[larbud]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home after following her advice.
On the way, he said, "Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, and have your way with me?"
Shocked, the farmer responded, "Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

[Stu from NYC]

Very good

[retiredguy123]

A wife was standing naked in front of a full length mirror in the bedroom. She says to her husband, "Honey, I'm depressed. I'm old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment." The husband replies, "Well, your eyesight is darn near perfect."

[Eg_cruz]

Originally Posted by retiredguy123

A wife was standing naked in front of a full length mirror in the bedroom. She says to her husband, "Honey, I'm depressed. I'm old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment." The husband replies, "Well, your eyesight is darn near perfect."

Funny