I Found My Cousin

[mommieswamie]

I would like to share a beautiful life-altering experience that has happened to me in the last two weeks. This was an experience that could have gone either way, but it went the perfect way and turned out to be beyond description.

I found my cousin. Now you might think that is a small accomplishment, but it was a big one. I had only one full blood first cousin on my father's side of the family, but the strange thing was that I did not even know that she existed until I was an adult and then I heard her mentioned only once. I knew my uncle quite well and knew his second wife whom I call my aunt, but knew nothing of a first wife and a daughter, as my uncle had been a terrible father to her and had deserted them both.

Several years ago, in spite of knowing quite a lot about both sides of my family for many generations back, I decided to do further research and begin to really look for my first cousin. Even though I am a retired reference librarian with quite a lot of research skills up my sleeve, I could not find my cousin beyond high school even though she was born 15 years before me.

Last week, I found her and with great fear and apprehension, not knowing how I would be received, I decided to call her. Amazingly, she answered the phone herself. I proceeded to identify myself, apologized profusely if this was an intrusion, managed to get out a few more words, then waited for a reaction. After a moment of stunned silence, she knew who my father was as her mother had mentioned my father, but she had no idea that my sister and I even existed. Within a minute, the first thing she said was that it was not an intrusion at all, she was so happy to have been found as she thought she was "alone". No other cousins, no husband, one daughter, no grandchildren. I immediately told her that she was absolutely not alone, that I had been looking for her for several years, and was so happy to find her. We talked for an hour. She asked about our grandfather and grandmother. She asked for pictures of her father. We bonded on every level and it ended with her saying that we will keep in touch for the rest of our lives. A few days later, I decided to call again, as she had asked for pictures and I wanted to talk about the pictures. I think I also wanted to be sure that she was still receptive to my just appearing in her life completely unannounced. The conversation was just as warm as before. She asked about my children, one of whom lives a hour from her. When she found this, the delight in her voice was so evident. She wants to meet him and we made tentative plans for this to happen.

Now for those of you who might be thinking - hmm, of course, here is a poor lonely old lady - who wouldn't be glad to have a whole set of new younger cousins show up - let me fill you in a bit on what I know of her life. She married well and she married famous, surrounded by more famous, but by me finding her, I filled a void as I always wondered about the child abandoned by my uncle, and by her allowing me in when she did not even know I existed, she is now not alone. She has close family when she thought she was alone.

I have been looking for her for a very long time and last week I found her. I am 70 and she is 85 and it was not too late. Words cannot express what I feel to have found the lost and abandoned and welcomed her back into the family.

[kittygilchrist]

thank you for a breath of fresh air and a touching story articulately told. I'm happy for both of you and am sharing in the feeling of love for a new family member that you express. Clearly you have a great heart to share..
The Lord works in mysterious ways his wonders to perform.
Kitty

[missypie]

Beautiful story to start the day. Thank you for sharing.:BigApplause:

[jblum315]

Great story. I have been searching for cousins but no luck so far. But I did find a college roommate and that has been a great joy for both of us

[Yankee Quilter]

Enjoy ever minute! Wonderful.

[quirky3]

Wow! What a great story! Sometimes I think people would benefit so much from re-invent their dreams every now and then - and you've done that!

[RETIREDSFW]

Thank you for sharing your story. I just found my half-sister. My father was married before he married my mother. He had one child who he never supported. Two weeks ago, thanks to ancestry.com and findagrave.com, i find the last name of his first wife with a short obit that gave me my half-sister's married name. She grew up in norfolk, va & i was in portsmouth, va. I called her & we talked for a long time. My siblings & i will be meeting with her on july 27 which is her birthday. We are all excited about this. She will be 75 & i am 68. My friends laugh when i say i spend my day looking for dead people, but sometimes you find a live one.

[Schaumburger]

I love the posts about people finding family members after months or years of searching!

[ilovetv]

This is absolutely wonderful. Many blessings to you both!

[ewstanley]

What a great story.

[kittygilchrist]

I'm just bumping in case anybody needed this that overlooked it.
god bless you,
Kitty

[janieb]

How wonderful that you were able to locate a long lost cousin and also a half sister. When I first signed up for Facebook a few years ago, I was able to find some cousins in Washington that I had not had contact with for almost 50 years. Since then my sister and I have gone up there twice to see them and we were also able to connect with a couple more. We would also love to someday to locate a half-brother who was put up for adoption when he was a little over 1 year old but his name would have changed so we really would not know how to find him.

[mommieswamie]

Thank you for sharing your story. I just found my half-sister. My father was married before he married my mother. He had one child who he never supported. Two weeks ago, thanks to ancestry.com and findagrave.com, i find the last name of his first wife with a short obit that gave me my half-sister's married name. She grew up in norfolk, va & i was in portsmouth, va. I called her & we talked for a long time. My siblings & i will be meeting with her on july 27 which is her birthday. We are all excited about this. She will be 75 & i am 68. My friends laugh when i say i spend my day looking for dead people, but sometimes you find a live one.

I never dreamed that my simple, but oh so happy, story would elicit such responses. I am still basking in the happy satisfaction of having found my cousin and to be able to welcome her to her father's side of the family and to let her know that she is loved by all of us - people that she did not even know existed.

I am also so very happy for you to have found your half-sister. What a joy that must be. I love ancestry.com and findagrave.com, but do you know about familysearch.org and genealogybank.com. Genealogybank especially has so many wonderful newspapers that are indexed. I am highjacking my own thread by getting into this, but genealogybank was not only helpful in finding my cousin, but I have also read first hand accounts of my uncle being shot down in the South Sea Islands, hiding out for 6 weeks, then returning to this country and calling my grandfather only to find out that he had been reported missing and presumed dead all that time. I can only imagine my grandfather's shock at that phone call.

I am so so happy to have found my cousin before it was too late, just as I am so happy for you to have found your half-sister. July 27 will certainly be a very happy day for all of you. Please let us know how it goes.

[senior citizen]

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[LatDoc]

Sweet story...thanks for sharing.
Now for my tale....got into Ancestry.com last year.
Found out my mother's mother....who I know very well (I thought)...had nine sibs.
I only knew one...Uncle Jim. Never heard of the others but will try and find out more in time.
Point is...I so wish I had asked more questions when she was alive.....not sure she would have told the truth but I never asked...and of course now she is gone.
There were lots of secrets back then...for many reasons....mostly the depression and families with lots of kids that got scattered about or died.
I don't even know how my parents met....there should be a list of questions we ask our parents and grandparents....in fact I'll google the subject as see what is out there. I'll bet back to you on this.

[coconutmama]

So nice to have positive stories these days. Enjoy the relationship.

[senior citizen]

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[marianne237]

Thank you for such a warm and thoughtful post. It just made my morning to read this. Of course, I'm considered the family historian since my folks have passed and just last week got another request for info on the family from a cousin back north.

Have toyed with the idea of getting into the research involved and your sharing a beautiful story with us has given me inspiration. Thank you. And may your meeting with your cousin be a shared blessing.

[RETIREDSFW]

I am now back home after a week trip to north carolina & virginia. My sisters & brother met our half-sister, joan, her daughter, two granddaughters & great grandson on her 75th birthday. We had a nice 3 hour lunch. On 7-28 we all attended a family reunion on my father's side.
On 7-30 we had lunch with 4 of our grammar school friends who we hadn't seen in 50+ years. On 7-31 i had lunch with 3 high school friends. It was a packed week of reunions & visiting new family & old friends. Fun, but i was real glad to get back home. Note to self "next time don't drive, southwest flies to norfolk every day"
thank everyone for your thoughts. Keep searching for those missing relatives. There are so many free computer programs that can help you.

[babbs455]

What a beautiful story so glad you took the leap to find her, you probably made her very happy. I search and reunite adoptee's with their biological parents and vice versa,, I have been a search angel for the better part of 15 years now changing peoples lives forever. For those of you who do not know what a search angels is...We are people who reunite people for FREE...no charge no fee just helping others attain a piece of their heart and soul that is lost to them, filling that void that they seek to heal and close. It's a wonderful feeling when you can change someones life forever. Enjoy your family and hey if any of you out here are looking for someone give me a holler...perhaps I can help you with your search as well..

[senior citizen]

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[Bill Tasker]

A great story.....unfortunately these searches don't always end happily ever-after. From personal experience. A whispered secret within my family suggested that our father was not my father. Instead I was a product of an affair. I was the last of eight children and when my oldest sister suddenly passed away, I decided to search for the truth. My mother was in complete denial so all I had to go on was rumor and a possible name. After much searching, I found my biological father and as it turns out I am his only biological child. He was married and he and his wife had adopted a daughter. Our initial meeting was congenial. He told me that my mother was the only woman he had ever truly loved. He was much younger than her and couldn’t take on eight kids so he moved on. He seemed to have overwhelming guilt and despite our attempts, we were never able to make a lasting connection and went back to being strangers. My parents and he have since passed on.

[nannyo]

I, too, LOVE Ancestry.com. Last night I was working on my daughter-in-law's family. Starting with her maternal grandmother's father, I was able to go back SIX generations -- in one night! And I feel pretty confindent in the accuracy of what I found, though I'm going to check it over again very carefully.

BUT -- please be very careful before adding relatives from anyone else's Ancestry family Tree onto yours. There are MANY people on Ancestry who have done research only online and don't really know what they're doing. It's very easy to go off on a wrong tangent and not even realize it. Verify! Verify! Verify! Find reliable resource for each and every fact.

For instance, on an Ancestry Profile of an individual it shows "sources" for Birth. They use census records which "prove" nothing. The best of the censuses is 1900 which gives the month and year of birth - but just as it is reported (by someone) to the Enumerator. It may not be accurate. And even if it is, there's no verification of who the parents are, and on and on.

Just be thoughtful and careful. There 's a genealogical rule or guideline that warns you to find three sources (if possible) for every fact.

Having listed all these warnings (and there are more), there has never been a genealogical source as rich as Ancestry and all the records it has and is adding every day. Find A Grave is also a perfect gem. There are 103 million records on it now and another million added every few weeks. There are also some very interestin, historic and even funny entries. Take time to just sit and browse on it. Don't forget to add YOUR ancestors - the ones you're sure of.

Sorry for going on so. Enough.

[senior citizen]

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[mommieswamie]

Indeed, I know that these stories do not always have a good ending. I had absolutely no idea how I would be received when I dialed that phone, but I took a leap of faith and I was blessed. My cousin and I have talked by phone numerous times since that first time. I have sent her pictures of me and my family and her pictures arrived today. She had said she was sending her entire scrapbook and that maybe I would know who some of these people were. I was expecting faded old photographs that maybe she had wondered if they were her fathers family. Wow what I got was loads of photographs of my cousin with people that I did indeed know FAMOUS people. I called her immediately. We had a laugh at what I had been expecting and what I actually got. I am going with two children and two grandchildren to visit in Oct. She said again today that she thought she did not have a relative in the world. I cried once again and told her that I had been wondering about her and looking for her for 40 years. We are both truly blessed and my family is so excited. She is 85. I am so glad I found her before it was too late

I am very happy that this thread has continued. Some stories are happy and some are not but overall I hope this has been positive for all

[mommieswamie]

What a beautiful story so glad you took the leap to find her, you probably made her very happy. I search and reunite adoptee's with their biological parents and vice versa,, I have been a search angel for the better part of 15 years now changing peoples lives forever. For those of you who do not know what a search angels is...We are people who reunite people for FREE...no charge no fee just helping others attain a piece of their heart and soul that is lost to them, filling that void that they seek to heal and close. It's a wonderful feeling when you can change someones life forever. Enjoy your family and hey if any of you out here are looking for someone give me a holler...perhaps I can help you with your search as well..

What is a search angel and how do we get more information? What a wonderful thing to do.

[senior citizen]

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[Bill Tasker]

So many many families do harbor secrets and it is a shock, to say the very least, when one finds out the truth..........you'll always wonder what it might have been like to form a bond with your biological dad, but just remember that was the generation that did keep secrets and didn't let "it all hang out" like the younger folks do today........he was a product of his environment at the time, just as your mom was........

If it is any comfort , all families have secrets. I've found this out while doing the genealogy research. The funny thing is that one segment of a family may well know about it........while another part of the family unit never did know about it..........these are families that lived in the same town. Many of the oldtimers just DID NOT TALK ABOUT PRIVATE MATTERS. They kept mum.

You can look at it this way.....he gave you life and you are here today.

I found out at age 19, one month before I turned 20 and was about to be married.......that my older brother was my "half brother"; his dad had deserted my mom during the Great Depression, saying that he was going to Florida to find work. He never returned. I've tried to locate his whereabouts, however, his name was such a common name, first and last, that there were a zillions with his name.........all born in Massachusetts and all died in Florida.........so like looking for a needle in a haystack.
The man is long deceased.

My older brother was surprised that my mom had never told us....meaning myself and my younger brother. My half brother and I were 11 years age difference. He was out of the house and in the Army in Korea when I was still a kid.......
My dad never mentioned it either..........and treated my elder brother like his own.

I could write a book on all the family dynamics in my husband's family.
You find out a lot when you start interviewing the various family groups.

Just realize you are not alone...........people just didn't speak of such things back then........I don't think your mom was in denial. She knew what happened.....just like my mom did. However, she didn't want to open up a can of worms.....I'm guessing.

How did I find out you might wonder? My sister in law to be, was writing out invitations to my shower and called my mom to ask for my brother's wife's name and address............she called my sister in law, "Mrs. G" using my maiden name/surname........assuming that was my brother's last name. My mom had to tell her....that it was "Mrs. R"........his surname was a common man's last name..........so it never dawned on me as a kid.
His first name and last name to me sounded like one full guy's name.

P.S. I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING ELSE...........while my sister in law was phoning my mom, my fiancé and I were at my brother's home looking at his photo albums from Korea and had seen his NAME on his uniform...........my Polock husband says, "Did you have a hard time legally changing your name from G to R?" My bro said, "that is my legal name"....it isn't "G".......all of this happened within 24 hours of each other..............so it was quite a whirlwind of feelings before the wedding. I was kind of in shock.

Two years ago a priest from my grandmother's eastern rite church (Greek Catholic) whom I'd been asking for any records of a marriage between my older brother's dad and my mom in 1933, etc.......and who at first was non committal, apparently had second thoughts and I received two years ago the "divorce papers, based on "desertion" from the New Jersey Hall of Records.......listing my older brother's father and my mother. Now, back in those days divorce was taboo and not as accepted as it is today. Especially when ten years later she was going to my dad, a Roman Catholic. This is why they all kept secrets................nowadays, it's all out in the open. When my husband had his jewelry store, people would come in with a slew of children and ask for a ring for their "fiancé"......they had the kids first and then got married.
So, today that is acceptable. Back in the 1930's and '40s it was scandalous........even if it was not my mom's fault that she was deserted during the Great Depression. The divorce papers did give the reason as desertion and she was granted a divorce. But up until then, I had all kinds of wondering.........even though she finally told me the truth after I had my first baby.

Thanks for your post. You are so right about the time in which they lived. I have come to terms with all of it. However, for my siblings it's a diferent story. They can't seem to let it go. They blame her, they resent me and it's caused a lot of friction between us all over the years. I know our mother had a rough life with our dad and if she found a moment of happiness with someone else, well God bless her. It happens.

[graciegirl]

Thanks for your post. You are so right about the time in which they lived. I have come to terms with all of it. However, for my siblings it's a diferent story. They can't seem to let it go. They blame her, they resent me and it's caused a lot of friction between us all over the years. I know our mother had a rough life with our dad and if she found a moment of happiness with someone else, well God bless her. It happens.

You are wise to look at it like that. Not all of us have story book families or happy beginnings. I hope we all have enjoyable years here together in lower Paradise.

[mommieswamie]

You are wise to look at it like that. Not all of us have story book families or happy beginnings. I hope we all have enjoyable years here together in lower Paradise.

I guess it is time for the rest of the story. Indeed, I found my cousin after knowing and wondering about her for 40 years, but at the same time, I also found out what my uncle did in addition to deserting her and her mother. I have shared it with my cousin and we both are trying to come to grips with a dark family secret.

Several years after deserting her and several years before I was born, he embezzled money from the large brokerage firm where he was a broker. A warrant was issued for his arrest, but he boarded a train from one city to the city of his birth and managed to escape the waiting US Marshalls. He then hid in Shanghai China for 8 months until he was found, arrested and returned to this country for trial and jail. As our family was "socially prominent" according to the newspapers and we counted many well known legal figures in our lineage, this was international news. I discovered AP photos and coverage of this in all the national newspapers of the time. US Marshalls were watching ships manifests when he disappeared and it was a big national scandal for a year or longer. There were many newspaper photos of my uncle, always smiling, in the company of officials. My father who was the most honorable person ever spent his life protecting me and my sister from this. I always knew there was something unspoken about my uncle. I discovered all of this the same day that I found my cousin. We have talked and shared all this which was news to both of us and have decided to just look forward and be happy in having each other.

We suffered a lot of shame, loss and sorrow. She, the loss of her father and me, the shock of finding out that the uncle I adored was guilty of such a crime. I can only imagine what my grandparents and my father must have experienced while my uncle was hiding in China.

No we absolutely do not all have storybook families, but this is one really big happy ending to years of loss.

[babbs455]

What is a search angel and how do we get more information? What a wonderful thing to do.

A search angel is a person who helps others search for their biological child that they placed up for adoption..or the child searching for their bio parents.
We do it for free..I am the owner of a search and support group on yahoo groups called
Soaring Angels
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SoaringAngels/

[Bambi]

I have enjoyed doing genealogy for several years and use Ancestry as well as other family history sites. Last year I submitted a DNA sample to Ancestry and was surprised to learn the results. My genetic makeup did not match the nationality that I thought that my ancestors were. Ancestry.com also sends matches of other people that have submitted DNA. I have been matched to about four "close cousins" at 97 percent accuracy. One cousin's surname matched that of my great great grandfather. We met last summer while I was on vacation. It was very interesting.
DNA matches are now being used by adoptees searching for biological relatives with some success. The prices of the tests are now reasonable. My "cousin" received the test as a Christmas present from his daughter.
The Villages Genealogy Society has a special interest group that meets this Friday and focuses on DNA testing.

[lilgrnmonster]

Thank you for sharing your story. I just found my half-sister. My father was married before he married my mother. He had one child who he never supported. Two weeks ago, thanks to ancestry.com and findagrave.com, i find the last name of his first wife with a short obit that gave me my half-sister's married name. She grew up in norfolk, va & i was in portsmouth, va. I called her & we talked for a long time. My siblings & i will be meeting with her on july 27 which is her birthday. We are all excited about this. She will be 75 & i am 68. My friends laugh when i say i spend my day looking for dead people, but sometimes you find a live one.

were you adopted ?