Do you have Asperger Syndrome (AS) or know someone who does?

[Villages PL]

I think this is a difficult subject because it's likely that no two people with AS are the same. What should you do if you suspect you have a friend with this condition?

[graciegirl]

I think this is a difficult subject because it's likely that no two people with AS are the same. What should you do if you suspect you have a friend with this condition?

NOTHING.

What would you do if they were farsighted or had arthritis?

No two people that have a vision problem or arthritis are the same either..

What are you getting at?

Do you know what Asbergers Syndrome is? It is not dangerous.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asbergers_syndrome

[Villages PL]

NOTHING.

What would you do if they were farsighted or had arthritis?

No two people that have a vision problem or arthritis are the same either..

What are you getting at?

Do you know what Asbergers Syndrome is? It is not dangerous.

I see my question was not complete and therefore misleading. I should have asked, "what would you do if you like this person but find the relationship increasingly difficult?"

[graciegirl]

I see my question was not complete and therefore misleading. I should have asked, "what would you do if you like this person but find the relationship increasingly difficult?"


I am sorry that I got all defensive. I was highly involved when I worked with kids affected with different challenges of this sort and well, it is close to my heart.

They are people just like all of us and some people are more intuitive and some are not able to pick up clues from others tone of voice or mannerisms.

[NotGolfer]

I know a handful of folks who have children of varying ages who have this diagnosis. I've met one adult here in T.V. who said they have it. I would say that it was difficult to form a lasting relationship with that person. They seem aloof for the most part. I would say "hold your friendship in the palm of your hand. Don't put unspoken expectations on the relationship and you should be fine". We all have something that we're made up of. May it be as Gracie said...arthritis, diabetes or whatever.
You didn't specify exactly what was difficult about this person so it's equally as difficult to know how to respond.

[Villages PL]

I know a handful of folks who have children of varying ages who have this diagnosis. I've met one adult here in T.V. who said they have it. I would say that it was difficult to form a lasting relationship with that person. They seem aloof for the most part. I would say "hold your friendship in the palm of your hand. Don't put unspoken expectations on the relationship and you should be fine". We all have something that we're made up of. May it be as Gracie said...arthritis, diabetes or whatever.
You didn't specify exactly what was difficult about this person so it's equally as difficult to know how to respond.

This person is highly intelligent, has an advanced degree, but has trouble carrying on a conversation. It's more like a non-stop monologue with no regard for the other person's input. It's sort of like stream-of-consciousness where the topic changes frequently. Sometimes the subject changes and I'm not aware of it and I have no idea what it is. And I can't interupt even if I try....it just keeps rolling along...non-stop.

[redwitch]

You sure this person has Asperger's? Talking on and on about one subject is an Aspie trait. Changing the subject and continuing on and on is usually not.

I've been Dx'd an Aspie (on the low side of the spectrum and high-functioning). Gracie doesn't think I am one -- just too smart for my britches. lol It took me 5 years of intensive therapy to get where I am today -- still don't get when I irritate someone else, still can't read a face to save my life.

I either like you or I don't. Not much in between. If I like you, I want input to keep you as a friend. So, would want to hear what I am doing to irritate you and I will truly try to not do that any longer around you. If I don't particularly like you, I'm not going to care what you want and continue on my merry way.

[blueash]

Remember that the non-verbal clues you are sending are not being reliably received. Tone of voice, body language, facial expressions and sarcasm may be missed. Phrases like "He's hot" may be misunderstood to designate a febrile gentleman. The range of disablility is wide and the diagnosis is trendy right now. Yes, it is a diagnosis in ICD-9 299.80 and in DSM there are the diagnostic requirements:

The following is from Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM IV
(I) Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
(A) marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction
(B) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
(C) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interest or achievements with other people, (e.g.. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
(D) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

(II) Restricted repetitive & stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

(A) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
(B) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
(C) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g. hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)
(D) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects


(III) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

(IV) There is no clinically significant general delay in language (E.G. single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years)

(V) There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction) and curiosity about the environment in childhood.

(VI) Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia."


Interestingly, and with much controversy, the diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome will be eliminated in the next version of the DSM and it will instead be rolled into a widened definition of Autism Spectrum Disorder. No one expects the term to be abandoned as it is useful to communicate a set of characteristics which are different than those with more severe autistic impairment. This really is more about insurance and billing than about care, research, and education. Each person, whether "on the spectrum" or not has strengths and weaknesses. If you find that you are at a point in your life where the behaviors of your friend are causing you to wish to lessen your involvement I think that is what you do. If you wish to explain your choice to your friend try to be clear in your word choices as being subtle won't work as well if she really has Asperger's.
If your objection is really to the non-stop science lectures and changes of subject where you can't interrupt even if you try... You may be too polite. You may need to be very direct as "It is now my turn to talk and yours to listen"

[jane032657]

Asperger Syndrome is no longer being used as a label. I have done extensive work with childen with autism and am very close to a child who has been labeled with Asperger's. There is a wide range of characteristics for people who have this label and what the behaviors are is not so important as the fact that acceptance of social awkwardness, or missed cues, or whatever the person presents with should just be accepted for who they are so they do not feel alienated or treated differently. Just like we all want to feel with our own idiosyncracies. Loved, accepted, a part of a group of friends, included, and important in the context of life and the world.

[blueash]

Asperger Syndrome is no longer being used as a label. I have done extensive work with childen with autism and am very close to a child who has been labeled with Asperger's. There is a wide range of characteristics for people who have this label and what the behaviors are is not so important as the fact that acceptance of social awkwardness, or missed cues, or whatever the person presents with should just be accepted for who they are so they do not feel alienated or treated differently. Just like we all want to feel with our own idiosyncracies. Loved, accepted, a part of a group of friends, included, and important in the context of life and the world.

I agree with the gist of your post but wish to gently disagree with your belief that the term Asperger's is no longer being used. This month's Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine includes articles:
Howard C. Shane (from Boston Children's Hospital)

Appreciating Asperger syndrome: Implications for better care and outcomes
Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine 2012; 79(12):872-874; doi:10.3949/ccjm.79a.12153

and

BRIGID PRAYSON and
KATHLEEN FRANCO

Is an adult with Asperger syndrome sitting in your waiting room?
Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine 2012; 79(12):875-882; doi:10.3949/ccjm.79a.11161

Both these articles are free online.
A pubmed search for 2012 results in 130 scholarly publications with the key word Asperger's

[jane032657]

Why the diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome will disappear | Autism Support Network (http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/why-diagnosis-asperger-syndrome-will-disappear-autism-29283792)

[Villages PL]

You sure this person has Asperger's?

Well, no, I started this thread to see if it might be Asperger's because that's what I have been thinking, on and off, for quite some time.

Talking on and on about one subject is an Aspie trait. Changing the subject and continuing on and on is usually not.

Usually, the subject changes from one person to another but in general the talk consists of a run down of everyday experiences accumulated since the last time we got together.

I've been Dx'd an Aspie (on the low side of the spectrum and high-functioning). Gracie doesn't think I am one -- just too smart for my britches. lol It took me 5 years of intensive therapy to get where I am today -- still don't get when I irritate someone else, still can't read a face to save my life.

I either like you or I don't. Not much in between. If I like you, I want input to keep you as a friend. So, would want to hear what I am doing to irritate you and I will truly try to not do that any longer around you. If I don't particularly like you, I'm not going to care what you want and continue on my merry way.

I appreciate your honesty and I wish I could talk to my friend about what's going on but I doubt it would be welcomed. (She has a very high opinion of herself.) If it is Asperger's, it may be that she has no clue about it and would just be insulted if I brought up the possibility. The other possibility is that she knows about it but thinks she's doing a good job of covering it up.

Note: In retrospect, I doubt that I could even bring up the subject because there's just no room for it. She frequently finishes my sentences for me. So it would be impossible to be subtle about it. If I couldn't suggest it quickly in 6 words or less, she would jump in and take over and then eventually change the subject. This happens frequently.

[redwitch]

Doesn't sound like an Aspie to me. I'll admit that if you ask me, I'll tell you all about my day, week, month, year. Don't ask me how I'm feeling -- I'll tell you in great detail if I have the chance. Believe it or not, I do it because I'm being polite. If you didn't want to know, you wouldn't ask. The big problem is I don't know how to stop unless you tell me to (and I won't be offended if you say that's enough of that subject). I won't get you trying to change the subject. Subtlety really doesn't work.

At the same time, I won't ask you how you are because I figure if you want to tell me, you will. It's not that I don't care, it's that (1) I just don't think to ask and (2) I don't want to invade your privacy.

Your friend doesn't sound like she has these type of issues to me. She sounds like the world revolves around her and no one else truly matters. Aspies are guilty of thinking the world revolves around them but we just don't take offense when you remind us there are other people in the world.

So, why do you do anything with this woman? She doesn't sound like a friend. She doesn't sound like she's a lot of fun to be around. She doesn't sound like someone most of us would want to know. Think I'd just walk away and let her talk to air.

[graciegirl]

Most of us have a little tad of paranoia, a drop of OCD, a bit of claustraphobia, or fear of heights ,dogs, old age, cancer, maybe a tiny touch of excess worry, a thimble full of superstition and a lot of things that if they were full blown would constitute mental illness.

It hopefully makes us a bit more compassionate of people not so lucky.

[CraigAC]

Most of us have a little tad of paranoia, a drop of OCD, a bit of claustraphobia, or fear of heights ,dogs, old age, cancer, maybe a tiny touch of excess worry, a thimble full of superstition and a lot of things that if they were full blown would constitute mental illness.

It hopefully makes us a bit more compassionate of people not so lucky.

Well said. You have an excellent grasp on life, and what's really important -- I wish your philosophy was contagious.

[Villages PL]

Remember that the non-verbal clues you are sending are not being reliably received. Tone of voice, body language, facial expressions and sarcasm may be missed.

Yes, just a few days ago we were walking down the street and she was talking non-stop as usual. I saw some beautiful Azaleas in bloom and wanted to remark how great they looked. But I couldn't interupt her so I pointed toward the Azaleas and she took no notice of the fact that I was pointing at something.

Thanks for your reply. Some things that you mentioned seem to fit and others don't. I may have more comments at a later time.

[graciegirl]

Yes, just a few days ago we were walking down the street and she was talking non-stop as usual. I saw some beautiful Azaleas in bloom and wanted to remark how great they looked. But I couldn't interupt her so I pointed toward the Azaleas and she took no notice of the fact that I was pointing at something.

Thanks for your reply. Some things that you mentioned seem to fit and others don't. I may have more comments at a later time.

She obviously does not read this forum.

[senior citizen]

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[senior citizen]

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[senior citizen]

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[redwitch]

BTW -- Being an Aspie doesn't make anyone "special" (either positively or negatively) and it should not be used as a label. It can help someone understand why someone behaves in a certain manner and that's about it. It is a small part of the individual.

I'm a mother and a grandmother. I'm right-handed but was born a leftie. I lived most of my childhood in different countries and have visited most of them as an adult. I can run fast (or could). I love to drive fast. I love helping people. I will fight when I see a social injustice. I'm an Aspie. I love critters. I hate bigots. Oh, and I'm a Scorp. They're all a part of me. None of these things alone define me.

I tell people I am an Aspie for one reason only -- so that they may understand that when I blurt out something I'm not trying to be hurtful or arrogant or whatever, just semi-clueless.

[graciegirl]

This is a P.S. to post which is two spaces above.................re Blue Ash post.

Asperger's Syndrome Checklist (http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Aspergers_Checklist)



I looked this up for my own knowledge.......but thought I’d share it...........

Blueash has all the credentials to write on this subject.

[jane032657]

"We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." Dr. Seuss

[Taltarzac725]

BTW -- Being an Aspie doesn't make anyone "special" (either positively or negatively) and it should not be used as a label. It can help someone understand why someone behaves in a certain manner and that's about it. It is a small part of the individual.

I'm a mother and a grandmother. I'm right-handed but was born a leftie. I lived most of my childhood in different countries and have visited most of them as an adult. I can run fast (or could). I love to drive fast. I love helping people. I will fight when I see a social injustice. I'm an Aspie. I love critters. I hate bigots. Oh, and I'm a Scorp. They're all a part of me. None of these things alone define me.

I tell people I am an Aspie for one reason only -- so that they may understand that when I blurt out something I'm not trying to be hurtful or arrogant or whatever, just semi-clueless.

I also do not believe in labels. One thing though people can change and development especially out of labels thrown on them with people with some kind of agenda. Or, because the state of the "sciences" of psychiatry and psychology looks more like magic, superstition, religion and at its best an art. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/03/14/is-psychiatry-a-science/ http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2010/03/01/100301crat_atlarge_menand?currentPage=all

[Villages PL]

Blueash has all the credentials to write on this subject.

It seems that labels do come in handy. How else would you be able to provide the link, "Asperger's Syndrome Checklist"?

Characteristics that seem to apply:

1) May not understand if a conversation is boring, especially if her talking is fast and somewhat garbled at times.

2) Problems with two way conversation: Has trouble maintaining a two way conversation. Talks at someone rather than with the person. Speaks inappropriately such as too loudly or softly.

3) Does not comprehend facial expressions, body language or gestures.

4) Rigid range of interests for social interaction: True, not all subjects are welcomed.

That's about it. Those are the ones that seem to apply.

[vinnie]

My grandson has it.
A teacher I had co wrote a book IN MY MIND and it is very interesting.
A JOURNEY THROUGH MY LIFE WITH ASPERGER'S AUTISM
ALEX OLINKIEWICZ
You can watch a 8 minute video on YOUTUBE that has this young man telling his story.
He tells of his likes and dislikes, sensitivity to textures, can only eat certain foods etc

Yes there are differences but lots and lots of similarities. And the degree of Aspergers coincides with the functioning ability of the person
And he likes the way he is.

[Quixote]

Yes, just a few days ago we were walking down the street and she was talking non-stop as usual. I saw some beautiful Azaleas in bloom and wanted to remark how great they looked. But I couldn't interupt her so I pointed toward the Azaleas and she took no notice of the fact that I was pointing at something.

Thanks for your reply. Some things that you mentioned seem to fit and others don't. I may have more comments at a later time.

At the risk of sounding too matter-of-fact, unless there is more to your relationship than you said, why even put up with this type of behavior? Since you can change only yourself and for sure not the next person, why not just remove yourself from the situation? Why should anyone feel oblited to put up with someone who is so self-centered? Just walk away. The world is full of potential "real" friendships just waiting to happen!

[Golfingnut]

Back when we were kids, we all knew someone labeled as silly, nerdy or very awkward. Today they may very well be diagnosed as A.S.. Love everyone for differences. :wave:

[Barefoot]

Posted comment: Back when we were kids, we all knew someone labeled as silly, nerdy or very awkward. Today they may very well be diagnosed as A.S..
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Whoa Nellie. I'm hearing way too many negatives here about Aspies. I have a friend with Asperger's. She is smart, honest, dependable, and always tells the truth.

[graciegirl]

Posted comment: Back when we were kids, we all knew someone labeled as silly, nerdy or very awkward. Today they may very well be diagnosed as A.S..
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Whoa Nellie. I'm hearing way too many negatives here about Aspies. I have a friend with Asperger's. She is smart, honest, dependable, and always tells the truth.

Very right as usual Bare.

But back to the OPs problem. If you aren't getting along with someone and it is causing stress, you can retreat from the situation. It isn't necessary to always find labels for peoples behavior. If it doesn't feel right and it makes you unhappy and you haven't made a vow or have a lot of entanglements, then perhaps it is just better to step back.

[Golfingnut]

Posted comment: Back when we were kids, we all knew someone labeled as silly, nerdy or very awkward. Today they may very well be diagnosed as A.S..
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Whoa Nellie. I'm hearing way too many negatives here about Aspies. I have a friend with Asperger's. She is smart, honest, dependable, and always tells the truth.

My post was not negative at all. I have a wonderful granddaughter with Aspergers and she also is smart, honest etc. Just different in personality than some.

[Taltarzac725]

Posted comment: Back when we were kids, we all knew someone labeled as silly, nerdy or very awkward. Today they may very well be diagnosed as A.S..
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Whoa Nellie. I'm hearing way too many negatives here about Aspies. I have a friend with Asperger's. She is smart, honest, dependable, and always tells the truth.

My mom had the flu when I was born so I went through a period of awkwardness, shyness, etc. Even believe I was diagonized as Autistic when I was 6 or so in Wisconsin. Never really found myself until an English teacher Mrs. Mitchell at Wooster High School in Reno, Nevada saw something in me worthwhile. She also got a lot of the others teachers at Wooster High on my side. Not at least one of the Administrators though as she pulled me into her office after Mrs. Mitchell honored me and another student with the Michelle Mitchell Memorial Scholarship. She said I was not one of the "right kids" to get a Scholarship.

More teachers like Mrs. Mitchell could probably stop the next James Holmes or Adam Lanza if they take an interest in that strange kid as Mrs. Mitchell did with me in 1975-1976.

Another Wooster High School student who had problems with high school was the Tour de France winner Greg LeMond Greg LeMond - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_LeMond) who was a few years behind me but was in high school about the same time as my younger brother.

GregLeMond.com: The official site of Greg LeMond (http://greglemond.com/)

[Villages PL]

Doesn't sound like an Aspie to me. I'll admit that if you ask me, I'll tell you all about my day, week, month, year. Don't ask me how I'm feeling -- I'll tell you in great detail if I have the chance. Believe it or not, I do it because I'm being polite. If you didn't want to know, you wouldn't ask. The big problem is I don't know how to stop unless you tell me to (and I won't be offended if you say that's enough of that subject). I won't get you trying to change the subject. Subtlety really doesn't work.

At the same time, I won't ask you how you are because I figure if you want to tell me, you will. It's not that I don't care, it's that (1) I just don't think to ask and (2) I don't want to invade your privacy.

I think she is basically the same as what you have described. For example, she never asks me how I am or how I've been doing. I always ask her and she will say, "fine", and then launch into a long run-down of what she has been doing. In other words, being active is part of her description of how she's doing. So I don't see much difference in this regard.

And you say you won't be offended if I say, "that's enough of that subject".
Amazingly, I don't think she has ever been offended if I refuse some activity, like going out somewhere. Once I was agonizing over whether I should go or not because I didn't want to disappoint her and she said, "if you don't want to go, just say so, it's okay". And I got the feeling she really meant it.

Aspies are guilty of thinking the world revolves around them but we just don't take offense when you remind us there are other people in the world.

I've known her for many years and we have never had an argument about anything and only once did I ever detect that she took offense at something.

As someone suggested, we should just take the bad with the good, as difficult as that may be sometimes. And we have had some good times together. Our basic philosophy of life is about the same.

This thread, especially your posts, has been helpful in making me realize that I should be more direct.