[chuck90199]

I’ve got a great memory but it’s short!

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim." I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights" I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age, "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually, I'm not complaining, because I am a Seenager (Senior Teenager). I have everything I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. And I don't have acne.

[Taltarzac725]

Originally Posted by chuck90199

I’ve got a great memory but it’s short!

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim." I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights" I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age, "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually, I'm not complaining, because I am a Seenager (Senior Teenager). I have everything I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. And I don't have acne.

Those are quite funny. Thanks for posting them.

[Bay Kid]

Haha!

[seoulbrooks]

Great stuff!

[Henryk]

Originally Posted by chuck90199

I’ve got a great memory but it’s short!

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim." I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights" I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age, "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually, I'm not complaining, because I am a Seenager (Senior Teenager). I have everything I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. And I don't have acne.

Funny. My problem is that I stop to think, and then forget to start again.

[tophcfa]

Thanks for posting, very funny : )