The Wonderful World of Tech Support

[Mikeod]

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
________________________________________
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says
'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,
but the computer still says he can't find it..
________________________________________
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
________________________________________
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
________________________________________
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
________________________________________
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..
________________________________________
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer,
but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
________________________________________
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
________________________________________
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
________________________________________
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time.
That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'..... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

[angiefox10]

I soooo needed this!!! :laugh::laugh::laugh:

[skyguy79]

They're funny and I haven't heard them before although I've heard many others. Here's my all time favorite:

"Village Computers Technical Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is? Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power . . . A power failure? Ah-ha. Right. (long pause) Okay, I think we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[Mikeod]

They're funny and I haven't heard them before although I've heard many others. Here's my all time favorite:

"Village Computers Technical Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is? Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power . . . A power failure? Ah-ha. Right. (long pause) Okay, I think we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
I remember that one. When I heard it I laughed so hard I almost broke the retractable cup holder on my CPU!

[Pturner]

Thanks Mike and Sky,

I laughed so hard I almost P'ed on the keyboard. :024:

[getdul981]

Very funny. I thought the tech in the one by Sky was going to tell him he had the ID Ten Tee virus. Sometimes I think I've got it. (write it down)

[Figmo Bohica]

PEBKAC Vurus

P = Problem
E = Exists
B = Between
K = Keyboard
A = And
C = Chair

True storys:

Back in the old days, when we first retired and moved to New Mexico, I did in home repair of computers. I worked with another company that did in shop repairs only. If I could not fix it in the field, I would pull the computer take it to the shop, then return it and hook everything up again. Found one that had a hardware problem, that needed to go the shop. Took it in, repaired it, returned it to owner, set it up, all was working great.

Got a problem call from the shop, seems that the program that the customer had on his computer was missing, "you know the one that keeps the dust off the inside of the screen," customers description of problem. I had to return to his home and put the Mircosoft Windows logo screen saver back on, that we had turned off while repairing his computer. He was really happy that now no dust would build up on the inside of his computer screen.

Frantic call from local real estate broker. Same town, different day. She told me that her A drive had eaten her disc and she really needed the information from that disc as the client was coming in, in the morning to close on their house. Of course the tower is under her desk on the floor, there I am crawling around with a little flashlight trying to look in the opening to the A drive. Finally I tell her, I have to open the tower and see where the disc went, please clear a space on your desk.

She picks up a pile of papers and, you guess it, there is the disc that the computer eat. Cost her a $55 office call.

[RichieB]

PEBKAC Vurus

P = Problem
E = Exists
B = Between
K = Keyboard
A = And
C = Chair



Reminds me of the problem that creeps up with automobile repair - sometimes it's the nut behind the wheel that's loose :)

[2BNTV]

I worked in the mini-computer and PC industry years ago and here are some true stories:

1. A user who was frantic called me directly instead of the helpdesk as she needed to get a report done by 8:30 AM. I rushed up to her floor, I asked her what the problem was. She claimed she not able able to insert a floppy disk into her computer. She immediately went on a coffee break, (some rush - HUH?). I went to install a floppy and realized there was a floppy already in the drive. So I put both floppys on her desk to show her what the problem was. She returned with her coffee and asked me what I found. I said you already had a floppy in the drive. She responded with, I don't believe you. I asked how long she was trying to insert a floppy into the drive. She responded 20 minutes. As nice as I could, I said, didn't you think that was a long time for something that should have taken two seconds? She responded, leave me alone, I am having a rough day. Funny, she was so concerned that she went for coffee and wasn't inetrested enough to stick around for her rush job. Go figure.
2. I was working close to the floor on a terminal and observed a woman typing numbers on a keyboard and had the phone to her ear. She said to me , "why can't I make a phone call". Like working on a computer has something to do with the phone", (old days). I look back and forth at the keyboard and telephone several times as I was trying to formulate a proper response. She said, why don't you answer me? As dipolmatically as I could, I said, it would help to hit the number on the phone keypad. She turned every color of the rainbow in embarrassment. Obviously, her mind was on getting home and to her next task.

[skyguy79]

This one's not about computer support, but there's a bit of a related parallel in there:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

[Pturner]

OK, I'm gonna fess up about the time I was the nut behind the keyboard. I was at an offsite meeting with my boss and and others and had a laptop with me. No mouse, just the touch pad.

Although I am right-handed, I usually mouse with my left hand. Boss sat on my left and placed his cellphone on the conference table beside my laptop. While looking at the computer screen, I kept placing my hand on his cellphone and moving it around trying to get my curser to move. :oops:

[skyguy79]

OK, I'm gonna fess up about the time I was the nut behind the keyboard. I was at an offsite meeting with my boss and and others and had a laptop with me. No mouse, just the touch pad.

Although I am right-handed, I usually mouse with my left hand. Boss sat on my left and placed his cellphone on the conference table beside my laptop. While looking at the computer screen, I kept placing my hand on his cellphone and moving it around trying to get my curser to move. :oops::1rotfl::1rotfl::1rotfl: Ever try answering your mouse?

[2BNTV]

Computer repair is a little different than helpdesk support.

I got a frantic call from "Frannie" saying she could not transmit her report through her modem and she needed it to be sent right away. I rushed up to her terminal and resolved her problem in a short period of time.

In the beginning of PC's, users were not as literate or informed as people are today. It was as strange language to them and if you tried to explain something technical, they gave you a blank look, "like what the heck is he talking about". So I used to explain things in a way that anyone could understand.

"Frannie", was an intelligent lady so when she asked why her modem wasn't working, I lost my head and explained it to her in technical terms. I finished my explanation and she said. "obviously, you have me confused for someone who gives a sh**

I left laughing. :1rotfl: when I think of this episode.