The Gospel According to St. Titleist

The Gospel According to St. Titleist

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The Gospel According to St. Titleist
  #1  
Old 04-22-2019, 01:22 PM
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Polar Bear Polar Bear is offline
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Thumbs down The Gospel According to St. Titleist

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.-- Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become. This is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.-- John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.-- Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.-- Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.-- Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.-- Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.-- William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.-- Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.-- Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.-- Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.-- Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.-- Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.-- Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!-- Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.-- Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.-- Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.-- Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.-- Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.-- Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.-- Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.-- Anon
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.-- George Deukmejian
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.-- Lee Trevino
24. Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken.-- Woody Woodbury
Finally:
25. The No.#1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek.
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  #2  
Old 04-22-2019, 02:02 PM
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CFrance CFrance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Polar Bear View Post
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.-- Grantland Rice
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become. This is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.-- John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.-- Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.-- Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.-- Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.-- Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.-- William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.-- Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.-- Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.-- Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.-- Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.-- Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.-- Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!-- Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.-- Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.-- Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.-- Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.-- Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.-- Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.-- Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.-- Anon
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.-- George Deukmejian
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.-- Lee Trevino
24. Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken.-- Woody Woodbury
Finally:
25. The No.#1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek.

That's hilarious!
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  #3  
Old 04-22-2019, 02:15 PM
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ColdNoMore ColdNoMore is online now
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"The woods are full of long hitters."


"They're full of short hitters too."




Me - Just now.
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  #4  
Old 04-22-2019, 02:21 PM
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CFrance CFrance is offline
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A month or so ago I hit a golf ball straight up into a palm tree five feet away. It stayed there.
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  #5  
Old 04-22-2019, 02:42 PM
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Mikeod Mikeod is offline
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Originally Posted by CFrance View Post
A month or so ago I hit a golf ball straight up into a palm tree five feet away. It stayed there.
Might be afraid of you. I think that’s why my golf balls try to hide in the water or the trees.
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  #6  
Old 04-22-2019, 02:44 PM
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CFrance CFrance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikeod View Post
Might be afraid of you. I think that’s why my golf balls try to hide in the water or the trees.
Ha ha! I think I've scared off many a golfer/golf ball.
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  #7  
Old 04-22-2019, 03:50 PM
Bjeanj Bjeanj is offline
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So funny!
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  #8  
Old 04-22-2019, 05:38 PM
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Tom C Tom C is offline
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I golf in the low 70's, I drink if it is warmer.
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