The Joke Thread

The Joke Thread

Notices

» Site Navigation
Home Page The Villages Maps The Villages Activities The Villages Clubs The Villages Book Healthcare Rentals Real Estate Section Classified Section The Villages Directory Home Improvement Site Guidelines Advertising Info Register Now Video Tutorials Frequently Asked Questions
» Newsletter Signup
» Premium Tower
» Advertisements
» Trending News
» Tower Sponsors




















» Premium Sponsors
» Banner Sponsors
» Advertisements
Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #346  
Old 07-07-2019, 12:15 PM
BK001's Avatar
BK001 BK001 is offline
Platinum member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Bay Ridge Brooklyn, NY, The Village of Lynnhaven
Posts: 1,819
Thanks: 36
Thanked 104 Times in 64 Posts
Default

I was having trouble with my computer so I called my 13-year old son to help me.

He clicked a couple of buttons and fixed it. As he was walking back to his room I asked him what the problem was.

He said: "It was in ID ten-t" issue. Not wanting to sound stupid but curious in case I had the same problem again, I asked him what an Id-Ten t was.

"Write it down," he said. So I did.


IDIOT. (He never was my favorite child.)
__________________
A great attitude is a choice, not a disposition
Reply With Quote

  #347  
Old 07-07-2019, 05:16 PM
BK001's Avatar
BK001 BK001 is offline
Platinum member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Bay Ridge Brooklyn, NY, The Village of Lynnhaven
Posts: 1,819
Thanks: 36
Thanked 104 Times in 64 Posts
Default

I was at a bar the other night and overheard 3 very hefty women talking. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I asked, “Hello, ladies are you lassies from Scotland?”

One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales you bloody idiot, Wales!”

So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry. So are you three whales from Scotland?” And that’s the last thing I remember.
__________________
A great attitude is a choice, not a disposition
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #348  
Old 07-07-2019, 06:03 PM
ColdNoMore's Avatar
ColdNoMore ColdNoMore is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Between 466 & 466A
Posts: 9,007
Thanks: 0
Thanked 77 Times in 54 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BK001 View Post
I was having trouble with my computer so I called my 13-year old son to help me.

He clicked a couple of buttons and fixed it. As he was walking back to his room I asked him what the problem was.

He said: "It was in ID ten-t" issue. Not wanting to sound stupid but curious in case I had the same problem again, I asked him what an Id-Ten t was.

"Write it down," he said. So I did.


IDIOT. (He never was my favorite child.)
I can see that...from my kids.
__________________
Standing up for the underdog and against bullies...every chance I get.
Reply With Quote
  #349  
Old 07-15-2019, 01:36 PM
Ann Marie Acacio Ann Marie Acacio is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Tom was driving home from a business trip in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the man got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Tom tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Tom.

'What in bag?' asked the old man. Tom looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.'

The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:
'Good trade.....'
Reply With Quote
  #350  
Old 07-15-2019, 03:21 PM
Polar Bear's Avatar
Polar Bear Polar Bear is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,007
Thanks: 15
Thanked 84 Times in 53 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann Marie Acacio View Post
...
'Good trade.....'
That’s not the slightest bit funny!!!

(My wife reads this thread. )
Reply With Quote
Ain't it the truth?!
  #351  
Old 07-15-2019, 03:41 PM
ColdNoMore's Avatar
ColdNoMore ColdNoMore is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Between 466 & 466A
Posts: 9,007
Thanks: 0
Thanked 77 Times in 54 Posts
Talking Ain't it the truth?!

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?



Rename the mail folder..."Instruction Manuals."
__________________
Standing up for the underdog and against bullies...every chance I get.
Reply With Quote
  #352  
Old 07-15-2019, 04:18 PM
jebartle's Avatar
jebartle jebartle is online now
Sage
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: LaZamora Village
Posts: 3,762
Thanks: 2
Thanked 25 Times in 19 Posts
Default

Is the sponsored link a joke, sorry!
Reply With Quote
  #353  
Old 07-15-2019, 04:40 PM
CFrance's Avatar
CFrance CFrance is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Tamarind Grove/Monpazier, France
Posts: 12,961
Thanks: 22
Thanked 84 Times in 48 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ColdNoMore View Post
I can see that...from my kids.
I had a friend whose son worked IT for a large corporation. They had an answer for the question What was the problem? "PIC"--Person In Chair.
__________________
Happiness is when your life on the outside matches your life on the inside.
Reply With Quote
  #354  
Old 07-18-2019, 02:43 PM
Barefoot's Avatar
Barefoot Barefoot is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Winters in TV, Summers in Canada.
Posts: 17,453
Thanks: 81
Thanked 37 Times in 26 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann Marie Acacio View Post
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Tom was driving home from a business trip in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the man got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Tom tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Tom.

'What in bag?' asked the old man. Tom looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.'

The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:
'Good trade.....'
__________________
Barefoot At Last
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Saving one dog will not change the world, but surely for that one dog, the world will change forever.
Reply With Quote
  #355  
Old 07-19-2019, 12:14 PM
Velvet's Avatar
Velvet Velvet is offline
Gold member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Mallory Square
Posts: 1,267
Thanks: 18
Thanked 217 Times in 146 Posts
Default

Understanding engineers -

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Reply With Quote
  #356  
Old 07-19-2019, 03:14 PM
ColdNoMore's Avatar
ColdNoMore ColdNoMore is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Between 466 & 466A
Posts: 9,007
Thanks: 0
Thanked 77 Times in 54 Posts
Default

Ain't it the truth!
Attached Thumbnails
floridian-fear-jpg  
__________________
Standing up for the underdog and against bullies...every chance I get.
Reply With Quote
  #357  
Old 07-19-2019, 03:31 PM
Polar Bear's Avatar
Polar Bear Polar Bear is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,007
Thanks: 15
Thanked 84 Times in 53 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet View Post
Understanding engineers -

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Hey! I resemble that remark!!
Reply With Quote
  #358  
Old 07-19-2019, 03:35 PM
CWGUY's Avatar
CWGUY CWGUY is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,705
Thanks: 394
Thanked 159 Times in 102 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ColdNoMore View Post
Ain't it the truth!
The missing 2% must be math!
__________________
__________________________________________________
Trying To Understand Some People Is Like Trying To Smell The Color 9
Reply With Quote
  #359  
Old 07-26-2019, 03:59 PM
ColdNoMore's Avatar
ColdNoMore ColdNoMore is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Between 466 & 466A
Posts: 9,007
Thanks: 0
Thanked 77 Times in 54 Posts
Default

NOPE...JUST NOPE! ...


__________________
Standing up for the underdog and against bullies...every chance I get.
Reply With Quote
  #360  
Old 07-27-2019, 02:11 PM
Barefoot's Avatar
Barefoot Barefoot is offline
Sage
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Winters in TV, Summers in Canada.
Posts: 17,453
Thanks: 81
Thanked 37 Times in 26 Posts
Default

I haven't read all the jokes on this thread, forgive me if this has already been posted.
And please also forgive me if it offends anyone, but I couldn't resist.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All arrivals in heaven have to go through an examination to determine if admission will be granted.

One room has a clerk who inputs records of what each applicant did on their last day of life. The first day’s applicant explains that his last day was not good.

"I came home early and found my wife naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and the shower was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.

I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was angry and bashed his fingers with a flower pot.
He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by an awning.
Seeing him still alive, I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.
At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.”

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
"I was on an apartment building roof working on AC equipment.
I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.
I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment, but some idiot came rushing out and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell, but landed on an awning and survived. But, as I looked up, I saw a huge chest falling toward me.
I was hit and killed by the chest.”

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters.
The clerk apologizes and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows who arrived here just before you.”

"I don't know," replies the man.

"Picture this. I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest and.......
__________________
Barefoot At Last
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Saving one dog will not change the world, but surely for that one dog, the world will change forever.

Last edited by Barefoot; 07-27-2019 at 02:16 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
stewart, thread, time, didn’t, son

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:43 AM.