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  #1  
Old 05-05-2011, 12:15 PM
ijusluvit ijusluvit is offline
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Default Airplane Talk

Remember it takes a college degree
to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one;
(now that's reassuring) . . .


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here
are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked
with a P), and the solutions recorded, (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever,
had an accident...

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

*

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

*

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

*

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

*

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

*

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

*

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

*

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

*

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

*

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you 're right.

*

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

*

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

*

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

*

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

*


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from the midget
  #2  
Old 05-05-2011, 12:40 PM
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hilarious!
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  #3  
Old 05-05-2011, 12:55 PM
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Bill-n-Brillo Bill-n-Brillo is offline
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Funny stuff!!!

However, to your quote - "...UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever,
had an accident..."
, UPS has had several miscues with their aircraft:

from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UPS_Air..._and_accidents

"Major incidents and accidents
Further information: UPS Airlines Flight 6

On September 11, 1998, Flight 744, N316UP, a Boeing 767300, suffered substantial damage after running off the runway at Ellington Field from Louisville International Airport. The airport was experiencing a major storm at the time of the landing, and the aircraft was unable to stop on a wet runway with a strong tailwind. After running off the runway, the aircraft's right landing gear broke off and the right engine separated from the wing. The aircraft was put back into service after major repairs.[10]

On June 7, 2005, Flight 6971, N250UP, a McDonnell Douglas MD-11, suffered substantial damage after a landing gear collapse at Louisville International Airport from Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport. The crew accidentally lowered the nose of the aircraft too quickly, buckling the front landing gear. The aircraft was put back into service after a $10 million repair.[11]

On February 8, 2006, Flight 1307, N748UP, a Douglas DC-8, was destroyed by fire at Philadelphia International Airport from Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport. Just before landing the crew reported a smoke detector activated in the cargo hold. After landing, the cargo hold of the aircraft caught fire. The source of the fire was never found.[12]

On September 3, 2010, Flight 6,[13] N571UP, a Boeing 747-400F, crashed near the Dubai Silicon Oasis at approximately 7:45pm local time after declaring an emergency fifty minutes after takeoff. Both crew members were killed, the first such casualties in UPS' history.[14] On 6 November 2010 Agence France-Presse released the Arabic Al-Qaeda statement that the crash was due to on-board explosion of an air package collected in Yemen.[15]"


Bill
  #4  
Old 05-05-2011, 09:14 PM
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really FUNNY!
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  #5  
Old 05-05-2011, 10:12 PM
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This would be really funny if it wasn't so true............

downwind fumar.....
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  #6  
Old 05-05-2011, 11:38 PM
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The Villages Florida
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  #7  
Old 05-06-2011, 04:05 AM
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And what about Tom Hanks in "Castaway"? UPS plane? What, you think that was FICTION?
  #8  
Old 05-06-2011, 05:33 AM
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Thanks! Needed a good laugh. Especially loved the OFF comment and I'm so glad they installed a kitty (wonder where they put the litter box in the cockpit).
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  #9  
Old 05-06-2011, 06:50 AM
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Default Hope this isn't a hijack but it is an airplane story...

Personal story...The ole boy is also a pilot and after purchasing a Navion, was in process of hiding plane in hanger (one of many planes so was a little ashamed of another purchase) and after realizing that it would not fit, looked up with bright red face and there I was watching him trying to stuff plane in hanger (never did fit)!...Maybe this is one of those stories called "You should have been there"...funny....Another one, getting ready to fly out of Charlotte airport in little bitty "high wing", sandwiched between two giant 747's, now ready for takeoff, tower said, "No. 1 ready for takeoff", very proud moment...giggle
  #10  
Old 05-06-2011, 06:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jblum315 View Post
And what about Tom Hanks in "Castaway"? UPS plane? What, you think that was FICTION?
I think he was on a FedEx plane.
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  #11  
Old 05-06-2011, 03:36 PM
JJ&TJ JJ&TJ is offline
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It was Fed Ex and you dont need a college degree to fly a plane.
  #12  
Old 05-06-2011, 03:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jebartle View Post
Personal story...The ole boy is also a pilot and after purchasing a Navion, was in process of hiding plane in hanger (one of many planes so was a little ashamed of another purchase) and after realizing that it would not fit, looked up with bright red face and there I was watching him trying to stuff plane in hanger (never did fit)!...Maybe this is one of those stories called "You should have been there"...funny....Another one, getting ready to fly out of Charlotte airport in little bitty "high wing", sandwiched between two giant 747's, now ready for takeoff, tower said, "No. 1 ready for takeoff", very proud moment...giggle
NAVION was a great airplane .....All metal product that came out after the war...It could have used a little more power but was fun the fly.....the slide back canopy was a throw back from the military .........Made by RYAN ....With a 33 ft wingspan it was a little hard to hide anywhere let alone a hangar.............

FUN, FUN, FUN ....FUMAR.
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