New member.... Emotions when moving

[St Louis Dave]

This is my first post, although I have been following this site for sometime now. My wife and I are 52 and 47 respectively. I retired from Anheuser-Busch two years ago after 30 years, and my wife spent 27 years their.

There must be something very special about TV, as you all seem to make the transitions very easy. I do struggle with the idea of leaving my now adult children, future grandchildren, and other family and friends.

How did you all get through this emotional experience? I guess when I can convince my wife to take a lifestyle visit, that might be what helps the transition seem possible.

She is hesitant to visit as she knows she can't retire for a few more years. She thinks it's like pouring salt into an open sore. The pain of knowing something so great is waiting for her and timing just not right.

For now I visit the site daily and see what you all have to say. Congrats to you all that call TV home!

[2BNTV]

:welcome: to TOTV. I see this is your first post.

I wouldn't force your wife into anything but you might want to consider taking a vacaton to TV. I heard of scenarios where the party who had no intention of moving got the bug and the one who suggested the trip wasn't as thrilled about moving into something that fast.

I'm sure other members can tell you about the difficulty about resolving their feelings about leaving their past life, family, friends, children and grand-children. There are other members who has discussed this in various threads but I don't know where they are on the forum. Sorry.

I am still a wannbee but my immediate family is in FL so it the reverse situation for me.

Everyone has to resolve their feelings but they have to live their life for themselves and not other people. Spoken by someone who doesn't have a wife so what do I know?

I wish you well with this difficult situation.

BTW - A helpful suggestion - You might want to consider starting a new thread so your post will be easier to follow for anyone wanting to respond specifically to your question.
You would need to go to the "non-village discussion" forum or "new members" forum and select "New Thread". You can always cut and paste the body of your post to the new thread so it is easier. I hope this helps you.

[quirky3]

This is my first post, although I have been following this site for sometime now. My wife and I are 52 and 47 respectively. I retired from Anheuser-Busch two years ago after 30 years, and my wife spent 27 years their.

There must be something very special about TV, as you all seem to make the transitions very easy. I do struggle with the idea of leaving my now adult children, future grandchildren, and other family and friends.

How did you all get through this emotional experience? I guess when I can convince my wife to take a lifestyle visit, that might be what helps the transition seem possible.

She is hesitant to visit as she knows she can't retire for a few more years. She thinks it's like pouring salt into an open sore. The pain of knowing something so great is waiting for her and timing just not right.

For now I visit the site daily and see what you all have to say. Congrats to you all that call TV home!

Here is a similar thread that may help you
https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45089&highlight=emotional+leave

[2BNTV]

Here is a similar thread that may help you
https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45089&highlight=emotional+leave

quirky3:

You Da Woman!!!!!!!!

[swrinfla]

Dave:

Maybe it'll help that the Saint Louis Club here in TV had a hugely successful Christmas Season get-together at the Chatham Rec Center last Wednesay night (the 7th). It was just one of many throughout the year.

Members are almost always long-time St. Louisans, and are very happy to tell where they went to high school! :laugh:

Even "non-natives" are accepted! I mean, I was born at St. Luke's Hospital on Delmar Blvd eons ago, but grew up in the Boston area. At my first meeting, I apologized that I had graduated from a private boarding school in Connecticut, but that my mother-in-law, my late wife and my two daughters had all graduated from Mary Institute; I was immediately accepted into the Club!

When in St. Louis, I worked for many years for D'Arcy Advertising, thus being intimately familiar with our friends on Pestalozzi Street!

Welcome not only to Talk of The Villages, but to The Villages! Be sure that we'll all try our damndest to make your transition to The Villages Lifestyle as easy as possible!!!!!

SWR
:beer3:

[tpop1]

Not sure what your circumstances are but we found that a gradual move to TV worked for us. (so far) Its a pattern I find with a lot of TV'ers.

11 years in Florida; coincided with birth of 1st grandchild - up there!

Started coming for a month in winter then Jan.1 to April, then Nov. 1 thru May, then thru June. Seemed every year we got back north to awful weather, so kept extending.

Our youngest grandchild there is 4, and will be going to school soon. Found that as they get older you get to see them less and less when you are there.... the pre-teens get very busy.

We still are vigorous enough for a drive or two north during each season for little league, communions, birthdays, etc. Stay a week or two. Those trips combined with their vacations here give us plenty of face time.

In the beginnging we missed being there, now we miss being here!!!

Another 2-4 years we plan on being year round and sell the house there.

That's ripping the bandaid off slowly!!!

[renrod]

Check out my Avatar

[JenAjd]

You might consider coming down and renting for a couple (or more) months to get a feel for what it's like to "live" here. Then scope out as you become familiar...with where you might like to settle. There are ALOT of folks who are "snowflakes"---they come down in the fall sometime and leave in April or May for their "up north" home. That might be a fit for you and your wife. There most certainly are emotions involved with change and a move. We've ALL been through that. Once you settle in TV and find your niche you may actually decide to make this your permanent home. There are tax benefits to that. Best wishes on your decision!

[tcahearn]

We St Louisans just moved here in May after that horrible winter we had back in Feb. We love it here and as born & raised St Louisans, we don't miss STL a bit ( except for the great food on the Hill and pizza joints) :) I was at BJC and the college of Nursing for 38+ years, and my husband from the VA Med Center. Not to worry, you'll love this lifestyle and all that it offers. We couldn't be happier. Good luck and hope to meet you soon

[Jhooman]

Dear Dave

I understand exactly how you feel. We started visiting The Villages six years ago, my Dad lives in Virginia Trace. We fell in love with this dynamic community. Fast forward, we finally sold our home in California, we are officially residents of The Villages. We move into our new home Jan 3. Husband and I visited The villages frequently even though we could not retire, but we continued to dream our dream of TV.

Bitter sweet news about the husband. A month before moving here, he was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. We saw the oncologist, told him we were moving to The Villages. The doc said you are moving to the right place, The Moffitt cancer center is where I get all my info, plus The Villages has an off site facility.

Even with the husbands diagnosis, we refuse to give up on our dream. I'm sitting up here in Tampa caring for the husband, grateful that we have chosen to live our dream. Our kid and grandkids are so okay. I ordered their Christmas gifts online and will Skype them later.

Tomorrow we will return to The Villages, play golf, dance, maybe slowly, talk to the many friendly people. But most of all, I can say to the husband and myself, we made a choice to live abundantly.:bigbow:

Please keep the husband in your thoughts and prayers, I really want this guy around for many more years. The guy is my best friend too.:0000000000luvmyhors

[travelguy]

when i asked my adult daughter (age 22) 3 years ago if she would have a problem with us moving from penna to florida her reply was.....are you asking for my permission? it is your life and go for it! even though she only lived 40 minutes away, we did not see her but every few months. and our adult son had pretty much the same reaction.
we travel north about twice a year to see them and other family members, but that is not any less frequently than before.

:spoken:

[skyguy79]

Dear Dave

I understand exactly how you feel. We started visiting The Villages six years ago, my Dad lives in Virginia Trace. We fell in love with this dynamic community. Fast forward, we finally sold our home in California, we are officially residents of The Villages. We move into our new home Jan 3. Husband and I visited The villages frequently even though we could not retire, but we continued to dream our dream of TV.

Bitter sweet news about the husband. A month before moving here, he was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. We saw the oncologist, told him we were moving to The Villages. The doc said you are moving to the right place, The Moffitt cancer center is where I get all my info, plus The Villages has an off site facility.

Even with the husbands diagnosis, we refuse to give up on our dream. I'm sitting up here in Tampa caring for the husband, grateful that we have chosen to live our dream. Our kid and grandkids are so okay. I ordered their Christmas gifts online and will Skype them later.

Tomorrow we will return to The Villages, play golf, dance, maybe slowly, talk to the many friendly people. But most of all, I can say to the husband and myself, we made a choice to live abundantly.:bigbow:

Please keep the husband in your thoughts and prayers, I really want this guy around for many more years. The guy is my best friend too.:0000000000luvmyhorsJeanette, so sorry to hear about this turn of events. I certainly hope that the Moffett Center can do a world of good for your hubby. Here's wishing the best to you and him and that the two of you enjoy a long and enjoyable future together! Joe
http://www.webbyen.dk/Images/clipart/OBJECTS/PLANTS/FLWRC142.gif

[Happinow]

Dear Dave

I understand exactly how you feel. We started visiting The Villages six years ago, my Dad lives in Virginia Trace. We fell in love with this dynamic community. Fast forward, we finally sold our home in California, we are officially residents of The Villages. We move into our new home Jan 3. Husband and I visited The villages frequently even though we could not retire, but we continued to dream our dream of TV.

Bitter sweet news about the husband. A month before moving here, he was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. We saw the oncologist, told him we were moving to The Villages. The doc said you are moving to the right place, The Moffitt cancer center is where I get all my info, plus The Villages has an off site facility.

Even with the husbands diagnosis, we refuse to give up on our dream. I'm sitting up here in Tampa caring for the husband, grateful that we have chosen to live our dream. Our kid and grandkids are so okay. I ordered their Christmas gifts online and will Skype them later.

Tomorrow we will return to The Villages, play golf, dance, maybe slowly, talk to the many friendly people. But most of all, I can say to the husband and myself, we made a choice to live abundantly.:bigbow:

Please keep the husband in your thoughts and prayers, I really want this guy around for many more years. The guy is my best friend too.:0000000000luvmyhors

Bless both of your hearts...continue to dream and hope they come true. My prayers go out to you and your husband. Stay positive.... :sad:

[wlou]

So sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis, I can't imagne as mine is my very best friend too! You made the right move, the grandkids and kids will all be okay! We moved just recently FT and love it . Hubby is just 60 and I just 50 , but we can't wait for a lifetime of memories here in the villages...And that is what I wish for you, a lifetime of memoires for you both. Keeping you in my prayers...

[CarGuys]

My Son and Daughter in Law said. "How Far are you from Disney?" There are Gold courses and pools?" The twins are gonna Love that."

That made it easier as they are only 8 month now. Will be here till they are 1.5 then we move to TV.

As some have said they are right near by and you don't see them that much. lives are busy now a days.

I think the couple of weeks here and there along with trips home will work out just fine. When they are 8 or so and Mom and Dad need a break we will be here for summer camp!

When I was young and my sister and I left Michigan to go home summers to the Grandparents Farm in Camillus NY. As we pulled out of the driveway I don't know if those were tears of sorry from Mom or tears of Joy! I'm thinking the later!:icon_wink:

[EdV]

Before considering a lifestyle preview, I would recommend that you get a hold of the book Leisureville by Andrew Blechman available online at Amazon and elsewhere. It’s the true story of a small town Massachusetts author who spends a month in The Villages with his recently retired neighbors who abruptly sold everything and moved to TV.

It’s a great read from a historical perspective not only of TV but on the development of the retirement community lifestyle and includes a trip out west to visit the granddaddy of them all, the aging Sun City community in Arizona.

Keep in mind that Blechman is overly critical of those of us who have abandoned their civic responsibilities in the north to live out their lives in ‘Leisureville’. Also, in an attempt to add a little color to the book, he spends a fair amount of time dealing with some of the more titillating activities of a few isolated groups, including detailed activities of a Viagra engorged male named “Mr. Midnight”.

Never the less, by reading this book first, I think you’ll be better prepared to deal objectively with your Lifestyle Preview when you take it.

[Russ_Boston]

St. Louis: we rented and vacationed in TV 6 times before we made a purchase. There are many rental homes that can be had in 'off' season (we usually came in May) for just a week or two. In the 'on' season you might need 1-3 month minimum.

When you rent from a third party (try www.villages4rent.com) you can get their resident pass transferred to you ($50). That way you can live just as if you owned here and try out everything TV has to offer. If nothing else comes of it you will still have a great vacation with golf/pools/fitness/shopping/golf cart rides/pickleball etc. etc.

Enjoy!

[LvmyPug2]

My impression is that folks who have handled change well throughout their lives seem to adjust very quickly. Skype, cell phones and cheap air fares make staying connected to family pretty easy. Those who don't do so well with change seem to be constantly comparing life here to "back home" and struggle with being in unfamilair surroundings. For me, this is "home". We loved our life "up north" and we now love our life here. Come with an open heart and and open mind and I think you will find this is a great place to live.

[duffysmom]

Dear Dave

I understand exactly how you feel. We started visiting The Villages six years ago, my Dad lives in Virginia Trace. We fell in love with this dynamic community. Fast forward, we finally sold our home in California, we are officially residents of The Villages. We move into our new home Jan 3. Husband and I visited The villages frequently even though we could not retire, but we continued to dream our dream of TV.

Bitter sweet news about the husband. A month before moving here, he was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. We saw the oncologist, told him we were moving to The Villages. The doc said you are moving to the right place, The Moffitt cancer center is where I get all my info, plus The Villages has an off site facility.

Even with the husbands diagnosis, we refuse to give up on our dream. I'm sitting up here in Tampa caring for the husband, grateful that we have chosen to live our dream. Our kid and grandkids are so okay. I ordered their Christmas gifts online and will Skype them later.

Tomorrow we will return to The Villages, play golf, dance, maybe slowly, talk to the many friendly people. But most of all, I can say to the husband and myself, we made a choice to live abundantly.:bigbow:

Please keep the husband in your thoughts and prayers, I really want this guy around for many more years. The guy is my best friend too.:0000000000luvmyhors

You are both in my prayers. I love your attitude.

[St Louis Dave]

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on how to get through the emotional process of leaving your loved ones. I think the idea of starting slow and renting a few times makes a lot of sense. We can then make bigger plans as time goes by.

I will continue to visit the TOTV site and see all the good things that are happening, and sit back here in the cold and dream a little.

Happy Holidays to you all!

[2BNTV]

Dear Dave

I understand exactly how you feel. We started visiting The Villages six years ago, my Dad lives in Virginia Trace. We fell in love with this dynamic community. Fast forward, we finally sold our home in California, we are officially residents of The Villages. We move into our new home Jan 3. Husband and I visited The villages frequently even though we could not retire, but we continued to dream our dream of TV.

Bitter sweet news about the husband. A month before moving here, he was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. We saw the oncologist, told him we were moving to The Villages. The doc said you are moving to the right place, The Moffitt cancer center is where I get all my info, plus The Villages has an off site facility.

Even with the husbands diagnosis, we refuse to give up on our dream. I'm sitting up here in Tampa caring for the husband, grateful that we have chosen to live our dream. Our kid and grandkids are so okay. I ordered their Christmas gifts online and will Skype them later.

Tomorrow we will return to The Villages, play golf, dance, maybe slowly, talk to the many friendly people. But most of all, I can say to the husband and myself, we made a choice to live abundantly.:bigbow:

Please keep the husband in your thoughts and prayers, I really want this guy around for many more years. The guy is my best friend too.:0000000000luvmyhors

I hope they caught his Hodgkins Lymphoma in the early stages.

I think it is very wise of you bought to go forward with your dreams.

I pray that he will be treated successfully so you do have many more years of quality life.