I don't know how one can crack a joke. I can crack crab and peanuts and ribs when doing cpr...but I always forget the punch line which you probly should know for telling a joke, like, a rope walked into a bar....

and asked the bartender for a vodka tonic.
bartender: we don't serve ropes.
rope: okay then...
rope leaves the bar....

Rope goes in the parking lot, asks a a Harley rider to tie him in a knot and frazzle the ends..rope goes back in the bar, sits down, barkeep says: what would you like.
Rope: a vodka tonic.
Barkeep: Say aren't you that rope that was just in here....

Rope: Nope, I'm a frayed knot.

Had a frayed knot on my warms ups...got it stuck in the pantry drawer looking for pests, but still can't find my glasses. What ARE these flashers.....

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Doing in my hot tub?

and swinging from my palm trees?? Don't they know not to feed the birds...and bees...

So, they left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.

Susanne parked her new Ram hemi, taking up two spaces...and walked in to the bistro, a little irritated that the rain puddles could not be avoided. She looked down at her black, studded cowboy boots.

Thinking that she shoulda worn a hat. One that wouldn't make her

look like Dale Evans, but she jumped over a puddle and thought of how her dog hadn't had a new dress in months, that made her remember that....

The puddle made her remember that she was due for water aerobics with F16. But he couldn't play any music because his knobs had been stolen by .....

The gang of Citrus Rats and Feral Cats. Isn't there a new band that plays on Thursday down at

There"s a new band that plays down at the Hop On In Bar. I was sitting there in my Dale Evans outfit wondering if anyone made flip flops that could pass for cowgirl boots when the entertainment started. Three black bears came out on stage. They had stuff hanging all over their fur and I wondered if they were the bears on the news who had been going through trash. The strangest item was

the battered blue cowboy hat that the little bear was wearing, backwards. Cute. From behind I could barely read the script on the front of it:
Jesus
Loves Me
Never envied a hat on a bear before but I just had to have that hat, after all it was not stolen really, it was garbage...so..

When the neighbors threw it in their trash, I waited until it was dark and took the bag from their driveway. Really, it's not stealing, it's more like

repurposing. Speaking of porpoises, has anyone ever

has anyone ever been upset by seeing dolphin on the menu?

liberating an item or reassigning ownership. Which reminds me

liberating an item or reassigning ownership. Which reminds me ....The Mrs had a great day yesterday! The villagers sure do get the signal when you wear the light blue shirt! My best offer for the Mrs was a John Deere riding lawn mower and a three year old golden retriever! I don't need the mower but the golden seemed to take to me right away! I just need the Mrs back before the grandkids get here next month. I think they would love the golden but miss their Grams...

being liberated, there is a rumor going around that when you move here you have to burn your bra, but maybe it was don't burn your trash, I heard this from my neighbor who got an email from someone in her Mah Jongh group who also told her that.....

I think the burn comes from the dinner I had last night at

The email told her to send $1000.00 in the form of a cashier's check to an address in Nigeria because a long lost relative had died and left her a lovely set if pearl-handled steak knives and flip flops made of gnu sinews. Speaking of news, I overhead a convo in the puzzle closet yesterday about a heartburn remedy that uses

Hilda's, she never could cook,


but boy can she boogie, which reminds me, do you think you can learn to play the piano and the saxophone at the same time, someone told me that they were giving lessons over at the......

The piano would be easy but since my dentures are bothering me, it's harder with the saxophone. I sure could use a good dentist under my United Healthcare plan. Anyone know the way to the new

The New Christy Minstrels concert? Their hit, Gotta Quit Kicking My Service Dog Around reminds me of the time we all got

..reminds me of the time we all had to get tested for an STD after riding the trolley bus in The Villages. Maybe you read about that incident in The Orlando paper. It was on page three right under the story about

Several Liberals located in The Villages by Lorene Poorey? There are so many things in the paper and news these days that give you pause, did you read that Elvis was spotted at Laurel Manor and he was trying to hang a .....................

Gold lame jacket on the coat hook. After he left, I rummaged through his pockets for a piece of memorabilia. Great Balls of Fire, I found

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But this all makes me think of Italian Cooking and how few restaurants outside of Italian Communities know how to cook Sauerbraten, I was enjoying a glass of wine at TooJays and someone came up to me and asked..........

A newbie in a roundabout who stopped to read a map and caused ...

All of the people within site to blow their horns which always HELPS a situation by making people want to smack, but this newbie, just got out and shoved the map...................

asked me why I was in their seat drinking their wine. Thinking quickly, I pointed at a random stranger and said, "Look!" As it turned out, the stranger suffered from paranoia and........

the random stranger said in a deep scary voice. "I love chicken with wine".


Which reminds me of how I was always chicken when someone threw a ball at me and never got picked for a team, but I found out later that I was good at making chicken and noodles. My noodle for the pool got all...............