how did you children react to your moving

[stroglass]

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision :rant-rave:

[graciegirl]

I think it made our older daughter sad for awhile and our almost adult grandchildren, but we said to them, we are close to seventy, if we don't do it NOW, when will we do it? We would like to go where we can be busy and involved and be with our peers. You are working and going to school and we hate to leave you but our home will always be your home too.

It was very HARD to see their sadness, very hard and almost a deal breaker.

I think with Skype it is a little easier.

They just love you, but need to love you a little harder now and a little more unselfishly.

[Avista]

Our. children were thrilled for us!

[Jayhawk]

Our. children were thrilled for us!

Same here. All it took was one visit for our youngest to see what a wonderful place it is. Both of our daughters (27 and 30, and married living their own lives) are very happy for us. We're not there yet (but will be starting in January), and we talk about it with them frequently. They even hum the Villages jingle from the promo video. :pepper2:

[CFrance]

One son is living in Australia, so he's used to only seeing us once or twice a year. The other one is in Grand Rapids, an hour from where we lived in MI. No grandchildren, so no accusations of "abandoning the children." Frankly, the GR kids are so busy with their work, we talked on the phone more than we saw them. (Birthdays, holidays and Sunday lunches.) They were sad to see us leave but understood we wanted to get out of the cold and have activities.

I think it was harder for us to leave our son and DIL. Your daughter will come around. She can't give you the silent treatment forever. Kids need to push you away and go off and have their own lives, but they want you to stay put and be their security blanket. Hang in there!

[asianthree]

both boys are out of state...our daugher and only grandkids are 5 minutes away...when my husband come's part time they will be 18, 15, and 12.. i will be her for 5 more years so by then it will have settled in and ok with the move..doing the move in stages helps

[ilovetv]

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision :rant-rave:

What is wrong with living where one wants to live?

It's a free country! Many people have fought and died for the freedom to choose where to live.

[Happinow]

It makes me sad to hear that your relationship is tainted by this move. Was your daughter dependent on you for things while you were there, for instance babysitting grandchildren? Did she visit you frequently and did you live close to her? These may be some reasons she is angry about your move.

You can tell her that now she has a beautiful place to visit and vacation. I will bet once she sees how happy you are here then her attitude will change. This is a big adjustment for everyone. Please give it some time and try to talk to your daughter. Once she gets use to you being here she will come around.

My mom was hurt that I moved (I lived close and she is 86) but she is use to it now and comes once a year to visit. Would she like to have me back home...yes she would, but she has always said you gotta live your life because you never know when the last day is here and life is too short. Best of luck to you!

[sharoni]

My husband and I bought in April, came down for a couple weeks in July and have been down this time for a couple months, leaving December 1st. We have been married only 2 years. He is from Florida and I am from Michigan. We are lucky enough to split our time between the two states. The one thing I always say in cases like this is that your children don't hesitate moving from their parents. Not for one second! Why then, do they hate it when we do the same?

[ConnecticutYankee]

Kids need to push you away and go off and have their own lives, but they want you to stay put and be their security blanket. Hang in there!

My daughter did't speak to me for 3 months. She hasn't been here yet, and shows no interest in coming down. My son and daughter-in-law drove me down and they love it! They are both 50 and would move here in a minute. I think the quote above explains my daughter's reaction! She said I was abandoning my grandchildren……who are now 14, 16, 18 and 20! They all have their own lives and are too busy to call/text/skype Grandma!!

She's no longer angry and accepts my move. We talk all the time. If she ever comes down, I know she will see why I made the move. My health has improved and I am happier than I have been in a long time. I LOVE THE VILLAGES!!!

[doyle31]

Our daughter (34 at the time) came to TV for a visit and she wanted to retire too. The other three kids fell into line...

[Steve & Deanna]

I think it made our older daughter sad for awhile and our almost adult grandchildren, but we said to them, we are close to seventy, if we don't do it NOW, when will we do it? We would like to go where we can be busy and involved and be with our peers. You are working and going to school and we hate to leave you but our home will always be your home too.

It was very HARD to see their sadness, very hard and almost a deal breaker.

I think with Skype it is a little easier.

They just love you, but need to love you a little harder now and a little more unselfishly.

Exactly what Deanna had said just before we bought....if not know...when???
Our grandchildren (20,18,14) are just too busy for Grandma and Papa. We're fortunate enough to own two homes however 'dark and dreary' is the norm up north right now and Christmas cannot come soon enough. Our daughter has come to TV once. She's the oldest child but yet has come to grips with reality and mortality. Our son, who does realize the aforementioned, helped us make the decision when he visited and asked us what we were still doing up in VT. The big move has yet to be made.

[memason]

The first time our [only child] Son visited, he told the Grandkids that when Grandma and Grandpa are gone, this will be their vacation home.

He gets it & loves it here! ha ha ha

[ilovetv]

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision :rant-rave:

Refusing to speak says "stay away". But yet the person wants you to come to their terms and conditions. Not a good way of accomplishing unity and harmony.

Sounds like a control thing. Wait and let her come to you, not the other way around. She'll come around.

It's your life.

[Cobh521]

We moved to TV 9 months ago. We have 5 children. Our two sons and two daughters are very happy with our decision and are looking forward to visiting. Our oldest daughter has not talked to us since January when our house went under agreement. We constantly called her and will not answer the phone or return our calls. Before we left we took everyone out to dinner to say goodbye. She did not come. When we left the next morning at 6:00 am, she called and yelled at my husband about not being invited to the dinner. He replied that he left 14 messages and called her everyday for a month. She told us to have a good life without her where ever we go. We have not heard from her since and she still does not answer the phone. Our youngest, who is in college has been trying to communicate with her through Facebook. She reads the messages but never replies. We just keep her in our prayers and hopes that she makes a decision to come back and be part of the family

[zonerboy]

When your children are children, your life belongs to them. Once they are grown, you life becomes your own once again. That's the way it works. Period.
Don't let yourself be manipulated by the selfish and passive-aggressive behavior of others.

[Peachie]

We moved to TV 9 months ago. We have 5 children. Our two sons and two daughters are very happy with our decision and are looking forward to visiting. Our oldest daughter has not talked to us since January when our house went under agreement. We constantly called her and will not answer the phone or return our calls. Before we left we took everyone out to dinner to say goodbye. She did not come. When we left the next morning at 6:00 am, she called and yelled at my husband about not being invited to the dinner. He replied that he left 14 messages and called her everyday for a month. She told us to have a good life without her where ever we go. We have not heard from her since and she still does not answer the phone. Our youngest, who is in college has been trying to communicate with her through Facebook. She reads the messages but never replies. We just keep her in our prayers and hopes that she makes a decision to come back and be part of the family

The behavior your oldest daughter is exhibiting maybe be more than her parents moving to another state, does she struggle in other areas? Mental health issues may be undermining her ability to reach out to you.

[travelguy]

If your child is not speaking to you because you moved to TV, then there is more to it than just geography. Perhaps a lack of maturity on her part. When I asked our children if they minded that we were moving, they were surprised that we would ask that question. I would not dis-suade them from relocating any more than they would do the same to us.

[Matt and Gail]

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision :rant-rave:

Thats why we didn't tell them! They still don't know we are gone and its been 2 years :o

[CFrance]

Thats why we didn't tell them! They still don't know we are gone and its been 2 years :o

Ha ha! That's what my husband tells people... We moved and didn't leave a forwarding address!! :shrug:

[Bizdoc]

If I had a child who said that they would not speak to me because I moved, I would simply send them a copy of my new will which removed them from an inheriting.

[patfla06]

We have an only child. When we began seriously looking we called him to tell him.

Was he upset? Yes! We moved him to Tampa when he was 13, his
new wife's family lives right up the road.
When he comes home from N.Y. his room is still intact and his life
here is the same.

He has since been up to T.V. And can now see why we love it so much.
He is having a hard time because HIS life won't be as easy and he
LOVES our Tampa house.
But he does realize we need to live our own lives and make our own choices.

It's always hard to be the one left. Your Parents are a comfort and
support system - no matter how old you get.

I wish you luck and hope your Daughter comes around!

[patfla06]

When your children are children, your life belongs to them. Once they are grown, you life becomes your own once again. That's the way it works. Period.
Don't let yourself be manipulated by the selfish and passive-aggressive behavior of others.

Well said!

[LorasBetty]

We moved here in June. After reading some of the sad and/or negative reactions of adult children when told about moving to The Villages, I feel very fortunate that our children's reactions were absolutely positive. Our children and grandchildren were all at least five hours from our "up north" home so we didn't see them as often as we would have liked anyway.

Our daughters visited us here in The Villages about a month ago to see for themselves what made mom and dad do something so spontaneous and uncharacteristic. They fell in love with our new home and The Villages just as we did. The older grandchildren asked their parents for cash for Christmas so they could visit grandma and grandpa.

Our son and his family are coming at Christmas time and can't wait to see and experience our new life.

I hope everything works out for you. Moving is stressful enough even with supportive children.

[gomsiepop]

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision :rant-rave:

My husband and I have two sons and two daughters. Our oldest daughter refused to speak to me for a few months prior to our moving. It was so hard for me but the die was cast. Our home up North was sold and it was time for us to move. I became extremely depressed and second guessed myself asking my husband what could I have done. The truth is my relationship with my daughter was always difficult and this was just another reason for her to feel I was abandoning her. I have three grandchildren from this daughter so her life is very busy. A year has passed and we are on speaking terms. She has visited with the family twice since I've been here and each time she visits has been difficult. The quality of my life and my husband's life is greatly improved and if I had to do it over again I would still make the same decision.

[renielarson]

Our daughter wasn't so upset with our move from Michigan down here to Florida as she was with us selling her childhood home...the one she grew up in, matured in, dated in, got married in. Not literally, but you know what I mean.

Although she is in her 30s, to this day, she cannot drive past the house she grew up in and the one we sold. That saddens her more than our move. What's ironic is that the young family who bought our home is about her (and her husband's) age and I know they would get along, like each other, and even become socially involved together. However, she refuses to meet them because she wants nothing to do with going back into her home with someone else living there but us!

She loves it here in The Villages and our birthday present to her, every year, is to fly her down for a "getaway". She totally understands why we moved yet it doesn't heal her pain of not having her childhood home there for her to come to.

Our son and family live in Leesburg so he, obviously, has no problem with our move...LOL! We love to babysit the grands whenever we can!

[dotti105]

Wow!

So many different reactions. You know what??? We are actually adults, not just parents and grandparents.

We need to remain active, social and involved. If you build your life around your children, they will grow up and become independent some day. You will be the one left behind and lonely.

One of the reasons the TV appealed to us so much is that we watched our widowed Moms. They each became lonely and bitter as the world kept spinning and their world got smaller and smaller.

My Mom still lives alone, and very lonely, in the home in which she raised us. Her life revolves around FOX news and the Weather channel. Her friends have passed away or are no longer healthy enough to socialize and she is a very lonely, bitter person.

I did not want to turn into my mom, or to leave my husband isolated.

TV offers so very much to enrich our lives in retirement and the opportunity to meet new people and create new relationships, new activities to try and a structure to provide networking and friendship.

3 of our 4 kids are thrilled for us. The daughter who lives in Ca, not so much. She realizes that we won't be as accessible as we have been. But she is happy that we found a place that we love in which to start our retirement. She will just miss us, so we will have to visit more often.

I see more cross country flights in our future, but also fun vacations here for the families and especially the grandkids. Can't wait to take the little ones on their first golf cart ride. What better place to entertain your kids and grandkids!!!

Embrace change and I bet your kids will turn around and realize that you have made a decision that will enrich your lives. And you know what.....We all deserve that after raising our kids and devoting years to our family and careers.

I work with new moms and their premature babies. The "maternal guilt" comes with that first baby and never really leaves.... that is reality. But after your work as a Mom is done and your kids are parents, (or adults at least) you do have the right to put yourself and your marriage first and have the opportunity to really ENJOY your golden years. Guilt Free!! And that is what they would want for themselves, and if they really look at the situation objectively, they will want that for you too.

[Happinow]

My only daughter, who lives in Raleigh, loves to come and visit us. We knew when she was a junior in high school that we would be moving to florida when she graduated from college so it wasn't a shock when we did. What made it easier is when she moved out first! She moved from NYS to Raleigh so she didn't feel like we left her. I'm not sure I could have made the move until she was out on her own which is why it was good that she moved to Raleigh first. Now she, her husband and our granddaughter can't wait to come and visit us and we love that they have such a beautiful place to vacation. When my grand baby gets old enough we will have her spend some time with us in sunny Florida! Thank goodness for FaceTime!!

[DougB]

We were supposed to tell our children?

[Carl in Tampa]

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision :rant-rave:

My children would have preferred that I not leave where they could all see me daily in the old family home.

However, there was no anger towards me in making the move.

I surmise that your daughter's anger toward you is based upon her perception that you have taken something away from her (companionship) or by relocating you have abandoned (rejected) her.

Her refusal to speak to you is childish and an attempt at controlling you. Knowing that probably doesn't help much. Perhaps other family members, or even her husband, can explore her feelings with her and find a path of reconciliation.

I hope things improve for you.

:)

[ilovetv]

This is the most insightful and useful comment I've seen on TOTV:

"One of the reasons the TV appealed to us so much is that we watched our widowed Moms. They each became lonely and bitter as the world kept spinning and their world got smaller and smaller.

My Mom still lives alone, and very lonely, in the home in which she raised us. Her life revolves around FOX news and the Weather channel. Her friends have passed away or are no longer healthy enough to socialize and she is a very lonely, bitter person.

I did not want to turn into my mom, or to leave my husband isolated." (Post #28)


That's what we saw and still see in our parents and older friends, too. And, they claim to know all about what's "crappy" about Florida and The Villages....without ever having been here to see what a difference in attitude and vitality TV residents have.

[gingersnap]

When we left to come down for our Lifestyles visit a little over a year ago, our son (only child) said, “don’t buy a house this trip.” LOL! On the second day we were here, we bought a house. Our son called that evening and said, “so, what did you do today?” I really wanted to say, “we bought a house”… but I didn’t. Upon our return back north, we kept it a secret for a few days. I felt so guilty. I finally told my husband that we needed to tell our son as he is our only child (40 yrs old) and I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep this from him. A week went by before we told him. He was shocked and probably a little hurt. We asked him not to tell his wife just yet. A month went by. As we were traveling in the van, headed to the airport for a family vacation to Disney, our daughter-in-law started naming all the “projects” she had lined up for "MA and PA" (as the grands call us) to do now that we were both retired. I finally had to tell her that we bought a house in The Villages and we would be spending the winter in FL. At first she was speechless (which is very hard for her), and then she was mad. However, it was our son she was mostly mad at for not telling her!

A year has gone by and we have since bought 2 more houses in TV. We sold our first house and moved into a bigger house. No doubt our son thinks we have lost our minds for sure! He and his family visited for Easter last year and enjoyed it here. They are now coming for Thanksgiving and probably Easter as well. The grands (4 & 7), can't wait to get here to swim! We will go north for Christmas. It’s tough to be away from them, but I know we have to do this while we can still enjoy ourselves. My husband and I have worked hard and our time is now. :pepper2:

I pray that in time your daughter comes around and realizes how happy you are here in TV.

Good Luck!

[stroglass]

Thank you all for you comments. I was thinking I was the only one this happened to.
She has of coursed told me I how hot it gets in fl and how I will be boarded with retirement that my hand will be golfing and I will be left alone. I tried to explain this place even ask her to explore the web site.
I lost both my parent 2 yrs ago after caring for them for a long time they never got to live the dreams they had for retirement because of health issues. Will not let that happen to me and my husband so the villagers is right for us .I was a single parent and she has no contact with her father so I understand that she may feel alone but she is married with he own life and lives an hour away now. We speak everyday but don't see each very often because she works and has a busy life so this reaction took me by sunrise

[ilovetv]

Thank you all for you comments. I was thinking I was the only one this happened to.
She has of coursed told me I how hot it gets in fl and how I will be boarded with retirement that my hand will be golfing and I will be left alone. I tried to explain this place even ask her to explore the web site.

I lost both my parent 2 yrs ago after caring for them for a long time they never got to live the dreams they had for retirement because of health issues. Will not let that happen to me and my husband so the villagers is right for us .I was a single parent and she has no contact with her father so I understand that she may feel alone but she is married with he own life and lives an hour away now. We speak everyday but don't see each very often because she works and has a busy life so this reaction took me by sunrise

You've been on the right track all along. Enjoy your new life about to begin!

[Bonnevie]

This is the most insightful and useful comment I've seen on TOTV:

"One of the reasons the TV appealed to us so much is that we watched our widowed Moms. They each became lonely and bitter as the world kept spinning and their world got smaller and smaller.

My Mom still lives alone, and very lonely, in the home in which she raised us. Her life revolves around FOX news and the Weather channel. Her friends have passed away or are no longer healthy enough to socialize and she is a very lonely, bitter person.

I did not want to turn into my mom, or to leave my husband isolated." (Post #28)



That's what we saw and still see in our parents and older friends, too. And, they claim to know all about what's "crappy" about Florida and The Villages....without ever having been here to see what a difference in attitude and vitality TV residents have.

That exactly described my mother in her final years. We tried to encourage her to go to the senior center, ect. But she isolated herself n when she could no longer walk far due to copd and she never learned to drive she had a lonely life. That was my motivation for moving here. My son is a senior in college and has no interest in living in our old community so he did not care. It's important to stay active as we age and this place is designed to make that easy to do.

[njbchbum]

snipped
...I understand that she may feel alone but she is married with he own life and lives an hour away now. We speak everyday but don't see each very often because she works and has a busy life so this reaction took me by sunrise

Perhaps you might ask her how she would feel about having to move away from you due to a job transfer which would leave you in NJ without her and without your home in the villages.

When my mom sold the family vacation home [oceanfront cottage on the jersey shore] it devastated me - it truly broke my heart and my spirit! While i understand why she did it, that did not make it easy for me to accept; nor will i ever forgive her for doing it. BUT, it never stopped me from speaking to my mom or loving her. I hope she can come to grips with the situation and you will still enjoy your daily phone calls. Remind her that she will be little more than an hour plane ride from you! ;)

[sharonga]

My daughter is 35 single and has a 7 year old daughter. The deal was we are going. You can stay in NY or come with us and we will put you in an apt. She came and we did. Six months later my adult son moved down. They do not like it here. My husband and I were so happy in the beginning. Now it seems that they need us to be involved in their every day drama and we don't want to be. Sometimes I envy people whose children stop talking to them!!!!!!!

[2BNTV]

I made a LSV three years ago, and ask my only child to come up for a visit with my granddaughter. He said, "this place is perfect for you". He was, and still is very happy for me, now that I am a resident. Rivet, rivet.

I think your daughter is a person who feels hurt that you won't be there to do, for her. Psychologically speaking, it probably feels to her, that you have died and left her. In reality, that's not true.

My dad retired and stayed in his home, he got depressed and went straight downhill, in a relatively short period of time. For a man who was always on the go, he went to doing nothing, and passed away before he should have. IMHO

My mom used to say that you half to make a life for yourself and not cling to your children for company and vica versa. We deserve to be free after many years of sacriice in doing for others. Any children, who are not happy for us, needs to get with the program. IMHO

I pray, that in time, your daughter comes around and realizes how happy you are here in TV. :pray:

BTW - What's the story with the house you were purchasing?

[stroglass]

Just wanted update this thread My daughter and I are now talking not sure that every thing will be said and done but she did agree to have me bring something's I wat to give her to her this weekend well its a start:a040:

[CFrance]

Just wanted update this thread My daughter and I are now talking not sure that every thing will be said and done but she did agree to have me bring something's I wat to give her to her this weekend well its a start:a040:

That's good to hear! Hang in there... I bet she will come around.

[Aruca]

I being a child of parents who in 1997 told my brothers and I that they were leaving Jersey to come to a place called The Villages ...we felt anger and were confused as to why they would leave us!

BUT then we visited TV and Totally Understood...now I own a home in TV...our family - grandkids included~ love love love to come and visit !

Moral of this Story....Have your kids come take a look and feel for TV ...that's all it will take for them to agree with your decision !

[Boudicca]

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision.

Had very similar reaction. Pretty much are cut off, but we remind each other, it started with us as a couple 48 years ago, and we are happy together in our new lives, here in TV. It will end as it started, and we enjoy every single day.

[Buffalo Jim]

This is one of the most interesting and " heart-felt " threads I have ever read on this site .

[hema54]

Well my son and daughter we're thrilled. They don't live close and we only see them once a year so it wasn't because we'd be far away. They say they will never visit that there is nothing for them to do here. After a few weeks of these comments I just said that I don't tell them where to live so they should just be happy for us becuase we're happy with our decision. I'm glad I downsized to a 2 bed because they won't be visiting. I hope maybe someday they will ask to visit and see why we're happy to be here.

[Schaumburger]

How sad that adult children won't speak to their parents based on a decision about where their parents choose to spend their golden years. I would give just about anything to be able to pick up the phone and speak to my mom or see her in person no matter where she lived.

[glenn prescott]

From a childs stand point, ...I was ecstatic that my parents were moving to the villages and going to enjoy the fruits of there labor I did miss stopping at their house on a Saturday afternoon for a beer with my father and bringing the grandkids by and after several years of not seeing them I took the kids down after my divorce and we all fell in love with the place I have since been back regularly and am planning on purchasing soon and living there in 4.9 years LOL ( I actually have it broken down to how many assigned 24 hr shifts I have left unfortunately it is still triple digit )

[patfla06]

How sad that adult children won't speak to their parents based on a decision about where their parents choose to spend their golden years. I would give just about anything to be able to pick up the phone and speak to my mom or see her in person no matter where she lived.

Me too!
My Mom has been gone 10 years and I miss her every day!

[lanabanana73]

Reading this last night prompted me to send a note to my four kids, telling them that we expect to be selling the family home in a year or two. I said that I know how devastating that can be, as I felt totally betrayed when my mom sold our family home. At least I have given them notice and they'll have awhile to get used to the idea! They already knew that we are in love with TV and plan a move there as soon as is feasible.

Thanks TOTV for helping me start a difficult conversation.

Alanna

:gc:

[ConnecticutYankee]

My husband's daughter just visited for the first time. She didn't think she would like it and was "blown away" by all there was to do and the friendliness of everyone. She said she might even consider moving here when she's in her 70's.

It's clear from this thread that many of us have experienced unhappy attitudes from our children/families. If they would only come for a visit, they would see why we made this decision. It truly is a wonderful place to live!

I was planning to move here even if no one in my family ever spoke to me again! I knew in my heart that this was the best place for me to live in my "golden years!" And to further justify my decision, I met a wonderful man in church the very first Sunday I was here! We are truly happy together and never would have met if we didn't take the chance and move to The Villages!

A friend once told me, when our kids are grown, all we really have is each other! Don't depend on the kids, they are too busy with their own lives.

[Dr Winston O Boogie jr]

My children were thrilled when I moved here. They thought I was going to spend the rest of my life living 9,000 miles away in the Philippines. They were very happy that I decided to live so much closer to home.

[Harry & Christie]

My husband and I are moving there next week. I have two daughters and the oldest is so happy for us. The younger (34 yrs) is angry at me. She's happy yet she says in way she despises me for it even though she says she loves me. Says I'm deserting her and her husband and 2 little daughters. I tried to explain I will fly back to PA a lot to see them but it's not cutting the mustard. I only see her maybe 2 times a month and she is only 45 minutes from me. She claims it's bittersweet. So I truly understand where you are coming from. I almost called a halt to the move but a friend told me not to let her selfishness stand in my way to our happiness because we are getting older and older as each day passes and we deserve our time now. So grin and bear it. Que sera sera - what will be will be.

[asianthree]

our children have never put pressure on us one way or another..when they moved from one part of the world to another none of them asked if it was ok, so when we move not going to ask how they feel.

[2BNTV]

My husband's daughter just visited for the first time. She didn't think she would like it and was "blown away" by all there was to do and the friendliness of everyone. She said she might even consider moving here when she's in her 70's.

It's clear from this thread that many of us have experienced unhappy attitudes from our children/families. If they would only come for a visit, they would see why we made this decision. It truly is a wonderful place to live!

I was planning to move here even if no one in my family ever spoke to me again! I knew in my heart that this was the best place for me to live in my "golden years!" And to further justify my decision, I met a wonderful man in church the very first Sunday I was here! We are truly happy together and never would have met if we didn't take the chance and move to The Villages!

A friend once told me, when our kids are grown, all we really have is each other! Don't depend on the kids, they are too busy with their own lives.

I totally agree with you. Children are busy with their own lives and the world does not revovle around them. This person daughter needs to make a trip to TV and she will see why her parents are so happy to be here!!!

If she is not happy for her parents, then she is being selfish to her own desires and needs. She needs to be more mature and happy for her parent. I am sure she will come around, when she see's the beauty of TV, and it's friendly people. IMHO

We owe it to ourselves to be happy and free from our duties, that we performed for many years. We need to have a life of our own, with our own friends. This is our time, and the start of when children should be looking out for us, and our needs. Isn't 20 plus years enough of, "it's all about them".

"Don't worry, be happy", as the song says. :smiley:

BTW - I moved from Bridgeport,CT. Where in CT are you from?

[Futurevillager2013]

My daughters moved before we did to Arizona so we felt that they left us. This of course made it easier to make the move from New York to Florida. They arent married and there are no grandkids. They love it Arizona and we love it here. They have nothing to be mad about because they left first. I may feel differently when grandkids are in the picture until then everyone is happy. They just came to visit for the holidays and can't wait to come back. When we lived in New York they were never anxious to visit because most of their friends had left the area.

I'm sad for your situation. Perhaps there is another underlying issue. Maybe your daughter is sad herself about where she lived or how her life is turning out. I think in time she will visit and fall in love with the Villages as you did. Good luck.

[eweissenbach]

Just read every post in this thread for the first time, and have to say much of what I read is heart wrenching. My wife and I were considering the purchase of a home in TV but have now decided we will probably just rent for two or three months in the winter, as we have for the past three years. When we talked of purchasing a place in TV our youngest son (36) and his wife were not too happy (they have three YO twins) and the older son and our daughter were not thrilled, but would have accepted it. We have never planned to live full-time in TV as all three kids and the grand kids live within fifteen minutes of us, and my wife's elderly mother and maiden sister live about thirty minutes away. The only logical option for us, at least in our minds, would have been to maintain a home in Missouri as well as one in TV. I can certainly understand the difficulty and in some cases, guilt, for leaving family behind, and each person has to handle it in their own way. I think I would have been unconditionally happy for my parents had they chosen to move to a place like TV, but everyone handles things differently. It is really heartbreaking to think that a family can be irrevocably divided over something that should be seen as a deserved and positive life decision, but undoubtedly it can and does, happen. I pray that all of you who have experienced this difficulty will find a positive resolution with your loved ones.

[travelguy]

it is your life. make the decision for yourselves. and if the other members of the family are not happy for you, that is just too bad. it is a problem that they are creating.

[2BNTV]

Just read every post in this thread for the first time, and have to say much of what I read is heart wrenching. My wife and I were considering the purchase of a home in TV but have now decided we will probably just rent for two or three months in the winter, as we have for the past three years. When we talked of purchasing a place in TV our youngest son (36) and his wife were not too happy (they have three YO twins) and the older son and our daughter were not thrilled, but would have accepted it. We have never planned to live full-time in TV as all three kids and the grand kids live within fifteen minutes of us, and my wife's elderly mother and maiden sister live about thirty minutes away. The only logical option for us, at least in our minds, would have been to maintain a home in Missouri as well as one in TV. I can certainly understand the difficulty and in some cases, guilt, for leaving family behind, and each person has to handle it in their own way. I think I would have been unconditionally happy for my parents had they chosen to move to a place like TV, but everyone handles things differently. It is really heartbreaking to think that a family can be irrevocably divided over something that should be seen as a deserved and positive life decision, but undoubtedly it can and does, happen. I pray that all of you who have experienced this difficulty will find a positive resolution with your loved ones.

A wise and thoughtful post. Everyone has to do what is right for them.

Family is the most important thing is one's life, followed by friends. Some people don't want to leave their grandchildren, and who's to say, that decision is not their best one.

Hope to meet you in February, 2014.

[patfla06]

Just read every post in this thread for the first time, and have to say much of what I read is heart wrenching. My wife and I were considering the purchase of a home in TV but have now decided we will probably just rent for two or three months in the winter, as we have for the past three years. When we talked of purchasing a place in TV our youngest son (36) and his wife were not too happy (they have three YO twins) and the older son and our daughter were not thrilled, but would have accepted it. We have never planned to live full-time in TV as all three kids and the grand kids live within fifteen minutes of us, and my wife's elderly mother and maiden sister live about thirty minutes away. The only logical option for us, at least in our minds, would have been to maintain a home in Missouri as well as one in TV. I can certainly understand the difficulty and in some cases, guilt, for leaving family behind, and each person has to handle it in their own way. I think I would have been unconditionally happy for my parents had they chosen to move to a place like TV, but everyone handles things differently. It is really heartbreaking to think that a family can be irrevocably divided over something that should be seen as a deserved and positive life decision, but undoubtedly it can and does, happen. I pray that all of you who have experienced this difficulty will find a positive resolution with your loved ones.

What a well thought out post! :bigbow:

[rockyisle]

When we moved here 3 years ago, our daughter was very angry as well. Felt we were abandoning her and our two grandchildren (16 & 20) at the time. We had kept our home in NH and went back for summers, but she refused to come to visit us (even with free tickets). We finally got her down here last winter for a week and on the second night she said, "Okay, I get it. This place is amazing". But it was a tough 2 years of her not embracing our changes.
Now we are about to sell our home on a lake. It's where our grandchildren grew up so this is a toughie for all of us. Last summer we sat her down and offered to sell her the house at a very low price. We felt that she would inherit it when we die, so why not give her a fighting chance to own it now. She has a great job - and a wonderful partner - so they talked it through and decided for themselves that they didn't want it. When the last of their kids are out of college in 4 years, they want to travel. Great decision. My husband and I felt good about offering it to her and I know it went a long way toward mending of hurt feelings to do it. She realized how much we love her and wanted to include her in our decisions.
My only piece of advice (having lived through this) is to continue to call once a month and leave a message of love. Don't forget birthdays, etc - a Mother's love is forever... it's what we do. And our children will always be children at times such as this. Some embrace change, others do not.
But this I know. The clock is ticking on OUR lives right now. We've raised our children and deserve to experience all that retirement can give us here in TV. I'm so grateful and happy to be here - enjoying the fruits of our life labor with the man I love...

[jimmy D]

Our kids were thrilled for us. Of course they will miss us, and we them, but we all will adjust. They loving coming and we love going to them.

[renielarson]

Our daughter wasn't so upset with our move from Michigan down here to Florida as she was with us selling her childhood home...the one she grew up in, matured in, dated in, got married in. Not literally, but you know what I mean.

Although she is in her 30s, to this day, she cannot drive past the house she grew up in and the one we sold. That saddens her more than our move. What's ironic is that the young family who bought our home is about her (and her husband's) age and I know they would get along, like each other, and even become socially involved together. However, she refuses to meet them because she wants nothing to do with going back into her home with someone else living there but us!

She loves it here in The Villages and our birthday present to her, every year, is to fly her down for a "getaway". She totally understands why we moved yet it doesn't heal her pain of not having her childhood home there for her to come to.

Our son and family live in Leesburg so he, obviously, has no problem with our move...LOL! We love to babysit the grands whenever we can!

When we moved here 3 years ago, our daughter was very angry as well. Felt we were abandoning her and our two grandchildren (16 & 20) at the time. We had kept our home in NH and went back for summers, but she refused to come to visit us (even with free tickets). We finally got her down here last winter for a week and on the second night she said, "Okay, I get it. This place is amazing". But it was a tough 2 years of her not embracing our changes.
Now we are about to sell our home on a lake. It's where our grandchildren grew up so this is a toughie for all of us. Last summer we sat her down and offered to sell her the house at a very low price. We felt that she would inherit it when we die, so why not give her a fighting chance to own it now. She has a great job - and a wonderful partner - so they talked it through and decided for themselves that they didn't want it. When the last of their kids are out of college in 4 years, they want to travel. Great decision. My husband and I felt good about offering it to her and I know it went a long way toward mending of hurt feelings to do it. She realized how much we love her and wanted to include her in our decisions.
My only piece of advice (having lived through this) is to continue to call once a month and leave a message of love. Don't forget birthdays, etc - a Mother's love is forever... it's what we do. And our children will always be children at times such as this. Some embrace change, others do not.
But this I know. The clock is ticking on OUR lives right now. We've raised our children and deserve to experience all that retirement can give us here in TV. I'm so grateful and happy to be here - enjoying the fruits of our life labor with the man I love...

Four years ago, we offered to sell our home to our daughter and husband when we first moved here full time to TV (Referring back to my original post...she was very upset losing her childhood home to new buyers). They were upside down on their current home, at the time, and decided it wouldn't be a good idea even though we offered to help with not selling and renting it to them with hopes they could buy at a later date. Well, it's up for sale again. We let our daughter know and told her now would be a good time to buy since they are no longer upside down. She and her husband talked and decided against it. She has been given 2 opportunities to purchase her childhood home but it's not that important now and that makes me smile. Their visits here to TV have shown them what a wonderful place this is and they now understand why we moved, and they love it here themselves. They miss us not living closer and we miss not being able to have more time with them and the grandchildren yet time eases all pain. Our daughter flies down once a year, our grandsons fly down once a year and this year we are lucky to have the whole family in April...that makes twice this year! We also fly North when there's no snow...lol.

[uprivergirl]

You all made me feel better about even thinking about moving to The Villages.

[NanciO]

Our (4) kids seemed to think we were "cashing it in" and moving to someplace reminiscent of a nursing home! LOL!!!! It only took each of them one visit to "get it". I play softball 5 days a week- my husband plays water volleyball and is involved in The village Voices as well as the Brothers in Song- Invite your kids here- they'll understand!

[Bay Kid]

My 30 year old son and his wife changed their mind on his 1st visit. They stopped by for a 2 day visit then went on a cruise. They were going to head back to Virginia after the cruise instead I got a call and they came for another visit. They love it! What's not to love?!?

[Judith Ann]

Just a thought...If you can afford it, why not offer to pay for plane tickets for her to come and visit as her next birthday gift....

[Harry & Christie]

I too am having the same issues. My oldest daughter is thrilled I was able to make this move. Her kids are 15 and 12. My youngest daughter is angry with me. She has not interest in coming - says it's an old peoples place.......haha. Her children are little - 5 and 2. She also, like ConnecticutYankee daughter said, says I am abandoning my grandchildren. She puts me down a lot when I talk to her - says she loves me yet hates me in a way for doing this. She tells me she would NEVER do that to her children. I hate to talk to her on the phone anymore because it puts me on such a guilt trip. I didn't see her, her hubby or grandkids that much - maybe once a month??!! And they didn't live too far. Living here has made me happy. My husband and I do fun things - I just wish she would let up. Her new thing is on Facebook posting pics of her kids with the other grandparents. She states how much they love their Mimi and Pa. She is deliberately trying to hurt me. It works too but I too love The Villages and will persevere!! It is painful and I can sympathize!

[TNLAKEPANDA]

We never told them... they are still looking for us!

[CFrance]

We never told them... they are still looking for us!
:a20::a20:
You sound like my husband... "We moved and left no forwarding address!"

[travelguy]

our children were supportive of whatever decision we were making; and that goes both ways as we raised them to make decisions on their own and for themselves. it is hard for me to believe that such families with such rigid interdependence exist.

[CFrance]

our children were supportive of whatever decision we were making; and that goes both ways as we raised them to make decisions on their own and for themselves. it is hard for me to believe that such families with such rigid interdependence exist.

Maybe this is oversimplifying. There are many different factors, genetic makeups, and personalities that go into making up a family. We have one very independent child and one homebody. Their personalities are so different. Not that either had a problem with our moving, but I'm saying that you can't paint every family with the same brush. Just because someone's child can't let go doesn't make that family dynamic wrong or flawed, or indicate that someone didn't do a good job of raising their children to be independent. Everyone's personality is unique.

[stroglass]

Update as we are a week out from our move my daughter had another melt down and is not really saying much to me .she has not offered to come and see me before we leave .I did takethe45 min ride to her house last week to bring some thing I wanted her to have of her grandndfathers. She. Bearly said a word .my friends got togeather over the weekend but she told them it would cause her to much anxiety to be there.
Well needless to say I will be a full time villager as of 3/2 and she can either accept this or not

[CFrance]

Update as we are a week out from our move my daughter had another melt down and is not really saying much to me .she has not offered to come and see me before we leave .I did takethe45 min ride to her house last week to bring some thing I wanted her to have of her grandndfathers. She. Bearly said a word .my friends got togeather over the weekend but she told them it would cause her to much anxiety to be there.
Well needless to say I will be a full time villager as of 3/2 and she can either accept this or not

Hang in there, stroglass. She will probably come around. It just may take some time. At some point in your life, you deserve to do what's best for you, and that's what you are about to do. Fingers crossed for you and your daughter.:pray:

[OBXNana]

My heart aches for you and know in a couple years we may go through the same thing when we move. Is it possible for your daughter to come and visit soon? Maybe Easter. Once she sees the community and how happy you are, it may help her understand why it was time for Mom to open a new chapter in her book.

This can't be easy for either of you. Hang in there and continue to let your daughter know how much you love her, no matter where you call home.

[coconutmama]

Update as we are a week out from our move my daughter had another melt down and is not really saying much to me .she has not offered to come and see me before we leave .I did takethe45 min ride to her house last week to bring some thing I wanted her to have of her grandndfathers. She. Bearly said a word .my friends got togeather over the weekend but she told them it would cause her to much anxiety to be there.
Well needless to say I will be a full time villager as of 3/2 and she can either accept this or not

Well, today is 3/2. Please let us know that you are settling in & having a great day.

[stroglass]

We arrived as scheduled My daughter did call me for my birthday which was 3/1/14 .I will have to see how this plays out she is aware the door is open thank for all the concern and support

[patfla06]

I'm very sad for anyone going through this.

I have noticed that the problem seems to be with Daughters,
not Sons. Hmmmmmm.......

It's hard letting go and knowing you're going to miss
someone. Your parents are a huge support system and
if they've been close it's hard to see them move away.
But kids need to be supportive of their parents decisions as we
are of their decisions.

I wish everyone going through this a happy future resolution.

[Steve & Deanna]

We are not down here full time yet as we own two places. Our daughter rarely calls. It is like a form of punishment, so to speak, as if we've abandoned her and her children. We have supported our daughter with love, time and money throughout the years and it's like the door has been closed. We have done the same with our son. Both are educated and have held very good jobs for a number of years. Our son, on the other hand, contacts us pretty regularly to check up on us. I think that there comes a point whereas you realize your mortality. I believe our daughter is burying her head in the sand while our son, who has visited TV, wonders why we even go back up north. We love the lifestyle, have several friends and are quite active. I keep telling my wife that at our age, this is our time.