[tkret]

To my Jewish friends, celebrate and enjoy Rosh Hashanah. I'm told that you will relate to the following:

THINGS YOU DIDN'T LEARN IN HEBREW SCHOOL


1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.

3. No meal is complete without leftovers.

4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.

5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

6. You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.

7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.

8. After the destruction of the Second Temple , God created Neiman-Marcus

9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.

11. Next year in Jerusalem . The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

13. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.

14. WASP's leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.

15. Always whisper the names of diseases.

16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.

18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But, if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.

[Shirleevee]

L'Shana Tova

[tkret]

Originally Posted by Shirleevee

L'Shana Tova

Shirleevee,
Praying for a good and blessed year for you, too. Stay well.

[tkret]

It's Rosh Hashanah - Happy New Year (5769) to all my Jewish friends in TV and elsewhere.

[retiredguy]

Originally Posted by tkret

it's rosh hashanah - happy new year (5769) to all my jewish friends in tv and elsewhere.

!גוט־יאָר

[nONIE]

Tkret,

Just loved the Jewish insights! Sure could relate, they all applied to me relatives, but certainly not me!

OH NO! Is it that time of year again? I have to attone for my sins again?
This rolled around faster then my yearly gynacologist visit!

Thankyou so much for the well wishes. So kind of you to remember.

[tkret]

Originally Posted by nONIE

Tkret,

Just loved the Jewish insights! Sure could relate, they all applied to me relatives, but certainly not me!

OH NO! Is it that time of year again? I have to attone for my sins again?
This rolled around faster then my yearly gynacologist visit!

Thankyou so much for the well wishes. So kind of you to remember.

nONIE,
Are we going to have another party when I get back into town? That was fun! Give Bernie my regards

retiredguy - OK, my friend, you got me wondering ... !גוט־יאָר Be careful or I'll start posting in Gaelic

[retiredguy]

The only thing I know in Gaelic is: Glaoigh na gardaí/póilíní! Cuir fios ar na gardaí/póilíní!

[tkret]

Retiredguy, you are, indeed, a gentleman and a lad of distinction.

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by tkret

To my Jewish friends, celebrate and enjoy Rosh Hashanah. I'm told that you will relate to the following:

THINGS YOU DIDN'T LEARN IN HEBREW SCHOOL


1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.

3. No meal is complete without leftovers.

4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.

5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

6. You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.

7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.

8. After the destruction of the Second Temple , God created Neiman-Marcus

9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.

11. Next year in Jerusalem . The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

13. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.

14. WASP's leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.

15. Always whisper the names of diseases.

16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.

18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But, if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.

You forgot....Shiksas are for practice.

[nONIE]

GRACIE, YOU ARE A HOOT! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SHIKSAS?? OTHER THAN YOU ARE ONE???

CARE TO EXPLAIN THE PRACTICE PART????