Happy Birthday!!!! [Archive] - Talk of The Villages Florida

Taltarzac725

07-22-2012, 07:44 AM

Just for you. Some NY Yankee jokes.

Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Yankees players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Yankees fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

Q: What do you get when you combine all 40 New York Yankees with 40 lesbians?
A: Eighty people that dont do dick!

Q: What is the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!

Q: What song do New York Yankees fans sing before the bottom of the ninth inning?
A: Nobody knows. There's never any of them left.

Q: Whats the difference between the New York Yankees and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

Q: What do the New York Yankees and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What do the New York Yankees and lawn furniture have in common?
A: They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day!

Q: Did you hear the New York Yankees are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!

Q: What do I have in common with the New York Yankees?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the World Series on television.

Q: What do New York Yankees fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How many New York Yankees does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 40 millionaires around a TV watching the World Series?
A: The New York Yankees.

Q: How can you tell if a Yankees fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

Q: What do the New York Yankees and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 40,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of **** and an New York Yankees fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Yankees shortstop, a Yankees catcher, and a Yankees outfielder, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an New York Yankees fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three New York Yankees baseball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an New York Yankees fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the New York Yankees fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an New York Yankees fan do when his team has won the World Series?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many New York Yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!

Q: What does a New York Yankees fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do New York Yankees fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Yankees spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Yankees fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Boston red and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Yankee Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Syracuse have a professional baseball team?
A: Because then New York City would want one.

Q: Did you hear that New York's baseball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog?
A: You can buy a Fenway Park hotdog in October!

Q: Why did BP hire the New York Yankees to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead New York Yankees fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q: What is a New York Yankees fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Boston."

Q: How do you stop an New York Yankees fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Boston Red Sox's!

Reckless Driver
A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

Better at Sex
There were two men, one was a Red Sox fan and the other was a Yankees fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Red Sox fan and then the other night had sex with the Yankees fan. The next day the woman chose the Red Sox fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Yankee fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"

Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Yankees.'