[ColdNoMore]

Truth!

[ColdNoMore]

A couple in their nineties were both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor told them that they were physically okay, but might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asked.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure.."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asked.

"No, I can remember it.."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?"

He said, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that - write it down?" she asked.

Irritated, he said, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddled off into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returned and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment.








"Where's my toast?"

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by ColdNoMore

A couple in their nineties were both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor told them that they were physically okay, but might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asked.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure.."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asked.

"No, I can remember it.."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?"

He said, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that - write it down?" she asked.

Irritated, he said, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddled off into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returned and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment.








"Where's my toast?"

Sounds like a typical day in my house.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by ColdNoMore

A couple in their nineties were both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor told them that they were physically okay, but might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asked.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure.."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asked.

"No, I can remember it.."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?"

He said, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that - write it down?" she asked.

Irritated, he said, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddled off into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returned and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment.



"Where's my toast?"

[Taltarzac725]

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2019 Super Bowl, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3pm. The bride's name is MaryAnn, she's 5'7", about 120 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.

[BK001]

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

​

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.

[BK001]

Originally Posted by Taltarzac725

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2019 Super Bowl, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3pm. The bride's name is MaryAnn, she's 5'7", about 120 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.

Kudos T

Originally Posted by BK001

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

​

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.

I'm afraid to say I liked this

[Kenswing]

Originally Posted by BK001

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

​

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.

I will be sharing this one.. lol

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by BK001

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

​

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.

Have trouble with the "snowflake" insult as it is thrown at just about anyone by everyone else. Looks like it is from the movie Fight Club. Or originates there.

You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Kind of funny as this movie Fight Club is about some guy with a split personality who does not know what he is doing half the time. Because someone else is in control of him.

[zmarkp]

First Christmas Joke:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by Taltarzac725

Have trouble with the "snowflake" insult as it is thrown at just about anyone by everyone else. Looks like it is from the movie Fight Club. Or originates there.



Kind of funny as this movie Fight Club is about some guy with a split personality who does not know what he is doing half the time. Because someone else is in control of him.

Moral of the story;
Do not try to tell a joke to a person who is literal.

[Nucky]

Three men are exiled to the deepest part of the Desert as their Sentence for Horrific Crimes against Humanity.

The first man (An Irishman) said I'm gonna bring a Fan so when it gets hot we can sit in front of the fan and cool off.

The second man (A German) said I'm gonna bring a big block of ice. When it gets hot we'll put the fan behind the ice a blow a cool breeze at ourselves.

The third man A (Puerto Rican) said I'm gonna bring a car door. The other two said Miguel are you nuts? Miguel said are you kidding if it gets hot we'll roll down the window.

Feel Free to Interchange Nationalities to suit your needs.

[ColdNoMore]

A leprechaun walks into a bar. After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all over his legs. The guy reaches out to grab the leprechaun, only to miss him as he jumps back to his seat.

"If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again, or I'll rip off your little tallywhacker," yells the mean-looking guy.

After a few more pitchers, the leprechaun runs over to the mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all over his legs again. This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun.

"All right, I've got you this time. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywhacker!"

The leprechaun laughs, "You can't do that."

"Why not?" asks his captor.

"Because," giggles the leprechaun, "leprechauns don't have tallywhackers."

"Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywhacker?" growls the angry man, "How in the he** do you pee?"







"Just like this," laughs the leprechaun as he sticks out his tongue and spits.

[ColdNoMore]

A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool.

He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before?"

The bartender replies, "no, actually I haven't."

The dog then says, "how about a drink?"

The bartender thinks for a moment and says...





"Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."