[CarolSells]

I don't know...I think that my favorite is #5


1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger".
************************************************** ********

2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.
************************************************** ********

3. Two boll weevils grew up in S Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much--and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
************************************************** ********

4. 2 Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
************************************************** ********

5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".
************************************************** ********

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
************************************************** ********

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
************************************************** ********

8. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also suffered at every little change in the weather, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad breath. This made him ....what? (This is so bad it's good...)--a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
************************************************** ********

9. Two cannibals were eating a dead clown when one turns to the other and says, "Is it me or does this taste funny to you?".
************************************************** ********

[2BNTV]

Originally Posted by CarolSells

I don't know...I think that my favorite is #5


1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger".
************************************************** ********

2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.
************************************************** ********

3. Two boll weevils grew up in S Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much--and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
************************************************** ********

4. 2 Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
************************************************** ********

5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".
************************************************** ********

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
************************************************** ********

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
************************************************** ********

8. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also suffered at every little change in the weather, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad breath. This made him ....what? (This is so bad it's good...)--a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
************************************************** ********

9. Two cannibals were eating a dead clown when one turns to the other and says, "Is it me or does this taste funny to you?".************************************************** ********

[Skip2MySue]

Good ones, Thanks
Skip 2

[KayakerNC]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a
little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited
for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One
hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.. Then
it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a
hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a
small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is
now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

[billethkid]

Yes it is a very good mattress but I can't say you won't go wrong on it!!!!!

btk

[Dr Winston O Boogie jr]

An optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.

"I see" said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

During his time in office, Bill Clinton returned from a trip to his native Arkansas with two Arkansas razor back hogs. As he was getting off the plane with the two hogs under his arms, a secret service agent said, "Those are two fine looking pigs sir"
The president replied, "Those are not pigs sir, they are two of Arkansas' finest razor back. I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea. The agent replied, "Good trade sir".

[Markam]

Fun flies when you're doing time.

[gmcneill]

One Friday, two young doctors decided to start a practice together.

One of the doctors spent all weekend planning marketing strategies, scheduling meetings wi tv/radio advertisers, and designing ads. The other did nothing.

They met on Monday to discuss their plans for attracting patients.

The industrious one recounted her busy weekend and stated that she would be spending the day meeting with advertisers and web designers.

The other doctor said that she did nothing all weekend and was going to spend the day sitting in their new office.

The industrious one was incredulous. "I've spent hours and hours doing all of this work!!

Why aren't you doing anything at all?!"

The other doctor calmly replied, "Patients come to those who wait."