2BNTV
11-23-2013, 06:43 AM
Thanksgiving Divorce
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "like heck they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
The Man Who Forgot to Buy a Turkey for Thanksgiving
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
"Please let me in", says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one".
"Okay", says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left". He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
"That one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes, and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
"Oh, no", says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"
An Industrious Turkey Farmer
An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone.
After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know", said the farmer. "I never could catch the damn thing!"
How to Cook a Turkey
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
Loved this one. :1rotfl:
it rended me of the Danny Thomas joke in that he called his mother and she mentioned that she was very lonely.
He bought a parkeet that talked.
He called several weeks later and asked how the bird was doing.
His mother said, "he was delicious".
He replied, "what do you meant he was delicious:. The parakeet spoke six different languages.
His mother replied, "he didn't say a word when I killed him". :jester:
Danny was a funny storyteller. I miss those days of comedy but I digress.....
2BNTV
11-23-2013, 06:55 AM
I agree; he was one of a kind.
His comtemporaries used to joke he was the only one to have stained glass windows on his Rolls Royce. :D
Heas very religious,as he promised GOD that he would do something wonderful,if he became successful. Hence, St. Jude's hospital for children.
His daughter Marlo,is sill invovled in running St. Jude.
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