[Taltarzac725]

This girl is a keeper!!!!
It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I
wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United
Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while
making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to
deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try
to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm
sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, **** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir,
you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to
dance in the rain...

[BK001]

Excellent Tal. You are getting better and better or as Nucky would say "betterer and betterer".

[chuck90199]

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat,” agreed to look after her
neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.
She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However,as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning
sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to
disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it
was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very
grumpy voice.

After sheexplained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and
place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the
noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked for me,” he replied.

[ColdNoMore]

Originally Posted by chuck90199

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat,” agreed to look after her
neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.
She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However,as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning
sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to
disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it
was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very
grumpy voice.

After sheexplained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and
place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the
noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked for me,” he replied.

..


That one really hit home, given my over 35 years in management, in an industry where I was basically expected to pick up the phone...24/7/365.

And those calls were NEVER to let me know..."all is well."

Getting chewed out for not answering a call, even though I was on vacation in Italy fer cripes sake...was probably the low point.

[ColdNoMore]

While intended for a bit younger audience than most here, having been in this situation at one time (as I'm sure many others were)...I still find it hilarious.

I got a teenage daughter and a menopausal wife.

One’s getting breasts, one’s getting whiskers.

My life is over.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by chuck90199

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat,” agreed to look after her
neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.
She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However,as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning
sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to
disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it
was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very
grumpy voice.

After sheexplained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and
place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the
noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked for me,” he replied.

Good one.

[BK001]

Too Soon? Oh well ...


During a major hurricane the order is given to evacuate.
However a devout christian is confident that the lord will protect him from the storm.

As the water begins to rise a police man comes by in a 4 wheel drive and makes a call for evacuation.

“The lord will save us.” The man says confidently. The cop shrugs and drives off.

The water continues to rise until the street is flooded. A FEMA worker comes along in a rowboat and asks the man to come with since it might be his last chance. He declines again, confident in God’s power.

Well it gets really bad and they are forced to take refuge on the roof of their house. Against all odds a helicopter comes by. The pilot gets on the loudspeaker and says that this absolutely the last chance for rescue.

Still the man refuses help and sits on the roof.

Well the water rises some more and he drowns. He arrives in heaven and stands before god.

“Lord, I put my faith in you, why didn’t you save me from that storm?” he asks in distress.

“What are you talking about? I sent you a truck a boat and a helicopter!” God answers with a snort.

[BK001]

Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.

The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."

The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.

The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewelry store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewelry and moved down here to settle."

They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."

The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"

[ColdNoMore]

...

[Tom C]

I've started investing in stocks:

Beef, Chicken and Vegetable .....

One day I hope to become a Bouillonaire!

[Taltarzac725]

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

Rodney Dangerfield

[Polar Bear]

Originally Posted by Taltarzac725

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it....

Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?

A: "Olive or twist?"

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by Polar Bear

Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?

A: "Olive or twist?"

Like that one.

[600th Photo Sq]

Originally Posted by BK001

Too Soon? Oh well ...


During a major hurricane the order is given to evacuate.
However a devout christian is confident that the lord will protect him from the storm.

As the water begins to rise a police man comes by in a 4 wheel drive and makes a call for evacuation.

“The lord will save us.” The man says confidently. The cop shrugs and drives off.

The water continues to rise until the street is flooded. A FEMA worker comes along in a rowboat and asks the man to come with since it might be his last chance. He declines again, confident in God’s power.

Well it gets really bad and they are forced to take refuge on the roof of their house. Against all odds a helicopter comes by. The pilot gets on the loudspeaker and says that this absolutely the last chance for rescue.

Still the man refuses help and sits on the roof.

Well the water rises some more and he drowns. He arrives in heaven and stands before god.

“Lord, I put my faith in you, why didn’t you save me from that storm?” he asks in distress.

“What are you talking about? I sent you a truck a boat and a helicopter!” God answers with a snort.

1/4 Laugh

[BK001]

Originally Posted by 600th Photo Sq

1/4 Laugh

Oh well, "any port in a storm".