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Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.


The winners are:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite
period of time.


3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start
with.

3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

4. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone
layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in
the near future.

5. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
the purpose of getting lucky at love.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very
high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one
got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes,
and it's a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good for you

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance
performed just after you've accidentally walked through
a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after
finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning
submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how
much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.

4. esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while
drunk.

5. willy-nilly, (adj.) impotent.

6. negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door
when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up
someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, (n.) the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his
conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after
death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, (n.) an opening in the f ront of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men.