most of the people who use that, it's just a figure of speech for them, it seems. They don't think anything of it.

Of course, they never have the nerve to bring up that phrase when she's present. She'd have them out back for the beating of their life if they did!! :swear: Ha-ha!

Bill :)

What is the "O.L." Phrase?

John

[champion6]

What is the "O.L." Phrase?That would be "Old Lady."

[Bill-n-Brillo]

What is the "O.L." Phrase?

John

"Old Lady" - sorry. I detest it! :ohdear:

Bill

[graciegirl]

"Old Lady" - sorry. I detest it! :ohdear:

Bill

Bad as..."the old man"...which I also abhor.

[The Great Fumar]

It's interesting that some men refer to their spouse as "my wife" and others as "the wife". I find the latter - "the wife" - somewhat derogatory as it is impersonal like "the car" or the "the house".

Actually I don't find this interesting at all , and THE WIFE doesn't either..........
Now where did I park THE CAR ??????

fumar...............:jester:

[hedoman]

"She who must be obeyed" doesn't like "the wife" either......

[linandvin]

SPRINGFIELD's post elicits feelings of warmth. "THE" wife seems cold and unattached. I vote for warm feelings when speaking of or to a spouse. "THE" wife or "THE" husband is unacceptable with us. Given a choice, I'd rather feel warm and fuzzy than wonder who he's talking about.

[2BNTV]

My old boss used to refer to "the wife" and the way he meant it, it sounded like she was the authority figure that he had to check with to do something. I thought it was derogatory and insulting the way he said it and I'm sure he thought he was being cute with the the guys.

"My wife " does sound like a possession but I can understand someone using the term "my wife" when talking to someone who doesn't know her and doesn't want to get personal with a stranger. I have also heard many women who used "my husband' as a non- personal type statement to someone they don't know. To someone who does know her, them he should use her name.

IMHO - In a non-personal situation, a better term would be to use "my spouse", indicating that you are equal partners in life and share what you have together but then, what do I know, I'm single. :)

[borjo]

Well, I have another phrase. When I'm meeting some of my husbands friends, my husband introduces me, with a smile on his face, of course, as his "present wife".

[silvertoken]

I love my wife because we can call each other goofy names and laugh about it. I never noticed her upset or me in the manner. I thank God for giving me a wife that appreciates my goofy ways. I dont think there is a day that goes by that we laugh about something we say or do. All I can say is if you beat them join in on the fun.

[Pturner]

IMHO - In a non-personal situation, a better term would be to use "my spouse", indicating that you are equal partners in life and share what you have together but then, what do I know, I'm single. :)

I dunno. "My spouse" kind of sounds impersonal to me too. Maybe because I associate it with forms (i.e., "your name," spouse's name," etc.) :shrug:

If I'm speaking with someone who doesn't know him, I say "my husband". As Sky said, if he's not my husband, whose husband is he. :)

[skyguy79]

I dunno. "My spouse" kind of sounds impersonal to me too. Maybe because I associate it with forms (i.e., "your name," spouse's name," etc.) :shrug:

If I'm speaking with someone who doesn't know him, I say "my husband". As Sky said, if he's not my husband, whose husband is he. :)OMG, my wifes gonna have a fit-canipshin when she finds out I have a husband!!!
http://www.facebooksmileys.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/SmileyShocked.png
:1rotfl:

[graciegirl]

I dunno. "My spouse" kind of sounds impersonal to me too. Maybe because I associate it with forms (i.e., "your name," spouse's name," etc.) :shrug:

If I'm speaking with someone who doesn't know him, I say "my husband". As Sky said, if he's not my husband, whose husband is he. :)

He is one lucky guy, your husband!!!

[hedoman]

I could always call her "my first wife"......

[Figmo Bohica]

My lady is younger than I am, but she often tells me that on my best days I am 5 or 6. If she didn't support me in the things that I do the same as I support her in her hobbies we would not have the best marriage in the world. She is a wonderful lady and I am lucky to have her. So I refer to her has my best friend and the love of my life.

[graciegirl]

I could always call her "my first wife"......

Sometimes I introduce Sweetie as "my first husband". It keeps him on his toes.

[SALYBOW]

As far as I can remember the is refers to inanimate ojects and my is a pronoun that refers to something that belongs to you. It sounds way more animate. JMHO

[Barefoot]

In our house we have a blue list, which is posted on the fridge, and lists all the chores that Fireboy needs to do. Like fixing taps, checking the sprinklers, etc. When Fireboy accomplishes some of those tasks, he is My Bunny. When he ignores the blue list, he becomes My Spousal Unit.

There is no pink list because it would be ongoing, never ending, and require way too much ink! :angel:

[batman911]

IMHO, the only person that has a say in what she or he is called is the person being referred to. If it is OK with them, what business is it to anyone else? I have seen way too many slick talking shysters publicly be politically correct only to turn out to be real JAs. Better to judge people on how they treat their spouses and others rather than the words they may use to describe them. If my wife (or any one for that matter) does not like to be referred to in some manner, I would simply not do it. No need for others to be judgemental.

[rubicon]

I believe you are all making too much of this. "my" "the" what's really the difference. Anyone that sensitive to either word may be asking for trouble becaue I view it as being picky and being icky can sink a marriage or diminish it unnecessarily And, given , the filthy names coming out of the mouths of young marrieds today I am surprised this is even worthy of discussion My (the) wife and I have been together since age 13.

[graciegirl]

I believe you are all making too much of this. "my" "the" what's really the difference. Anyone that sensitive to either word may be asking for trouble becaue I view it as being picky and being icky can sink a marriage or diminish it unnecessarily And, given , the filthy names coming out of the mouths of young marrieds today I am surprised this is even worthy of discussion My (the) wife and I have been together since age 13.

WOW. Since you were 13?

Sweetie and I have been a couple since we were 18. I like him even more now than then. He is the nicest man I have ever met.

There are a lot of lovely pairings in TV and some who are not so happy too.
That's the way the world is.

[Pturner]

OMG, my wifes gonna have a fit-canipshin when she finds out I have a husband!!!
http://www.facebooksmileys.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/SmileyShocked.png

:1rotfl:



You are too funny! :1rotfl:

[rubicon]

Yep 13. It has been a long but lovely ride. I graduated from a catholic Grammar School moved to a public entering freshman year and my friend had attended this public school. On my first day there he was showing me around when I spotted her. She had a cute ponytail, gray jumper white blouse and black flats. I ask my friend her name. He told me and I told him that was the girl I was going to marry. She said she didn't like me because I was that conceited boy from catholic school who had a bad reputation. I chased her until May (now 14) when she caught me. When I entered the Navy she sent me a letter everyday for the first two years when we got married I was then 19 and she 18. finish the remaining two years and we sent up our first nest and began our married lives We planned our lives from the day we started going "steady"... remember that term? We are approaching our 50th next year. We believe that the secret to staying together is compromise and so for 49 years we have compromised and done it "the" wife's way. :1rotfl:

[gmcneill]

Yep 13. It has been a long but lovely ride. I graduated from a catholic Grammar School moved to a public entering freshman year and my friend had attended this public school. On my first day there he was showing me around when I spotted her. She had a cute ponytail, gray jumper white blouse and black flats. I ask my friend her name. He told me and I told him that was the girl I was going to marry. She said she didn't like me because I was that conceited boy from catholic school who had a bad reputation. I chased her until May (now 14) when she caught me. When I entered the Navy she sent me a letter everyday for the first two years when we got married I was then 19 and she 18. finish the remaining two years and we sent up our first nest and began our married lives We planned our lives from the day we started going "steady"... remember that term? We are approaching our 50th next year. We believe that the secret to staying together is compromise and so for 49 years we have compromised and done it "the" wife's way. :1rotfl:

Rubicon and Gracie:

What wonderful, heart-warming stories...I thank you both for sharing.

If I may...I saw future wifey on May 4, 1972 at exactly 630pm. She was warming up to play in a rec dept softball league; that week I had just started working for the rec dept. My job that night was to umpire that night's games.

As luck/fate would have it, there was a close play at first base. I called her out; she disagreed. Despite that first encounter, we eventually started dating, yes...went steady, became engaged, and closed on our house the day before we married (old school here: we began living together on our wedding night).

To this day, however, Wifey still says that she was safe at first base, and that I was wrong!!!

Over the years, however I always prevail in that argument or any disagreement involving judgment: I simply remind her that I married her, but that she married me. Everyone who knows us will say that I got the better deal (by far!!), thus reinforcing my assertion that her judgment is suspect at best.

If God permits, Wifey and I will walk as long a path as each of you and your respective spouses have.

PS: I apologize to all fellow posters or hijacking this thread.

[Pturner]

Rubicon and Gracie:

What wonderful, heart-warming stories...I thank you both for sharing.

If I may...I saw future wifey on May 4, 1972 at exactly 630pm. She was warming up to play in a rec dept softball league; that week I had just started working for the rec dept. My job that night was to umpire that night's games.

As luck/fate would have it, there was a close play at first base. I called her out; she disagreed. Despite that first encounter, we eventually started dating, yes...went steady, became engaged, and closed on our house the day before we married (old school here: we began living together on our wedding night).

To this day, however, Wifey still says that she was safe at first base, and that I was wrong!!!

Over the years, however I always prevail in that argument or any disagreement involving judgment: I simply remind her that I married her, but that she married me. Everyone who knows us will say that I got the better deal (by far!!), thus reinforcing my assertion that her judgment is suspect at best.

If God permits, Wifey and I will walk as long a path as each of you and your respective spouses have.

PS: I apologize to all fellow posters or hijacking this thread.

It's elementary, my dear. She's right. ...

If you waited 'til your wedding night, then she was indeed safe at first base. :throwtomatoes:

[Bill-n-Brillo]

.......If you waited 'til your wedding night, then she was indeed safe at first base. :throwtomatoes:

Bad, P, bad. :1rotfl: Now go to your corner.............

Bill :)

[ljones190]

It's elementary, my dear. She's right. ...

If you waited 'til your wedding night, then she was indeed safe at first base. :throwtomatoes:

Reminds of my favorite music video from back in the day "Paradise by the dashboard light" by Meatloaf. Check it out on Youtube!

[gmcneill]

It's elementary, my dear. She's right. ...

If you waited 'til your wedding night, then she was indeed safe at first base. :throwtomatoes:

Oh no.

I have unintentionally drawn the attention of one of the Master (Mistress?) Sages.

:bowdown: Please be kind, Pturner, I am but a junior member.

I will neither confirm nor deny that I waited ‘til my wedding night; a gentleman does not divulge such things about a lady. :lipsrsealed:

I do offer a slight clarification…we began living together on our wedding night.

Whether future Wifey was safe at first or not, there was no doubt about the call at home a few years later.

I know, I know…by staying with the softball analogy- and the related double entendres- in using the words “the call”, I have teed up for at least one of you the perfect modern-language descriptive adjective about the type of call it was. Shame on you in advance! :icon_wink:

ljones: I agree. Meatloaf’s “Paradise” video is one of the all time best! :thumbup:

[robertj1954]

We have recently moved here to TV so we are doing a lot of introductions. I have heard the term "The Wife" more than a few times and in most cases it is not intended as derogatory, but the phrase can understandably be taken that way.

I use: "This is My Wife Kathy" when introducing her or when referring to her in conversation. I suppose a few might even find that offensive, but we cannot please everyone, so I try to please as many as possible.