Convincing my wife?

[notlongnow]

I intend on living in TV at some point in my life. My wife and I have been there twice and intend on returning many times before living there.
I love everything about TV.

My parents live there now and both love it. At some point their home will be handed down but hopfully not for a long time.

My wife agrees that it is a wonderful place but is having a hard time seeing us move there, leaving the great state of Texas and her family.
As far as my family goes, I am closest to my father and stepmother and they live in TV so no big deal for me.

All that being said, my question is to those who have had a simular experience with convincing their spouse that all will be fine.
I am 58 and she is 59. we will retire part-time in two years and sell our business so this will not be a move we would make right away but would like to get her moving in the right direction.

So....... what did you do or would you do if you were me.

I think we would live there in the winter first and the move full time later.
We both golf and will certainly play pickleball.
EB

[aln]

If you can afford the time away from your business, come to TV and rent for a month at a time with her.

[pooh]

Leaving family is difficult, more so for some. One thing to remember is that not all might stay where they are, I'm speaking of family. If she's concerned about leaving older family members, well, they are more likely to not move, but younger members, tend to be on the move more these days. Young adults and their children many times move to new locations as a result of job changes.
There's always Skype, Facetime, other "live" computer chats that can be used for seeing each other. If leaving older parents is the problem, I'm not sure how to address that. Hubby's Mom moved to TV the same time we did. I never lived near my parents as an adult, but my siblings remained near my parents and provided the needed and necessary care their last years required.
Does your wife have others that can offer assistance if she's concerned about leaving parents? Does she interact with them on a daily basis? Is it absolutely necessary that SHE be the one to be located near her parents? Change is difficult for some, welcomed by others. This community provides something for everyone and many here have had to deal with something similar...leaving family behind. Once it happens, all adjust to the change. Sometimes I think the more difficult part is the anticipation and not the actually move.

Texas is a great state, indeed, as are all of the states. Each of us is partial to where we lived, but life is always changing. Fear of change can hold many back, fear of what's unknown can do the same. Maybe moving here in steps as you have planned will make your wife more comfortable. The more you visit, the more you love the place. Many I have known as snowbirds, are here longer than when we first met. They aren't truly frogs, yet, but have come to love their newest hometown. Florida isn't Texas, that's for sure, but Florida has lots to offer...and central Florida is so different from other parts of the state. Guess that can be said for any state, customs, traditions, even accents might be different in one part of the state than in another.

Come, enjoy, meet new friends, relax, play, learn, teach, and have fun. Everyone has moved here from some other place so we all have something in common and we all have lots to share. Once you make friends, it's comfortable and homey, just like what you've come from.

[swrinfla]

My personal advice?

Listen to Pooh!

For many, moving away from family is hard, hard, hard! For others, it is good, good, good!

My daughters "pushed" me to move to TV. Having no grandchildren to tug at my heart, I made what turned out to be the very, very best move ever!

My St. Louis-based daughter told me at some point early in my decision-period, "You don't want to put up with the snow and cold in the winter any more than I do; so, I'll come to The Villages to see you when it's bad here!"

That's worked very well, for both of us!

SWR
:beer3:

[Autoshow]

I intend on living in TV at some point in my life. My wife and I have been there twice and intend on returning many times before living there.
I love everything about TV.

My parents live there now and both love it. At some point their home will be handed down but hopfully not for a long time.

My wife agrees that it is a wonderful place but is having a hard time seeing us move there, leaving the great state of Texas and her family.
As far as my family goes, I am closest to my father and stepmother and they live in TV so no big deal for me.

All that being said, my question is to those who have had a simular experience with convincing their spouse that all will be fine.
I am 58 and she is 59. we will retire part-time in two years and sell our business so this will not be a move we would make right away but would like to get her moving in the right direction.

So....... what did you do or would you do if you were me.

I think we would live there in the winter first and the move full time later.
We both golf and will certainly play pickleball.
EB

Do not force her to move here,she will be miserable,and you will not be happy,wait untill she is ready to move,no matter how long it takes

[graciegirl]

All of you have made such good points. It makes me so glad I know you.

Talk of the holidays has me wondering if Santa will arrive here and our kids too and hoping that we will be as merry as we were in Ohio.

[tainsley]

Good advice from all! :)

[notlongnow]

I know that part of the problem will be moving away from our grandchild and daughter/son-in-law but they live outside Houston and we live 8-9 hours north of them so it is no small trip to see them now.
I tell her we can fly to see them. That does not seem to help.

She also feels that she is her mothers closest help but her brother also lives in the same town as we do as well as her mother so he could help.
She has said that she could see living in TV but not before her mother is gone. Her mother is 80 now but does not look, feel or act 80 and we hope it stays that way. So I have to convince her that her mother can live with out her right down the street while we are in TV. I don't want to be 80 before I can move there!

I guess a good test of this would be renting in TV for a month to see how they do apart like that.

Just thinking ahead here. I don't think we would move to TV full time for another 4 years but snowbirds would be in a couple years so I need to get my story and facts together to get her leaning more my way.
Thanks
EB

[angiefox10]

I agree with the others in not convincing her to move...

However, I would like to point out that when one stays anywhere to be near another person/persons they also tie that person down as well. How can they make move for an opportunity in their life, if you are staying there for them?

Sometimes it's better to live your life to the fullest so that they can as well.

[flamingo]

Notlongnow, I am going through some of the same things as your wife. In fact, I have never lived anywhere else in my life but this county in Ohio. My husband is totally ready to leave here today, or the sooner the bettr. We are going to winter in TV where we already have purchased a home, and return in the spring, at which time I think I will be ready to sell here, and make the final move to TV. My biggest problem right now is my friends saying "How can you leave all your friends and the home you've put so much of yourself into?" I think the winter in TV will help me with the separation anxiety. Another thing that helped me is that on our last visit I went to a group called Happy Stitchers and found that I can do volunteer work for worthy causes with them. Here I am a Hospice volunteer and hated to lose that feeling of being needed, and it was nice to find out that people in TV do similar things. Make sure your wife finds groups, classes, and friends in TV who will fulfill the same needs that are met in Texas.
Pooh gave you wonderful advice, too. It helped me, also. Thanks, Pooh.
Notlongnow, give her time and remind her that she will always have you there beside her.

[notlongnow]

I was writing the last response and did not see the other responses.

You are right AutoShow, I would never force it. I really think she does want to live there but it is hard to imagine moving from a town we have lived in for thirty or more years and away from family. I get that but I can't believe that I am stuck here forever either.
So just looking for tips on providing her with the info she needs to make it HER choice not just mine.
Thanks to all of you and hope to meet you there sometime.
EB

[Shimpy]

Like Ralph Kramden I would put my foot down and tell her "I am king of the castle and you are just a servant" and you will do it my way.
AAAH, please don't let my wife see this.

[notlongnow]

LOL! Last time I put my foot down she stepped on it and we did exactly what she wanted to do.
I am the king of my castle, my wife told me I could be.
EB

[Pturner]

Hi Notlong,

Sounds like you are doing many things right: Talking it out, planning for a couple of years down the road, planning visits, snowbirding for the first few years.

Pooh, Autoshow and others have given good advice. Be sure you know what she loves about TV and support her in her efforts to enjoy those things when you visit, and later snowbird. Invite your daughter and her family to visit in TV. If they believe she would love it here, they might encourage her to make the move. Invite her Mom too.

Listen to her needs and concerns. Maybe you can plan regular family visits, set MIL and kids up with Skype and do other things that will ease your wife's transition and address her concerns. As others have said, if she's not happy, you won't be either.

[angiefox10]

Like Ralph Kramden I would put my foot down and tell her "I am king of the castle and you are just a servant" and you will do it my way.
AAAH, please don't let my wife see this.

ummm Shimpy..... just how does that work for you???? :D

[whartonjelly]

I am 57 and have lost many of my class mates from my high school, who attended all grades 1 to 12. Heart disease, brain cancer, breast cancer, liver transplant failure, all have missed out on the ability to retire and take care of only themselves. Be proud and grateful you have the chance to make the choice. Life is wayyyy tooo shortttt. I have tons of family that are already spread out all over , due to their jobs. Our Job is to remain happy and healthy for them, and to give them a place to vacation!!!!
:spoken:

[handyman]

Like Ralph Kramden I would put my foot down and tell her "I am king of the castle and you are just a servant" and you will do it my way.
AAAH, please don't let my wife see this.

T:laugh:The first thing my sweetie wants is to string up her heavy bag in the garage

[handyman]

Leaving family is difficult, more so for some. One thing to remember is that not all might stay where they are, I'm speaking of family. If she's concerned about leaving older family members, well, they are more likely to not move, but younger members, tend to be on the move more these days. Young adults and their children many times move to new locations as a result of job changes.
There's always Skype, Facetime, other "live" computer chats that can be used for seeing each other. If leaving older parents is the problem, I'm not sure how to address that. Hubby's Mom moved to TV the same time we did. I never lived near my parents as an adult, but my siblings remained near my parents and provided the needed and necessary care their last years required.
Does your wife have others that can offer assistance if she's concerned about leaving parents? Does she interact with them on a daily basis? Is it absolutely necessary that SHE be the one to be located near her parents? Change is difficult for some, welcomed by others. This community provides something for everyone and many here have had to deal with something similar...leaving family behind. Once it happens, all adjust to the change. Sometimes I think the more difficult part is the anticipation and not the actually move.

Texas is a great state, indeed, as are all of the states. Each of us is partial to where we lived, but life is always changing. Fear of change can hold many back, fear of what's unknown can do the same. Maybe moving here in steps as you have planned will make your wife more comfortable. The more you visit, the more you love the place. Many I have known as snowbirds, are here longer than when we first met. They aren't truly frogs, yet, but have come to love their newest hometown. Florida isn't Texas, that's for sure, but Florida has lots to offer...and central Florida is so different from other parts of the state. Guess that can be said for any state, customs, traditions, even accents might be different in one part of the state than in another.

Come, enjoy, meet new friends, relax, play, learn, teach, and have fun. Everyone has moved here from some other place so we all have something in common and we all have lots to share. Once you make friends, it's comfortable and homey, just like what you've come from.

People are portable if they miss you then they will come and see you,or you will come back to visit,it is a win win

[jblum315]

Flamingo, there are loads of volunteer opportunities here




f

[Snowbirdtobe]

TV is not just about the lifestyle it's located in Florida.
Take the wife and some grandchildren on a vacation to Florida.
Go to Disney, Key West, Tarpon Springs, Universal, The Cape etc.
Fly in and out of Orlando and point out how close to TV everything is.
Next year suggest you rent a place in TV for the summer and use it as a vacation home. Plan to fly in assorted guests for a Disney visit.
There is no rush to make a decision. There will always be places for sale in TV.

[notlongnow]

Lots and lots of great advice here. Thanks
That's one of the things that draws me to TV. Most everybody seems to be on the same page.
As I wind down my career I just start thinking and don't want it to sound like "we have to do it now" to my wife.
She knows I want to live there but she is not thinking that far ahead, I always do.
We are planning a Disney trip for next year with a stop in TV to visit my folks again.
You guys are right about life being to short and my relatives are mobile just like we are.
We don't even know where everybody will be living in the next 5 years anyway so I will plan for us.
Looking forward to it.
Thanks
EB

[mayBavillager]

I am having the same problem as your wife. My husband has been ready to come there for years. We first came to TV at age 49 and I was no where ready then. We went to FL many times after that (Orlando, Ft Meyers, West Palm Beach etc) and every time we always made time to go view the model homes again and again. I began to like it more however, always felt I cannot leave my kids. Well, I retired at age 62 and we rented for a month just this April 2011 and loved it. Now we have 2 grand children, 4 yrs old and 17 months and I really don't want to leave them because I do not want them to grow up and not know us and I will miss them. The oldest is very bonded to my husband. My husband also tells me, we can come home and visit and stay from Thanksgiving till Xmas and also in the summer and they can come visit anytime. Many tell me, we have our own lives to live now. Anyway, long story short, the house is going on the market probably tomorrow as the realtor came today to take pictures. We have lived in the same city all our lives and in this same house for 35 years. I am excited and yet nervous too. I want to come to TV a lot yet at the same time feel unsure because of the grand children, but I also love the idea of having a brand new house..... ughhh who knew there would be so many decisions when I retired....

[notlongnow]

mayBavillager

I get butterflies in my stomach just reading your post. I know that there are many things that change in our lives at this time and I am excited for that.
Good luck on the sale of your home and I am sure you will love it in TV.
Jealous, jealous, jealous :a040:

[ilovetv]

I am having the same problem as your wife. My husband has been ready to come there for years. We first came to TV at age 49 and I was no where ready then. We went to FL many times after that (Orlando, Ft Meyers, West Palm Beach etc) and every time we always made time to go view the model homes again and again. I began to like it more however, always felt I cannot leave my kids. Well, I retired at age 62 and we rented for a month just this April 2011 and loved it. Now we have 2 grand children, 4 yrs old and 17 months and I really don't want to leave them because I do not want them to grow up and not know us and I will miss them. The oldest is very bonded to my husband. My husband also tells me, we can come home and visit and stay from Thanksgiving till Xmas and also in the summer and they can come visit anytime. Many tell me, we have our own lives to live now. Anyway, long story short, the house is going on the market probably tomorrow as the realtor came today to take pictures. We have lived in the same city all our lives and in this same house for 35 years. I am excited and yet nervous too. I want to come to TV a lot yet at the same time feel unsure because of the grand children, but I also love the idea of having a brand new house..... ughhh who knew there would be so many decisions when I retired....

Speaking from experience in raising our kids 12 hours away from both my and husband's parents, your grandchildren will know you and have a special bond, even from brief visits of 2-3 days several times throughout the year. Grandparents and their grandchildren have a unique relationship that distance does not fade. The Villages is the only place I know of where kids could have more fun with their grandparents than they could ever have at grandparents' past homes. See video in this month's V-Mail:

http://www.thevillages.com/newsletter/201109/share.htm

The fun and bonding available here for grandparents and their grandchildren makes it far more appealing to visit here.

[ijusluvit]

I intend on living in TV at some point in my life. My wife and I have been there twice and intend on returning many times before living there.
I love everything about TV.

My parents live there now and both love it. At some point their home will be handed down but hopfully not for a long time.

My wife agrees that it is a wonderful place but is having a hard time seeing us move there, leaving the great state of Texas and her family.
As far as my family goes, I am closest to my father and stepmother and they live in TV so no big deal for me.

All that being said, my question is to those who have had a simular experience with convincing their spouse that all will be fine.
I am 58 and she is 59. we will retire part-time in two years and sell our business so this will not be a move we would make right away but would like to get her moving in the right direction.

So....... what did you do or would you do if you were me.

I think we would live there in the winter first and the move full time later.
We both golf and will certainly play pickleball.
EB


Three pages of posts have revealed a number of folks struggling with the decision to relocate. No one has yet suggested what I think is the best way: to just do it, but part time until you make a final decision. If you can possibly afford it, buy a house in TV. Have fun making it YOUR OWN. Go there whenever you can get away. Invite your relatives and friends. Make it a special place for grandchildren and others you need to be with.
There is no comparison of this lifestyle to renting places weeks, months, or even seasons at a time. If you spend time and have some fun making a second home is in TV, it is more likely to become your first home, and the place where your loved ones really enjoy visiting.
And if I'm wrong and things don't work out, you can sell quickly and almost certainly break even or even make a profit.
What you and your spouse need to remember most is that life is short. Agonizing over the decision is pain which can be avoided. I'll bet most folks who have come here had butterflies, but 80+ thousand are here!
GO FOR IT! GOOD LUCK!

[CarGuys]

Well we are 59 and 60. Everytime we thought we would not like living in the Villages we would take a break away from it for a year then return to see if it was " Still for us"

We we miss home. Of course 59 years of living in one place gets to be a pretty deep rut.

However as my friends on this site have educated me. Change is a good thing. And my best friend 55 who has cancer told me. " Herv if your happy there go you can't replace the years as you grow older.

I feel my Son and his Twins will come visit. After all we are close to Disney and other nice attractions.

And nothing will stop us from heading home to visit.

I am lucky I am probably more afraid to move than my wife! She visited here three times and said this is it. NO MORE SNOW, We will go home for Christmas and then get outta Dodge!

I agree with my friends above. Your wife has to visit and get that Yea or Ney feeling.

[Barefoot]

I intend on living in TV at some point in my life. My wife and I have been there twice and intend on returning many times before living there.

All that being said, my question is to those who have had a simular experience with convincing their spouse that all will be fine.
I am 58 and she is 59. we will retire part-time in two years and sell our business so this will not be a move we would make right away but would like to get her moving in the right direction.

So....... what did you do or would you do if you were me.

I sure wouldn't talk her into a move, and burn my bridges. If you can afford it, I think a perfect solution is to compromise and live in TV half the time. Having two houses is expensive, but it may keep your wife happy. And she may grow to love TV, as many people do, and want to become a Frog. However, not everyone loves TV, and I know more than a few couples who moved to TV and then sold their TV residence, and moved "back home". They were lonely for family and wanted to see them more often than just an occasional visit.

[Schaumburger]

I am having the same problem as your wife. My husband has been ready to come there for years. We first came to TV at age 49 and I was no where ready then. We went to FL many times after that (Orlando, Ft Meyers, West Palm Beach etc) and every time we always made time to go view the model homes again and again. I began to like it more however, always felt I cannot leave my kids. Well, I retired at age 62 and we rented for a month just this April 2011 and loved it. Now we have 2 grand children, 4 yrs old and 17 months and I really don't want to leave them because I do not want them to grow up and not know us and I will miss them. The oldest is very bonded to my husband. My husband also tells me, we can come home and visit and stay from Thanksgiving till Xmas and also in the summer and they can come visit anytime. Many tell me, we have our own lives to live now. Anyway, long story short, the house is going on the market probably tomorrow as the realtor came today to take pictures. We have lived in the same city all our lives and in this same house for 35 years. I am excited and yet nervous too. I want to come to TV a lot yet at the same time feel unsure because of the grand children, but I also love the idea of having a brand new house..... ughhh who knew there would be so many decisions when I retired....

mayBavillager -- Best of luck to you on selling your house. As others have posted, TV offers special programs in the summer for grandchildren who are visiting their grandparents. Your grandkids may be a little young for this program, but before you know they will both be school age. I saw quite a few grandchildren with their grandparents in TV when I visited in July -- that was nice to see.

[LvmyPug2]

Fear of change is very common and moving to a new community in a different part of the country is a BIG change for many people. There will always be reasons to justify status quo if this is what you really want.

As I contemplated leaving friends and family up north one of my dearest friends asked "at our age, how many more chances do we get to have a great adventure?". I decided she was right and we are house shopping in TV today

[Schaumburger]

Fear of change is very common and moving to a new community in a different part of the country is a BIG change for many people. There will always be reasons to justify status quo if this is what you really want.

As I contemplated leaving friends and family up north one of my dearest friends asked "at our age, how many more chances do we get to have a great adventure?". I decided she was right and we are house shopping in TV today

LvmyPug2 -- Please share your house hunting experiences on TOTV. And pugs are my favorite dog breed. :wave:

[batman911]

Have you considered bringing the mother-in-law with you to TV?

[Yorio]

From several postings I noticed that "my husband would like to move right away". Does TV appeal to guys more INITIALLY then to ladies? In my case it took me 5 years for us to buy something in TV because she wasn't sure. She finally agreed with the proviso that we'll be snowbirds for a few years(2 or 3. Years). With Texas, we can't use this line but for northerners, I used the line I have SDS syndrome--sun deficiency depression. I think she feels sorry for me now. I was very, very patient. On the other hand, my good friend told his wife that he is moving to TV and she can come visit any time and as long as she wants. His wife got the hint and she initiated checking with the realtor to make sure the house in TV is to her liking. He could have chosen a one bedroom or whatever if left to him. I still can't figure out why ladies aren't as interested initially. Does this have something to do with Mars and Venus:)

[angiefox10]

Not so with us. The day we drove into Spanish Springs eight years ago, I marched myself in and asked where I sign up!!! I hadn't even seen the rest of the town.

I saw the people jogging on the cart paths, playing pickle ball, driving around in golf carts (like a Disney world ride), the shops, people walking hand in hand and sitting in the outdoor cafés eating lunch and just all round enjoying life.

They insisted I see the town and make sure it was what I wanted before I did anything rash! So.... We took the bus ride. I have been counting down since that day!

But then I was the one who insisted that my children find the "right" place for them to live and work. I didn't want them to grow up feeling "stuck" in a place or job as so many people are. So our children are all over the US and happy little clams in their lives. We see them as often as we can and when we can't.... There is always the phone, FB and Skipe!

Life is good! ;)

[manaboutown]

Over the last nine years my grandchildren have resided in three different California cities as well as in Montana and Nevada. They move because my son and his wife move. Following them around by moving where they move is out of the question. I visit them when I can, 3-4 times a year for 4-5 days each stay. It works out just fine.

I do understand if one's extended family have resided in a community or area for perhaps multiple generations it might be very difficult to permanently relocate. A second home or getaway might be the answer as many snowbirds discover. For business reasons I have been a "splitter" (owning and spending time in homes in two different places) for 21 years now and it has not been much of a problem. Right now I am considering making one of those places TV so I am renting a home there for a month to see how it feels. I do have a lifestyle visit under my belt and I want to return. My recommendation is one spend time somewhere to see how it feels. In my professional career I once took a job in a community which had long, cold, overcast winters with over 100 inches of snow. I found I suffered SAD, seasonal affective disorder, so I found a job in a sunnier place and lived happily ever after. I tell folks "The longest 20 years I ever spent was in 30 months in __________."

[ilovetv]

From several postings I noticed that "my husband would like to move right away". Does TV appeal to guys more INITIALLY then to ladies? In my case it took me 5 years for us to buy something in TV because she wasn't sure. She finally agreed with the proviso that we'll be snowbirds for a few years(2 or 3. Years). With Texas, we can't use this line but for northerners, I used the line I have SDS syndrome--sun deficiency depression. I think she feels sorry for me now. I was very, very patient. On the other hand, my good friend told his wife that he is moving to TV and she can come visit any time and as long as she wants. His wife got the hint and she initiated checking with the realtor to make sure the house in TV is to her liking. He could have chosen a one bedroom or whatever if left to him. I still can't figure out why ladies aren't as interested initially. Does this have something to do with Mars and Venus:)

No, I don't think it appeals more to men initially than to women. In the cases we've seen in which the man wants to get a place in TV and the woman doesn't, it's because she refuses to leave the grandchildren. But as they grow, the grandchildren tend to go their own way and are busy with schoolwork, friends, high school extracurriculars, summer jobs, etc.

Marriage involves a lot of "give and take", and compromise is always necessary. And sometimes we agree to things our spouse wants to do and we don't, simply because it's important to them (and there's no harm in it).

Or, it's something the guy has been working to achieve for decades and finally, they have TIME to do the things they've had to put off for so long while working to provide for the family and put the kids thru college. My husband is finally getting a chance to do things he enjoys that he hasn't done in 30-40 years because of work and very little vacation time. I benefit from seeing him young at heart again and not so serious because of work demands.

[graciegirl]

No, I don't think it appeals more to men initially than to women. In the cases we've seen in which the man wants to get a place in TV and the woman doesn't, it's because she refuses to leave the grandchildren. But as they grow, the grandchildren tend to go their own way and are busy with schoolwork, friends, high school extracurriculars, summer jobs, etc.

Marriage involves a lot of "give and take", and compromise is always necessary. And sometimes we agree to things our spouse wants to do and we don't, simply because it's important to them (and there's no harm in it).

Or, it's something the guy has been working to achieve for decades and finally, they have TIME to do the things they've had to put off for so long while working to provide for the family and put the kids thru college. My husband is finally getting a chance to do things he enjoys that he hasn't done in 30-40 years because of work and very little vacation time. I benefit from seeing him young at heart again and not so serious because of work demands.

Nicely said. I long for the day that Sweetie will quit working. He is 70 for Petes sake!

[notlongnow]

I saw the people jogging on the cart paths, playing pickle ball, driving around in golf carts (like a Disney world ride), the shops, people walking hand in hand and sitting in the outdoor cafés eating lunch and just all round enjoying life.

This is how both of us felt when we visited both times.

Have you considered bringing the mother-in-law with you to TV?

Not a chance on earth would she move from Texas! She has lived here her whole life, raised her family here, buried her husband here and plans on dying here.
We will most likely remain here, if only part time, until she does. She is a wonderful person and the best mother-in-law that anybody could ever hope for and she would say go on and do what you need to do. For that reason we probably will not.

My wife loved it there, she just has a hard time thinking about what we might do that far in the future. She is not against it and I would not force her under any circumstances!
She will come to the decision on her own I just normally have to guide her. She trust my instincts.
We work together in our business now and make all decisions together.

I love golf and sun and warm weather for starters so that is the beginning of my love for TV but them I saw everybody there and met many people that just made me feel like I had been there forever.

It will happen, I know it will. I am just a planner. That was the reason for my post and it has given me more hope than I could have hoped for.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
EB

[Yorio]

In the short time we were there, we only met one couple's wife who was unhappy there. They moved about a month ago when we met. She definitely looked unhappy and said so many times. He did't look too happy because of her unhappiness. We felt sorry for them but we couldn't do much and negative vibes were too much. It was a catch 22. You don't want an unhappy wife so you need to be patient until she says she is ready. Good luck.

[2BNTV]

notlongnow:

It seems like you have all the bases covered with your planning and the advice you received was excellent. I must comend you for havng the vision to plan for this life changing event.

My job to other people is to stay as happy as I can be. :) I always remember the story about the parents who called their kids stupid when they were growing up and then wondered why they never called after they had their own families. Everybody wants to be around people who are positive and happy.

Good luck as you move towards your dream.

[notlongnow]

Thanks 2BNTV.
I think she will think about it more as we get closer to retiring in the next couple years.
I plan to semi-retire in about 1 1/2 years. I am an architect and I design homes so it is something that I can do anytime and anywhere without employees and an office.
This is when I think she will see us retiring and maybe living in TV part time at least.
We have a mountain home in New Mexico that we plan on staying at for the hot summers here in Texas.
We have our home here in Texas, the cabin and we bought the home that her mother lives in now plus we own our office so buying in TV for part time living is probably out of the question right now.
We will need to sell some of these properties before we add to the list.
Hope to see some of you there in the next couple years.
EB

[notlongnow]

JUst an update on the journey to get me and my wife to TV in the future.
I looked at some designer plans and found a couple that I liked. I read in another thread about "how did you pick you house" is that it only matters what plan she likes. I really don't care about every little corner of the house.
I have designed homes for a living for about 30 years now and I can make anything work. Just get me there!
She did continue to look at plans for over an hour and a half.
Down side was all she could see is what was missing in the plans. She is still not into the "down sizing" part of this plan.
I just want a big Lania, a golf cart garage and the living room on the back.

Questions,
How often do they change to new plans and discontinue others? Because I would hate to get her going on a plan that is not around in two or three years.
Does anybody ever get to build their own design or even make moderate changes to TV's plans? Sorry, it is just the architect in me. Boy the plans I could come up with for TV.
Can you add cart garages to all of the plans?

I will ask the sales people questions when we get closer to the real dates that we would live there but now I am just picking y'alls brain.
The real good thing is she did not dismiss it out of hand and looked at plans and asked questions for a long time.
I call that a good start. I also told her that it something that I do want to do and she did not give me "that look", you all know the one.

Thanks
EB

[Barefoot]

I also told her that it something that I do want to do and she did not give me "that look", you all know the one.

Yes, I know "that look". My mother taught it to me. I have it perfected it, and use it often. Ask Fireboy.

Good luck with your "process". You seem to be moving slowly and gently, good strategy. Getting your wife looking at floorplans is step #1 to a happy move to Paradise.

[Yorio]

Getting your wife excited with the floor plans is the first positive move. If she doesn't want to downsize, there is the premier home and if finance is not an issue, I saw huge homes around Lake Miona.

[2BNTV]

JUst an update on the journey to get me and my wife to TV in the future.
She did continue to look at plans for over an hour and a half.
I call that a good start. I also told her that it something that I do want to do and she did not give me "that look", you all know the one.

Thanks
EB

EB:

It looks like your halfway there. Good Luck.

[Schaumburger]

EB,

I think that when your wife is willing to look at plans for 90 minutes, that is a good sign. I wouldn't spend 90 minutes looking at something that I was totally opposed to. Keep us posted on your progress.

[angiefox10]

EB,

I think that when your wife is willing to look at plans for 90 minutes, that is a good sign. I wouldn't spend 90 minutes looking at something that I was totally opposed to. Keep us posted on your progress.

I agree with Schaumburger!!!

[rubicon]

"CI intend on living in TV at some point in my life. My wife and I have been there twice and intend on returning many times before living there.
I love everything about TV.

My parents live there now and both love it. At some point their home will be handed down but hopfully not for a long time.

My wife agrees that it is a wonderful place but is having a hard time seeing us move there, leaving the great state of Texas and her family.
As far as my family goes, I am closest to my father and stepmother and they live in TV so no big deal for me.

All that being said, my question is to those who have had a simular experience with convincing their spouse that all will be fine.
I am 58 and she is 59. we will retire part-time in two years and sell our business so this will not be a move we would make right away but would like to get her moving in the right direction.

So....... what did you do or would you do if you were me.

I think we would live there in the winter first and the move full time later.
We both golf and will certainly play pickleball.
EB

"Convincing my wife" Good Luck. convincing ends up with some form coercison more often unintended. Your wife will have to come to that decision on her own. Why do you want to leave Texas?. What can't you do in Texas that you can do here and vice a versa? What are the economic benefits of living in florida as opposed to Texas? Is the cost saving enough to warrant selling your home which may incur taking less in this market. Also look at all other costs associated with moving. If cost is not an issue than is quality of life. compare the two locations. How deply embedded are you and your wife in your community. Don't be swayed by the so called "Lifestyle". It fades quickly for some people who are not as active.

I moved down from Minnesota. Economically it was a good move. As for weather its a toss up because what you gain in June you lose in January;albeit central florida gets cold for about 8-12 weeks.

There is noting I do in The villages that I can't do in Minnesota except gold in the winter. So if you are a golf nut that is a plus

Keept it real. The villages has many nice things about it especially its population

Essetially what I am saying is that you really can only be happy here if it is really what you and your wife want. and to know what you want will logical cause ypu to look at what you are leaving behind. Good Luck

[ilovetv]

To me one of the greatest things about TV is the adventuresome spirit so many people have---so eager to try something new and different; eager to meet people from dozens of other states and countries; eager to go exploring in varying landscapes of Florida that are so unique to the USA; eager to learn new sports and hobbies; eager to have new social groups and contacts.

All these aspects of villagers are why people here seem so much younger at heart than their age-group peers where we lived before (various states).

Our retired relatives and friends who have stayed in the same place upon retirement are getting more and more sour and stuck in their ways.....while our villages neighbors and friends get younger at heart and more flexible, and flexibility is key in personal relationships.

I think that's why so many people here say they had more friends here in a month than they had in years at previous homes in other places.

The Villages is really about the spirited people.....not buildings/facilities.

[jojo]

I would say almost the opposite of Rubicon. I am from Columbus Ohio which I think ranks 15th in size of cities nationally. To match this lifestyle, I would have to search out all of the activities, pay dearly, and drive across town or some distance and I am certain they would not always be at convenient times. Here they are - tennis, golf, aerobics, zumba, water sports, 1800 clubs just a golf cart ride away and all included in the amenity fee. Add to that the ambience that is unparalleled, the beauty of The Villages, the restaurants and shops available by golf cart and the greatest selling point - the people. Where else can you dance free every night of the year? There is absolutely no place on earth like this.

[notlongnow]

Thanks for all the support. We have been out for the weekend and I thought I would get back with you all.

First to Schauburger, I agree that there must be some interest there or she would have put it all down and gone on to something else. However she always starts this kind of decision making process with a "NO" and then comes around as I make my case. So far she admits that she has never second guessed our decisions even though she was not on board at the beginning.

Ribicon,
Like I said in an earlier post, If she is not with me 100% I would never force her. We are a team and we each get to be capitain depending on the project.
I just happen to be the capitain on this one.
About leaving Texas. I am not a "native Texan" I came here because the architecture program was rated in the top 5 in the nation when I started college. When I graduated the economy was in a recession so I created my own job. It has been my business for 30 years now and I could not move my business. It would mean starting over and I did not want to do that so I stayed here even though I did not want to, sorta stuck myself here. My wife knows this and also knows I don't want to live my life out here.
The weather is and has been hot. It has been over 100 degrees here for about 90 days straight! and maybe would get down to 80 at night. It is always hot here in the summer. The winters are windy and bitter cold. It can be mild sometimes but it is ussually single digit and 20 to 30 mph winds then just as you get out of winter you get the spring winds! Always high winds with lots of dust. The wind blows 40-60 mph and you live with sand in you mouth for a couple of months. The wind blows so much here that the trees grow in a position that makes it look like the wind is blowing when it is calm.

Also we live in the high desert. No natural lakes,mountains,ocean or anything.
I love a change of scenery. I know that Fla. is flat like here but lots of places to get to that are naturally there. We have to drive 4 hours to get to our cabin and that is the closest mountains. The big ones are 8 to 10 hrs away. The ocean is 9 hrs away and the only lakes around here are mud holes and the good ones are hrs away.
Cost, really about the same maybe cheaper there. Property taxes are out of control here and we spend a lot of money on gas getting to all those places that are not around here.
Yes I am a avid golfer. I love it and have played 4 or 5 of the course there in TV. Other than that we love walking, birding and I am sure we will love pickelball. She is the one that found that when we were there and thought that she would want to do that.
You said the lifestyle fades. Did it for you and if so why are you still there?
To sum it up we have both said we are going to move from here when we retire, just did not say where.
:popcorn:

ILovetv,
Like I just wrote above we are explorers and I think we would love it there and as a base to explore from.
We also liked that everybody there seemed "like us". Not in a political sense but just in general.
I just don't want to feel stuck here and regret not trying.
Also if our freinds and relatives don't want to come visit us when we are there then how good of freinds were they. I know our relitives would come if only to see why we made such a crazy decision.

JoJo,
Our city is not big like yours but our territory is huge. We have to travel forever to get somewhere. So I know what you mean. The saying here is "you can get to anywhere from here", from here is the key words!
:popcorn:

Mary,
I plan on suggesting just that, an extended stay to see if she likes it and not just her but me also. We have been twice to visit my parents and stayed three days each time, so a longer stay would help. By the way we both loved it when we were there.

:bigbow: Just want to say thanks to all and this feels like I just got out of the shrinks office but it also helps to say it and write it so I know why I am doing this. ( no offense meant to psychologist)

Thanks
EB

[Schaumburger]

Keep us posted on your journey. I was in Houston last week for 2 days -- 100 degrees both days...woooeeee!!

[ssmith]

....someone asked why guys, as a rule, get on board to move to TV sooner than gals. I think one of the reasons is the kids. Now mind you, I do have a career but my kids are the biggest gift to me. My husband adores the kids too but it is just easier for him to think of moving away. Now that being said, we have thought all of this through and for us, it is a go anytime the circumstances come together.

We looked at having 2 homes but really don't want the hassle and the expense. With that in mind, that lead us to make the decision that it would be ok to move. We have decided to get the least expensive home we could stand to live in (mind you my daughter has 4 kids under 5 - she has adopted- so the house could not be too small.....because I want the FLA home to be comfortable and open to the fam as well.

Also by buying the least expensive home....we hope to go back to Indiana to be with the kids a couple of times a year....who knows we may have to rent or stay in hotels while up north...and we know the retirement budget will have to accomodate this.

[notlongnow]

ssmith,
I agree that it would be easier for me than my DW. We have one child that lives 8 hrs away by car and we have one grandchild so I believe that traveling from TV to Houston would not be that bad. We see them 3 times a year now (maybe). Once at Thanksgiving once in the summer when our grandchild comes to stay wit us and once in the fall when we can stand the weather in Houston.
We have a home in the mountains in New Mexico that weplan on living in in the summer months. It is funny that when we are talking about doing that my DW does not even think about the fact that it is a 13 hr. drive to our kids house! Also you can't fly to houston from there so really living at the cabin is worse than living in TV when it comes to traveling.
I think it is more that we have had the cabin for a long time and TV is totally new and some place we have only been twice.
I see us being snowbirds because of the weather in Florida vs New Mexico in the summer.
I have no desire to keep a home here in West Texas when I retire. It is on an acre and lots and lots of yard up keep. When we travel it is a nightmare to make sure that all of my wifes plants get water, it's a mess.
I would rather see her have a smaller garden that can be watched after by someone while we are out of town. It takes forever to water the potted plants now and would not feel right asking a neighbor. We could just hire a lawn care person in TV while we are gone.
EB