Feedback from others on the tone and civility of this site .

[Buffalo Jim]

As I suggested there is a disaffected , discouraged and some times emotionally hurt population who are afraid to post or who have given up on this site .
I have received many PMs .
Below I have cut and pasted but one . Please read it very closely and consider how many feel uninvited and rejected and frankly people who could well benefit from a kind word and some encouragement to participate .
I carefully edited out anything that might reveal her identity . Please read it a couple of times and give my thoughts some broader consideration . Some of you actually do damage to fragile lonely people .

The Body of But One PM in response to the question " Why the animus on this site " ?

You can bet your bottom dollar that there are a whole lot of us that you can add to that 11 count. I've stopped posting quite a bit because of what you speak of and a whole lot more. Beyond what you've brought up:
I've been personally and nastily attacked. i.e. for simply defending a poster's right to post a simple announcement of an upcoming meeting. Ironically, I wasn't attacked when previously I did similarly regarding a different political club meeting.
Been hurt, depressed and even brought to tears by multiple rude and insensitive comments about obese people like me. i.e. "Obese people shouldn't be allowed to have health insurance." Guess we should just die in addition to the suffering we already endure.
Have put myself on hiatus from posting, sometimes more than a month, when things start affecting me medically. I've been diagnosed subject to anxiety attacks in the past and prescribed medication to deal with it when necessary.
I now post mostly with humor or where I feel I can answer question or provide information and little else. Even then I've still had inappropriate responses.
There's more but will hold it here before I start having one of those depressing attacks. But before I finish I do want to say thank you for speaking up where many of us can't easily do so!

[njbchbum]

I hope you have the permission of the author to post that here. Any and all of the private message was private for a reason - was it not?

[Buffalo Jim]

Do you see anything that could identify a particular individual . Could be anyone male or female .
And as usual you missed the point completely --- rudeness HURTS some people . Get it SARCASM is NOT Funny and cool . It is a form of bullying .
This person shared with me the pain that they experience from being treated caustically and rudely on this site . Get it .

[rdhdleo]

Do you see anything that could identify a particular individual . Could be anyone male or female .
And as usual you missed the point completely --- rudeness HURTS some people . Get it SARCASM is NOT Funny and cool . It is a form of bullying .
This person shared with me the pain that they experience from being treated caustically and rudely on this site . Get it .


I totally agree!! Many people do not read back what they have written before posting and look at it as others might. The internet is wonderful but many people do not realize how they come across to others. Hopefully no one intentionally is mean. I for one learned a log time ago that if a person says something and I don't know them and they have not yet earned my respect I can easily let what they roll off me. Hopefully everyone can play nice!

[aframe]

Jim, These people are not worth your time.

[OBXNana]

Why is it necessary to make personal attacks? We can comment on the content of a post, but not the person making the post. Personal attacks when you're hiding behind your computer can't help the community grow and learn. Why doesn't the moderator remove the derogatory comments about contributors be removed? Or, comments that are negative against any group of people?

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

Eleanor Roosevelt

[LndLocked]

Do you see anything that could identify a particular individual . Could be anyone male or female .
And as usual you missed the point completely --- rudeness HURTS some people . Get it SARCASM is NOT Funny and cool . It is a form of bullying .
This person shared with me the pain that they experience from being treated caustically and rudely on this site . Get it .

some might say that your response to a post you do not agree with is no less sarcastic than what you are accusing others of.

[ajbrown]

Do you see anything that could identify a particular individual . Could be anyone male or female .
And as usual you missed the point completely --- rudeness HURTS some people . Get it SARCASM is NOT Funny and cool . It is a form of bullying .
This person shared with me the pain that they experience from being treated caustically and rudely on this site . Get it .

I think folks get it. I think the point that was being made by njbchbum is you shared something private*** without asking that person. Having read posts on TOTV for years, I suspect I could narrow this person down to about five folks based on the PM. Did they expect this info shared?

My post is not about the premise of your threads. it is fun to read, just the fact I personally would be disappointed if I sent someone a PM and it was used like this...


*** I get the fact nothing is private on the Internet but still......

[BettyCrocked]

"Me thinks thou dost protest too much."
That quote has great relevance, Jim. But I think you've already figured that out.

[Doctommft]

some might say that your response to a post you do not agree with is no less sarcastic than what you are accusing others of.

It is hard to believe that the person affected is a mature adult. While rude and hatred remarks are out of order, an adult usually knows that we cannot control others, only ourselves. Any adult is sensitive but our maturity helps us ignore others without affecting our health.

As a conservative who lived 28 years in liberal CT, I know what it is like to be called a racist, misogynist, and warmonger. Understanding takes courage. Many people take refuge in ignorance.

[Buffalo Jim]

I think folks get it. I think the point that was being made by njbchbum is you shared something private*** without asking that person. Having read posts on TOTV for years, I suspect I could narrow this person down to about five folks based on the PM. Did they expect this info shared?

My post is not about the premise of your threads. it is fun to read, just the fact I personally would be disappointed if I sent someone a PM and it was used like this...


*** I get the fact nothing is private on the Internet but still......

I avoided using anything that could by any reason or logic be tied back to any individual . Again this is but another example of attacking the intent of the writer and failing to understand that many people who might like to become active here just happen to be fragile .
And just how does anyone know that I did not obtain permission to share their pain to illustrate the very meaningful and important point that I am seeking to make .
You are changing the subject to avoid the reality of the valuable point which I seek to make to hopefully cause one to think before they jump all over someone or seek to dismiss their attempts to make a point . This is the well honed tactic of professional politicians .
A very good friend of mine actually took his life over a series of ugly emails from people hiding behind a handle .

[BettyCrocked]

It is hard to believe that the person affected is a mature adult. While rude and hatred remarks are out of order, an adult usually knows that we cannot control others, only ourselves. Any adult is sensitive but our maturity helps us ignore others without affecting our health.

As a conservative who lived 28 years in liberal CT, I know what it is like to be called a racist, misogynist, and warmonger. Understanding takes courage. Many people take refuse in ignorance.

That's a big part of the problem. Many consider that age makes one more mature, more empathetic, more wise, more ethical... Age is a number. That's all. And those who think a number makes them any of the above are probably far from it. There are numerous threads on that topic that will confirm that.

[Happydaz]

Help me out here. Didn't we discuss this topic on another thread? One thread per subject is interesting, more than that gets to be a little too much, in my opinion.

[billethkid]

:icon_bored:

:popcorn:

:popcorn:

[Jaggy]

:icon_bored:

:popcorn:

:popcorn:

This site sooooo needs a like button... Ho Hum.. Someone is bored

[JB in TV]

[QUOTE=Buffalo Jim;784558].... .
I carefully edited out anything that might reveal her identity .... QUOTE]

Well, maybe not EVERYTHING... :icon_wink:

[kittygilchrist]

Any of us can take on the role of parent adult or child. Or consciously decide to be adults.
we should have seminars for totvers. what was his name, jim, games people play...gotta look this up. BRB.
here we go...eric berne. this little icon is Amazons' very good site however ignorable the icon. http://www.amazon.com/Games-People-Play-Transactional-Analysis/dp/0345410033
60's stuff. transactional analysis.
Jim's OP yesterdayish was a cross between adult and parental, as it had a scolding aspect.
usually when we are sarcastic and insulting, that is a rebellious, childish, powerless expression.

stopping now, but I have shrunk too much already,
K.

[LndLocked]

Must be a sad life of someone is so bored living in TV. They should probably get out more.

"But this is a prime example of the subject at hand! Thank you!"

[graciegirl]

Boy Howdy. I do remember Transactional Analysis. Healthy is I'm o.k, you're o.k. and then there is the I'm o.k. your not o.k.

And for some I am more than o.k. and you are useless. AND OLD.

[njbchbum]

Do you see anything that could identify a particular individual . Could be anyone male or female .
And as usual you missed the point completely --- rudeness HURTS some people . Get it SARCASM is NOT Funny and cool . It is a form of bullying .
This person shared with me the pain that they experience from being treated caustically and rudely on this site . Get it .



Well, consider me spanked and put down! And you can be sure I will never send you a private message and expect it to remain private - identifying info deleted - or not!

[Bucco]

Well, consider me spanked and put down! And you can be sure I will never send you a private message and expect it to remain private - identifying info deleted - or not!

Well, put me in your corner.

The poster who sent the PM had experiences related to political, and I actually believe I recall the incident concerning the meeting announcement, so you should not have been "spanked and put down".......I am sure I am not the only person who recalls.

[njbchbum]

Well, put me in your corner.

The poster who sent the PM had experiences related to political, and I actually believe I recall the incident concerning the meeting announcement, so you should not have been "spanked and put down".......I am sure I am not the only person who recalls.

Thanx! Miss our political discourses - but that's life! :)

[Bogie Shooter]

Then why open it? Nobody makes anybody click a thread they aren't interested in. But this is a prime example of the subject at hand! Thank you!

I guess you told her!

[kittygilchrist]

Didn't even need to click the link. The word GAMES was enough. Second to last sentence summed it up.
Winning a message board game is apparently all some people have left. Which is sad because I'd much rather be winning a game of pickleball!
Which may explain some of the attitudes here.
You just made it crystal clear for me! TY!

um, Betty, uncock the trigger.
you might want to at least look at what you have not read before you jump willy nilly to a judgment. it's not a message board game at all...not even close. it's psychotherapy based on Carl Jung's work.
If I wanted to say something childish, which I do, I'd say, "I think you should stick to pickleball."

[Bogie Shooter]

As I suggested there is a disaffected , discouraged and some times emotionally hurt population who are afraid to post or who have given up on this site .
I have received many PMs .
Below I have cut and pasted but one . Please read it very closely and consider how many feel uninvited and rejected and frankly people who could well benefit from a kind word and some encouragement to participate .
I carefully edited out anything that might reveal her identity . Please read it a couple of times and give my thoughts some broader consideration . Some of you actually do damage to fragile lonely people .

The Body of But One PM in response to the question " Why the animus on this site " ?

You can bet your bottom dollar that there are a whole lot of us that you can add to that 11 count. I've stopped posting quite a bit because of what you speak of and a whole lot more. Beyond what you've brought up:
I've been personally and nastily attacked. i.e. for simply defending a poster's right to post a simple announcement of an upcoming meeting. Ironically, I wasn't attacked when previously I did similarly regarding a different political club meeting.
Been hurt, depressed and even brought to tears by multiple rude and insensitive comments about obese people like me. i.e. "Obese people shouldn't be allowed to have health insurance." Guess we should just die in addition to the suffering we already endure.
Have put myself on hiatus from posting, sometimes more than a month, when things start affecting me medically. I've been diagnosed subject to anxiety attacks in the past and prescribed medication to deal with it when necessary.
I now post mostly with humor or where I feel I can answer question or provide information and little else. Even then I've still had inappropriate responses.
There's more but will hold it here before I start having one of those depressing attacks. But before I finish I do want to say thank you for speaking up where many of us can't easily do so!

If the sender of the PM has such a frail psyche (fear of having a depressing attack as the PM was being typed) she should have left TOTV at the first hint of being ill. However, she came back knowing what she might find...............who really is to blame?
BTW I agree the PM should not have been posted.

[DougB]

um, Betty, uncock the trigger.
you might want to at least look at what you have not read before you jump willy nilly to a judgment. it's not a message board game at all...not even close. it's psychotherapy based on Carl Jung's work.
If I wanted to say something childish, which I do, I'd say, "I think you should stick to pickleball."

Wasn't that book about interactions and relationships between people written by an expert who got divorced three times?

[Bucco]

um, Betty, uncock the trigger.
you might want to at least look at what you have not read before you jump willy nilly to a judgment. it's not a message board game at all...not even close. it's psychotherapy based on Carl Jung's work.
If I wanted to say something childish, which I do, I'd say, "I think you should stick to pickleball."

To the very point of this thread.....what was the reason for the comments following you explanation of Jung's work ?

[kittygilchrist]

Boy Howdy. I do remember Transactional Analysis. Healthy is I'm o.k, you're o.k. and then there is the I'm o.k. your not o.k.

And for some I am more than o.k. and you are useless. AND OLD.

You're making that last part up, but that's back ON the topic...TA is a timeless paradigm that almost none of us ever encountered and few consider. It made a great and lasting impression on me as a psych student in the late 60's. I still work on the adult voice having the last word.

[kittygilchrist]

Wasn't that book about interactions and relationships between people written by an expert who got divorced three times?

was it? I don't know. Maybe the paradigm of looking at behavior in that way doesn't help you at all. It helped me to be a better person. If I do a good thing for anyone, I hope they won't hate me for not being perfect.

[DougB]

was it? I don't know. Maybe the paradigm of looking at behavior in that way doesn't help you at all. It helped me to be a better person. If I do a good thing for anyone, I hope they won't hate me for not being perfect.

You're close to perfect (as long as you root for da Saints tonight)

[kittygilchrist]

You're close to perfect (as long as you root for da Saints tonight)

who dat say...
night y'all.

[kittygilchrist]

Hey no worries and no hard feelings. I don't even need to read any psychoanalysis. The word game explained it all to me. I was truly thanking you and you can take it any way you want. I don't even care what you or any of the bullies on this site think. I truly had a lightbulb moment because I've never understood why so many on this board tried to turn everything into a battle between generations, locations, number of months on the board, number of posts on the board...
It's a competition thing! Some folks have reached the point in their life where they can't win at physical games, can't win at mental games, so they have to win on a message board (in their mind).
I get it now and I understand that I may be there someday. And because you made this clear to me, I'm going to do strive to never become that desperate to win something.
Thank you again for a lightbulb moment! From here on out, it will be one of my life goals to not turn out like that!

I'll bet if we were to meet, we'd have a nice encounter. All this verbal distant stuff is so in the way of our being human to each other. I apologize for offending you if that is the case.
There's nothing to win and everything to lose by hostility..
Kitty

[casita37]

I think we, the members of this forum, should just close these two threads on our own.

Peace to all, and be kind!

[kittygilchrist]

To the very point of this thread.....what was the reason for the comments following you explanation of Jung's work ?

the same perhaps as yours in posting this question.

[graciegirl]

I meant

Psych...


Hey Kitty. I read a bit of it myself. We need to interview people around here and get them to take the Rorschach test.

It always looked dirty to me. ;)

[CFrance]

I think folks get it. I think the point that was being made by njbchbum is you shared something private*** without asking that person. Having read posts on TOTV for years, I suspect I could narrow this person down to about five folks based on the PM. Did they expect this info shared?

My post is not about the premise of your threads. it is fun to read, just the fact I personally would be disappointed if I sent someone a PM and it was used like this...


*** I get the fact nothing is private on the Internet but still......

I can narrow it down even farther than five. I'm pretty sure I know who this wonderful person is, and I wouldn't have posted what the person shared with you in private without first asking, which maybe you did. If so, that's good.

I think njbchbum had a good point, and frankly, the response was off-putting, especially the command to "get it." It just points out how difficult it is to know exactly what a person's intent is. It is so easy to sound rude on paper.

[graciegirl]

Good night everyone. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I think we all would do better if we had a chance to meet each other face to face.

[CFrance]

I agree with you Gracie, and also with Kitty's point... if we could all meet each other, we would probably come away having had a nice encounter.

Come to Crispers, everyone!

[Taltarzac725]

I was not aware of the mean kind of bullying on TOTV that the OP mentions at the start of this thread. I am very sorry that this happened to this poster.

This kind of mean spirited humor does occur in the Villages. It is usually from people who seem to have some kind of problem of their own going on. And the rude remarks are usually said just out of ear shot of the person being ridiculed.

Certainly, I have been the butt of many of these kind of remarks myself over the years.

I do hope that people will treat other posters on TOTV like they would like to be treated.

Wishful thinking probably.

[Buffalo Jim]

I think folks get it. I think the point that was being made by njbchbum is you shared something private*** without asking that person. Having read posts on TOTV for years, I suspect I could narrow this person down to about five folks based on the PM. Did they expect this info shared?

My post is not about the premise of your threads. it is fun to read, just the fact I personally would be disappointed if I sent someone a PM and it was used like this...


*** I get the fact nothing is private on the Internet but still......
For all of you who have been concerned about my posting some of the key remarks of a person who had sent me a PM .
This person just sent me another PM and actually thanked me to have the courage to speak out on their behalf and they shared that they have no issue with it .

[Buffalo Jim]

I hope you have the permission of the author to post that here. Any and all of the private message was private for a reason - was it not?

Yes I do have their permission in fact they just sent me another PM and thanked me for being strong enough to speak out on their behalf .

So what`s next ?

[Buffalo Jim]

I can narrow it down even farther than five. I'm pretty sure I know who this wonderful person is, and I wouldn't have posted what the person shared with you in private without first asking, which maybe you did. If so, that's good.

I think njbchbum had a good point, and frankly, the response was off-putting, especially the command to "get it." It just points out how difficult it is to know exactly what a person's intent is. It is so easy to sound rude on paper.

Thank you for your concern . The person in question just sent me another PM for sharing how much they have been hurt by the biting responses to their efforts to be a contributing member of what is supposed to be a welcoming and constructive online community .

[2BNTV]

For all of you who have been concerned about my posting some of the key remarks of a person who had sent me a PM .
This person just sent me another PM and actually thanked me to have the courage to speak out on their behalf and they shared that they have no issue with it .

We should all agree to disagree respectfully.

FYI - TOTV rules state, that no one is supposed to refer to another person directly, if they are attacking that person. I don't make the rules, but one can look it up, or ask the admin.

If one takes the time and is caring, one can get their point across without refering to anyone in particular.

[Buffalo Jim]

Good night everyone. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I think we all would do better if we had a chance to meet each other face to face.

Gracie as difficult as this vetting process may have been my take away is that many feel that it was high time that someone speak up for those who feel disenfranchised and reluctant to attempt to become active and welcomed contributors to this site .

My take away --- it WAS a good day .

[SALYBOW]

J im's post wondering why some people are so mean on this site accomplished just that. People became mean and sarcastic in defense. Possibly some people feel they have the right to be mean, nasty and sarcastic. Personally, I feel that if someone has enough time to read all these post and respond in an ugly manner, they are not getting their money out of their amenity fees.
Jim said at the beginning of his post that he knew he was stirring the pot. Isn't it sad that people did not say, "no, we never get mean and nasty." They simply defended their right to do so. Maybe we should take a poll and see how many people would like the tone of the site neutralized a bit, and who is okay with the abuse.
I agree with the poster who said that it is the same people all the time so just don't read their posts. It is predictable so ignore them. Maybe they will quit if no one responds.
I have met enough people from TOTV to know that basically we are very nice people. Maybe some people occasionally need to be encouraged to knock it off. I do think that if political posts can be eliminated, posts that are full of animus should be bumped as well.
Disagreeing with someone can be done in a way in which that person or their opinion is not made to look unintelligent. The definition of rude is not having or showing concern or respect for the rights and feelings of other people. Please folks...let's not be rude.

[patfla06]

J im's post wondering why some people are so mean on this site accomplished just that. People became mean and sarcastic in defense. Possibly some people feel they have the right to be mean, nasty and sarcastic. Personally, I feel that if someone has enough time to read all these post and respond in an ugly manner, they are not getting their money out of their amenity fees.
Jim said at the beginning of his post that he knew he was stirring the pot. Isn't it sad that people did not say, "no, we never get mean and nasty." They simply defended their right to do so. Maybe we should take a poll and see how many people would like the tone of the site neutralized a bit, and who is okay with the abuse.
I agree with the poster who said that it is the same people all the time so just don't read their posts. It is predictable so ignore them. Maybe they will quit if no one responds.
I have met enough people from TOTV to know that basically we are very nice people. Maybe some people occasionally need to be encouraged to knock it off. I do think that if political posts can be eliminated, posts that are full of animus should be bumped as well.
Disagreeing with someone can be done in a way in which that person or their opinion is not made to look unintelligent. The definition of rude is not having or showing concern or respect for the rights and feelings of other people. Please folks...let's not be rude.

Amen!

[renielarson]

I sit here and shake my head. Some of you just don't get it...what BJ is saying.

Look at the posts...some of you think you are immune and don't understand that some comments are directed at you and you are the guilty.

Some of you continue to be confrontational, toward not only his comments but others, without taking time to evaluate how your words appear to others before posting.

Some of you have not taken the time to think about what he, and others, have written...his thoughts and words and those of others. Some of you just hit "the attack" button (or the sarcastic button, or the witty (so you think) button.

I always looked forward to the day when I would no longer have to deal with inconsiderate, rude, disrespectful, and mean spirited people. I always thought that day would come when I grew up and was older, wiser, and a senior citizen and living among my senior citizen peers. I've learned that pettiness, sarcasm, and disrespect does not go away with age, wisdom and maturity.

My name is Renie Larson and I live in the Village of Buttonwood.

[mixsonci]

I'm afraid sarcasm and ridicule is not going to stop, it is in some people's nature and they will not stop. Here's a thought of how to curb it, whenever, someone posts something and they get a sarcastic or rude answer, IMMEDIATELY post back and call them on it. Ask them directly at that moment WHY they felt the need to respond in such a hurtful way and make sure you mention their "handle" or name so they and everyone else knows exactly who and what you are referring to. That way there is no ambiguity of who the rude people are. Bring attention to it directly and everyone knows who the worst culprits are, maybe people will think twice before they post an unnecessary sarcastic remark.

[senior citizen]

J im's post wondering why some people are so mean on this site accomplished just that. People became mean and sarcastic in defense. Possibly some people feel they have the right to be mean, nasty and sarcastic. Personally, I feel that if someone has enough time to read all these post and respond in an ugly manner, they are not getting their money out of their amenity fees.
Jim said at the beginning of his post that he knew he was stirring the pot. Isn't it sad that people did not say, "no, we never get mean and nasty." They simply defended their right to do so. Maybe we should take a poll and see how many people would like the tone of the site neutralized a bit, and who is okay with the abuse.
I agree with the poster who said that it is the same people all the time so just don't read their posts. It is predictable so ignore them. Maybe they will quit if no one responds.
I have met enough people from TOTV to know that basically we are very nice people. Maybe some people occasionally need to be encouraged to knock it off. I do think that if political posts can be eliminated, posts that are full of animus should be bumped as well.
Disagreeing with someone can be done in a way in which that person or their opinion is not made to look unintelligent. The definition of rude is not having or showing concern or respect for the rights and feelings of other people. Please folks...let's not be rude.

I agree with your post as well as Pat's below and many others.......

Why are they not all out playing golf or enjoying the various clubs, rather than picking on every little word someone expresses......to the point that the poster has to explain over and over what they meant........

Most do not even read the entire message before attacking.

So many are passive aggressive on this site......not truly contributing from their many years of adult wisdom, but seeking some kind of popularity with their minions........I was warned (privately) when I first discovered this site who to trust and who not to trust. It took me a long time to give up my live and let live innocence.

Truthfully, the kind hearted ones outnumber the secretly mean ones.

I know for a fact that the majority are intelligent , kind, truthful and would make great neighbors down the road..........the rest think they are still in high school trying out for a popularity contest. It gets very old after awhile when we are supposed to be mature adults.......where all opinions are worthwhile and interesting. If we all thought alike, how boring would that be. We are not in high school folks. Most of us are pushing 70 or already there. Grow up. Be kind. It's the season to be sharing and giving, thoughtful and generous........but most of all kind.

If your authentic self is so sad that you must pick on other posters, then no season of the year will cure that.

[Golfingnut]

It is just the nature of some to post what they would never say face to face. Most people, me included let the fingers type and post what we later regret, but to be honest, I only see a handful of folks that only post negative comments. That fact keeps me believing in TOTV and use it for a source of information on good/bad contractors, restaurants, latest need to know information and yes the latest gossip. Overall, I look forward too my morning coffee and reading TOTV. I have met so many members in person and again, only one or two have been less than wonderful. Take notice also, the time of day or night that negative posts are done. Have a great day and if you have extra happiness today share it with your neighbors. Kindness is addictive and habits like that will do you more good that the ones you pass it on too.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Lou

[billethkid]

Must be a sad life of someone is so bored living in TV. They should probably get out more.

Please do not mis-interpret boredom with a worn and beaten subject on TOTV with anything else let alone life in TV.

One is entitled to an opinion but not to restate another's intent!

btk

[PaPaLarry]

Gracie as difficult as this vetting process may have been my take away is that many feel that it was high time that someone speak up for those who feel disenfranchised and reluctant to attempt to become active and welcomed contributors to this site .

My take away --- it WAS a good day .
Well, today is another day, and I have this good feeling, that it will be a great one for all, on here @ TOTV!! Buffalo Jim survived without injury, while opening up a forum that needed to be discussed, and hopefully contributes to a better understanding amongst us good friends and neighbors. As suggested, yes maybe we can ALL get together sometime, and really see how nice and kind we all are. Thanks again Jim, and lets all give thanks on Thanksgiving for having such a nice place here in The Villages, and having such wonderful friends and neighbors from all walks of life. Just so many great people here. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

[JeffBorn]

This thread is a perfect example of the intent of the original post, minutia over substance.
Bullying and argument, for arguments sake is prevalent on this site. This site is best used IMO to gather useful information from the practical experience of others. Although often used to profess personal negative opinions and socialize. If the last comment describes you, you really should get out more often.

[graciegirl]

[QUOTE=Buffalo Jim;784558].... .
I carefully edited out anything that might reveal her identity .... QUOTE]

Well, maybe not EVERYTHING... :icon_wink:

I knew immediately who he was. He is my friend and I think the world of him.

[graciegirl]

I agree with your post as well as Pat's below and many others.......

Why are they not all out playing golf or enjoying the various clubs, rather than picking on every little word someone expresses......to the point that the poster has to explain over and over what they meant........

Most do not even read the entire message before attacking.

So many are passive aggressive on this site......not truly contributing from their many years of adult wisdom, but seeking some kind of popularity with their minions........I was warned (privately) when I first discovered this site who to trust and who not to trust. It took me a long time to give up my live and let live innocence.

Truthfully, the kind hearted ones outnumber the secretly mean ones.

I know for a fact that the majority are intelligent , kind, truthful and would make great neighbors down the road..........the rest think they are still in high school trying out for a popularity contest. It gets very old after awhile when we are supposed to be mature adults.......where all opinions are worthwhile and interesting. If we all thought alike, how boring would that be. We are not in high school folks. Most of us are pushing 70 or already there. Grow up. Be kind. It's the season to be sharing and giving, thoughtful and generous........but most of all kind.

If your authentic self is so sad that you must pick on other posters, then no season of the year will cure that.


There is a very large group of us who know each other, some we have met once or twice and some we know from meeting them and their many posts and some we see frequently. No one that I know of ever excludes anyone from their circle of friends or from face to face meetings. It is the ones who do not want to be known and are always anonymous not only in name but in anything that makes them stand out as real people, i.e. a picture of their pet as an avator etc. that seem to say the coldest things. Some courageous and confident people give their own names as Renie did above.

We may not always agree on everything but many of us live here, This place is a day to day reality to us and although we know that lots of posters are waiting and hoping and very interested, it is almost impossible to make really certain judgments about whether a person is passive aggressive or just trying to not say too much or be too outspoken in respect for the varying opinions of a number of people who matter to the poster personally. Many of us are aware of others opinions that may differ from our own, or attitudes that may differ from our own, and out of respect we try to be as diplomatic as we can. That may appear to some to be "two faced" or passive aggressive" but to others it may be just a way of causing no hurt or harm.

But many of us can't remain silent when the reality of our really GOOD life here is constantly brought down by people who have never met the developer but because of something...make him and his family into evil folks. That just is so hard for me to believe and for many others too. That may be the people who whispered in your ear. The reality of our day to day life here is so incredibly good due largely to the wonderful planning of the people who planned this wonderful place. Are there things that could be improved? Not much. I can't get excited out of a lot of mountains made from molehills.

Many of us joke too, and some fail to get our humor which for most is quite harmless. But others who do not know us yet may take the wrong meaning.

I think that nothing beats sitting down with people and listening to them and reading their faces and seeing the goodness in their eyes. There are those with whom that I have a lot of different opinions , and who are in different ages or stages of their life than I am, but I truly, completely enjoy being with them.

I think that most of us mean well, but some are not feeling well, are worried about things or feel lonely and unhappy, and sometimes that is the reason for the edge we sense in their posts.

Others have faced deadly illness, overwhelming grief, indescribable losses and feel that the things that happen here that so many get upset about are just not that important in the great scheme of things, and we choose to be happy. And relieved, And joyful to be retired.

WE ALL have fewer days ahead than we left behind. Let's not waste them.

There is a little bit of good in the worst of us and a little bit of bad in the best of us.

God isn't finished with us yet.

[Indydealmaker]

If any of the TOTV members read any other forums or the comments on various news articles online, you are I am sure aware that what Buffalo Jim is talking about is not just a recurring problem on TOTV.

The vicious acidic name calling on many sites makes TOTV read like a Hallmark card.

What is the catalyst for these attacks?

Is it the Anonymity?

Is it a general malaise across the country that pushes too many off of the wrong side of the bed every morning?

Is it frustration due to a lack of facts on hand with which to defend a given opinion?

Whatever the cause, this villification can take on a life of its own and that is never going to be a good thing. So we all need to count to ten and proof-read what we write before we click POST.

[billethkid]

The nail has been struck.....Anonymity.

btk

[kittygilchrist]

I meant

Psych...


Hey Kitty. I read a bit of it myself. We need to interview people around here and get them to take the Rorschach test.

It always looked dirty to me. ;)

Lord help us Gracie, I saw so many motorcycles and monsters on the rorschach that I didn't need a shrink to tell me something wasn't right. And you should see that face in the granite in my guestroom.:rant-rave:

[patfla06]

I sit here and shake my head. Some of you just don't get it...what BJ is saying.

Look at the posts...some of you think you are immune and don't understand that some comments are directed at you and you are the guilty.

Some of you continue to be confrontational, toward not only his comments but others, without taking time to evaluate how your words appear to others before posting.

Some of you have not taken the time to think about what he, and others, have written...his thoughts and words and those of others. Some of you just hit "the attack" button (or the sarcastic button, or the witty (so you think) button.

I always looked forward to the day when I would no longer have to deal with inconsiderate, rude, disrespectful, and mean spirited people. I always thought that day would come when I grew up and was older, wiser, and a senior citizen and living among my senior citizen peers. I've learned that pettiness, sarcasm, and disrespect does not go away with age, wisdom and maturity.

My name is Renie Larson and I live in the Village of Buttonwood.

I think you got it perfectly!

[KeepingItReal]

[QUOTE=Indydealmaker;

Is it the Anonymity?

[/QUOTE]

This is probably still better than people meeting up to duke it out or even worse.

Most interesting and hard to understand is why anyone thinks the long summaries written about it are going to change anything even one little bit??

:jester:

[DougB]

Lord help us Gracie, I saw so many motorcycles and monsters on the rorschach that I didn't need a shrink to tell me something wasn't right. And you should see that face in the granite in my guestroom.:rant-rave:

Flashback to the 60s?