All over the map

[ghenley]

My wife and I close on our new home in TV on Dec. 5. While we both are thrilled, I find that my emotions are all over the map. While on one hand I am excited to get down there to enjoy the activities and have the opportunity to make new friends, my feelings flip to sadness and guilt about leaving my 83 year old mother (who refuses to come down with us) and leaving my daughter and grandkids. Getting ready for the move (moving sucks) has kept me and my mind busy, but when things quite down at night I lay in bed with my mind racing thinking have we done the right thing or are we being selfish. I know many of you must have felt this way, how did you work through it?

[Gongy]

My wife and I close on our new home in TV on Dec. 5. While we both are thrilled, I find that my emotions are all over the map. While on one hand I am excited to get down there to enjoy the activities and have the opportunity to make new friends, my feelings flip to sadness and guilt about leaving my 83 year old mother (who refuses to come down with us) and leaving my daughter and grandkids. Getting ready for the move (moving sucks) has kept me and my mind busy, but when things quite down at night I lay in bed with my mind racing thinking have we done the right thing or are we being selfish. I know many of you must have felt this way, how did you work through it?

Just went through the same move and emotions that you are going through. We are also from your area in VA, we lived in Glen Allen. We moved here in August and as hard as the move was, its so worth it. We left our kids, grandchildren and my parent's also, that was and still is difficult. No doubt about it, packing and moving is no fun, but it does keep your mind busy.
Once you get here and get settled you will see what a great choice it was to move here.
Every day there is something to do and the people that you are going to meet are the best. Most of us here are in the same situation, moved here and family elsewhere, so you have lot in common with all.
A new friend that I have from The Villages taught me something that she learned in life and that is "The Hell with Guilt". Do this move for yourself and enjoy everything that The Villages has to offer!
BTW...what Village are you moving into?

[Uptown Girl]

Dear ghenley:
Do not push against the idea of creating joy in your life. It is not noble to give your choice to another.... just as it is not correct to expect another to choose what YOU want THEM to choose.

It is up to YOU to embrace the idea of your own well being, whatever that idea may consist of. This is true for every one of us.

Distract yourself from that illusion of selfishness and let go of it. It serves no purpose and depletes the joy you are striving for.

(in my 'not always humble' opinion)

[CaptJohn]

:agree::agree:

[JenAjd]

It is emotional to leave a home and friends/family that you've lived in for a long time. But think of it this way..."IF" your daughter and her family had an opportunity to move across the country (because it would benefit their needs, dreams etc.) they would take that opportunity I would venture to guess. Then it would be you who would be left behind. There will always be a way to get together---either thru visits or the internet (think Skype).

Most folks in TV have gone through this and have made whatever adjustments and concessions to support their decision. Best wishes on coming down to TV---once you're here you'll settle in and feel so blessed to be here!!!

[ladydoc]

My wife and I close on our new home in TV on Dec. 5. While we both are thrilled, I find that my emotions are all over the map. While on one hand I am excited to get down there to enjoy the activities and have the opportunity to make new friends, my feelings flip to sadness and guilt about leaving my 83 year old mother (who refuses to come down with us) and leaving my daughter and grandkids. Getting ready for the move (moving sucks) has kept me and my mind busy, but when things quite down at night I lay in bed with my mind racing thinking have we done the right thing or are we being selfish. I know many of you must have felt this way, how did you work through it?

Sounds about right. I think just about all of us were where you are now. I cried alot...as much as I wanted to be here, I had to grieve over what I was losing in order to truly appreciate what I was gaining. We have not regreted it for a moment; you won't either. Just know that your emotions are perfectly normal and accept that this is a process....You will be fine!!!

[wendyquat]

My wife and I close on our new home in TV on Dec. 5. While we both are thrilled, I find that my emotions are all over the map. While on one hand I am excited to get down there to enjoy the activities and have the opportunity to make new friends, my feelings flip to sadness and guilt about leaving my 83 year old mother (who refuses to come down with us) and leaving my daughter and grandkids. Getting ready for the move (moving sucks) has kept me and my mind busy, but when things quite down at night I lay in bed with my mind racing thinking have we done the right thing or are we being selfish. I know many of you must have felt this way, how did you work through it?

I think EVERYBODY here has or has had these same emotions! I keep telling myself "this ain't no dress rehearsal" and it's OUR time now! You are making the right move! Your mother and grandkids will love to visit you here! Welcome!:wave:

[ghenley]

I want to thank you all for you great, thoughtful, and kind comments. After reading all of your wonderful responses I now know we have made the right decision. You all have made me aware that at this time in our lives we have all lived a life with similar experiences and concerns.

[Lynn222]

It is tough but you can do it. Live your life for you. You can call your mom everyday. She will be happy that you are happy. TV's is a wonderful life. Just Do It!

[LvmyPug2]

Yep, me too. As soon as we signed on the dotted line I had a panic attack and thought "WHAT HAVE WE DONE????" I was completely taken off guard by this reaction as I had dreamed/planned/looked forward to moving TV for over 5 years. I learned via TOTV that this is very common and it does pass. We've been here a month and are very happy we are here

[GOJODO]

We too moved from Richmond ( Manakin-Sabot) went through the guilt trip.
Were told we were abandoning the family, how could we leave. Well they are very busy kids and we did not see them that often. Now when they come down it is a concentrated time and really fun. They are now on board with the move as for friends they were very supportive from the beginning, sad that we left but happy for us. We return several times a year and the visits are really nice.
We have never looked back since the move and thank our lucky stars that we are in TV.

Welcome aboard, good to have you here. :wave:

[Boudicca]

Ditto, for Ladydoc's reply.
I don't believe there is a single person living in TV who did not experience similar thoughts as yours when arriving at their new home here. Most of us have moved from long established homes with all the accompanying little traditions and a certain order to things. While moving to Shangrila is an exciting and very brave thing to do, I imagine we all go through the "grieving process" - its very normal to grieve for our "past lives" and traditions, but look forward to your new life in this very supportive community. The blessings outweigh the sadness and panic. Finally, "welcome" - you made the right choice and you will recognize it when the dust settles. Kind regards. Sandra

[Happinow]

Not sure if my previous post went through so here goes again! We are in the same boat. Our daughter, who is 21, moved to Raleigh, NC last April so we have no children here. My 84 year old mother is here and we are her security. She calls upon us very little, but is comforted knowing we are minutes away, if needed. She is having a very difficult time with us moving, not talking about it at all. We get so conflicted because this is one of the most exciting times of our lives and we want to talk about it to everyone, especially my mom. She won't come live with us as the rest of my sisters and brothers are here. They all think we are crazy for leaving the nest before mom passes, God forbid. Our view is we have worked so hard all of our lives, raised a daughter and now it's our time to live. We are building our dream home in Sanibel on Adreinne Way, lot 29. We will be moving in June of 2012. With our minds a muck, we've come to the conclusion that life is too short and we want to live it up while we are "young." Saying goodbye will be difficult but giving where we are moving makes it much easier. Give your mind a rest and enjoy your life. Mom lived her's and now it's time to live yours. Best of luck!!

[Boudicca]

Your comments say it all, and said so well. "Selfish as it may sound, its our turn now.

[CarGuys]

Dear ghenley:
Do not push against the idea of creating joy in your life. It is not noble to give your choice to another.... just as it is not correct to expect another to choose what YOU want THEM to choose.

It is up to YOU to embrace the idea of your own well being, whatever that idea may consist of. This is true for every one of us.

Distract yourself from that illusion of selfishness and let go of it. It serves no purpose and depletes the joy you are striving for.

(in my 'not always humble' opinion)

Thank you for making us not feel as guilty as we have. We figure what a wonderful place for our kids to come visit.

It's nice to know others have the same feelings.

[Shimpy]

You only live once. We're all in the 4th quarter and deserve to do what WE want. Enjoy.

[BigLew]

for the rest of the family, you can offer golf, pools, entertainment all this and only 1 hour or so from major attractions! Think of how much they will look forward to visiting you, all this while you are having the time of your life.

:wave:

[CarGuys]

You only live once. We're all in the 4th quarter and deserve to do what WE want. Enjoy.

Roger That , Ride Hard Wild Hogs!

H

[ghenley]

We are moving to Tamarind Grove into a CYV.

[tainsley]

We are moving to Tamarind Grove into a CYV.

I am from Chesapeake, VA. We will be moving into our CYV in January. Which villa neighborhood in Tamarind Grove are you in?

[Reefer]

My wife and I close on our new home in TV on Dec. 5. While we both are thrilled, I find that my emotions are all over the map. While on one hand I am excited to get down there to enjoy the activities and have the opportunity to make new friends, my feelings flip to sadness and guilt about leaving my 83 year old mother (who refuses to come down with us) and leaving my daughter and grandkids. Getting ready for the move (moving sucks) has kept me and my mind busy, but when things quite down at night I lay in bed with my mind racing thinking have we done the right thing or are we being selfish. I know many of you must have felt this way, how did you work through it?

My wife and I are a few years from retirement yet and we consider a possible move to TV somewhere down the line. What you are feeling is something that we have already discussed if we were to make that move.
It's a funny thing ~ I have always told our son and our daughter "don't stay around here because of us". So a few years ago my daughter (the one I thought would never move away) moved by her boyfriend (now her husband as of Oct 8th) to Conway, New Hampshire....then to Sedona, AZ....and now live in Albuquerque, NM. And you know what.... I'm a little jealous and wish it was something I would have done at her age.
We live in a very mobile era and guess that if it comes time for us to make a move someday it will be for US. I hope that we can get to that day like many of you have.
Enjoy your move and enjoy your life....:p

[mayBavillager]

My wife and I close on our new home in TV on Dec. 5. While we both are thrilled, I find that my emotions are all over the map. While on one hand I am excited to get down there to enjoy the activities and have the opportunity to make new friends, my feelings flip to sadness and guilt aboutand they both o leaving my 83 year old mother (who refuses to come down with us) and leaving my daughter and grandkids. Getting ready for the move (moving sucks) has kept me and my mind busy, but when things quite down at night I lay in bed with my mind racing thinking have we done the right thing or are we being selfish. I know many of you must have felt this way, how did you work through it?

We, too, are now in the process of packing our stuff out of our home of 35 years and packing it all into our POD parked in our driveway. Both my husband and I are getting very emotional about it. He has wanted this move to TV for 14 years and he finally convinced me and now he is having guilt. We have 2 daughters and they both feel sad over this, but 1 daughter has 2 boys, our 2 grandsons, ages 4 and 20 months... and feels exceptionally upset. One of our grandsons is very very close to my husband and its making all of us feel sad and guilty and at the same time we love TV and can't wait to get our new home which will close on Jan. 18. We keep telling them we will return home (CT) often to visit and they will come and see us. We hope that is helping us all cope. We too feel as u do about feeling selfish but we have worked hard all our lives and are ready to leave the snowy winters, high oil prices, higher taxes etc. Lord, help us all. We keep telling ourselves it will all work out. We have friends that now live in TV and are from where we live and it worked for them and they LOVE it. So let's just rejoice and move forward! Good Luck to you...

[graciegirl]

I so feel for you May and husband. I would say that it is easier when the grandchildren are bigger but our two are 23 and 18 who have always lived just a few blocks from us and they said things like...

"This is the house where Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter and Birthdays and Mothers day and Fathers day happen and where we come and you always listen.........................."

"You aren't going to move down there and have one of those little tiny Christmas trees are you?"

"What about our pets that are buried out in your forest?"

They have each begun their own adventure, one starting college and one who will be finishing this spring and their mother, our other daughter has remarried this summer sooooo.............

I just keep saying. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is our time, and we are busier and more active here, and we are surrounded by others doing and feeling the same. This is the fourth quarter. We would be sitting there waiting for those times with them, which get less when they get busier living their own lives.

..... but I am so busy here that I don't have much time to feel and think about it. And I am looking forward to the week at Christmas when they will all be here! I know they love us so much that they want us to be happy and busy.

And should you feel down...drop by, I will be waiting with hugs and coffee and something sweet.

[LisaJ]

I remember when my parents moved to Naples, FL. At the time, I was very upset because I had a one year old son and I wanted him to have the life I had. My grandparents lived 4 houses down from us and were very active in our lives. My mother said the same things others had posted. It was "their time," they had worked hard their entire lives, yada, yada, yada. It wasn't long before I realized that we were able to enjoy the vacations to Florida at Christmas and spring break, that my parents were active in my children's lives. My children and I talked regurlarly on the phone with my parents. They did come home for all the important events (like they promised).

Soooo, for all of you who are getting the "guilt trip" from your kids and grandkids, it does work out. We were busy with our lives and did not really have the time for my parents. My parents were and (my dad) is still active. My mother has passed away since their move and was very happy with her lifestyle in Florida. I'm glad she was able to experience that. We were able to keep in touch via the phone. However, today we have cell phones, skype, texting, emails, etc. It is easier to stay in touch than ever before.

Please go and enjoy your lives. Your kids will be fine and happy for you!

[Funinthesun]

As you can tell by the response, many have been in the same situation. We have as well. Our two sons (both Naval Officers) and wives had much rather come to TV to see us than to our other home in Tn, where they grew up. Our elderly mothers are not quite as pleased. We tried to get them to move to TV also, but they refused. It does tug at your heart strings, but as several have said "it is our time now". Press on with your dreams. The regret of not acting upon your dream is tough to handle and last for a long time. Best wishes!

[mayBavillager]

I so feel for you May and husband. I would say that it is easier when the grandchildren are bigger but our two are 23 and 18 who have always lived just a few blocks from us and they said things like...

"This is the house where Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter and Birthdays and Mothers day and Fathers day happen and where we come and you always listen.........................."

"You aren't going to move down there and have one of those little tiny Christmas trees are you?"

"What about our pets that are buried out in your forest?"

They have each begun their own adventure, one starting college and one who will be finishing this spring and their mother, our other daughter has remarried this summer sooooo.............

I just keep saying. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is our time, and we are busier and more active here, and we are surrounded by others doing and feeling the same. This is the fourth quarter. We would be sitting there waiting for those times with them, which get less when they get busier living their own lives.

..... but I am so busy here that I don't have much time to feel and think about it. And I am looking forward to the week at Christmas when they will all be here! I know they love us so much that they want us to be happy and busy.

And should you feel down...drop by, I will be waiting with hugs and coffee and something sweet.

Thanks Gracie............ you have made me feel much better. Bless your heart!!!