Excellent.

When my friend had to hurry she'd say, "Well, I'm off like a prom dress."

Loved it.

Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

I also had a friend that mixed up sayings
she says "2 peas in a pot" instead of "2 peas in a pod"
She also says "I could not phantom living there" instead of fathom living there.
LOL God bless her soul.....

One fry short of a happy meal.

You can lead a horse to water, but they're just gonna pi$$ in it anyway...

A friend of mine once said:

Even a blind squirrell, can find, it's own n*tt's.

My late mother who sometimes struggled with english, was in the kitchen one day and said to me. "Go get the thing, on on top of the thing".

What!!!. I was truly puzzled as to what she meant, until she found the exact words and then a got a can opener for her.

"He'd b***h if you hung him with a new rope."

saying and prayer
 

Never say anything bad about yourself because there are enough Son of a B*****s out there doing it for ya. Next one is a prayer God please spare me from my friends and family my enemies I can take care of myself.