[redwitch]

My first job was at an orange juice factory but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried being a tailor but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Then, tried being a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life -- but just didn't have the thyme.

Next, I attempted being a deli worker but, any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was a musician but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor but didn't have any patience.

I became a professional fisherman but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

Managed to get a good job working fora pool maintenance company but the work was just too draining.

So, I tried retirement and found I'm perfect for the job!

(Boy, do I hate puns.)

[Ecuadog]

I worked at the circus in a trapeze act, but I was let go.

When I worked at the deli, I was fired for putting my ding-dong in the salami slicer. She was fired too.

[Taltarzac725]

I worked as a lawyer but my briefs were too spotty, dirty, soiled, etc.

My vet career went to the dogs in no time at all especially when the cat got my tongue in the canine section of our hospital.

[Beechie]

I got fired from my masseuse job. Apparently I rubbed people the wrong way.

I quit my job as a stripper. It was the same old thong and dance.

I lost my job as a psychic. I didn't see that coming.

[CarolSells]

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder & got a little behind in his work?
The tattoo artist who had designs on his clients?
Well,
I used to work for a blanket factory, but the company folded.
I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
I tried being a gossip but I had a bad sense of rumor.

[Taltarzac725]

I worked as Santa Claus but unfortunately ran over grandmother with a reindeer after I had too much eggnog.

I was the Easter Bunny but did not plan on meeting the gators while crossing the golf course to plant the Easter Eggs.

[Loudoll]

I tried optometry but fell into the glasses making machine and made a spectacle of myself.

[lanemb]

I was a blind man who while learning a new job picked up a hammer and saw.

[dbussone]

Originally Posted by lanemb

I was a blind man who while learning a new job picked up a hammer and saw.

I know this is off point, but I think this one is really well done.

[DougB]

I used to do balance and rotations at an auto shop. I felt like I was just spinning my wheels and decided to retire.

My friend was fired from his job at the road department for stealing. I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by Loudoll

I tried optometry but fell into the glasses making machine and made a spectacle of myself.

My favorite.