Missing the people that 'know' you

[Trish Crocker]

I'm sure that the way I'm feeling has a lot to do with this being the first Christmas away from family but I am wondering if others feel the way I do. I have met wonderful, fun, loving people since moving here but there is just something missing. Meeting new people is exciting and fun but it is just not the same as being around old friends that have been through life with you. Jumping into the car to run over to my brother's house for a quick cup of coffee or meeting up with a friend to just talk about everything and nothing..it takes a long while to build these relationships and I'm wondering if it will ever be that way here. Please excuse me if I sound morose, I just wanted to know if others experience this also.

[Lovey2]

Yes...and no! We have been away from our families for many years now, and worked for a company that required your presence thru Christmas..dead or alive...haha!! I do, however, miss our "adopted" family (friends) where we lived previously. I am trying to be careful, tho, to not start any traditions with "newbies" we may not be comfortable with in the coming years. So...that being said, we are planning to play with our new friends and neighbors thru the holidays, but keep the holiday for ourselves...this year! We have already experienced getting "too" close with some people, that come to find out, we just really don't mesh with for the long haul. It is definitely a learning experience, and new, and there's nothing like "old" friends, true. You will get thru the holidays and next year may be more settled for you. You don't sound morose at all... :)

[kittygilchrist]

I'm feeling groovy.
Made more friends that care about each other in 8 months than I left behind. Ones from there that love me come visit and so do family. Love my church relationships in bud and the promise of genuine, mutual support.

I am careful about winter doldrums, as the sun's light is very important. Get some every day in the morning if you can...everybody...:-)

[Doctommft]

I suggest starting an activity that you see as your own, a tradition or ritual. These will become the source of comfort to you in future years as you build TV as your home. The ritual is your choice as are the people who you ask to join you. Could be something as simple as driving around TV looking at home decorations, Christmas caroling, visiting a nursing home, followed by a get-together at your home. Certain foods or drinks can enhance the ritual (eggnog, hot cider, ???). The guest list can be 2 persons or 100 persons. Make it yours. Don't copy one from your old home.

[senior citizen]

I'm sure that the way I'm feeling has a lot to do with this being the first Christmas away from family but I am wondering if others feel the way I do. I have met wonderful, fun, loving people since moving here but there is just something missing. Meeting new people is exciting and fun but it is just not the same as being around old friends that have been through life with you. Jumping into the car to run over to my brother's house for a quick cup of coffee or meeting up with a friend to just talk about everything and nothing..it takes a long while to build these relationships and I'm wondering if it will ever be that way here. Please excuse me if I sound morose, I just wanted to know if others experience this also.






Truly, nothing can replace our old friends with whom we shared childhood, teenaged, young adulthood, married life, raising children, sharing the births of grandchildren, the bonds that survive everything, including losing our own parents or spouses.


In our neighborhood of these past 40 + years we have all shared the bond of grieving when those once young friends passed on........we all surrounded the family with love, with care packages of food and just "being there"........ just as we did when we were all young, having our first babies, our second ones and so forth.......nothing can replace those bonds. We all had many things in common. Sincere feelings.....happy for their grown children when they graduated high school and we were invited; ditto for college commencement, etc. Understanding how they felt when all of our college educated "kids" relocated halfway across the country and world...........an entire new life began. We all understood.


It's nice to meet new folks, but nothing can happen instantly to replace the friendships of a lifetime. The bonds of old friendships live on.


It takes a lifetime of living to forge those bonds........but keep an open heart as one never knows when a "new friend" might appear on the scene. Not everyone is compatible for the long haul. The ones who are authentic and "real", compassionate and sensitive, genuine and accepting, will appear and you will be drawn to them as if to a magnet.


Friendships cannot be forced. Certain types are drawn together for the long haul.


Everyone remembers their first jobs when someone you thought was your friend was really your adversary on the career front; perhaps going behind your back to the boss or higher up. Perhaps you shared too much with that new friend, being too trusting. Live and learn.


I always tell my younger friends: "Marry your best friend"........


*****************************


"Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other's gold."


"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."


"You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your friends."


"A true friend laughs at your stories even when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your troubles even when they're not so bad."


"The heart that truly loves, never forgets."


"It is prosperity that gives us friends, adversity that proves them."


"True friends are the ones who never leave your heart, even if they leave your life for awhile. Even after years apart, you pick up with them right where you left off, and even if they die they're never dead in your heart."


"A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always , always care. a friend is a feeling of forever in the heart."


"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."


"True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it is not."


"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."


　

[graciegirl]

I'm sure that the way I'm feeling has a lot to do with this being the first Christmas away from family but I am wondering if others feel the way I do. I have met wonderful, fun, loving people since moving here but there is just something missing. Meeting new people is exciting and fun but it is just not the same as being around old friends that have been through life with you. Jumping into the car to run over to my brother's house for a quick cup of coffee or meeting up with a friend to just talk about everything and nothing..it takes a long while to build these relationships and I'm wondering if it will ever be that way here. Please excuse me if I sound morose, I just wanted to know if others experience this also.



YES. I do understand.


It takes a while to really get comfortable, even if every thing just fits right with new people. I have had some sad things happen when I leaped into close friendship too quickly here and hurt other people and got hurt too.


Slow and steady wins the race and builds relationships and friendships and there is nothing quite like someone that you have known for a LONG time and who "gets" you and who overlooks the dumb stuff you say and don't mean.."that way". There is something to be said for the similarities in background, even ethnicities and religion that sometimes makes a comfortable fit, even though the religion isn't a BIG factor to me and many of my dear friends don't "go to church" anymore. AND we don't either... It is just a comfortable background sometimes. Just as similar political views sometimes make things more comfortable. It shouldn't but it does.


We are many of us new here and hoping for acceptance and comfort from others but we need to not get our feelings hurt or disappoint others by expecting too much too soon.


I am hoping and wishing that you will ALL soon find the right folks to be relaxed with and maybe SOME old friends will move here to make the pudding sweeter.


On the 23rd of this month we will have three couples at our table; one we have known for less than two years, one who gave us the Kool-Aid, (sorry Redwitch and JHoolman) who we have known for thirty years and old friends who live in Stonecrest who we have known since before our Helene was born more than forty years now. They all are loved and we feel so comfortable with them.


I wish you like blessings, all of you and especially my dear Trish Crocker. AND I miss the folks I don't see as often and with whom there have been missteps.. I/ we still love you and you are always, always welcome.

[graciegirl]

Truly, nothing can replace our old friends with whom we shared childhood, teenaged, young adulthood, married life, raising children, sharing the births of grandchildren, the bonds that survive everything, including losing our own parents or spouses.


In our neighborhood of these past 40 + years we have all shared the bond of grieving when those once young friends passed on........we all surrounded the family with love, with care packages of food and just "being there"........ just as we did when we were all young, having our first babies, our second ones and so forth.......nothing can replace those bonds. We all had many things in common. Sincere feelings.....happy for their grown children when they graduated high school and we were invited; ditto for college commencement, etc. Understanding how they felt when all of our college educated "kids" relocated halfway across the country and world...........an entire new life began. We all understood.


It's nice to meet new folks, but nothing can happen instantly to replace the friendships of a lifetime. The bonds of old friendships live on.


It takes a lifetime of living to forge those bonds........but keep an open heart as one never knows when a "new friend" might appear on the scene. Not everyone is compatible for the long haul. The ones who are authentic and "real", compassionate and sensitive, genuine and accepting, will appear and you will be drawn to them as if to a magnet.


Friendships cannot be forced. Certain types are drawn together for the long haul.


Everyone remembers their first jobs when someone you thought was your friend was really your adversary on the career front; perhaps going behind your back to the boss or higher up. Perhaps you shared too much with that new friend, being too trusting. Live and learn.


I always tell my younger friends: "Marry your best friend"........


*****************************


"Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other's gold."


"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."


"You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your friends."


"A true friend laughs at your stories even when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your troubles even when they're not so bad."


"The heart that truly loves, never forgets."


"It is prosperity that gives us friends, adversity that proves them."


"True friends are the ones who never leave your heart, even if they leave your life for awhile. Even after years apart, you pick up with them right where you left off, and even if they die they're never dead in your heart."


"A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always , always care. a friend is a feeling of forever in the heart."


"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."


"True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it is not."


"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."


　







Beautiful Senior. I want to be more like you.

[quirky3]

I suggest starting an activity that you see as your own, a tradition or ritual. These will become the source of comfort to you in future years as you build TV as your home. The ritual is your choice as are the people who you ask to join you. Could be something as simple as driving around TV looking at home decorations, Christmas caroling, visiting a nursing home, followed by a get-together at your home. Certain foods or drinks can enhance the ritual (eggnog, hot cider, ???). The guest list can be 2 persons or 100 persons. Make it yours. Don't copy one from your old home.

That's a great idea!

[Lovey2]

Truly, nothing can replace our old friends with whom we shared childhood, teenaged, young adulthood, married life, raising children, sharing the births of grandchildren, the bonds that survive everything, including losing our own parents or spouses.


In our neighborhood of these past 40 + years we have all shared the bond of grieving when those once young friends passed on........we all surrounded the family with love, with care packages of food and just "being there"........ just as we did when we were all young, having our first babies, our second ones and so forth.......nothing can replace those bonds. We all had many things in common. Sincere feelings.....happy for their grown children when they graduated high school and we were invited; ditto for college commencement, etc. Understanding how they felt when all of our college educated "kids" relocated halfway across the country and world...........an entire new life began. We all understood.


It's nice to meet new folks, but nothing can happen instantly to replace the friendships of a lifetime. The bonds of old friendships live on.


It takes a lifetime of living to forge those bonds........but keep an open heart as one never knows when a "new friend" might appear on the scene. Not everyone is compatible for the long haul. The ones who are authentic and "real", compassionate and sensitive, genuine and accepting, will appear and you will be drawn to them as if to a magnet.


Friendships cannot be forced. Certain types are drawn together for the long haul.


Everyone remembers their first jobs when someone you thought was your friend was really your adversary on the career front; perhaps going behind your back to the boss or higher up. Perhaps you shared too much with that new friend, being too trusting. Live and learn.


I always tell my younger friends: "Marry your best friend"........


*****************************


"Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other's gold."


"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."


"You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your friends."


"A true friend laughs at your stories even when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your troubles even when they're not so bad."


"The heart that truly loves, never forgets."


"It is prosperity that gives us friends, adversity that proves them."


"True friends are the ones who never leave your heart, even if they leave your life for awhile. Even after years apart, you pick up with them right where you left off, and even if they die they're never dead in your heart."


"A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always , always care. a friend is a feeling of forever in the heart."


"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."


"True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it is not."


"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."


　



and one of my favorites: "A friend is some who knows all about you, and loves you just the same!"

[SALYBOW]

I am still very homesick for the people back home. It does help to go to the Cincinnati Club and meet with other people from Cincy; people who know what goetta is and how good it is, people who understand that Skyline is a Cincinnati chili like no other :mmmm:, people who are extremely conscious not to hurt someones feeling on purpose, and people who know that the chocolate chips in Graeters ice cream can easily be 2 inches long and 1 inch wide.
I am getting ready to leave for home on Thursday and I can't wait !!!!!
:wave::pepper2::a040::MOJE_whot:

[Baileysmom]

I completely agree with you Trish. This will be our first Christmas not spent in MA and I will totally miss my friends. I know I have luckily met some wonderful friends here which was really surprising to me after less than a year living here. We did put up a Christmas tree and outside lights this year which I love, we hadn't done that in years. Thanks for starting this tread Trish so I know I am not alone with my feelings.

[graciegirl]

I am still very homesick for the people back home. It does help to go to the Cincinnati Club and meet with other people from Cincy; people who know what goetta is and how good it is, people who understand that Skyline is a Cincinnati chili like no other :mmmm:, people who are extremely conscious not to hurt someones feeling on purpose, and people who know that the chocolate chips in Graeters ice cream can easily be 2 inches long and 1 inch wide.
I am getting ready to leave for home on Thursday and I can't wait !!!!!
:wave::pepper2::a040::MOJE_whot:



Love you Salybow.

[boomerbaby]

I understand just how you feel. This is a beautiful place but it is new to us and we miss the people we left back home. The holidays are the hardest. After 4 yrs. here it does get easier We skype with the grandchildren so they know us. After the holidays you will feel happier and remember NO SNOW. Merry Christmas and remember many of us feel like you at this time.

[tippyclubb]

Yes, Trish I completely understand how you are feeling. It's hard to leave family and friends behind and I know next Christmas when we are in TV its going to be difficult not having loved ones near. All holidays will be melancholy for a while. I suspect after being there for a few years and we make new friends they will become like family for us both.

I think the person who suggested starting a new tradition is a wonderful ideal and perhaps its one you can try. Have a holiday party for your newly made friends. Maybe next year you & Doc can fly home to visit or perhaps some of your family can join you in TV.

Sorry to read you are sad, but it will pass soon and you can move on with your happy life in TV.

Eight inches of snow Saturday and 2 more expected tonight. Do I need to tell you how cold it is here? Nine months until we can live in our Collier home but we will be coming for a week in March or early April and I'll contact you before we arrive.

[Bonnevie]

Thanks, Trish, for putting into words what I couldn't. I don't regret moving here, but do feel the tug of wanting to be with those more familiar. I consider it normal since I haven't been here long.

[perrjojo]

It does take time to build a history with new friends and that will come in time.

[kittygilchrist]

I suggest starting an activity that you see as your own, a tradition or ritual. These will become the source of comfort to you in future years as you build TV as your home. The ritual is your choice as are the people who you ask to join you. Could be something as simple as driving around TV looking at home decorations, Christmas caroling, visiting a nursing home, followed by a get-together at your home. Certain foods or drinks can enhance the ritual (eggnog, hot cider, ???). The guest list can be 2 persons or 100 persons. Make it yours. Don't copy one from your old home.

I like that idea, Tom. my family rituals are all shot out by my mother's passing, so I'm making it up this year, and happy to be among new friends. I'm calling my golf cart ride with a friend to look at Christmas decorations a sleigh ride!

[sharonga]

That was the most beautiful post I have ever read. Thank you.

[sharonga]

Beautiful Senior. I want to be more like you.

So beautiful. Thank you

[DougB]

Beautiful Senior. I want to be more like you.

Could you summarize for me? My attention span isn't long enough for posts over one paragraph.

[Happinow]

I think the holidays bring out the best in us and sometimes brings out the loneliness in our hearts. It is certainly understandable. For me, it is necessary to spend Christmas with my family, be it my daughter and grand baby, or my family back home. It just wouldn't feel right unless I did. Is it possible to surround yourself with family durning the holidays?? If not, I have found that there are people in TV who would welcome you with open arms not only durning the holidays but at any time. I think if you give it time, you will meet at least one close friend or close couple that you can have a lasting relationship with. Try to start new traditions and do new things. As others have said, you will just click with someone who you will call your friend or friends for this part of the journey. It's not easy finding just the right friend or friends, but I will bet if you give it time, your friendships could be even more powerful than the ones you left. We are all in the same boat here in TV....just give it time. I wish you all the best.

[2BNTV]

Old friends will always have a large piece of my heart with them. The many good times we shared, and the things we did for each other, out of love, and wanting to do the right thing.

Being able to discuss problems and or concerns, with everyone looking to help each one another. The times we laughed so hard, because what they did, was so darn funny.

My best friend asked me to look at his son's toy dog, as it had stopped working. I checked it, and noticed a switch that was in the wrong postion. This is a toy dog that when ,you clapped your hands, it would take a few steps forward , bark and stand on it's hind leges. So I quitely moved the switch to the right position, and asked him to try it. My friend clapped his hands and the dog was working.

My friend asked what was wrong with the toy dog.

I replied, "the dog was deaf".

With that I could see he was trying to hold in his laughter, but he didn't make it as he spewed in my face, as he started to laugh so hard. I join him in laughter too!!

This is a true story, as you can't make up this kind of stuff up, folks!!

Some traditions are developed with old friends, and one must start new friendships, with the realization that it may never reach the level of old friends.
That is what life is about, taking changes by putting yourself out there.

[smcgirl]

We had only bought our home in the Villages in September, and here we are up north with our large family since Thanksgiving. Our large family lived just a breath away from each other for 40 years.There was NO way we could not be here; surrounded by all this family..staying with our oldest (she has done so much to make us feel welcome). Oh my dear friends in TV, it just is not the same. You dont just stop by and have coffee..you are a guest and nobody want unexpected guests, even family. 1 week would have been plenty, maybe 4 days. My husband, who I brought to The Villages bound and gagged in the trunk, has whispered to me 20 times, " baby, I want to go home". That my friends tells you life moves forward. Let the memories come into your heart, feel the saddness for a moment, the let it go..and look around. You have set yourself up for a happy life. Hope I made sense. Peace, Love, and Happiness to all. See you real soon, like DEC 26th.

[2BNTV]

We had only bought our home in the Villages in September, and here we are up north with our large family since Thanksgiving. Our large family lived just a breath away from each other for 40 years.There was NO way we could not be here; surrounded by all this family..staying with our oldest (she has done so much to make us feel welcome). Oh my dear friends in TV, it just is not the same. You dont just stop by and have coffee..you are a guest and nobody want unexpected guests, even family. 1 week would have been plenty, maybe 4 days. My husband, who I brought to The Villages bound and gagged in the trunk, has whispered to me 20 times, " baby, I want to go home". That my friends tells you life moves forward. Let the memories come into your heart, feel the saddness for a moment, the let it go..and look around. You have set yourself up for a happy life. Hope I made sense. Peace, Love, and Happiness to all. See you real soon, like DEC 26th.

Your post makes perfect sense. Old friends are like a family member, who was nicknamed, "shoe" because he was so comfortable to be around. I am missing my old friends too, but I would never maove from the villages and it's wonderful people. I would never let a temporary feeling drive my life.

I am hoping my old friends will visit, so I can experience the glow of their love, and sense of family. Another reason I miss my old friends is that, I feel safe around them as I know in my heart they would never do anything to hurt me.

[Madelaine Amee]

We had only bought our home in the Villages in September, and here we are up north with our large family since Thanksgiving. Our large family lived just a breath away from each other for 40 years.There was NO way we could not be here; surrounded by all this family..staying with our oldest (she has done so much to make us feel welcome). Oh my dear friends in TV, it just is not the same. You dont just stop by and have coffee..you are a guest and nobody want unexpected guests, even family. 1 week would have been plenty, maybe 4 days. My husband, who I brought to The Villages bound and gagged in the trunk, has whispered to me 20 times, " baby, I want to go home". That my friends tells you life moves forward. Let the memories come into your heart, feel the saddness for a moment, the let it go..and look around. You have set yourself up for a happy life. Hope I made sense. Peace, Love, and Happiness to all. See you real soon, like DEC 26th.

This is a great post and, unfortunately, so true. We are headed back for Christmas to the frozen north to enjoy the holidays with our family. They will be so pleased to see us, then the grandchildren will be off and running with their friends, or off to work, the parents are still working and they will be gone and we will basically be sitting in someone elses home with their dogs until they all come back at night. But, if we don't go we will be excommunicated from the family.

On the other hand, we did spend one Christmas Day here on our own due to health reasons and not being able to travel - I will never forget the hollow feeling of doing Christmas over the phone ............. but, it only lasted one day and then things came back to normal. There are so many people here who are away from their family, and the squares are a great place to just sit and talk to other people in the same position as you!

As a postscript, I should add that I end up doing the washing and drying, folding clothes, putting away their "stuff" to kill the time until I can come back here and do the washing/drying/folding clothes and putting away our "stuff" ......... oh well such is life in the fast lane!

[DandyGirl]

We learned early in our marriage to depend on each other. As a military family, friends come and go in your life quickly so you make the most of celebrations. We always invited single soldiers to our home for Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner and I always tried to include favorite dishes from their family traditions. I'll never forget the guy from MI who wanted baked beans, strange for me, but I included it in the menu to make him feel at home. I guess what I'm saying is embrace your old traditions and make some new ones, too. This year we are having a holiday open house for friends and neighbors! Peace on earth, good will to all.

[travelguy]

It is all what you make of it. I never did like the endless parade of people in and out of the house on Christmas Day; people/relatives we hardly saw at any other time of the year. Gifts that no one really needed, much less appreciated. Some in my family kept themselves busy on Christmas Day by volunteering at the local hospital; or serving meals at a soup kitchen. Maybe that is what it is really all about. Do something for others.

[senior citizen]

It is all what you make of it. I never did like the endless parade of people in and out of the house on Christmas Day; people/relatives we hardly saw at any other time of the year. Gifts that no one really needed, much less appreciated. Some in my family kept themselves busy on Christmas Day by volunteering at the local hospital; or serving meals at a soup kitchen. Maybe that is what it is really all about. Do something for others.


Excellent idea any time of the year......

I was just telling my husband that it would be worthwhile to visit an old mentor of his (now pushing 90) who has been living at the Veterans Home here in our town. Some of these oldtimers become lost and forgotten, once they are out of the mainstream.
Sad , but true.

We used to get a lot of warmth and good feelings from visiting not just my mom in the nursing home, but all of the other residents who had no weekly visitors at all. They could interact with us, when she no longer could speak. They were all starved for visitors, or just someone to push their wheelchairs out onto the patio (so they could hear the birds sing and smell the flowers and green grass). Nurses and aides are so busy, as well as the activity directors.

There are so many who are lonely and alone on Christmas, New Years and all through the year.........

For those of us who prefer a quiet celebration to ring in 2014, a good deed of visiting the confined veterans or elderly, would indeed warm everyone's heart.

[smcgirl]

We arrived home from the visit just as planned on the 26th. The moments of saddness come and go thinking of that great family we have created. My mind likes to look foward to the coming year of great fun with my husband and new friends. I like what someone said about not letting a few moments of sad feelings run your life. We are getting settled in and are ready for "the second half of the book", its always the best!

[JaniceOhio]

I am still very homesick for the people back home. It does help to go to the Cincinnati Club and meet with other people from Cincy; people who know what goetta is and how good it is, people who understand that Skyline is a Cincinnati chili like no other :mmmm:, people who are extremely conscious not to hurt someones feeling on purpose, and people who know that the chocolate chips in Graeters ice cream can easily be 2 inches long and 1 inch wide.
I am getting ready to leave for home on Thursday and I can't wait !!!!!
:wave::pepper2::a040::MOJE_whot:

Hi SALYBOW!

I went to Woodward, class of '65. Then on to Miami U. Ended up in Columbus but love goetta, have Skyline when I can and adore Graeters everything! Graeters Swifton (sp?) was across from school. Was more candy than ice cream in those days... Was forbidden to hang out in Mt. Adams but still made it to The Blind Lemon as often as possible! :pepper2:

PM me if you want to connect! Janice :spoken:

Closing in Gilchrist in January and will be there for a week. PM me if you want to connect!