Divorce statistics over 50

[patfla06]

It came out that the divorce statistics for those over 50:

In 1990 : less then 1 out of 10
In 2009 : 1 out of 4

What's going on??? :confused:

[Duvalboomer]

More lawyers?

[Schaumburger]

Just my 2 cents: With so many women in the workforce (especially since the 1960's/1970's), many women have more financial independence and don't feel the need to stay in an unhappy marriage because they have their own income.

[USSGompers]

My parents slept in separate rooms since my sister was born in 1965. I believe (I know) they hated each other.

In 1987 when they were both 62- they celebrated that they could finally divorce and get Social Security. They were so happy! Dad moved out, bought a trailer and a small boat and went to Clearwater Bch, FL.

They both worked full-time for all their lives and never made enough to live alone. They waited for the day they turned 62 and called it quits.

Sis and I NEVER saw them kiss or act like they cared. More like room-mates that couldn't stand each other.

SAD!!

[Golfingnut]

It came out that the divorce statistics for those over 50:

In 1990 : less then 1 out of 10
In 2009 : 1 out of 4

What's going on??? :confused:

Women are finding out what jerks we men are

[graciegirl]

Not everyone was as lucky as I am to have found when I was too stupid to know a guy whose kindness and patience would last a life time..

[Barefoot]

It came out that the divorce statistics for those over 50:
In 1990 : less then 1 out of 10
In 2009 : 1 out of 4
What's going on??? :confused:

As we become more and more wrinkled, we become less and less tolerant. :sigh:

[Madelaine Amee]

Women are finding out what jerks we men are

You know, I hate to agree with this post, but there are so many women I have known whose marriages have broken down due to the selfishness of the spouse; i.e. going out when there are young children to be cared for, going golfing every weekend when the children are young, going out with the guys, staying too long at the golf club and coming home in the bag - and on and on.

The marriage has survived until the children are grown and the woman goes back to work, then it is irretrievably broken and they just drift apart.

I am one of the lucky ones, have a great guy and I intend to keep him whether he likes it or not.

[Lbmb24101]

Also
Divorce has become less stigmatized
In my parents's and uncles' generation, all stayed married til death.
But but but, many of my uncles had mistresses.
One had several lovers at different times
Another had one mistress for 30 yrs!
Sad
Huge Latin macho mentality
Rare was the man without a kept woman
None of my aunts worked One of them did not know how to write a check after my uncle died.
My parents, as far as we knew, had a loving marriage
My dad was devastated when mom passed
Widowhood did not suit him.

[PammyJ]

Too easy to get divorced and socially acceptable, almost expected. Commitment and ability to persevere through the hard times are really important.

[manaboutown]

It is known as gray divorce or geriatric divorce. Recently about 66% are initiated by women. Many divorcing had been married before and with each marriage the odds of it ending in divorce rise. This is a pretty good article I remember reading so I dredged it up for review. Divorce Late in Life: The Gray Divorcés - WSJ.com (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203753704577255230471480276.html)

What I find interesting is that while nationally the incidence of divorce peaked in the 1980's it has declined since. Yet the incidence of divorce is still rising among those 50 and over. It seems to me high rates of divorce have always occurred among (me-me-me) Baby Boomers and now that they are aging the incidence of geriatric divorce is rising.

[asianthree]

you are over looking illness and cost of medical bills...it is the only way, unless you want to lose everything to pay for treatment

[manaboutown]

you are over looking illness and cost of medical bills...it is the only way, unless you want to lose everything to pay for treatment

Yes, divorce is sometimes used for asset preservation.

[patfla06]

Thanks for the great responses.

No one should stay in a miserable marriage.

Just sad though.

[In awe of TV]

Women are finding out what jerks we men are



BINGO! Are there any standup men around? Ooops, sorry, that would be another thread.

[gocubsgo]

On the way to Ocala we pass 2 billboards advertising simple divorce, no attorneys, $199. That's why there are so many divorces. It's too easy to get one.

[cgalloway6]

Did the study list if it was the first, second, third or more? Some folks just can't stay in a relationship but continue to get married, divorced, married, divorced. A larger chunk of the population is now over 50 so the behavior continues.

[mainlander]

Like most things, we can rarely break them down to a couple of black and white issues, in my opinion. A couple of factors that come to mind are related to "values" and "statistics". For some, their marriage was built on a base of respect, duty, obligation and sacrifice. Having outlasted most reasons for some of these values, (raising children, paying a mortgage, career concentration, etc, etc.) perhaps the "values" do not seem to be the same now. "Statistically" we are told we may have another 20++ years ahead of us so as "values" change the partner/s may look inward and feel they would like to concentrate more on personal fulfillment and personal satisfaction and believe they can attain this alone... perhaps,, just my 2 cents. Personally I believe that couples who share a very intimate relationship have little reason to look elsewhere or decide that a change is at least as good as what they have. Hope I am not stepping on anyone's toes.

[JP]

Too easy to get divorced and socially acceptable, almost expected. Commitment and ability to persevere through the hard times are really important.

Spot on and such a shame. People get divorced for all kinds of reasons but I think a lot of people think the grass will be greener on the other side of the fence and frequently it just turns out to be a lawn full of weeds with a bunch of burned out and bare patches of grass.

[Barefoot]

Did the study list if it was the first, second, third or more? Some folks just can't stay in a relationship but continue to get married, divorced, married, divorced. A larger chunk of the population is now over 50 so the behavior continues.

The study did mention that women who have been through a previous divorce are more likely to seek another divorce. I have many friends who have been married more than once. Possibly because I know a lot of "career women". I have a few friends who are in long-term marriages. They are regarded with awe and respect by the rest of us.

Some enterprising soul should do a survey on this website, as to how often people have been married and/or divorced.

[DougB]

Women are finding out what jerks we men are

My wife knew what a jerk I was and married me anyway.

[T-325]

My marriage is my most important investment...ever. Takes time, effort and thoughtfullness. But what a great life...

[Madelaine Amee]

The study did mention that women who have been through a previous divorce are more likely to seek another divorce. I have many friends who have been married more than once. Possibly because I know a lot of "career women". I have a few friends who are in long-term marriages. They are regarded with awe and respect by the rest of us. Some enterprising soul should do a survey on this website, as to how often people have been married and/or divorced.

Being a Career Woman is very hard on a marriage, but you cannot educate a woman and then tell her to sit home and raise children like a good little girl. I backed my husband all the way when he was climbing the ladder and I expected the same from him when it was my turn. It was a lot more difficult for him to take on the mantle of "Mr. Madelaine Aimee" than it was for me to become "Mrs. Other Half" because I had been at home for years when the children needed me to be there. We managed to make it work, but we had many times when it was touch and go. He traveled from Sunday evening until the following Friday for years; when I was promoted into a position requiring travel he thought the end of the world was coming, but we made it work - kicking and screaming, but we made it work.

[graciegirl]

Being a Career Woman is very hard on a marriage, but you cannot educate a woman and then tell her to sit home and raise children like a good little girl. I backed my husband all the way when he was climbing the ladder and I expected the same from him when it was my turn. It was a lot more difficult for him to take on the mantle of "Mr. Madelaine Aimee" than it was for me to become "Mrs. Other Half" because I had been at home for years when the children needed me to be there. We managed to make it work, but we had many times when it was touch and go. He traveled from Sunday evening until the following Friday for years; when I was promoted into a position requiring travel he thought the end of the world was coming, but we made it work - kicking and screaming, but we made it work.

I understand and truly am glad it worked. Marriage is a growing thing and Sweetie has been married to several women...all ME and I have been married to several men, all HIM. We ALL grow and change and hope that both can celebrate the changes. Not an easy thing sometime. I am so proud of the man he is, he was, he dreamed to be.

I too stayed and ran the house in the early years when he was flying all around. I taught school and then had another career in business in my later years. I think my early persona was softer and the older one more savvy. But he still smiles at me.

[asianthree]

i am a one and done...

[billethkid]

all the statistics show is that 20 years later more of the new generation thinking/allowing/permitting/values/what ever is staring to show.

I am not saying good/bad/or indifferent......just a reflection of change in attitudes and life styles.....nothing more....nothing less.

btk

[manaboutown]

An older attorney I know does a lot of estate planning work. What he told me is he has married couples in their mid seventies to nineties come in wanting estate plans created or modified. Their concern is that their money will end up in the hands of their adult children's spouses because they do not trust that their adult children will remain married. Many of these elderly couples can't stand each other. They speak to each other only as necessary, sleep in separate bedrooms, live in different sections of their houses or in separate houses - yet they remain married. They do realize their children are not the same. They will divorce and move on rather than suffer for years and years through miserable marriages.

It seems to me it is a matter of values and what is important to a person. Of course if a person is happily married no problem - and congratulations!. But if one is not, should one remain in an unhappy, difficult or even abusive marriage or should one untie the knot and move on to a hopefully happier life?

[Golfingnut]

You know, I hate to agree with this post, but there are so many women I have known whose marriages have broken down due to the selfishness of the spouse; i.e. going out when there are young children to be cared for, going golfing every weekend when the children are young, going out with the guys, staying too long at the golf club and coming home in the bag - and on and on.

The marriage has survived until the children are grown and the woman goes back to work, then it is irretrievably broken and they just drift apart.

I am one of the lucky ones, have a great guy and I intend to keep him whether he likes it or not.

Years ago women would tolerate almost anything men could dish out. Not so much any more. In MY opinion, most divorces are due to a man doing something stupid.

[Golfingnut]

On the way to Ocala we pass 2 billboards advertising simple divorce, no attorneys, $199. That's why there are so many divorces. It's too easy to get one.

It should be even easier, if you have to constantly have to work at it, you do not have a loving relationship.

[Duvalboomer]

Years ago women would tolerate almost anything men could dish out. Not so much any more. In MY opinion, most divorces are due to a man doing something stupid.

I don't know about that, I've seen plenty of women and men do things that were stupid.

[manaboutown]

Years ago women would tolerate almost anything men could dish out. Not so much any more. In MY opinion, most divorces are due to a man doing something stupid.

What is with the male bashing?

I have been a once divorced single for almost twenty years now, a veritable veteran of life in the post divorce trenches. I am quite sociable and know and have met many, many divorced people, both men and women, from their forties into their seventies. I have listened to their stories and observed their behavior. Based on what I have seen, heard and experienced "fault" is about 50-50. Both men and women do stupid things, not that stupid acts are the sole bases for divorce. It is almost always far more complicated than that.

I believe more divorces are initiated by women than by men because relationships are more important to them. Most men are OK with an OK marriage. IMHO most women want more than just OK in a marriage.

[Schaumburger]

My parents had a very traditional 1950's marriage. They were married from 1957 to 1997 when my mom passed away. Dad worked; mom was a housewife. I do agree that most people of their generation did take the "till death do us part" vow more seriously than my generation did/does. And my father was definitely the decision maker and paid the bills (although he always consulted my mom). I have been supporting myself for so long now, I could not imagine asking a husband for "permission" to buy something as my mom thought she had to ask permission from my dad before she bought something. Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad, but "Father Knows Best" could have been filmed at my parents' home.

A few years before my mom passed away, I called her around 5:30. She said, "I can't talk now, your father expects his dinner at 6:00." I asked her if the kitchen was going to vaporize and disappear if dinner was not on the table at 6:00. My generation just takes a different view of marriage and the roles of men and women...

[Penguin]

Women are finding out what jerks we men are

Speak for yourself

[PaPaLarry]

My life has been just paradise. 38 wonderful yrs with the one I married, (before she passed) and now I have another sweetheart, that I'm blessed to have found! Plus, living in The Villages. Couldn't ask for any better.

[manaboutown]

My parents had a very traditional 1950's marriage. They were married from 1957 to 1997 when my mom passed away. Dad worked; mom was a housewife. I do agree that most people of their generation did take the "till death do us part" vow more seriously than my generation did/does. And my father was definitely the decision maker and paid the bills (although he always consulted my mom). I have been supporting myself for so long now, I could not imagine asking a husband for "permission" to buy something as my mom thought she had to ask permission from my dad before she bought something. Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad, but "Father Knows Best" could have been filmed at my parents' home.

A few years before my mom passed away, I called her around 5:30. She said, "I can't talk now, your father expects his dinner at 6:00." I asked her if the kitchen was going to vaporize and disappear if dinner was not on the table at 6:00. My generation just takes a different view of marriage and the roles of men and women...

It seems to me your father was doing his job and your mom was doing hers. He went to work, probably on time or he could not have kept his job, worked hard all day long, and returned home on time rather than hit the bars with the boys. She wanted to have his dinner prepared and ready for him on time when he arrived home tired and hungry. They were probably a loving couple sharing the work load as they saw fit. That is how my parents did it, too.

[Golfingnut]

What is with the male bashing?

I have been a once divorced single for almost twenty years now, a veritable veteran of life in the post divorce trenches. I am quite sociable and know and have met many, many divorced people, both men and women, from their forties into their seventies. I have listened to their stories and observed their behavior. Based on what I have seen, heard and experienced "fault" is about 50-50. Both men and women do stupid things, not that stupid acts are the sole bases for divorce. It is almost always far more complicated than that.

I believe more divorces are initiated by women than by men because relationships are more important to them. Most men are OK with an OK marriage. IMHO most women want more than just OK in a marriage.

I would put it at 95 to 5 with men doing the stupid at 95% of the time. 50/50!!! Are you kidding me?

[Golfingnut]

It seems to me your father was doing his job and your mom was doing hers. He went to work, probably on time or he could not have kept his job, worked hard all day long, and returned home on time rather than hit the bars with the boys. She wanted to have his dinner prepared and ready for him on time when he arrived home tired and hungry. They were probably a loving couple sharing the work load as they saw fit. That is how my parents did it, too.

As I said before, women won't tolerate the servant mentality of the past. I have a wife that is my equal in all decisions for 44 years. We raised two daughters to see life the same way. Unfortunately, there are still too many males that feel they MUST have the final word on everything.

[vj1213]

Too easy to get divorced and socially acceptable, almost expected. Commitment and ability to persevere through the hard times are really important.

I have to agree with this post...but I would like to add "viagra" was my first thought! :shocked:

[manaboutown]

I have to agree with this post...but I would like to add "viagra" was my first thought! :shocked:

I heard Hugh Hefner was delighted when viagra came out. It appears it keeps him going strong, at least for his age.

[patfla06]

Two things I've found are:
1. If you fight all the time and
2. You bring out the worst in each other
Means you are with the wrong person.

I've been blessed to be married to a wonderful guy
For 31 years.
We are partners in every sense of the word.

Life is too short not to be with someone who you
enjoy being with!

[patfla06]

[quote=manaboutown;705109]I heard Hugh Hefner was delighted when viagra came out. It appears it keeps him going strong, at least for his

Hefner running around with women young enough to be his
GRANDDAUGHTERS is just creepy.

[Schaumburger]

[quote=manaboutown;705109]I heard Hugh Hefner was delighted when viagra came out. It appears it keeps him going strong, at least for his

Hefner running around with women young enough to be his
GRANDDAUGHTERS is just creepy.

Hugh Hefner is 87; his current wife, Crystal Harris, is 27 - yes, a 60 year age difference, and that is creepy. He loves arm candy; she loves his wallet, so I guess they are "in love".

Actor James Woods, 66, is dating a 20 year old -- only a 46 year age difference. That is another creepy relationship. Just my 2 cents.

[Uptown Girl]

First let me say that anyone who thinks divorce is 'too easy' hasn't been there.
Most often, events of divorce are a long and heartbreaking experience- with tough decisions and long term residual effects.

When two people decide to marry, they have (in the best case scenario) chosen someone that they can focus love upon. They do this because they believe in having that 'other' and focusing that love, they will feel good.
So they start out holding that 'other' in very high regard and the other is a significant priority.
In a successful relationship, the couple hold mutual goals and are in harmony with those goals (or desires) even as those goals evolve.

Sometimes, one or the other has desires that manifest, that are not in harmony with what their designated partner wants. There are two choices if they remain together. One can tolerate the differences ( which usually doesn't work well in the long term) or one can allow the differences, be calm in heart and still see enough mutual desires to make the union harmonious.



If the differences become far greater than the co-creating, there is not much one can do without denying their basic desires. You can not successfully convince another to give up their desires because YOU want it that way.
People divorce, or stay together for many reasons- but it all boils down to what they deem is necessary to their happiness and/or sustenance... and those things are the elixir of life. Whatever THAT representational elixir is, is individual to each one and is subject to evolving.

[manaboutown]

Divorce is a terrible experience and should only be a last resort. It affects not only the couple, but their children, their siblings, parents, friendships, almost everything in their lives. Thank God I have only had to go through it once.

[Uptown Girl]

Divorce is sometimes the appropriate thing to do. Sometimes circumstances are such that divorce must be implemented sooner rather than later. Each situation is individual and no one can give blanket advice to cover every scenario.

Statistics on 'over age 50' divorces do not provide an indicator as to length of marriage; "aged 50 or over couples" may have been married for a long or short time.

As it is, it's probably 50/50 as to how long couples of this age group have been together.

It is curious to me why age needs to be tallied- as if being 'over 50' makes a difference somehow in what people find fulfilling and/or necessary to a relationship.