Narcissistic Husband - coping with

Narcissistic Husband - coping with


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Narcissistic Husband - coping with
Old 06-30-2013, 11:07 AM
Mallory Voice Mallory Voice is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 90
Default Narcissistic Husband - coping with

Although life here at The Villages has been a blessing, since we retired to live here my husand thinks we have a money tree in the backyard.

Wants to buy everything - like we're going to die tomorrow. He's busy all the time doing this and that.......... Admitted last evening that he doesn't have any concept of money. How does one deal with that????

Is any other spouse experiencing this - I'm in a quandry.

Last edited by Mallory Voice; 06-30-2013 at 11:08 AM. Reason: misspelling

Old 06-30-2013, 11:20 AM
rubicon rubicon is offline
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Posts: 13,708

It appears he obviously has always had this problem. Most retirees have a fixed amount of savings to live on and their budgets are set based on their estimate of mortality. A person can go through all their money and not realize it until it is too late. Then we all are subjected to emergency (ie morbidity), market failures, etc. Some retirees want to spend all they have before they die while others try and preserve their estate for their kids

Someone wanting to send spend spend either needs to have retired very rich or needs to continue to work to replenish the cash reserves because you may outlive your money

I opine others an decide
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Old 06-30-2013, 11:24 AM
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manaboutown manaboutown is online now
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Location: NJ, NY, SC, PA, DC, MD, VA, NM, CA and ID, not necessarily in that order
Posts: 3,733

How long have you two been married? Has he always behaved this way or is it a sudden change in his behavior? If a sudden, change, if might be wise to get him medically checked out.
"No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth." Plato

“To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.” Thomas Paine
Old 06-30-2013, 11:32 AM
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asianthree asianthree is offline
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Location: Pennacamp, Fernandinia snowflake and frog
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going over a budget might help or i would seek a planner to explain things that way it not coming from you
Do not worry about things you can not change
Old 06-30-2013, 12:10 PM
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gomoho gomoho is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4,350

I sympathize - it is not easy adjusting to a fixed income. We were by no means wealthy while working, but probably more than comfortable and really didn't have to think twice about spending within reason. We have now been here a year and found a comfortable budget that is working nicely so far. If we want or need to do something out of the ordinary we now budget for it whereas before we had the luxury of just doing it. See if you can bring him into this kind of thinking. Took me almost a year to convince my husband there wasn't a money cloud over our house. Good luck.
Old 06-30-2013, 01:15 PM
Lbmb24101 Lbmb24101 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Village of Buttonwood
Posts: 483

This outlook on wanting to spend $$$ could also be a result of going thru some emotional or psychological issue.
Some counseling might be useful. Hearing advise not coming from a spouse, might be the key.
I know people that are like that, spend spend spend.
My brother in law spends $ likevthere is no tomorrow, money he does not have. He grew up poor, deprived, and now wants every gadget that comes into the market. But my sis is the main breadwinner, so lately his spending has curtailed ....
Old 06-30-2013, 01:34 PM
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zcaveman zcaveman is offline
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I see people retire down here and think they can do anything they want - cruises, trips, party until dawn, etc. - and not think about where the money is coming from even though they are on a fixed income.

I know one couple who keeps taking lump sums out of their retirement annuity. I tried to explain to them that it is not a bottomless pit.

Sitting down with him and discussing a budget and the limited resources is a good idea.

Jacksonville, Florida
Andover, New Jersey
The Villages

Second star to the right, then straight on 'til morning.
Old 06-30-2013, 01:43 PM
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jblum315 jblum315 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3,820

You can't tell by looking around how much money people have here. Can't tell by the clothes or the cars or even by their houses. I think there are people here with tons of money and others who are barely getting by. But regardless, some people spend like it's going out of style. I think everyone would feel safer if they were on some kind of budget.
. . .there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves, and also that everyone should eat and drink, and find enjoyment in all his toil. . .
Ecclesiasites 3:12
Old 06-30-2013, 01:45 PM
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lightworker888 lightworker888 is offline
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Location: Stratford ON, The Villages
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Usually in a relationship there is a spender and a saver and each has his/her own level of comfort with handling money (or not). If both parties are working together and can appreciate the input of the other, then some workable win-win solution can usually be found.

I'm sure that neither you nor your husband want to run out of money and it is usually the handling of money that needs some addressing. If you can get on the same page regarding the prioritizing of money and projects, that can help. Also setting up a separate account that he could use for his "this and that" spending, which can be topped up monthly or quarterly or annually with a set amount, may help him to see how far a dollar can go (or not) and can also avoid your having to "figure out" how much he will be spending. This can be an item in an overall budget if you have one and can help relieve the "unknown" factor of his spending.

Also each person has a different comfort level with how large a safety net should be and how big a rainy day amount is. Communicating to discover these bottom lines is important and recognizing the validity of each person's perspective is also necessary as well as being one of the most difficult aspects to remember on a day to day basis.

This topic is so common among all couples, retired and otherwise, and yet can be a good one to bring couples closer, when each feels that they're being heard and validated. Good luck and keep talking and listening! JMHO

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" Lao-tzu
Old 06-30-2013, 02:04 PM
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ivanhoe ivanhoe is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Villages
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Try ebay.

Get him to start surfing for: martini glasses, small household items, golf cart stickers , tools, wines etc.
Have something come in the mail or delivered a few times a week...all under $50. Set budget 2-300 hundred a month.

It's male menopause...I've seen it...not pretty but easily curable.
Remember, the early bird may get the worm but the second rat always gets the cheese

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